Physical ideal as neighbor.

[HelpYourself]

Let me say this isn't a one-it-is as I think about other women, find other women attractive, have dated women, would date other women. She's just my physical 10.

I didn't talk to her in high school. Different social circles. Didn't not get along either. Just would say "hi" to each other in the halls. She wasn't the hot girl. She had a bf, and most guys would have described her as cute/pretty/girlnextdoor, but she wasn't one of the girls guys fantasized about, including myself. I was busy worrying about the snobby hot girls. Yeah, I know, I know.

Anyway, I came across her myspace profile through mutual friends a couple years ago, and long story short, I went AFC on her. Before I went AFC, I asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime, she said yeah, that she's busy at the moment but that she would love to catch up and would let me know when. Of course, I assumed she was just blowing me off nicely (turns out she wasn't. That's why I think the generalizations and women-bashing on this site, while true in a lot of cases, can come back to bite you in the a$$) and went all paranoid on her and asked her "Why can't you just tell me you don't want to hang out?"

The rest, you can imagine, I'm sure. I told her how depressed I was (I was really depressed at the time) and tried to guilt her into coming over my house or calling me, but of course I just scared her off.

Eventually I let go (a few weeks later), tried contacting her months later, you could tell she was still creeped out by the comments I had made months earlier. Tried contacting her months from then...this being in February...no response. Haven't tried since.

What I also didn't tell you was that when I was talking to her, she had a weight problem. And apparently she lost it for the most part (Anyone who wants to see the pic, I'll send in private message or AIM.) Now it's hard for me to take knowing my physical ideal, with the weight lost, is living down the street from me.

It's also hard to take that she's judging me based on bad online game, and not because she finds me unattractive.

The only thing I can do I guess, and I want to know if this is a good idea...is to befriend people she knows, and eventually, casually bring her up and see if the person can arrange something, that way it doesn't look obvious and she can just see "HelpYourself is hot and not a creep."

Any other ideas? And I'm also curious to see what you guys would rate her. I won't post it here for privacy.

 

[djinhell]

Let me say this isn't a one-it-is as I think about other women, find other women attractive, have dated women, would date other women. She's just my physical 10.

I didn't talk to her in high school. Different social circles. Didn't not get along either. Just would say "hi" to each other in the halls. She wasn't the hot girl. She had a bf, and most guys would have described her as cute/pretty/girlnextdoor, but she wasn't one of the girls guys fantasized about, including myself. I was busy worrying about the snobby hot girls. Yeah, I know, I know.

Anyway, I came across her myspace profile through mutual friends a couple years ago, and long story short, I went AFC on her. Before I went AFC, I asked her if she wanted to hang out sometime, she said yeah, that she's busy at the moment but that she would love to catch up and would let me know when. Of course, I assumed she was just blowing me off nicely (turns out she wasn't. That's why I think the generalizations and women-bashing on this site, while true in a lot of cases, can come back to bite you in the a$$) and went all paranoid on her and asked her "Why can't you just tell me you don't want to hang out?"

The rest, you can imagine, I'm sure. I told her how depressed I was (I was really depressed at the time) and tried to guilt her into coming over my house or calling me, but of course I just scared her off.
Eventually I let go (a few weeks later), tried contacting her months later, you could tell she was still creeped out by the comments I had made months earlier. Tried contacting her months from then...this being in February...no response. Haven't tried since.

What I also didn't tell you was that when I was talking to her, she had a weight problem. And apparently she lost it for the most part (Anyone who wants to see the pic, I'll send in private message or AIM.) Now it's hard for me to take knowing my physical ideal, with the weight lost, is living down the street from me.

It's also hard to take that she's judging me based on bad online game, and not because she finds me unattractive.

The only thing I can do I guess, and I want to know if this is a good idea...is to befriend people she knows, and eventually, casually bring her up and see if the person can arrange something, that way it doesn't look obvious and she can just see "HelpYourself is hot and not a creep."
Any other ideas? And I'm also curious to see what you guys would rate her. I won't post it here for privacy.

Dude, despite you saying this isn't oneitis, It is!!

Totally forget about her! do not commit time and effort into plotting and scheming to get with her, that is TOTAL afc oneitis behavious!!!

The best thing to do is just STOP!! totally forget about her! say FVCK it!!! focus on other girls.

I know its hard to do, a lot of us have been there. but for your own insanity, cut her off, and stop thinking about her!

 

[HelpYourself]

"I think about other women, find other women attractive, have dated women, would date other women."

I don't think she is the only one. It's just like, pick your hottest celebrity. She lives down the street from you and has a bad opinion of you not in looks and personality but of a harmless screw-up. While you're meeting other women, wouldn't you do your best on the side to find a way to be around her and correct her image of you, which can be easily done if she saw you in person?

 

[King Turi]

My honest advice is to forget about her.

But if you must, just talk to her / act normal.
Don't be all apologetic about anything if you talk to her, just act as if nothin' happened, see if she wants to chill sometime.

Don't get her mates involved.

 

[Warrior74]

The only thing I can do I guess, and I want to know if this is a good idea...is to befriend people she knows, and eventually, casually bring her up and see if the person can arrange something, that way it doesn't look obvious and she can just see "HelpYourself is hot and not a creep.".

The stalk is strong with this one. Seriously man how creepy is that..befriend people she knows just to get close to her? You think she won't know your game? People know man. I've seen it with the hot chics I know, guys who try to hang around and befriend everyone just to get close to them, its pathetic and people talk about that guy behind his back and never let him into the circle completely. He puts off a creepy vibe because he's not sincere in his friendship.

You showed all of your weaknesses and bad side. Who wants to hang out with some needy, depressed, paranoid stalker type? Nobody! You need to go live your life...meet some new women and learn from your mistakes and forget about this one. NEXT. Are you man enough to walk away son?

 

[HelpYourself]

You guys are right. However, wouldn't you guys be frustrated if a girl you'd do anything to f*** wasn't giving you a chance based on bad online game and previous depression problems? This was late 2007...I hadn't even been on a date with a woman yet and was still the kind of guy that talked dirty to girls or talked dirty to girls from different states on myspace and begged local fatties to meet me. I was way off. Not just with her. I have my issues now like anyone else, but I'm not doing any of that sh*t anymore and have met attractive women since.

It's frustrating that a previous loser version of myself blew it, not because of real-life bad game, not because she didn't like my looks, but because of showing her my previous bad side online. I know for a fact if she saw me in person things would be different. She's just one of those "Oh I have plenty of friends in real life, why would I need to make one online" kind of people even though she isn't a HB.

I'm not putting her on a pedestal because I don't think her and I would be a match. We were childhood friends. My mom and her mom were friends. Even with my AFC, needy, depressed ****, if she were a truly kind person (given that I wasn't a stranger) she would have at least called my mom and asked if I was ok, even if she didn't want to hang out.

I just want to bang what I consider a 10. I'm open to finding new 10s, I look every time I leave the house or go to a function, but when a 10 (to you) is living 2 minutes by foot, it's hard to forget about her.