Pics with other guys

[luber873]

GF goes back for college homecoming. How would you handle pics with another guys she "misses"? This is the second time she's posted a pic with another guy on FB when her family/friends know she's in a relationship with me (though not FB "official"). It's arm around each others backs, her forehead pushed against his cheek type of pictures too.

**** test because she always says I don't care enough about her?

 

[betheman]

lots of things going on here really.
1, she is telling and showing the world, she has a selection of men to chose from, increasing her own sense of worth and promoting it openly.

2, sh!t testing you, keeping you in check, keeping you on your toes, letting you know that if you mess up, one of these guys ****s will be inside her in the blink of an eye.

3, although you two are in a relationship, she is keeping her options open, wide open, she is also, subconciously inviting other...'suitors' to make a play for her, and if they do and its a better deal...she is off!

of course all this is dressed up as 'just friends', I never buy that for a second. she is doing what you should be doing, try putting a pic of you and an attractive girl with her head in your neck, see how that floats

 

[luber873]

So how do you handle it? Brush it off so you don't come across as jealous/needy? These two dudes are supposedly friends she hasn't seen for a long time.

 

[luber873]

I almost never initiate contact or texts with her. Got a text yesterday "just thought of you miss you " and a call at 2am that I ignored. I'll try to cut back even more.

 

[SamTheHobit]

So how do you handle it? Brush it off so you don't come across as jealous/needy? These two dudes are supposedly friends she hasn't seen for a long time.

If it's bothering you, then you should tell her it's disrespectful.

You shouldn't give a fvck how you come across.

I get the feeling ill be seeing you in the no contact challenge thread in the near future.

 

[luber873]

I get the feeling ill be seeing you in the no contact challenge thread in the near future.

Perhaps.

I already flipped out on this girl earlier this year and she came back. We've had probably the best week since we dated too which sucks (sex 1-2 times we hang out) and she does A LOT of great things for me. She's air headed and probably doesn't even think twice about how this affects me.

 

[betheman]

the worst thing you can do is get all butthurt and show her how upset you are about this, she might be an air head but her subconscious isnt. dont go too all in on the withdrawal of attention either, you can go too far. you need to have other options and she has to know you have them, subtely.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

She's already cheated. Dump her fast.

 

[luber873]

Met up with her for a bit and told her it was disrespectful. She was receptive and said if the roles were swapped she would be upset too. Still feel like I gave up a lot of power and it might be a lost cause after all this.

 

[zinc4]

tell her you want some space and the go no contact UNLESS she begs for you to change your mind....show her you will drop her just like that...and if she doesn't beg then go through with it...... a guessing she will beg and delete the pics if she really likes you and then you will have your power back...

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Posting pics like that is very disrespectful to you. Fvck that $hit. It should bother you. Like was earlier posted, maybe that was her point. If she really was fvcking him and trying to hide it from you, then she wouldn't be posting pictures of the two of them together, right? She may be using him as a pawn. Either way, your relationship at this point isn't a healthy one.

One way to look at it (her way): you need to keep your girl on a tight leash because she may stray. Make sure you treat her right so she doesn't have a reason to.

Another way: She's all about you but she's insecure, so she needs to make you feel jealous because she's unsure if you are committed to her as much as she is to you.


Either way, she shouldn't be posting those pics.

 

[luber873]

She's all about you but she's insecure, so she needs to make you feel jealous because she's unsure if you are committed to her as much as she is to you.

She's extremely insecure. Her friends have told me she absolutely did not want a relationship with any guy until she met me and has only had one other guy meet her family so I'm pretty sure she's all about me.

I don't think she cheated. She said this was her good friend XXXXX from college and they'd always hang out and do things together (beta orbiter?) and her taking a picture and posting it "means nothing" which I know is chick-speak. If it means nothing, why post it? But logic fails...

The other picture she posted was of a guy she claims to have met on an airplane once. She also commented how great it was seeing him again. Clear as day for me to see. That doesn't pass the gut test either frankly.

She told me she feels like we're in a relationship 2-3 days a week and when we're together it's great and she loves being with me. But since I don't blow up her phone or verbalize how much I care about her all the time she feels like I honestly do not care. She also has little to no pictures of her with other guys on her FB and has ONLY posted these two since we've been exclusive (about a month after she asked she started this).

I don't know if I've weakened my position severely by verbalizing this is disrespectful or if it'll strengthen us.

 

[djdfuser]

I'd walk. Any woman who behaves like this when you're supposed to be exclusive isn't worth it, mate. Sorry.

 

[betheman]

... She also has little to no pictures of her with other guys on her FB and has ONLY posted these two since we've been exclusive (about a month after she asked she started this).

I don't know if I've weakened my position severely by verbalizing this is disrespectful or if it'll strengthen us.

why post them just after you become exclusive? Id be prepared to bail on this one personally, ps. posting both your ages would help

 

[luber873]

why post them just after you become exclusive? Id be prepared to bail on this one personally, ps. posting both your ages would help

Because she's very insecure and doesn't feel like I care about her at all is the only thing I can think of.


Am I wrong here? I've sought advice from some buddies and all but one said this is disrespectful and I should walk. One of my friends says this is a test, girls will flirt and get hit on and I should just act cool and indifferent.

I told her in a cool, calm way this was disrespectful and isn't how a girl in a relationship acts. I've never seen this from other people in a relationship I'm friends with nor has any other girl I've dated done this. I didn't want to come across as "beta" but you have to draw lines somewhere.

 

[luber873]

Also. 26 me and 23 her.

 

[soulforge]

She is using social media to increase her value and make you feel anxious and chase and give up your power.

Don't fall for it. Withdraw some of your attention, be less available, and as the poster above said, give her a taste of her own medicine and post a few pics of your own. OR, if you don't want to get involved in the silly games, just withdraw 50% of your attention, respond to her texts and calls but cut your own contact initiating in half.

As one poster here always says

"The only way to punish a woman is to withdraw your attention"


Try it and see what happens..........if she leaves? She was going to anyways.

seriously is there any point in engaging in a relationship with a woman who carries on like this...

i mean what kind of shiit is she going to pull on him futher down the line.

yeh i get the feeling will be seeing you in the no contact thread soon too

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

This. Listen to this wisdom. She couldn't even stop herself from showing blatant skin-on-skin contact. The picture is for the guy, not you.

So she's cheating....You're pretty sure of it?

 

[luber873]

I don't think she cheated. The first pic was a friend she hasn't seen for a long time from another state who has a GF too. The second was a friend from college who lives 4 hours away.

I do think I really set myself up for failure however. I decided to go the "talking" route which basically ended up with us talking about this 3 times in 2 days, all while both of us brought up previous issues. She said we need to talk more and she needs to understand relationship boundaries. I made the mistake of saying a picture shouldn't bother me and that's something I need to work on (verbalizing it made me insecure).

She's a very insecure girl and was actually on the verge of walking from the relationship one night when I didn't answer a phone call from her. So I tried the talking route as she still feels I don't care enough about her but that may have back fired.

 

[luber873]

100% sure after reading Lubers update too

How so? She knows if she cheated I'd drop her ass in a heartbeat. I dropped her ass earlier this year for breaking plans with me.