Picking up girls with a lot of people around

[jboyd5]

I was at the school bookstore today and this 8/10 girl was looking for her books in the same isle. She looked me at a few times, and I knew there was an attraction there. I ended up in line right behind her, and she was standing sideways to me more than half the time looking out of the side of her eye at me.

My dilemma is that store was packed and the line was snaked so everyone was close together, no one talking. I feel my confidence in these situations isn't strong enough to pick her up in front of everyone. I know that if it is successful, it would look god like to the other guys standing around listening.

Has anyone else been in a position like this? How did you end up improving for times like these?

 

[Rainman4707]

I know that feeling, work on your confidence. I was the same as you until I had the mentality of feel the fear & do it anyway that is a book by susan Jeffers. I reconmmend you read it. Fear trys to disable you at the most crucial times in your life. I hate fear. I used to rage at myself when fear got the better of me. I knew I would regret it if I let fear get the better of me, so i felt fear & acted anyway.

Speak to her is the most important thing. Try to get a meet with her. Tell her (don't ask her) to come for a coffee with you, or if not possible get her number. Practice makes perfect.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

"Hey, what classes are those for?" ...while pointing at her books.

You're on your own from there.

 

[marmel75]

You coulda just cracked a joke to break the ice about waiting in line, then it would have led to conversing and then once you got outside you could have gotten her number or taken her on an instadate...instead now you are here posting about what could have been

 

[beforeimgone]

I was at the school bookstore today and this 8/10 girl was looking for her books in the same isle. She looked me at a few times, and I knew there was an attraction there. I ended up in line right behind her, and she was standing sideways to me more than half the time looking out of the side of her eye at me.

My dilemma is that store was packed and the line was snaked so everyone was close together, no one talking. I feel my confidence in these situations isn't strong enough to pick her up in front of everyone. I know that if it is successful, it would look god like to the other guys standing around listening.

Has anyone else been in a position like this? How did you end up improving for times like these?

Fortune favors the bold. If she doesn't want you hit on the chick behind you

 

[El Payaso]

Maybe she kept looking at you because you were too close to her in the line.

 

[btownbuck2012]

My dilemma is that store was packed and the line was snaked so everyone was close together, no one talking. I feel my confidence in these situations isn't strong enough to pick her up in front of everyone. I know that if it is successful, it would look god like to the other guys standing around listening.

As others have already stated, fortune favors the bold. Just do it.

You'll feel better about yourself here if you would have tried and got embarrassed than not taking any action at all.

Also, why do you care if it looks good to other guys standing in line? Do you need validation from a group of strangers you probably won't ever see again?

I'm not trying to dis you here. But think about that - why is that so important to you?

 

[EmotionalGeek]

I know that feeling, work on your confidence. I was the same as you until I had the mentality of feel the fear & do it anyway that is a book by susan Jeffers. I reconmmend you read it. Fear trys to disable you at the most crucial times in your life. I hate fear. I used to rage at myself when fear got the better of me. I knew I would regret it if I let fear get the better of me, so i felt fear & acted anyway.

Speak to her is the most important thing. Try to get a meet with her. Tell her (don't ask her) to come for a coffee with you, or if not possible get her number. Practice makes perfect.

Can you list main points od Susan Jeffer's book?

 

[Reykhel]

Has anyone else been in a position like this? How did you end up improving for times like these?

It's always important to diagnose the malady before one can find an appropriate solution..

You've done that: You fear talking in public spaces when there are strangers about.

Obviously, the more you expose yourself to these scenarios the more you will, little by little, overcome this (fear)..

It's just like if you were the sort of person who seeks others' approval. The key to overcoming this would be..
1. Purposely, put yourself in situations where your likely to receive disapproval
2. Use observing ego (i.e. be present and notice how you believe it's making you feel )
3. Recognize in that moment that "it" can't make you feel anything, you are free to choose your responses (proactive)
4. Choose an appropriate response based on your philosophy (your frame) regardless of the disapproval you may or may not receive (hint: this is not to choose a response that purposely goes against the disapproval, but rather not to base your response on the approval or disapproval you may or may not receive.

With regards to your specific situation it could be best to develop situational frames in such cases.

For example, you reflect on your situation and reframe it. Imagine you started chatting to the girl and she was interested. Imagine that maybe you got some (interested) glares from the people in the line.....maybe some of them are impressed? maybe some of them are angry? maybe they think your a fool? maybe they are judging you? You don't know as you're not a mind reader. Realizing this, you shrug and continue chatting to the girl. You suggest a quick drink and she accepts. Depending on logistics you either 1. Escalate and close (get her home) or 2. Get her details and arrange a day 2 (then see 1. Escalate and close)........
.....now you are lying in bed naked with chick, after some great sex. Her clothes are on the floor of your bedroom and she is purring very content and you reflect..........you think back to that line in the bookstore......
....what was it you were thinking that those people, those strangers, may or may not have been thinking? You cannot even recall their faces clearly. They all seem like a blur...

The key is to have this as your situational frame so it flashes across your mind in a millisecond. Recognize "when I have her back at mine, naked, these people will all seem like a blur and oh so irrelevant.....

...in the present, they will become like a blur and oh so irrelevant.

 

[bigneil]

It's a form of stage fright. You are brave enough to risk rejection with girls, but not the whole room.

Instead, use the situation to your advantage. You are simply complimenting her in front of everyone, but keep it as brief as possible.

Example:
Just ask "Are you single?" and smile. If she says yes, say "write your number down".

 

[jboyd5]

Also, why do you care if it looks good to other guys standing in line? Do you need validation from a group of strangers you probably won't ever see again?

I'm not trying to dis you here. But think about that - why is that so important to you?

This \/

You are brave enough to risk rejection with girls, but not the whole room.

 

[bigneil]

You want to get to the point where all the girls like you, so if you ask one out she says "Of course!!" and after you leave the other girls all huddle and high five her.

 

[beforeimgone]

I deny the merit or some of that statement but i once watched a bold guy launch a sled down a steep cliff that ended badly for him.

So young man i would say fortune favors the wise.
Haha so be wise first then you will be bold.

Fvck that.

 

[Reykhel]

Just ask "Are you single?" and smile. If she says yes, say "write your number down".

I've never understand this asking a girl if she is single ****e.

Who gives a fvck if she is single or not. We're not looking to marry the bytch.

Let her bring that ****e up. Why broach the subject.

Anyway, she could have a few casual things going on, so no boyfriend, but not actually single....so it's kind of an
awkward question......

Plough ahead, assume interest......make observational statements rather than questions at the beginning of the interaction....
too many men bundle in asking her question after question seeking to build rapport........well gents, attraction is in breaking the rapport...not in seeking it from the beginning. Kissing her azz.........

Make an observation, make an assumption about her......tease her on her choice of (book in this case)....forget the rapport building questions until she hooks and starts asking you a question........

 

[Reykhel]

Can you list main points od Susan Jeffer's book?

She names five "truths" about fear
http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/5truths.cfm

contemplate them.

Also, there's a ton of things that people can feel fear about........from death, to speaking in public, to answering the phone, to losing a job, breaking up........you name it.....

....but basically she says it all boils down to the belief that "I cannot handle it" (whatever the fear)......this is the basic belief that it's stemming from......
A mantra needs to be developed against this one insidious fear....."whatever happens to me in what ever situation.....I'll handle it"

I'll handle it is the answer to all of your "what if" based fears....

Feeling anxiety because......."what if I lose my job?"........I'll handle it
......."what if I mess this approach up?" ....I'll handle it
......"what if people laugh at me?" ......I'll handle it
........................"what if my girlfriend cheats on me?" .....no worries I'll handle it...

......whatever fvcking happens, I'll handle it.

I'd recommend the book...
I'd also recommend the 50th law.

 

[guru1000]

She names five "truths" about fear
http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/5truths.cfm

contemplate them.

Also, there's a ton of things that people can feel fear about........from death, to speaking in public, to answering the phone, to losing a job, breaking up........you name it.....

....but basically she says it all boils down to the belief that "I cannot handle it" (whatever the fear)......this is the basic belief that it's stemming from......
A mantra needs to be developed against this one insidious fear....."whatever happens to me in what ever situation.....I'll handle it"

I'll handle it is the answer to all of your "what if" based fears....

Feeling anxiety because......."what if I lose my job?"........I'll handle it
......."what if I mess this approach up?" ....I'll handle it
......"what if people laugh at me?" ......I'll handle it
........................"what if my girlfriend cheats on me?" .....no worries I'll handle it...

......whatever fvcking happens, I'll handle it.

I'd recommend the book...
I'd also recommend the 50th law.

I'd go further to state learn to get comfortable in being in uncomfortable situations.

Once we abandon the notion that we need to feel "secure," "safe" or in a homeostatic state--and embrace change, alternate realities, rejection, and failure--we live without anxiety or fear.

 

[Reykhel]

I'd go further to state learn to get comfortable in being in uncomfortable situations.

Once we abandon the notion that we need to feel "secure," "safe" or in a homeostatic state--and embrace change, alternate realities, rejection, and failure--we live without anxiety or fear.

Exactly.

Yeah the book goes into that. Expanding your comfort zone. Basically feeling the fear while your outside of your comfort zone and instead of running from it, do the thing that your feeling uncomfortable with........and repeat...
....the next time, the uncomfortable will feel a little less uncomfortable but not totally. Repeat until this uncomfortable situation becomes "comfortable". You've now pushed through your fear and expanded "your comfort zone".

But like she states....the "fear" of new situations, experiences etc never goes away. Feel it, acknowledge it, and do the thing despite the fear...

Embrace the chaos.

Anti fragile would be a good follow up to.

"Do the thing and you shall have the power" Emerson

 

[EmotionalGeek]

She names five "truths" about fear
http://www.susanjeffers.com/home/5truths.cfm

contemplate them.

Also, there's a ton of things that people can feel fear about........from death, to speaking in public, to answering the phone, to losing a job, breaking up........you name it.....

....but basically she says it all boils down to the belief that "I cannot handle it" (whatever the fear)......this is the basic belief that it's stemming from......
A mantra needs to be developed against this one insidious fear....."whatever happens to me in what ever situation.....I'll handle it"

I'll handle it is the answer to all of your "what if" based fears....

Feeling anxiety because......."what if I lose my job?"........I'll handle it
......."what if I mess this approach up?" ....I'll handle it
......"what if people laugh at me?" ......I'll handle it
........................"what if my girlfriend cheats on me?" .....no worries I'll handle it...

......whatever fvcking happens, I'll handle it.

I'd recommend the book...
I'd also recommend the 50th law.

Thanks for detailed answers. I dodaje not understand what's 50th law though. Did you mean 5th law or something else?

 

[Reykhel]

what's 50th law

Robert Greene w/ Curtis Jackson (50 cent) The 50th Law of Power

 

[devilkingx2]

As long as you talk at a normal volume most people won't care what you're saying or talking about other than the person you're talking to.

Game her lightly until you're a little more secluded though since you don't want an audience for that