Plate who **** tested and didn't like the outcome

[upcoming_DJ]

Hey folks,

without too much context, what would you deduce from the following screenshot/message:



some background info:

• 28f , 33m (age)
• her dad died when she was 11, grew up with her mom. claims that her memories of her dad was a loving dad/husband to her and her mom.
• said her "wild stage" was during high school. however, has a place of her own, is a single mom, and seems she sends her daughter to her grandmother on the weekends. this is telling me she does this to have "privacy" and is seeing other guys on the side.
• possibly alpha widow, her baby daddy killed his cousin whilst under the influence. she got back with him even after that.

was our 2nd date yesterday night, but she did a couple of things to **** test. I checked her right away and let her know we can zip it up and I can drop her home. I took her to her moms house which was unoccupied and got really close to sex. fingering, oral, etc...then she gave me the "will you think bad of me if I give in right now?" where I just cut it off. I got up and walked out. she still gave me a good bye kiss which I reluctantly took. she messaged me yesterday morning with an image of a hickie on her neck, with something along the lines of "look what you left on me ". I left her on seen. I was not happy with her behavior and I truly believe in "The medium is the message" as Rollo Tomassi lays it out. she also took out her wallet for some drinks at a club we went briefly to, spent about $70 of her own money. mixed messaging.

I don't truly care to lose her for good. she is really attractive and guys gawk her on the 2 dates we had, but I've got options and don't want the headache.

I've come a long way in killing the nice guy, and have experienced good results in the last 2 years of dating with the new frame that it's my world and she's invited on the adventure.

just curious to get some comments/feedback so I sharpen up my game. It's life long learning for me.

thanks!

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like you need to learn tact and how to not go from one extreme to the other.

There is a way to handle things that will get the results you want and a way that won't.

Seems like you chose the way that won't and went far too nuclear for no apparent reason.

People who constantly look for disrespect usually find it.

Ease up a little bit...it's not a death match where you have to win every battle or you are dead.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP - you couldn't tell this was an LTR type girl? Work on your appraisal and screening first before you meet up. Save yourself the headache. She's got her share of D at the moment from her own admission, wasn't highly interested in you, or is in an LTR-seeking stage, or most likely some combination of the above. Learn to gauge for high interest before meeting up and if a girl insists on being coy, pass her by if you indeed have options.

Ask yourself this - do you think these guys "on the side" have to text her daily? If they exist, that is.

At the end of the day, this chick is trying to game you. Regardless if you made mistakes or not, the final answer would be the same even if you didn't.

 

[Bingo-Player]

thats a big essay she's written

she will probably be back at some stage

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Sounds like you need to learn tact and how to not go from one extreme to the other.

There is a way to handle things that will get the results you want and a way that won't.

Seems like you chose the way that won't and went far too nuclear for no apparent reason.

People who constantly look for disrespect usually find it.

Ease up a little bit...it's not a death match where you have to win every battle or you are dead.

thanks for this - I definitely thought I nucleared on this for no strong reason. will work on this. appreciate it!

 

[upcoming_DJ]

thats a big essay she's written

she will probably be back at some stage

I thought the same, but she seems to be that type - other messages have been the same, verbose...she says she just likes to be a clear communicator. I thought the same since she put in effort and may just be in auto reject mode. but it may also be that there's someone else in the picture even though she said on her own that she prefers to be faithful even during talking stages.

the red flag for me is her pushing for relationship/commitment from early on. I want to enjoy the process, taking time and pacing things....I am not trying to commit to anything now. but she's been talking relationship stuff since our first messages. not normal. especially being a single mom.

ps, even though she's not seen my reply, she hasn't removed me from her socials yet, and added a sad meme earlier today.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

OP - you couldn't tell this was an LTR type girl? Work on your appraisal and screening first before you meet up. Save yourself the headache. She's got her share of D at the moment from her own admission, wasn't highly interested in you, or is in an LTR-seeking stage, or most likely some combination of the above. Learn to gauge for high interest before meeting up and if a girl insists on being coy, pass her by if you indeed have options.

Ask yourself this - do you think these guys "on the side" have to text her daily? If they exist, that is.

At the end of the day, this chick is trying to game you. Regardless if you made mistakes or not, the final answer would be the same even if you didn't.

thanks,

here's what I replied to someone else regarding this,

"the red flag for me is her pushing for relationship/commitment from early on. I want to enjoy the process, taking time and pacing things....I am not trying to commit to anything now. but she's been talking relationship stuff since our first messages. not normal. especially being a single mom."

 

[BPH]

I don't get it...

You passed her "sh** tests", took her home, went to business, and you rejected a spelled-out invitation to bang her - why?

What do you want, if not this? She's got a kid, are you looking for a serious LTR with someone like that?

I don't know what her "sh** tests" were, but if they were disrespectful enough for you to cut the date short, why were they also not enough for you to leave without coming inside and having this foreplay?

People who constantly look for disrespect usually find it.

This.

Also, I can't personally attest to any of Rollo's teachings - I've never read the guy's material - but please stop taking all these gurus' advice as gospel and think about what YOU want, rather than what you THINK you should want. Rollo is a red-pilled 55-year-old man who still wears a beanie, marries a very average woman before the age of 30, lives life under a pseudonym, and has his entire identity based around the success of 1 book - he's not too far removed from most of the guys on this board. When taking advice, consider who it's coming from, and if you want what they have - if they don't, don't listen to them.

Some of you guys are so busy looking for sh** tests and interest levels that you're not enjoying the company of the women you're with. Establish where your boundaries and limits are, but stop feeling like you need to "win" every interaction.

 

[BaronOfHair]

She got knocked by a dude who's now in prison for murder... You and this chick are almost certainly destined for a glorious future together, comparable to that of Phil and Brynn Hartman

 

[upcoming_DJ]

I don't get it...

You passed her "sh** tests", took her home, went to business, and you rejected a spelled-out invitation to bang her - why?

What do you want, if not this? She's got a kid, are you looking for a serious LTR with someone like that?

I don't know what her "sh** tests" were, but if they were disrespectful enough for you to cut the date short, why were they also not enough for you to leave without coming inside and having this foreplay?



This.

Also, I can't personally attest to any of Rollo's teachings - I've never read the guy's material - but please stop taking all these gurus' advice as gospel and think about what YOU want, rather than what you THINK you should want. Rollo is a red-pilled 55-year-old man who still wears a beanie, marries a very average woman before the age of 30, lives life under a pseudonym, and has his entire identity based around the success of 1 book - he's not too far removed from most of the guys on this board. When taking advice, consider who it's coming from, and if you want what they have - if they don't, don't listen to them.

Some of you guys are so busy looking for sh** tests and interest levels that you're not enjoying the company of the women you're with. Establish where your boundaries and limits are, but stop feeling like you need to "win" every interaction.

thanks for this, points well taken. I tend to get too rigid at times, it happened here. I have to learn to calibrate and like you said, go more with what I want and be more genuine about that aspect.

I didn't mind the daughter part, but I was not expecting to already begin acting as if we ARE in a relationship. This has been a red flag and hence why I was threading lightly when it comes to not pushing commitment or being in touch over text too often etc. - i wasn't lying to her, i was just letting my actions obvious enough for her to know.

before this, she answered all my phone calls within the first 2 rings, texted back fast even when I text her 3 hours later, shifted her schedule to accommodate me (she is a personal trainer for women), and has been flexible in general. But a small **** test example was going to a place and I wanted to sit at the seat she sat at, I told her I'd like to sit here and she was asking me to say please and not cooperating, she wouldn't move. so I just went over to a pool table to talk to some guys I knew that were playing, after like 20 mins I came back and said "are you ready to make this simple or are we heading home?" she ended up moving so I can sit there and I let her know that wasn't going to fly with me and that it was something simple but unnecessary. She said she didn't want to go home etc.

thing is, I'm paying for these dates and leading. she said her ideal relationship is a "traditional" one. in traditional relationships the women follows the man. doesn't mean she doesn't have a voice, she just understands her place and makes simple things easy. this shows me that she wants to eat her cake and keep it too, and having double standards.

we had gone for dinner earlier in the night, I was to order a specific sushi plate for her and when the waitress came by , she said no and she ordered what she wanted . I let that slide, no biggie caz this isn't anything serious although it stills shows none-compliance to a certain extent.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I don't get it...

You passed her "sh** tests", took her home, went to business, and you rejected a spelled-out invitation to bang her - why?

What do you want, if not this? She's got a kid, are you looking for a serious LTR with someone like that?

I don't know what her "sh** tests" were, but if they were disrespectful enough for you to cut the date short, why were they also not enough for you to leave without coming inside and having this foreplay?



This.

Also, I can't personally attest to any of Rollo's teachings - I've never read the guy's material - but please stop taking all these gurus' advice as gospel and think about what YOU want, rather than what you THINK you should want. Rollo is a red-pilled 55-year-old man who still wears a beanie, marries a very average woman before the age of 30, lives life under a pseudonym, and has his entire identity based around the success of 1 book - he's not too far removed from most of the guys on this board. When taking advice, consider who it's coming from, and if you want what they have - if they don't, don't listen to them.

Some of you guys are so busy looking for sh** tests and interest levels that you're not enjoying the company of the women you're with. Establish where your boundaries and limits are, but stop feeling like you need to "win" every interaction.

This was a culmination of needy behavior by the girl. Still, most of us would've taken the bang and dealt with the drama attempts later.

 

[BPH]

before this, she answered all my phone calls within the first 2 rings, texted back fast even when I can text her 3 hours later, shifted her schedule to accommodate me (she is a personal trainer for women), and has been flexible in general. But a small **** test example was going to a place and I wanted to sit at the seat she sat at, I told her I'd like to sit here and she was asking me to say please and not cooperating, she wouldn't move. so I just went over to a pool table to talk to some guys I knew that were playing, after like 20 mins I came back and said "are you ready to make this simple or are we heading home?" she ended up moving so I can sit there and I let her know that wasn't going to fly with me and that it was something simple but unnecessary. She said she didn't want to go home etc.

Ok, so it sounds like she's very interested in you, that's good.

As for the sh** test, might I suggest being playful first. If she's commanding you to "say please", that's one thing, but if she's sitting there smiling wanting to see what you'll do, that's another.

You could've smiled, and sauntered over like a parent tired of dealing with a bratty child, wrapped your arms around her waist, pulled her close so she was face-to-face, then sensually whispered in her ear "Please", and maybe nibbled her ear, or go for a kiss.

This would've shown her that you're in control, don't take things too seriously, are a fun date, and might've even turned her on a little.

Instead, you got upset enough with her that you needed space, then came back to offer her an ultimatum threatening to end the date if she didn't give you your seat. Now she's probably thinking she has to walk on eggshells the rest of the date and can't relax and enjoy your company. Context and body language matters, so I can't see EXACTLY how this interaction played out, but based on your brief description, there were better ways to handle this.

we had gone for dinner earlier in the night, I was to order a specific sushi plate for her and when the waitress came by , she said no and she ordered what she wanted . I let that slide, no biggie caz this isn't anything serious although it stills shows none-compliance to a certain extent.

I don't understand this one. If she changed her mind about what she wanted to order, who cares? However if she decided she wanted to order something much more expensive because they knew you'd be the one paying for it, that would be an issue I'd understand.

 

[upcoming_DJ]

Ok, so it sounds like she's very interested in you, that's good.

As for the sh** test, might I suggest being playful first. If she's commanding you to "say please", that's one thing, but if she's sitting there smiling wanting to see what you'll do, that's another.

You could've smiled, and sauntered over like a parent tired of dealing with a bratty child, wrapped your arms around her waist, pulled her close so she was face-to-face, then sensually whispered in her ear "Please", and maybe nibbled her ear, or go for a kiss.

This would've shown her that you're in control, don't take things too seriously, are a fun date, and might've even turned her on a little.

Instead, you got upset enough with her that you needed space, then came back to offer her an ultimatum threatening to end the date if she didn't give you your seat. Now she's probably thinking she has to walk on eggshells the rest of the date and can't relax and enjoy your company. Context and body language matters, so I can't see EXACTLY how this interaction played out, but based on your brief description, there were better ways to handle this.



I don't understand this one. If she changed her mind about what she wanted to order, who cares? However if she decided she wanted to order something much more expensive because they knew you'd be the one paying for it, that would be an issue I'd understand.

I was actually playful about it at first, and went with my first instinct which was charm...i grabbed her by the arm and was treating her like a bratty little girl looking to get her way and teased her about it even.......she didn't give in. so i just walked away (at no point did I show her I was pissed, I kept frame of being in control of myself) and i spoke to her nicely but just letting her know that this isn't the way we will proceed in future interactions. we ended up still flirting and laughing and having a good time. I amped up the charm after I put my foot down, I was weary of creating a hostile environment like you mentioned. I always try to keep it light and fun, almost all my interactions with her have been like that. she laughs a lot. she kisses me etc.

but indeed, I'll accept that after looking back there were better ways to handle it. I should've waited until after we banged to bring this up to her. instead I ended up getting upset when I felt she was making me jump through hoops by asking if "i would think negative of her for us banging on just the second date". I'm hella sure she's banged on the first date, so I decided to nip it in the bud and show her I wasn't gonna be jumping through hoops for pu$$y.

 

[BPH]

instead I ended up getting upset when I felt she was making me jump through hoops by asking if "i would think negative of her for us banging on just the second date".

I don't understand why you did a 180 here. What hoop is she having you jump through?

She's basically saying "Hey, I want you to f*** me, but I don't want you to think I'm a slut". All you had to do was reassure her that you would still be interested in her afterward. Why was this the moment where you decided you didn't want to jump through hoops, even though that's what dates 1 and 2 were?

 

[upcoming_DJ]

I don't understand why you did a 180 here. What hoop is she having you jump through?

She's basically saying "Hey, I want you to f*** me, but I don't want you to think I'm a slut". All you had to do was reassure her that you would still be interested in her afterward. Why was this the moment where you decided you didn't want to jump through hoops, even though that's what dates 1 and 2 were?

most likely was a result of being too much in my head. lesson learnt for another occasion!

appreciate your enlightening me here as well man, thanks!

 

[upcoming_DJ]

this was actually an interesting read on this topic: https://www.girlschase.com/article/why-women-make-you-dead-them-breakup-time

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

without too much context, what would you deduce from the following screenshot/message:

That you don't know how to bind women to you.

Double thread, same response.

 

[RangerMIke]

The second I learned her baby daddy was in prison for murder I would have been gone.

You are on a 2nd date and you are already drawing lines? She was telling you that she is a mess and too much work to be with her, she is looking for someone to save her from herself, not a BF. Too much work, if you really want to be a DJ, then learn to shake off women that do anything you can't live with... there really is no reason to come out and say what you like or don't like. No need to set boundaries... you know what you want... and if a woman doesn't fit... cut her loose.

She is NOT going to change. If you 'set boundaries' then it is easier for her to pretend she isn't what she is... for a time until you are emotionally hooked. But even the best actor in the world can't keep that up for long... but women usually don't need too since most men are emotionally weak and will fall for the actress and not the person.

 

[The Diver]

got really close to sex. fingering, oral, etc...then she gave me the "will you think bad of me if I give in right now?" where I just cut it off. I got up and walked out.

Wtf man. Your reaction was extreme.
For her question, you should simply say " I'm not a judgemental person" and proceed with the secs.
But obviously this woman is not a gf material and you should proceed accordingly.

You sound like a guy who had the Red pill and went from being a Nice Guy to the other side of being an extreme "Red pill guy'.
It's happened a lot, it's take time to calibrate correctly.

Also, there's no benefit in not responding to messages in a timely manner. You probably will lose more than you gain doing so

 

[Solomon]

OP fumbled so bad he made 2 threads about the same topic trying to tell himself "I'm Alpha"
This is the easiest shyt test you can pass, all you had to do was tell her you wouldn't judge her instead you posting Illiad text and coping hard
OP you still in the red pill rage and will continue to lose easy opportunities like this with single mothers whose baby daddy locked up in the bing......lmfao let me just stop ha ha