Phone Tactics

[BGC]

Here's an issue of phone tactics. I imagine we will get a variety of thoughts, but maybe we can reach a consensus.

You want to get ahold of a girl that you've just begun seeing. It's way too early to ask or expect her to call you back. (My thought is after you're sleeping together you can expect a girl to call you back, not before.)

Now five days ago you had a date with this girl, and you've duly waited this long to call.

So you call in the evening.

And her machine comes on.

What do you do?

You can:

a) leave a brief message saying you obviously missed her, but you'll call back tomorrow.

b) don't leave a message -- and try back in three hours.

c) don't leave a message -- and try back the following day.

d) don't leave a message -- and try back in two days.

e) don't leave a message -- and try back in a number of days.


Here's what I've been doing, and why.

I've been leaving a brief message along these lines, "Hey, --, how're doin'? It's ---. I seemed to have missed you tonight, but I'll try to each you tomorrow. Bye bye."

Here's why I've been doing this.

First, I wait a long time to call the chicks.

And since I wait a long time (sometimes a week), I know the chick has been thinking about me. In fact, I know that as the days stretch on she starts kind of worrying over whether or not I might have unloaded her.

So my reasoning is that when they finally get home and hear that message, they are very relieved. And they are happy. And they are thinking about me, calling and leaving that message, and they are also thinking about how I will call back the next day -- and all these thoughts are good and make them happy.

Second, a lot of chicks have caller ID. So they KNOW you called. And I think it would just look weak if you call once and don't leave a message. They'll think you must not have had anything worthwhile to say.

So I leave that brief message saying I'll call back the next day (even if it's still early in the evening and I COULD call back that night -- I make them wait so I'm a big fukking challenge).

I don't use the pay phone tactic that AD advises because I don't think most people get calls very often from pay phones, and I think a chick will put two and two together very quickly and realize it's you calling from a pay phone, and will begin to think you might be a creep or that you're insecure if you're always calling from a pay phone.

And also I believe I've got to leave a message because if I don't it might be another week before I actually talk to them on the phone -- and by that point it could have been TWO weeks since our last date. And two weeks is just plain too long to go without talking to a girl you're dating. That's an insult and I think it won't make you look like a challenge, it will just make you look like a jerk.


But now the situation gets a little less certain if you call back the next day and she ISN'T IN.

Do you leave a message again, saying, hey, just calling to see if you're in, etc?

No. Fukk no. No need. I think we'll all agree on that. Nothing new to say.

But now here's the sticking issue.

Do you call back again the next day?

That's the rub of it.

This issue really has me thinking (partly 'cause I'm in this situation right now!).

My feeling on this is that you DON'T call the next day.

My feeling right now is that you wait ANOTHER WEEK to call back.

Here's why.

First, she might have caller ID. And how weak would it look if you called her on THREE CONSECUTIVE days? It would make you seem desperate, to my mind.

But also, sometimes chicks have people who call at a certain time of the day, and a call that comes in at a time when she doesn't usually get calls might make her kind of think that it was you who called.

But also there's this point. If you call on two consecutive days and miss her -- and then you don't call back for ANOTHER WEEK, she's gonna realize she has to work hard to get you.

Maybe next time she'll even stay home waiting by the phone. You never know. Some chicks might do this if their interest level is high enough, I think.

So the issue here is, how long do you wait after calling on the second consecutive day before you call again.

Should it really be a FULL WEEK?

For instance, you call and leave your brief message (five or six or seven days after your last date) on a Tuesday.

Wednesday you call back again, but miss her, so you don't leave a message.

What day do you call back next?

My gut tells me Wednesday or Thursday of NEXT WEEK. Because after all, you're in huge demand, you're dating five women, your time is very valuable, etc., etc.

Whatchy'all think?

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"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing."

--George Bernard Shaw

 

[DJ de Florida]

I've been leaving a brief message along these lines, "Hey, --, how're doin'? It's ---. I seemed to have missed you tonight, but I'll try to each you tomorrow. Bye bye."


My script is almost the same except I say ".., but I'll try to reach you some other time."

This keeps her guessing when you will call and informs her that you don't need her. You might call later in the evening, tomorrow, or later. If she calls you (without you asking her to call), you know she has high interest.

I think the main thing is not to sound needy, weak, lonely, desparate, etc. when leaving a message.





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DJ de Florida
****
Just Do It!

 

[BGC]

Originally posted by DJ de Florida:

You might call later in the evening, tomorrow, or later.

What criteria do you use to decide on which time you will call?

The alignment of the stars? The weather? Your last bowel movement?

I'm being facetious in order to point out that the more precise and RATIONAL you are about your dealings with women, the more success you will have.

It would seem to me, DJ, by your post, that you might not have consciously and deliberately thought this out. Maybe you haven't seen a need to in the past.

But I think the more self-aware you are, the better off you are.

So exactly WHEN ought one call again? And, more importantly, WHY?

And, as I brought up in the first post, what should one do if SHE IS OUT AGAIN?

PS I don't think it's any answer at all to say something like, I just play it by ear, or I just do whatever I feel like. What that means is that a part of your thinking is being guided by emotion -- a bad thing when it comes to DJ stuff.

[This message has been edited by BGC (edited 01-11-2001).]

 

[ChrisFl]

Have you tried using *67 before you dial?

 

[the prince]

okay, this is tough...

one way to avoid this is to leave your number the second time you call...maybe cop an attitude and tell her that you only call twice without an answer before you move on...if she wants to talk, she should call you.

you give her a little control, but really, it's responsibility...not strictly control. she has to make a decision if she wants to be with you.

and then? well, then you have to stick to it...go on with life.

For me, it goes this way...when I find that I'm having to think too much about a situation like this, I find a way to make her decide. (Weak? No, hear me out. It's like punting to give the other team bad field position.) Then I go on with life...if, a week later, I change my mind and decide I want to call again, I call...this is what seems most natural to me and I'm a strong proponent of sticking to (and enhancing) what seems natural to you.

any ideas on this? you're past this now, but you could wait until next week and try it...that still might play.

 

[Jdog]

BGC,

I would say no matter what, if you call a brawd, leave a messege. Like you said, a lot of chicks have caller ID and I think it would look weird that you called and didn't leave a message. Someone said try *67, but when you use that, is says you purposly blocked the call which she might think is kind of weird too.

As far as the message goes I am with DJ. I think that you should say you'll call back "sometime". Don't say 2-morrow cause then you are giving her the option to miss your call if she wants. And after getting the # initially we are all on pretty thin ice til at least after date #1.

In terms of time span I would wait three days. If you waited 5 days for the first call you shouldn't wait that long for #2 so I think 3 days is sufficient.

 

[XCMan]

well, i'd say it depends on the vibe you get from teh girl: if she's high strung and such, wait a while, if not, call the next day.

later

 

[BGC]

Originally posted by the prince:
okay, this is tough...

one way to avoid this is to leave your number the second time you call...maybe cop an attitude and tell her that you only call twice without an answer before you move on...if she wants to talk, she should call you.

I really got to take a different view.

I got to disagree with you on asking or expecting or anticipating a chick calling you back in the beginning.

They don't want to call us. (_The Rules_, the book that is, tells them not to, in fact.) And I sure don't want to ask her to call me. Because it empowers her.

So the question is, how often do you call back?

And also, Chris, you brought up the star 67, blocking your number from their caller ID.

Quick story.

When I was in college, one of my fraternity roommates had this chick who was literally giving him money and lending him her car -- pretty sick stuff, she would have died for him she was so infatuated.

But whenever she called, she used the *67 -- and she was the ONLY person who called who did so, so we always knew it was her when we saw the 'anonymous' come up on the caller ID screen.

------------------
"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than a life spent in doing nothing."

--George Bernard Shaw


[This message has been edited by BGC (edited 01-11-2001).]

 

[Peak]

You seem to be sweating this stuff too much BGC. I have a tactic that works every time when I call a woman. I treat them like I treat my friends. No need to worry how long you waited to call them, cause they are your friends they will always be happy to hear from you whether it was 2 weeks, 2 months or two years. So don't attach a stigma to the length of time you waited between calls. I am going to test this today and will report to you on it later.

My situation is that I picked up a real beauty at a club who was all over me. I planned a date for a week and a half after that and she didn't show. I called her and asked what was going on etc. Unknowingly to me she had called and told my office mate that she couldn't go to the date only 2 hours before we were to meet. I thought fukk that so the next evening I called her and said in a cheery voice "Hey C what's going on?" Then I set up another date for the week after and said I would call her a few days before to let her know what I had planned and where we will meet. She was excited. I never called. It has now been 3 weeks since I called the last time and 5 weeks since I have seen her. Do I care? Not really. But I know that if I call her today with a smile in my voice she will want that date to happen. Why? Cause I blew her off like dust off a book. That mystery about me does excite her cause I am elusive and won't give in to her power moves.

Another move I have for the phone is to only let it ring four times. I call and I only let it ring four times before I hang up. Usually I try to call when the woman is there, so that she misses my call. If she has caller ID it's even better. I called, she knows who it was, but I didn't have time to wait for her sluggish ass to pick up the phone. Next time she will be prompt to pick up the phone just in case it's me. If her answering machine takes the message in four rings then I leave a non-commital messsage like "Hey C, it's Y How are you? I just called to say hi. We'll catch up soon!" Then I wait a week before I bother trying again. If she is interested then she will call you cause this should drive her nuts!

 

[Stone Gossard]

Well the "she should call you" is like after the first few hookups/dates. Once the relationship has been establsihed (of ****ing), then she should be the one begging for a time to do it. But intitaly it needs to be the other way around but in a nonsexual way

 

[BGC]

Maybe it seems like I'm sweatin' this a lot, but I tend to want to get a system down for something, then observe it pretty closely. Like I got a favorite place to go for my first date -- a coffee shop -- and favorite place for the second date -- a restaurant in a colorful part of the city.

Maybe that seems rigid, having a set system, but it works for me, I get results through it, so why change it? There's enough kind of semi-tension on the first few dates, so I just get a system that I know like the back of my hand, and I feel like I'm at home whem I'm at "my" restaurants and "my" coffee shop.

But anyway, when I'm talking about the tactics of calling chicks, I mean just the time around the first through third dates.

Because if I don't seal the deal by the third date, I'll move on.

Now the thing about leaving the message, and what you say. Do you say when you'll call?

I'm not sure, maybe it is better to not say when you'll call back. Maybe you should just say you'll try back "at another time." That could mean that day, next day, whenever.

But then again if you tell a chick you'll call the next day, you're being bold and TELLING her what you're going to do. Kind of powerful, in a way.

Plus, if she's into you, she'll be thinking very much about you calling -- and she'll be wishing she didn't have to leave the house at all tomorrow!

On the other hand, if you don't say "tomorrow," and she knows you're a challenge, she won't be pinning her desire and energy on the next day. It will be more of an amorphous excitement, whereas if she knows you will call TOMORROW, she will be looking forward to TOMORROW.

Make sense to anyone?




[This message has been edited by BGC (edited 01-11-2001).]

 

[Krynnster]

I always leave a message and I always end it with "Call me back. My number is xxx-xxxx".

I disagree with the theory that I shouldn't expect chicks to call back in the beginning of the relationship. If they don't call back it means one thing in my book: they are not interested! If they are playing some game or following some "rules" and not calling me back, it's definitely their problem. I'm not going to chase them. I've got much more important things to do with my time.

I usually continue with this tactic long into the relationship. If I don't get them on the phone, I ask them to call back. It's like saying "I did my part. Now it's your turn to show me how much you want me".

Hope this helps...

K.

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"Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly" - The Dalai Lama.

 

[BigBadJon]

Called New Years chick last Sunday (7 days after getting #) Asked her if she was busy, she said yes. She said she would be free at 8, I said I would call sometime later. Called at 9...no answer. She gets to wait another week for her final shot. I will leave a message THIS time with my #. No call back, her # goes in the circular file.

The girl from last week, here poses a slight problem. My buddy (biz partner) was mackin her friend. He got the other girls #. I just don't want us to be calling these girls at the same time....that would look pretty cheezy. I will most likely call BOTH this one and the New Years chick on Sunday. That is one week for this one, and one week since the first time I called New Years chick.

I HATE answering machines, and as a rule don't use them until I know the chick better, but you bring up some good points BGC.

 

[Peak]

Ok BGC further to my post earlier:

I just called up the woman I have not seen for five weeks and asked her on a date for Tues lunch time. She was all cheery and said she gladly accepted. Keep in mind all I have done was basicly pick her up at a club, and called her once 10 days after first meeeting. Apart from that I have had no contact whatsoever. She is a definite 8.5 in my books.

My Point?
I waited for a long time before my second call giving her the clear message that I am not sweating over her. When I called I acted like maybe a few days had passed since we last spoke, when in reality it was 3 weeks. Some say that is too long to wait to call a girl for the second time. I would say that also, but if you act really nonchalant about your cardinal sins they are inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt. This woman did for me and I'm sure if you behave calmly yours will as well because I think you should wait at least a week before calling her again.

Good luck.

 

[ChrisFl]

> But whenever she called, she used the *67 -- and she was the ONLY person who called who did so, so we always knew it was her when we saw the 'anonymous' come up on the caller ID screen.

How do you know she was the only one if it was anonymous? The whole point is that you don't know who it is. You can guess all you want, but you can't be sure, if the caller doesn't leave a message. Could be a wrong number.

This was so much easier back in the day when we didn't have all that caller id crap. Some people had answering machines, but that was it. If they didn't answer, you either left a message or not, with no way of them knowing you called other than hearing your message.

 

[BGC]

Originally posted by ChrisFl:
>
How do you know she was the only one if it was anonymous?

Because when the phone rings and the caller ID says 'anonymous' and then I pick the phone up and say hello and a voice asks for my roommate and then I say he's not in and she says can you tell him Katie called and I say yes and then three hours later the phone rings again and the caller ID says 'anonymous' and then I pick up the phone and say hello and the caller hangs up and then three hours later the phone rings again and the caller ID says 'anonymous' and I pick up the phone and the caller hangs up.

That happens, you know who the caller is.

Bottom line, guys, don't call anonymously.

It screams you're a major-league loser.

Big time.

 

[Futurologist]

BUMP