Plating an Ex - advice appreciated

[Baggio86]

Hey you beautiful people!

Okay, so I want to bounce a subject off of you guys and see what I should do. In a nut shell, I am considering seeing if I can plate an ex of mine.

So me and one ex have been split for about a year and a half (4 month intense fling, quite a bit of drama, not helped by my beta ways at the time). I chased her for about a month after she left me then gave up on her, she would come back, we'd hook up, she leaves again, this went on for about 4 months after we split. She likes to play the push pull game and she is actually quite alpha, she saw my old weakness come out and took advantage of it. It initially ended cause I was playing game too hard on her, to the point she was full of jealousy and insecurities and so she played me back, instead of my applying the alpha principles I had learned I broke into the old AFC and went too far in the 'Nice Guy' direction and lost her respect. She knew she could leave and come back whenever she wanted so I went full NC for a while and started looking into inner game as I knew I was faking game too much and realised I would always let the AFC slip out unless I cut her off, focused on me and slowly gained my self respect back.

Anyway, I blocked her in every possible way, even changed my number. Once I sorted myself out and realised how stupid I had been, and got over the embarrassment of going back to the chump I thought I had left in the past, I unblocked her facebook, this was about 2 months ago, and she PM'd me within a day or 2 of that, says she is sorry for how she treated me and asked me to meet her for a drink, I had been pretty bad with her as well so I obliged. We met, had a lot of fun, she told me she had been thinking of me every day and that she never stopped caring about me (I decided to not let her know ANYTHING about me current situation or my view on her, my priority was to take the power back), we made out for a while and she tried to get me to go back to hers, which I declined, I knew if I slept with her that night she would think she could just walk back in on her terms again, and the old situation would repeat (excluding me giving a sh*t about her leaving this time lol)

I have no real feelings for her anymore, however the s3x was good and part of me wants to prove to myself that I have grown and I can handle a FWB relationship. I want to prove to myself that the AFC is dead for good. I know she always did and still does have feelings for me, even when she used to ignore me she saw it more as punishment and always came back… still does… but this time I have managed to flip the script on her so far.

As this is getting long, basically right now I have managed to shift the power balance, she is chasing me harder by the week.
About a week after we last met (3 weeks ago), she randomly messages me to say she is trying to get back with her baby's father and they are trying to make it work… I knew instantly this was a sh*t test, and she wanted me to chase.. so I said "That's cool, I have been seeing someone else for a few months myself, I wish you all the best, better we don't speak anymore, take care" and left it at that.. I knew it was a matter of time till she contacted again, so last week she contacts and here's how it goes:

Her: Wanna meet for a drink
Me: I don't think that would be a good idea, you need to focus on building your relationship, hope all is well though, have a good evening.
Her: Well no it's not, that's why I asked to meet for a drink.
Me: Sorry to hear that, hope you can sort things out.
Her: thanks

2 days later I get a call from her brother at 1am (who she goes out with on weekends), drunk, asking me to meet him, I know 100% she made him do it, she does that when she feels awkward to contact me herself. I said I was not in the area and had to go.

I have not contacted her since then. I know she is not with her ex, I know she wants me to chase her again, she is missing the AFC I used to be... the attention I gave her

Now to the point, I finally have some power over this girl, and I want to plate her without losing my frame. I think her interest has raised now she thinks she is losing me for good, I want to FWB her without her thinking it will go any further than that.

Part of me thinks I should initiate a friendly convo and start the process, but part of me thinks she will see this as me still caring about her and then the push/pull B.S will begin again… she wants me to chase... do I 'chase' in my own new way to get what I want, or will she automatically think I am interested in more than s3x again... and assume she has power over me still?

Should I make her wait longer before I initiate, let her hamster wheel spin a bit longer?.. she will contact again soon but I feel like I'm pushing too much and not pulling... is it time to pull a bit?

How can I navigate this minefield without losing frame, and more importantly… should I even approach the minefield or stay NC permanently?

Any advice appreciated 

 

[Onion]

Wow!! do you really need to go through this much trouble just to FBW an ex? Why not start seeing other chicks with no BS attached? Just my question. It's great you made such an improvement to your inner game and it's showing, I suggest you start using it to a new HB which will lead you to better things. Sounds like this chick is nothing but trouble and I don't think it's worth the effort. Let me tell you from my own personal experience.

I did exactly what you did, improved myself, dropped the chump that i was, started dating a couple of girls before my ex suddenly showed up! I played hard to get at first, showed her my changed self and acted as if I didn't care. We started making out a few nights a week and s£x was amazing.

Before I knew it I begun missing her and her not replying to my calls or texts started bothering me and she knew this. In the end it all ended in disaster as I dropped my frame to the old AFC self.
If you had feelings for her, it's only a matter of time before you get hocked up again and she knows it. The fact you took time to post all this and going through the troubles of analyzing her behavior says a lot that you are about to be concurred. My view is you should walk away and never look back.

 

[Lozboss]

If you aren't interested in a relationship then walk away.

Onion is right- you'll get pulled back in and start acting like a chump again.

 

[Baggio86]

Wow!! do you really need to go through this much trouble just to FBW with an ex? Why not starting seeing other chicks with no BS attached? Just my question. It's great you made such an improvement to your inner game and it's showing, I suggest you start using it to a new HB which will lead you to better things. Sounds like this chick is nothing but trouble and I don't think it's worth the effort. Let me tell you from my own personal experience.

I did exactly what you did, improved myself, dropped the chump i was, started dating a couple girls before my ex suddenly showed up! I played hard to get at first, showed her my changed self and acted as if I didn't care. We started making out a few nights a week and s£x was amazing.

Before I knew it I begun missing her and her not replying to my calls or texts started bothering me and she knew this. In the end it all ended in disaster as I dropped my frame to the old AFC self.
If you had feelings for her, it's only a matter of time before you get hocked up again and she knows it. The fact you took time to post all this and going through the troubles of analyzing her behavior says a lot that you are about to be concurred. My view is you should walk away and never look back.

Excellent answer! Thank you, good Sir!

Well I was never planning to FWB her, I was done, it was just a thought I had over the weekend as she is local. I have a few plates on the go but they are less available due to location, but I definitely see your point. I could see it bringing more drama so I agree with your thinking.

I did exactly what you did, improved myself, dropped the chump i was, started dating a couple girls before my ex suddenly showed up! I played hard to get at first, showed her my changed self and acted as if I didn't care. We started making out a few nights a week and s£x was amazing.

Before I knew it I begun missing her and her not replying to my calls or texts started bothering me and she knew this. In the end it all ended in disaster as I dropped my frame to the old AFC self.

^^^
This is my main worry to be honest.. which is almost why I considered doing this, to prove a point to myself, although I realise it could back fire bad.

You make some great points there, maybe need to look into why I'm even considering this! lol, thank you for you time.

 

[Baggio86]

If you aren't interested in a relationship then walk away.

Onion is right- you'll get pulled back in and start acting like a chump again.

Starting to see a pattern here... I better think twice, I guess. Lucky I posted this before putting my plan into action, hey?

 

[Baggio86]

While I appreciate where you're coming from, and have thought similar when seeing other posts, you could'nt be more off the mark here. I am fully aware of how bad of a decision it would be. It was simply a thought that crossed my mind over the weekend as she is chasing. So I wondered if I could use it to my advantage for convenience sake. I've had my oneitis earlier in life, that brought me here.

Since reading the earlier replies I very much realised i had a brief lapse of judgement on this, I'm still learning my friend, I posted this to ensure my gut feeling was correct.

Thanks for your time though

 

[Starwolf]

just me $0.02 on s3x with exes or ex bootycalls.

First off i could see immediately that you still have some fears of losing her yourself. (your already losing frame Trying to get the FWB thing going)

Get rid of that fear... keep in mind Exes, bootycalls most of them always come back. no matter how bad a fight it was or how big of an argument you had.

you can go years without seeing them and still bang the same night when u meetup again.


So my advice to the OP don't try to achieve some type of "relation" with her (FWB in your case"). Just have her as a backup backup plate that you hit up once in a while during a dry spell.

with that solved you can now move on and get some new girls

 

[Baggio86]

just me $0.02 on s3x with exes or ex bootycalls.

First off i could see immediately that you still have some fears of losing her yourself. (your already losing frame Trying to get the FWB thing going)

Get rid of that fear... keep in mind Exes, bootycalls most of them always come back. no matter how bad a fight it was or how big of an argument you had.

you can go years without seeing them and still bang the same night when u meetup again.


So my advice to the OP don't try to achieve some type of "relation" with her (FWB in your case"). Just have her as a backup backup plate that you hit up once in a while during a dry spell.

with that solved you can now move on and get some new girls

That was a really good answer, Starwolf! (rep'd) Maybe subconciously I do have that fear, something for me to think about there. She messaged again last night and I told her we can't be in contact anymore. She wasn't too happy and I have a feeling this will just intensify her chase in the short run, but going to keep NC from now until she loses interest.

 

[Baggio86]

Wow!! do you really need to go through this much trouble just to FBW an ex? Why not start seeing other chicks with no BS attached? Just my question. It's great you made such an improvement to your inner game and it's showing, I suggest you start using it to a new HB which will lead you to better things. Sounds like this chick is nothing but trouble and I don't think it's worth the effort. Let me tell you from my own personal experience.

I did exactly what you did, improved myself, dropped the chump that i was, started dating a couple of girls before my ex suddenly showed up! I played hard to get at first, showed her my changed self and acted as if I didn't care. We started making out a few nights a week and s£x was amazing.

Before I knew it I begun missing her and her not replying to my calls or texts started bothering me and she knew this. In the end it all ended in disaster as I dropped my frame to the old AFC self.
If you had feelings for her, it's only a matter of time before you get hocked up again and she knows it. The fact you took time to post all this and going through the troubles of analyzing her behavior says a lot that you are about to be concurred. My view is you should walk away and never look back.

I don't think people do this enough, so wanted to come back here to say Onion had my situation down to a T...

I stupidly met her thinking she can't affect me anymore, had a good night, made out a bit. She spent a week texting every day pulling me in, telling me how much she thinks about me and has missed me... then I let my guard down a tiny bit and BAM! She got her validation and started pushing me away again.

As Onion warned, it bothered me, I kept my frame for about a week and then I blew up at her (Hey there AFC... welcome back!)

I'm so digusted in myself.. everytime I think I have progressed I slip back and it's always this b1tch that causes it... Now I don't know what to think.. I almost feel like I'm wasting my time learning this stuff now cause I keep slipping back to this fool I thought I had buried...

Anyway I want to name and shame myself for anyone that reads this...

I need to sort my head out man! lol.

 

[Baggio86]

Have read lots of these-type posts over the years here on SS and have personally concluded that guys want approval for getting back with their ex. They make it sound like they don't care about their ex, yet they want get back with them...

This has "backwards disaster" written all over it.

OP is going to do what he wants. I personally think this is oneitis and beta'ism rearing its ugly 2-monstered head.

Good luck OP.

My apologies to you, good Sir as well

Although Subconciously I thought I could control my feelings... obviously I couldn't... starting to think she is indeed a onitis of mine cause I don't let anyone destroy my frame like she does.. and I've gone through this quite a few times now with the same girl...

... how can I stop this cycle? Right now I am really raging at her but I know she will come back in 6 months.. I'll be calm and nice and this will just repeat eaxtly the same way again... help me out bro

 

[stevo]

OP dont be so hard on yourself.

Your focus is what needs to be changed.

Trying to prove you're not AFC is an AFC move. Instead, have fun.

Alpha's dont think about their move being AFC, they just do what they want, holding frame.

If you want to fcuk this girl, stop going out and beating around the bush, let her know clean and clear that you want to fcuk her.

If you think you're not ready for her, leave her be.

Some girls will bring out the AFC time to time, that's why you have to be patient, play the long haul game. If she continues to chase, you hold the frame.

Stop spending so much time on one girl, she's either fcuking or she's leaving.

Life can be simple.

 

[Baggio86]

Thanks Steve-o.

Yea I agre, i'm doing so much better with women in general that i thought i had squashed that AFC but its come crushing down that I hav'nt....back to the dj bible I think lol.

Well I've vcked her many times already, and I could have fvcked her recently as well but i wanted her to chase for it and she did, but then as onion pointed out she stops answering texts and i let myself blow up... im not too bothered about upsetting her im more annoyed with myself and i feel like ive thrown away all my progress.

thig is, she knows the game well, i got her by outplaying her then played too hard and she turned the tables on me.

We split about a year and a half ago, she will block me from her life, tell me she hates me then re appear 3 months later, we are okay for 2 weeks, i blow up and she blocks for another 3 months... rinse and repeat for a whole year and a half now... this time i thought i could change it and plate her but the exact same thing happened again. She knows how to play me.

worse thing is i'll be cool, i got aother plates but i cant figure out why i keep going back,i know she aint good for me, i know how it will end, i know she will be back in 3 months... how do i sort my head out to stop the cycle?

this is the only chick ive ever had this problem with. Shes a terrible person in all aspects so what the fuvck is wrong with me? Lol

 

[Baggio86]

Spin plates. Get some options.

Get rejected and flaked upon. It'll help kill that inner-nice guy thing.

Stop apologizing. It's very rarely ever necessary to apologize...and it's not part of the DJ mindset. Stop beating yourself up. It's weak and very unmanly. Best to error on the side of arrogance and stubborness.

I appreciate your response, especially after I didn't take your words to heart before..

You're right... the nice-guy thing is a big problem for me, always has been. She prefers me treating her like crap than when I'm trying to fix things with her... As soon as she see's the nice guy emerging she becomes a monster, it's sad but it's the world we live in I guess.

I do need to stop apologising.. so much so that after I tore her apart the other day.. I then said I was sorry and I should be a bigger man in these situations and walk away instead of blowing up (which is true)... thats when she blocked me lol... You're right, I need to approach more and get rejected more.. feeling you on that.

Thanks Espi.