Plate-Life Balance?

[jamesfromhouston]

Hello gents.

The general message in the manosphere is to chase excellence and also spin plates to make us more rational with women.

It is often said that working on yourself comes before women (plates). But of course, real life isn't so black and white. Self-improvement such as career, health, spirituality, skills, etc. is an ongoing journey. You never truly stop.

On the other hand, it is said to have a good number of plates, many have said 3 is a good rotation number. More than that is difficult to manage and may eat into your own time. But ofcourse you have to spin those plates to maintain them which often involve going out.

So my question is for those of you who seek/spin plates; in a single week, how many nights/days are you out with plates? How many days of the week are you working on yourself/chasing excellence? What is your balance.

For example, I currently have 3 plates now, seeing them weekly means 3 days of the week. I feel like it does consume a lot of my time. Yet if I don't see them regularly they tend to drop off. Even if they drop off, making time to date and develop new plates is also time consuming in itself.

Just wondering how more senior and experienced Don Juans handle the plate life balance. What's your approach? Any tips?

 

[CornbreadFed]

I found plate life to be an unsustainable and a huge waste of time and resources. I got better things to do then drive across the city to some dumb bar or wine lounge to meet some Sara that is going to say 90% of the same shvt other girls say. After you discover that you can fvck more than one girl at the same time, it loses its luster. In seriousness, the manosphere is a joke and has zero idea on how life works outside a YouTube livestream video from a basement. I would recommend looking at other avenues of male advice/improvement.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well here is the thing with plates...they have a time frame attached with the usually.

Typically 3-4 months before they realize they aren't getting any further and want something more.

So you also need to ensure you are working to keep your pipeline filled or you run the risk of going from 3 plates to 0 plates overnight.

 

[SW15]

This is a relevant issue whether a man is spinning 2-3 plates or has a steady, monogamous girlfriend.

A man needs time to go to the gym or do something like play a sport. He also needs time for his male friends.

I would recommend that unmarried, childless men spend 2-3 nights a week at a minimum away from girlfriends or plates. Men need time to themselves, time for their hobbies, and for their friends.

 

[Ricky]

This is a relevant issue whether a man is spinning 2-3 plates or has a steady, monogamous girlfriend.

A man needs time to go to the gym or do something like play a sport. He also needs time for his male friends.

I would recommend that unmarried, childless men spend 2-3 nights a week at a minimum away from girlfriends or plates. Men need time to themselves, time for their hobbies, and for their friends.

this is good advice. I have to remind my friends that it’s important not to spend too much time with a new woman too quickly as it can quickly smother the relationship

 

[Juanto]

This is a relevant issue whether a man is spinning 2-3 plates or has a steady, monogamous girlfriend.

A man needs time to go to the gym or do something like play a sport. He also needs time for his male friends.

I would recommend that unmarried, childless men spend 2-3 nights a week at a minimum away from girlfriends or plates. Men need time to themselves, time for their hobbies, and for their friends.

Good advice here

 

[Dash Riprock]

Hello gents.

The general message in the manosphere is to chase excellence and also spin plates to make us more rational with women.

It is often said that working on yourself comes before women (plates). But of course, real life isn't so black and white. Self-improvement such as career, health, spirituality, skills, etc. is an ongoing journey. You never truly stop.

On the other hand, it is said to have a good number of plates, many have said 3 is a good rotation number. More than that is difficult to manage and may eat into your own time. But ofcourse you have to spin those plates to maintain them which often involve going out.

So my question is for those of you who seek/spin plates; in a single week, how many nights/days are you out with plates? How many days of the week are you working on yourself/chasing excellence? What is your balance.

For example, I currently have 3 plates now, seeing them weekly means 3 days of the week. I feel like it does consume a lot of my time. Yet if I don't see them regularly they tend to drop off. Even if they drop off, making time to date and develop new plates is also time consuming in itself.

Just wondering how more senior and experienced Don Juans handle the plate life balance. What's your approach? Any tips?

I've been there and it's a waste of time and $ especially if you're also going out. Pick the best one and roll with her. Others will fall off but that's life.

 

[Hal9000]

When I was at the best balance for me I was hitting the gym after work every day, going out with male friends a couple nights a week and seeing my female friends anywhere from one to five nights, with it usually being 2-3 nights a week. Eventually I had 8-10 plates who I saw anywhere from weekly to monthly and I started losing that balance as i was spending all my free time with these women who were just fbs to me. It definitely wasn't sustainable beyond a couple years and then I had to pull back.

 

[Juanto]

Needless to say, she didn’t see me for month

Or rather, she didnt want to see you for months?

 

[Scars]

"Spin more plates" is advice giving to men with oneitis and obsess over 1 chick too much. They generally don't have hobbies, or have way too much time on their hands. For men that actually have sh!t to do, this is counter productive advice, I agree.

Ultimately the goal here is to not obsess over one chick. If you find yourself thinking about a woman too much, you need to find other things to occupy that time. You can either do that by having multiple options, or having hobbies/being on your life "purpose". The end goal is still the same.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've been there and it's a waste of time and $ especially if you're also going out. Pick the best one and roll with her. Others will fall off but that's life.

Typically what I did was after going on 3-4 dates and banging a chick that I kept seeing, most dates after were at one of our places...every once in a while we would go do something but since it's a plate, no real need to treat her like a GF and constantly go out and do stuff...the goal is to fvck as much as possible in the 3-4 months she is likely to stick around.

Cook dinner together, watch a movie, pick a series/show we wanted to watch and only do that together, play fun games, etc...

 

[Stanley]

The balance you have to figure out for yourself, it will depend on the person.

What you take on and what you can manage are determined by you, no one else. I've personally come to the conclusion that if I am spending a large portion of my time invested in women then there is a good chance that time could be better spent elsewhere and one may be 'losing' themself in some way, but that is my view and yours may differ. I do think there is a time in man's life where he should genuinely prioritize experiencing women though

Plate in it of itself is a broad term and it seems many define it differently. Some consider a girl they are stringing along a 'plate'. Others consider it a fwb/funk buddy, I've seen on this board countless times men referring to a girl as a plate when they are literally monogamous with them. If you feel you are spending too much time with them then FOR YOU, you probably are.

I entertained the notion of 'plate spinning' or really just dating casually for the first time last year. I found it largely to be a waste of time and money at this point in my life (but I gained valuable insight from it), from then on it became transparent fwb's were what I was after, so that is what I sought. No money spent on them, no leading them on, no false hope. They knew what was up and had no issues. How often did I see them? Idk, currently I have two girls I hang with maybe every other week and one I see monthly? It isn't something I dwell on.

Also, just because the MAn0SphErE makes a claim doesn't mean it is applicable to you or something to be taken as gospel. Do what feels natural for you and come to your own conclusions.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I heard the term 'spinning plates' on this board for the first time. I gather it's having several girlfriends who don't know about each other existence? It's not like 'ethical non-monogamy' where the women know about each other?

No, it's having NO girlfriends, just women you are dating non-exclusively and banging.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

But they don't know there are other women, or do they know?

Most likely not. But if they do, they do, you shouldn't care about it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Right.

I'm involved with several women, but they do know I'm not exclusive.

As for 'caring about it', I never cheated in my life, so it's important for my own integrity that women know I'm not exclusive and not likely to commit to them.

Yup, I always let them know if they ask. Most women automatically assume unless both have agreed to exclusivity you are dating others. I assume they are. Pretty much the default these days.

I also assume the guys they are seeing are usually doing me a big favor by making me look great in comparison to them and making it a much easier decision for her to not want to see anyone but me.

So usually it ends up that I date others while they are happy only to date me.

Up until a certain time, usually 3-4 months but sometimes longer where they realize that I will not commit to them exclusively and then they reluctantly look elsewhere and I fill their spot.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I found plate life to be an unsustainable and a huge waste of time and resources. I got better things to do then drive across the city to some dumb bar or wine lounge to meet some Sara that is going to say 90% of the same shvt other girls say. After you discover that you can fvck more than one girl at the same time, it loses its luster. In seriousness, the manosphere is a joke and has zero idea on how life works outside a YouTube livestream video from a basement. I would recommend looking at other avenues of male advice/improvement.

I can relate. I feel most of the girls I meet are 99% the same. They say the same ****. Just the same people with different faces. Ofcourse then there are the 1 to 2% who end up being very special. Wild monkey sex. Good times. But always have to sift through the **** to get to those. But it really is such a time suck to plate them sometimes. Not to mention it does cost a fair bit to maintain plates. And at the highest intensity of plating, let's say when I have several going on at the same time, it can feel very repetitive and dry very quickly. Sounds very first world. But it really does feel like that sometimes.

What avenues do you recommend?

Well here is the thing with plates...they have a time frame attached with the usually.

Typically 3-4 months before they realize they aren't getting any further and want something more.

So you also need to ensure you are working to keep your pipeline filled or you run the risk of going from 3 plates to 0 plates overnight.

I am curious about this too: Would you argue that in a way we are misleading them. We know they're our plates. We keep them around for our gain. But we might not want anything more than that from them. They want something more. They think they can be something more by hanging out with us/dating us/****ing us. But eventually they realize the reality and leave.

This is a relevant issue whether a man is spinning 2-3 plates or has a steady, monogamous girlfriend.

A man needs time to go to the gym or do something like play a sport. He also needs time for his male friends.

I would recommend that unmarried, childless men spend 2-3 nights a week at a minimum away from girlfriends or plates. Men need time to themselves, time for their hobbies, and for their friends.

I feel like this isn't spoken enough of on SS or by Rollo in his book. We keep hearing about the importance of having plates and spinning plates but not enough is stressed on the other side of that.

I've been there and it's a waste of time and $ especially if you're also going out. Pick the best one and roll with her. Others will fall off but that's life.

Do you find yourself settling for serious relationships and maybe oneitis with that mentality?

When I was at the best balance for me I was hitting the gym after work every day, going out with male friends a couple nights a week and seeing my female friends anywhere from one to five nights, with it usually being 2-3 nights a week. Eventually I had 8-10 plates who I saw anywhere from weekly to monthly and I started losing that balance as i was spending all my free time with these women who were just fbs to me. It definitely wasn't sustainable beyond a couple years and then I had to pull back.

What changes did you make?

@jamesfromhouston

Funny anecdote, I came back from a trip and saw my top plate the same night. I told my second plate I would be flying back the following day and will see her after I land. I gave her a gift bag, but forgot I left my boarding pass in there. She waits to bring it up after she collected enough evidence, which was me accidentally sending her a text meant for my other plate. That was the smoking gun and she brought up all the other breadcrumbs. Needless to say, she didn’t see me for months. Spinning plates is a like the movie Catch Me if You Can. Gotta be three steps ahead

Does it get tiring for you though? And you mention the frequency you see them is weekly to monthly; do you do anything in between the meets to maintain the plates? Like texting them, etc.?

I entertained the notion of 'plate spinning' or really just dating casually for the first time last year. I found it largely to be a waste of time and money at this point in my life (but I gained valuable insight from it), from then on it became transparent fwb's were what I was after, so that is what I sought. No money spent on them, no leading them on, no false hope. They knew what was up and had no issues. How often did I see them? Idk, currently I have two girls I hang with maybe every other week and one I see monthly? It isn't something I dwell on.

Interesting approach. How did you develop these transparent FWBs? Most girls I find aren't open to directly discussing FWB terms. They tend to hang on to the covert idea that something more is going on.

 

[zekko]

"Spin more plates" is advice giving to men with oneitis and obsess over 1 chick too much. They generally don't have hobbies, or have way too much time on their hands. For men that actually have sh!t to do, this is counter productive advice, I agree.

Ultimately the goal here is to not obsess over one chick. If you find yourself thinking about a woman too much, you need to find other things to occupy that time. You can either do that by having multiple options, or having hobbies/being on your life "purpose". The end goal is still the same.

I think for the hardcore PUA types, spinning plates is their hobby. I've known guys who are completely obsessed with banging every girl they meet, or every one that they can, and they are doing it, but it seems like they are consumed by it. And we've all heard about the penniless guy who gets women because he is "fun" to be around, and he's fun to be around because he has no distractions - he spends all his time and energy on having fun.

As for obsessing over one chick, yeah it's not a good thing to invest too much of yourself into someone else, because you're just giving them the power to crush you. Usually the problem is when you obsess over a girl who doesn't return the same level of interest, and that can be very painful, and is the type of thing that drives guys here. If you do find one girlfriend who returns your interest (or preferably exceeds it), then really it isn't a problem anymore. You just have to come to the place where you don't rely on them for your happiness or to give your existence meaning. You always have to be in a place where losing her would not destroy you, or cripple you. In other words, keep your perspective.

 

[Stanley]

Interesting approach. How did you develop these transparent FWBs? Most girls I find aren't open to directly discussing FWB terms. They tend to hang on to the covert idea that something more is going on.

I was direct and transparent in my intentions from the getgo and did not jeopardize my own moral compass for poon

 

[Juanto]

Yup, but they always come back

Hiding hairs from the other plates is always a struggle for me

 

[Juanto]

Yup! 80% of the ‘dates’ have been at my place with all my plates. You invest in the initial dates and minimize your spend once they are hooked.

Precisely, meaning you dont have to spend alot of money even if you have 2/3 plates (unlike what others have said here)