Plate didn’t want to meet because i didn’t reply back in time

[SoSuave666]

She was reconfirming the event. You didn’t reply.…
Many women have busy lives and don’t initially put their lives on hold for a man they recently met. Men could have flaked on her in the past also.
You don’t know, so up the communication quality and respectfully keep in touch with a girl you want to keep banging. If you can’t communicate with her at work, tell her beforehand …

Who cares about this woman’s busy life? I see absolutely nothing wrong with what happened. In fact I think it’s a great thing. Our guy here was busy working and couldn’t get to his phone for two hours. That is GREAT, he has sh1t to do.

they agreed to a time, he couldn’t be by his phone for good reasons, and then she throws a hissy, as women do.

I would absolutely not apologize as there is nothing to apologize for.

 

[BDDazza]

Who cares about this woman’s busy life? I see absolutely nothing wrong with what happened. In fact I think it’s a great thing. Our guy here was busy working and couldn’t get to his phone for two hours. That is GREAT, he has sh1t to do.

they agreed to a time, he couldn’t be by his phone for good reasons, and then she throws a hissy, as women do.

I would absolutely not apologize as there is nothing to apologize for.

Not sure I agree.

Dazzlenuts missed out on poon so obviously there was something wrong on his side.

The lady is just confirming, you don't expect her to dress, leave her house and commute to see some stranger without reassurance he will turn up.


Dazzlenuts, you should have messaged her earlier in the day and explain that you won't have your phone handy whilst at work and reassure her that the date is still on even if you don't reply, or you should have made a proactive attempt to contact her during work to reassure her.

The only red flag on her side is she sent a big lengthy paragraph like she is over invested. Potential stage 5 clinger.

Well then she either has a bad attitude or has low interest. Do with that what you will.

Her interest is medium because she took the effort to reply with a big paragraph. Most low interest women would just ghost.

 

[Atom Smasher]

IMO the OP has an ambiguous style of communication. It took a few posts to give us a somewhat clear-ish picture of what was going on.
OP, I would recommend working on communicating clearly and concisely. Women don’t respond well to ambiguity when it comes to making plans.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

**** I think she’s a really good girl and I want to actually see her again

Russian Red flag military parade right there. There are no such thing as the "good girl". It's only a wet dream in many guys heads sold by Disney.

 

[Mike32ct]

IMO the OP has an ambiguous style of communication. It took a few posts to give us a somewhat clear-ish picture of what was going on.
OP, I would recommend working on communicating clearly and concisely. Women don’t respond well to ambiguity when it comes to making plans.

Yup.

The last two women I went out with were engineers. They loved very precise/specific plans, directions and times.

I would imagine that even non-STEM women like to know exactly what, when and where.

Exchanging confirmation texts promptly that day is always appreciated as well.

 

[lost_blackbird]

Well she has textbook green flags, all her friends are female, went to private school, got a good education and a good career. I’ve known her for about 2 years though.

what should I do in this situation?

Run. You'll always be secondary to her career. She's been on that life path forever and only might deviate from it at
"last few eggs" o'clock to snare a sponsor.

BTW getting my phone out of my pocket during a shift is a disciplinary offence where I work.
I vanish completely in a telephonic sense for about 9 hours on a work day. Sometimes I'll use my
phone on my break for 10 minutes otherwise I won't even look at it. Need my job way more than I
need to keep sneaking into the toilets to entertain some bored tart.

 

[BDDazza]

Well then she either has a bad attitude or has low interest. Do with that what you will.

Catsmeow, also some hot ladies look for an excuse to dismiss you as justification to cancel or flake on the date. Her logic is "I wanted to date him but he didn't respond to my text. Nevermind".

The OP hasn't been the clearest in explaining the situation in this thread so its likely a communication issue on his side. Maybe he thought the date was set in stone but she disagreed due to poor wording.

Also to play devil advocate, in my younger days I was stood up and it wasn't a nice feeling travelling far, spending money only to become disappointed. Sometimes I reconfirm the the new lady is coming moments before I leave the house. I assume its a flake if she doesn't say she is walking to the train station or car. I would be a hypocrite if I judged a lady for doing the same.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I had a female I know who is very desirable troubleshoot my OLD profile once for me. She said "too much information" to keep it short and engaging do not say much about yourself no matter how objectively attractive the data is.

She said that there is so much choice for attractive women, online and in-person that good-looking women actively look for ways to disqualify men that would otherwise be within their wheelhouse. The bottom line is there is so much choice out there for chicks - even average ones, you need to stay on your toes at all times if you want to smash. It sucks, but it's a reality for all but the top 5% of males out there.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Well to be fair, men don't receive literally 100s of messages either. There is no way on god's green earth any woman could respond or even have time to read all of them, so she selects the few that on first blush stand out to her (which is subjective and different for each woman) and responds to those.

Out of those, she chats and narrows down to those she feels some mental and physical attraction to and meets those men.

OLDing is a completely different experience for men and women and unless and until you've walked a mile in a woman's shoes you have no idea what we experience.

A mile uphill in a blizzard, right?

Virtually every bisexual person, male or female, swears up and down men are much easier to date.

This is a forum for real talk. Every one here knows you females get a sh1t ton of messages.

Cue the dissertative response.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Well we all want to believe we’re the ONE that can pull the attractive person off the carousel - don’t we?

In discussions with intelligent women, if I had a dime for every time a woman said to me “well, I’m different - I’m not like other women”.

Of course what’s going through my mind is “yes you are, it’s just a matter of time.”’ But I only say it when I’m borderline attracted, I usually nod and say “prove it to me, with a amused grin”.

All of us tend to consolidate at some point. You realize you can get 80% of what you want, then you settle. Dating requires a lot and guys stop eventually as well.

Well my boyfriend did, so did my ex before him, both of whom I met on line and turned into long term relationships, possible marriage with my current.

But I spose there are exceptions to every rule.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

The other thing I’ve learned is that we give what we want. If a girl is running her hands through your hair chances are she’d love it if you reciprocated.

Chicks get tons of unsolicited nudes from men, every wonder why? Because guys give what they want.

It would stand to reason your BF and any other would love to hear you parrot back “yes you too are like no one else I’ve ever known”. That is why he says it, he may or may not know that himself.

if your GF gives you a massage, she’d love one in return. It’s a bit of a covert contract, and we all expect reciprocation. There truly are few selfless acts.

The only unconditional love is parental love for their children. The love a child has for a parent is not unconditional.

All love other than that is CONDITIONAL.

100% truth, I have never said this to a man, ever. I never would because truth is, I am not all that different. I don't think any of us are all that different or special.

But even if I thought I was, I would never tell a man this, it's an absurd thing to say, delusional. And I would expect him to do and say exactly what you said and did (nod and say "prove it to me" with an amused grin) or something like.

It's actually men who have said this to me. I have been hearing it since around the 9th grade. In fact, my current boyfriend tells me all the time, how different I am from other women he's dated, although I tend to believe the reason he fell for me was NOT because I am different, but because HE was seeking something deeper after years of short term casual relationships and one night stands.

So when we met and everything clicked, he was ready, in the right place emotionally.

 

[jimwho]

Hopefully however that won't be me, as my boyfriend and I are discussing getting married by end of this year or early next year, which for the first time in my life

HAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY.......

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

You made my point for me, you give him a bj because it pleases you. Net/net. Period, full stop, drop da mic.

Unconditional love:
So if your boyfriend suddenly changes and let’s say starts beating you, or cheating on you, you’re going to tell me you’d still love him?

what if he turns out to be say, a pedophile?

I disagree. Giving to get is not my idea of love, it's not how I love nor how my boyfriend(s) have loved/love me.

For example, giving my boyfriend a BJ. I don't give him a BJ because I want him to go down on me, I give him a blow job because it gives ME pleasure, I enjoy giving him pleasure in that way, it makes me feel good, it turns me on!

Course it turns HIM on too, so it's a win win, and he will give back to me, perhaps not at that moment in the same way, but he will reward me for it - give to me, reciprocate.

And vice versa. A balance of give and take at different times in different ways.

I also disagree that love is conditional.

Love, even romantic love, when it's genuine and pure, is unconditional, otherwise it's not love, it's selfish and self-serving and to me that's not what love is.

What IS conditional is remaining in the relationship. If my boyfriend were disrespecting me or abusing me, treating me poorly for example, I would leave the relationship but I would still love him. At least for a time until I healed.

The love doesn't just die because your partner isn't meeting your conditions, whatever they may be.

Your desire to stay in the relationship dies, but not the love.

Not in my opinion or experience and I have experienced it.

I left the relationship but it took nearly two years to heal and to stop loving him.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Yes, extreme examples.

For the sake of discussion "Unconditional Love" means unconditional, time is part "conditions" one would therefore think it was unending, Your love for your ex was unconditional for 2 years, therefore conditional if you use the Socratic Method.

 

[BDDazza]

I don't think the behavior is limited to only "hot" ladies, it's limited to women who do not have high interest (or any interest) in a man.

A woman with high interest is not gonna behave that way in my opinion and experience.

But you're assuming the lady still has high interest as ladies can shift their emotions from high interest to medium to low very quickly.

The bottom line is, if the interest was rock high she would have forgave the late reply and met the OP anyways.

Yes the lady slept with the OP once before, and perhaps her interest level was initially high. Over a few days she could have been re-evaluating things, feeling guilty, or maybe an ex boyfriend has contacted her and her old emotions have come back. Now she is using any slight miss-step as an excuse to disqualify the OP.

what if he turns out to be say, a pedophile?

Oh lord, you're really grasping here, I don't know! Lol

My ex became a full blown drug addict, he began abusing me, lied, cheated on me with lord only knows who (skanks he did drugs with), and YES I still loved him.

You can't just toss out and wipe away almost six years of genuine love because your boyfriend suddenly becomes a drug addicted, lying, cheating, abusive a$$hole.

That didn't mean I stay, I didn't, I left. But yes the love remained for nearly two years.

That's how I love anyway.

A pedophile? I don't know, I imagine my love would have died sooner had that been the case.

I have to agree with Pierce.Manhammer on this one.

By all means, you should leave a paedophilic, abusive and drug addicted man and especially if they won't seek professional help and change.

But the reality is you've proved that love is conditional. "I will love you as long as you don't do something I vehemently dislike".

At the end of the day you told you ex you loved him, but you left him (or he left you). You told your new BF you loved him but openly admit you wouldn't love him anymore if he was a paedophile. So ask yourself do you really love him?

The only person most women unconditionally love is their children.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

This is funny, you’re thinking about this too literally.

You derive pleasure from giving pleasure. Dopamine released in YOUR CEREBRAL CORTEX, it’s a normal reward mechanism. The act is not unconditional. Not sure where the disconnect is.

Unconditional love does not die, your love died two years later - your words - therefore it was not unconditional.

Logic.

Happy to go a few more rounds if you’d like, but at this point we are both talking at each other. Happy Friday.

Huh? Not sure what post you're referring to but that's not what I said at all, or believe.

My ex became abusive, I did NOT stop loving him, I stopped wanting to be in a relationship with him, so I left, I ended the relationship.

But I still loved him and continued to for two years until I fully healed.

My love was not based on him meeting certain conditions, my remaining in the relationship was. Not sure what's so difficult to understand about that.

@Pierce.Manhammer you can pick the mic back up. You said people give to get, like if I give my bf a BJ, I do it hoping he reciprocates by giving me oral sex.

Or if I give my bf a massage, I only do it because I want him to give me a massage.

If my boyfriend tells me he thinks I'm different from other girls he's dated, he only said it because he wants to hear that I think HE is different from the men I've dated.

That's what you wrote, unless I read it wrong but I don't think so.

And I'm saying no, I give my bf a BJ because I derive pleasure from the giving. I give my bf a massage because I derive pleasure from the giving.

NOT because I want those same things back from him.

He will reciprocate, it's called give and take, and no relationship will survive without it unless the person is some sort of martyr or masochist, which I'm definitely NOT.

But that's not why we give, hoping or wanting to get back. That's not what love is to me.

Hope that clarifies things.

You're free to disagree, different strokes and all that.

 

[Murk]

OK fair enough I see the point. In contrast, a parent's love never dies, therefore unconditional.

You're correct.

Unconditional love only comes from (GOOD) parents. A mother's love is very unique, there's nothing like it and nothing else compares. As someone who lost their mother young, I've made my peace that nobody will ever truly have my back. The best I can hope for is a doting wife that I have to keep happy or she will abandon me too.

 

[Bokanovsky]

He did. His previous post said they both agreed to meet at 2130 (9:30)..

The OP is obviously not a very good communicator (since he's struggling to clearly explain what has happened). I am going to presume that there was some misunderstanding.

Having said that, why do you even care, OP? She is older than you and not attractive. Stop wasting your time.

 

[Dazzlenuts]

she messaged me back the next day saying she don’t have patience. I’m supposed to meet her again tonight.

 

[BadBoy89]

She was supposed to pick me up from work around the time she sent that message. We agreed 2130 she sent that that text around 2130. She did state that she thought I wasn’t going to meet but I was super busy at work.

This sounds made up.

Can’t take a 2 min bathroom break at 8:30
Pm and say “sorry, work became super busy, let’s meet tomorrow, will make it up to you.”

OP is trolling or not telling the whole story.