Plate comes over, refuses sex so I sent her packing

[AJ84]

There is a limit to how long a man should wait. The point of dating is because both parties feel attraction which leads to sex.

If you are 30+ both parties know what dating is...….

The flip side of YOUR argument, is that a man who is willing to look elsewhere after 3-4 dates shows himself to be a high value man who can find what he needs elsewhere. The man who is willing to wait 12 dates shows himself to be a man with no other options. Women know this...….

There’s a limit of course, there should be. I’m not suggesting that men wait and wait and be strung along. 12 dates is kind of long, but hard and fast rules around sex after date 2 or 3 just seems extreme to me, and counterproductive in some ways, like disqualifying her for a rule that she was expected to follow, even if she was hot/nice/ feminine etc and for all he knew was waiting for the next date to have sex.

It’s like a woman saying if he doesn’t propose after one year of dating she’s gone. Does he know she wants to her married? Probably. Does he know she has set a deadline for him to propose or she dumps him? No. Is she showing high value by nexting him because she can find what she wants elsewhere?

We know he’s sexually interested if he asks us out. We know he wants sex. What we don’t know is that we may get dumped if we don’t put out after date 2 or 3 lol.

These are examples of rules both genders set up unbeknownst to the person they are with, who they expect to somehow know and follow lol.

But for guys who hold by that rule, there are lots of easy girls to date who don’t need 2 or 3 dates to warm up. If they focus on the easy girls then they don’t get disappointed by other girls who can’t read their minds.

 

[sazc]

If you are 30+ and aren't having sex by the 3rd or 4th date she is not that interested and is wasting your time. Move on.

3 or 4 dates isn't enough time to screen for a$$hole. So you bang on the third or 4th date and realize by the 6th date you have banged an a$$hole and decide to move on. So you start dating someone new, have 2 dates, bang on the third, find out he's unsavory by the 6th, move on, start dating someone new, have 2 dates, bang on the third, find out he's unsavory by the 6th, move on, etc, etc, etc, and continue to spread your legs for strangers hoping that you'll find a decent one....

Gross

 

[sazc]

You need to improve your screening process.

How? I'm not allowed to get to know him before I fvck him according to you guys

A$$hole/real personality doesn't generally show up for the actual date untill date 5/6. But by then....

 

[lamath]

Problem is imo

For men: lots of women just want attention even if not interested in you.
For women: Lots of men just want sex even of not really interested in her.

 

[AJ84]

I will be in bold

I’ll spread the word lol.
Do what works for you. I’m not saying wait and wait.
Ideally there’s sexual build up on each date that leads to sex. That’s A fun part of dating for a lot of women, build up. If she’s not responding to the sexual build up then she’s not into it. If she’s escalating with kisses etc and initiating physical contact that’s a good sign even if it’s past date 3. But you and every guy has the right to cap it off if you feel it is going too long, and every girl has the right not to put out when she’s not ready or not feeling it.
Some women need more of a build up and that time may not mesh well with what the guy wants. If it doesn’t then don’t stick around, but also don’t blame her if she’s not putting out within 5 dates. She either needs more of a build up or she’s not that into you and neither of those are her fault, it’s just how it is. Other girls may be a mesh with him.

 

[AJ84]

3 or 4 dates isn't enough time to screen for a$$hole. So you bang on the third or 4th date and realize by the 6th date you have banged an a$$hole and decide to move on. So you start dating someone new, have 2 dates, bang on the third, find out he's unsavory by the 6th, move on, start dating someone new, have 2 dates, bang on the third, find out he's unsavory by the 6th, move on, etc, etc, etc, and continue to spread your legs for strangers hoping that you'll find a decent one....

Gross

That’s tiring lol. Oops and then you’re accused of riding the **** carousel oh no.....

Damned if you do, damed if you don’t....

 

[AJ84]

I'm bold

I think we’re pretty much on the same page. Go for what you want and not waste time.

 

[lamath]

Im not a women but there is only 1 anwser here obv.

Better question would be

scenario 2 . A man asks you on a date, and you CANNOT believe your good luck. This guy is smoking hot! Good looks, great job, works out hard, killer body. All your girlfriends are jealous of you, they have been wishing for months he would ask them out. He is highly desired by women and can have his pick. If you knew he does not want a relationship or its gonna be a ONS

 

[AJ84]

I hope to get an honest answer from the ladies here...…..

Scenario 1. A man asks you out. He is NOT overly attractive, say average. He doesn't have an outstanding personality, job, etc, He doesn't seem to be attractive to many of you GF, or other women. Women just kinda pass him by with a shrug. Just "average" He asks you out......since it has been awhile since you have been on a date, you AGREE, event though though you aren't particularly attracted to him.......you figure "what the heck, can't hurt"

Scenario 2 . A man asks you on a date, and you CANNOT believe your good luck. This guy is smoking hot! Good looks, great job, works out hard, killer body. All your girlfriends are jealous of you, they have been wishing for months he would ask them out. He is highly desired by women and can have his pick.

Now, going into this scenario.........be HONEST...………..before you even go on the date !! How likely are you to consider sleeping with the man in scenario 1 vs Scenario 2.

Ok first off I don’t think Sazc nor I are saying we wouldn’t sleep with a man we date lol.

Scenario 1. If I was single and dating I would not waste time meeting up with a guy I’m not that interested in, when I could spend that time enjoying a glass of wine and Netflix, a good book, or time out with my friends.
For me, spending time with people (men or women), I’m not interested is mentally draining. So that scenario would not even happen for me and when I did date that’s how it was. I don’t like to waste his time nor mine if I know that I’m not excited about the potential of meeting him in the first place.

Scenario 2. Yes, sex is on the table and hopefully there will be some fun build up to that.

 

[lamath]

Ok first off I don’t think Sazc nor I are saying we wouldn’t sleep with a man we date lol.

Scenario 1. If I was single and dating I would not waste time meeting up with a guy I’m not that interested in, when I could spend that time enjoying a glass of wine and Netflix, a good book, or time out with my friends.
For me, spending time with people (men or women), I’m not interested is mentally draining. So that scenario would not even happen for me and when I did date that’s how it was. I don’t like to waste his time nor mine if I know that I’m not excited about the potential of meeting him in the first place.

Scenario 2. Yes, sex is on the table and hopefully there will be some fun build up to that.

Senario 1 might turn different if the interest level is just a tad bit higher, example someone smart and witty but average at best on looks.

Then a man can get either friend zoned or endless dates without anything more, and thats prob why they say no more than 3-4 date before sex.

 

[lamath]

From my experience women Interest level can change and change fast usually downhill and the longer it takes to get intimate the more chance you have to lose her interest,

 

[AJ84]

Senario 1 might turn different if the interest level is just a tad bit higher, example someone smart and witty but average at best on looks.

Then a man can get either friend zoned or endless dates without anything more, and thats prob why they say no more than 3-4 date before sex.

If there’s low interest then sex is less likely to happen regardless so yeah in that scenario 3 or 4 dates later and nothing, means nothing is going to happen. Hopefully the guy can pick up on the signs of low interest before date 2 or 3.

But if there’s interest from her, based on her actions, that she is attracted and there is some build up, is she dumped after date 4?

Because to me there’s a difference between no sex after 3 or 4 dates because she is not sexually interested, vs there’s sexual interest but she’s not quite there yet and needs more build up, which is where the guy can use some seduction to help get her to where she already almost is anyway .

But again, if a guy doesn’t want to wait that long regardless of knowing she is sexually interested, and doesn’t want to take the time to add more seduction, then don’t, if if feels like a waste of time.

Part of the challenge, which you touched in an earlier post is screening out people who are just using you, for men it would be women using him for free meals, or orbitors or whatever and for women it’s being used for sex.

It’s messy sometimes. I can see how set rules can seem like a good strategy, and probably work in some situations, but relying on concrete rules can run the risk missing some opportunities if people get stuck on rules to the exclusion of everything else, in particular signs that she is sexually interested.

 

[AJ84]

AJ84, thanks for your honest reply. This solidifies my stance that if a woman doesn't have sex with you in the first few dates, she is not that attracted to you and you should move on.

That is not to say she is a "bad"person…....but why keep beating your head against the wall, right?

I didn’t say how many dates before I would have sex lol.

Look, I know what you’re getting at. And I agree that if there is no interest, do not waste time.

Read my last post, I hope that clarifies what I’m trying to say.

 

[lamath]

I agree....I don't have rules set in stone. But I do have a limit.....and that won't depend always on a "number" of dates, but of her interest levels, and how good of a fit I feel we are as well. Having said that, I know when to stop calling and asking out. Then she can do 100% of the pursuing, or she can not.

Limit on interest level is the way to go i agree

 

[lizardking82]

Short update on the situation:

She has since that day, blocked or deleted me on all social media, probably blocked me on Whatsapp, etc. No word from her, no word from me either. I feel more calm overall.

Her influence was more troubling than soothing.