picking up a girl in 1 min VS 15 minutes

[pyros]

Hello.

I met this chick last week in a salsa club. She asked me for a dance, and she also asked me the previous week. This time when we finished (she was all the time smiling and looking directly in my eyes) I asked her name, introduced myself and got her number, all this in 1-2 minutes max.

Three days later, today, I texted her, gave her some small talk and asked her out but she said that she would like to JUST meet me in the salsa club, so she's not interested in going out to have a drink or anything, ok whatever, but...

do you think it would have been different if instead of getting her number in 1 minute, I had spoken to her for longer, lets say 15 minutes, exchange some personal information ...etc?
Do you think it makes any difference to grab a girl's number very fast versus talking to her for some minutes....and then grab it?

I think that if she was available and she liked me it would not matter but I wonder.


Thanks.

 

[n52]

I would say it depends how frequently you have seen each other at the lessons? If you've exchanged small talk at most of the lesson's I don't see how it would have made a difference. If this was the first time talking to her, depending on what her personality is like I think it could have made a difference.

Perhaps this girl wasn't interested as maybe she is currently seeing someone? Maybe she is genuinely interested in the salsa and wants to learn to dance, rather than hook up with guys. I would say judge everything by what she does rather than what she says, and judging by the fact she only wanted to see you at salsa lessons I'd definitely hold off trying to get her out for a short while. If she still seems keen in a week or two, try again. That way you will find out specifically if she wants to go for it or not.

In general I wouldn't agree with the fact that all women are the same and that specific tactics work on every woman because they don't. It all depends on the type of girl and the situation, some would like to know a bit about you first and some are risk takers and will just go for it. Over time you will learn to judge this when in a situation.

 

[Vice]

Sometimes it does make a difference, sometimes it doesn't make a difference.

But if you can, try to spend more time talking to her in order to obtain more of a connection.

Obviously there are times where you only have a few seconds or minutes to get the number, such as stop lights, traffic jams, leaving an area, etc.

 

[dasein]

Don't use text to ask out and you'd already have your answer. She would probably have volunteered her reason on the phone, and if she didn't you could have asked directly. Start using phone to ask out instead of text and you will not have these types of problems in the future. Good luck.

 

[Yewki]

You're basically asking if she would have been more into you if she had got to know you better. So it depends on who you are and how you present yourself, but I think generally speaking yes.

 

[gravityeyelids]

In general, YES. This was a huge sticking point for me. Back when i believed that numbers actually meant something and that getting a number was actually an accomplishment, i'd go up introduce myself, talk for like 30 seconds, number close and leave.

Problem is girls will generally give their number to almost anyone, even if they have no intention of following up. I mean think about it: what's less embarassing? Telling an awkward guy "no!" right to his face and making a scene or just giving it out and ignoring him once he texts? Plus they get an ego boost from giving out their number and shooting guys down.

Especially if it's night game and people are drinking...she's not gonna remember some guy who talked to her for like half a minute and then left, unless he makes a HUUGE impression on her.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

In general, YES. This was a huge sticking point for me. Back when i believed that numbers actually meant something and that getting a number was actually an accomplishment, i'd go up introduce myself, talk for like 30 seconds, number close and leave.

Problem is girls will generally give their number to almost anyone, even if they have no intention of following up. I mean think about it: what's less embarassing? Telling an awkward guy "no!" right to his face and making a scene or just giving it out and ignoring him once he texts? Plus they get an ego boost from giving out their number and shooting guys down.

Especially if it's night game and people are drinking...she's not gonna remember some guy who talked to her for like half a minute and then left, unless he makes a HUUGE impression on her.

Quoted for emphasis.

DID SOMEBODY SAY TEH EGO BOOST!!!! :cheer:

 

[Turuwal]

You already had attraction and you used it to do the most important thing which is to organise logistics. Social pressures and her own comfort level with you dictate that she can't just come right out and go on a date with you.

Interract socially just enough so that she knows she can trust you, then isolate and escalate physically to figure out if she is into you or just into the ego boost.

 

[JohnnyStorm]

I believe up to a certain level, the actual time spent with her is immaterial. It depends on the connection you both made with each other in that time and how intense it was.

You could argue that 1-2 minues of dancing or even accidentally bumping into a woman and then getting her number would facilitate a stronger "connection" and emotional significance than say, trying to chat someone up at a bus stop or whatever.

But on the other hand, you are a complete randomer. She's probably just playing it safe and expects to see you at salsa anyway so she can get to know you through there.
That's just my two cents anyway.

Don't make a big deal out of it anyway. Go to salsa, talk to others and her and just see how things progress.

On another note: As someone who can't/won't dance, how terrifying is salsa for beginners? lol

 

[DragonBlood]

This is a slippery slope but the amount of time spent building a connection does make a difference.

If you straight up ask a girl out based on looks you will get the IHAB excuse all the time. Anywhere in the 2-5min range should be enough if shes interested. You basically want to do SOME amount of light hearted qualifying first before the offer, even if its just casual conversation.

 

[TheGambino]

You have to connect with a girl (or you must be very good looking, then you can be the mysterious guy who quickly approaches, number closes and disappears)

If youre average and approach 7+s only, connect with the girls for example if she tells you she loves animals and has doggs, tell her that you do to. Flirt and connect with the girl.

Works best in my experience for sure!

 

[pyros]

I believe up to a certain level, the actual time spent with her is immaterial. It depends on the connection you both made with each other in that time and how intense it was.

You could argue that 1-2 minues of dancing or even accidentally bumping into a woman and then getting her number would facilitate a stronger "connection" and emotional significance than say, trying to chat someone up at a bus stop or whatever.

But on the other hand, you are a complete randomer. She's probably just playing it safe and expects to see you at salsa anyway so she can get to know you through there.
That's just my two cents anyway.

Don't make a big deal out of it anyway. Go to salsa, talk to others and her and just see how things progress.

On another note: As someone who can't/won't dance, how terrifying is salsa for beginners? lol

thanks. Its not terrifying, but if you go to 'dance' when you have 0 skill its just awkward and pretty boring and girls will look at you thinking you're an idiot. If you go to salsa lessons to learn, thats ok, nothing traumatic about it.

 

[PlayHer Man]

As long as you pedestalize the female you will always lose.

This is a classic example of assuming you did something wrong because you didn't get the result you wanted.

The reality is a woman who is sexually attracted to you will WANT to go out with you. And it doesn't matter if you spoke to her for 1 minute or 15 minutes. Honestly.. less is more. High value men with options don't need to pander. If it takes you 15 minutes to close then its clear you are "auditioning" for her approval instead of just being blunt like you should be.

The longer you talk the less confident you are. The less confident you are the more beta you are. The more beta you are the more likely you will get friendzoned or become an orbiter.

Women decide pretty soon if they are sexually attracted to a man. They know almost right away.. just like men. When value comes up (money and status) that is more attractive because of how she can utilize the man. These things don't make her vagina tingle though. This is why many rich and famous men STILL get raped by ungrateful ex-wives in divorce court.

 

[Turuwal]

Great advice PlayHer Man.

I'd be inclined to say also that even if a woman is sexually attracted to you, she may still play games if she thinks that she can get some extra advantage from you such as money and status. This is why, almost paradoxically, pretending to be unemployed and being downright unreliable can at times result in getting sex quicker.

 

[Purefilth]

my best pickups are - in quick, number close, dip out. minimal time.

spending longer on first contact will not increase your chances of getting her into bed.