Phone number then flake?

[Sparky]

Little question here,

Recently I've been finding that I bump into a woman I like and manage to get her number. They always give the number quite willingly after a good short natural flowing light hearted chat.
Thing is, with about the last 3 this has happened with, I phone them a few days later and it's always the BLOODY voicemail (I hate mobile phones). So I leave a message and they don't get back to me. Depending on how much I like the girl, I might try again after a while, say a week, but same thing has happened. Then, quite frankly, I give up and move on.

Something strike you as wrong with my approach? Could it just be coincidence? Any of you find this happens to you?

Day was, when I was younger, that I'd do this, phone the girl a few days later, she'd pick up, we'd arrange a date. Wonder why everyone seems perpetually on voicemail these days? Giving me a dud number? Voicemail not reliable? Vetting their calls? Pissed off that I haven't phoned them immediately the next day and being a princess about it?

Hmmm....

 

[pdx1138]

things are different now...women are more flaky.

I wouldn't call more than twice leaving messages.

you did the right thing.

Keep at it.

 

[gaspipe]

Yes I agree with PDX.

I think with the advent of social networking and media like myspace and then facebook, women have become more elusive as their options have stretched much farther in picking men. Women, even the fat and average looking ones have acquired a sense of entitlement in the last decade or so thereby elevating the flake factor to a relatively high level. Its a phenomenon that has been discussed here over and over again through various threads.

The good old days of meeting a girl, getting her number and not having her flake seems to be the exception rather than the rule these days unless shes butt ugly or for whatever reason she really digs you from the start.

 

[Aaron B]

A certain percentage of women are going to flake. I'm sure there are things you can do to make the percentage more in your favor, but if I were you I would accept that its very likely going to continue to happen.

I assume when I call that I will get the voicemail, as that is what happens the majority of the time.

I leave a short message:

"Hey this is Aaron, give me a call 555-1212"

sometimes I switch it up
"Hey this is Aaron I've got something to discuss with you, call me at 555-1212"

I never explain who I am or what I need to talk to her about.

If they don't call back within a few days I might leave a second message, but I will make it clear that this will be the last time I'm calling.

I'm only interested in women who are highly interested in me, and highly interested women call you back. Highly interested women are never too busy to call you.

Personally when they flake early on I think its a blessing in disguise because that way you don't waste any more of your time and attention on her. This is a numbers game and her flaking early allows your time and attention to go where it belongs - to women who are actually interested in you. It would be worse for you if instead of flaking now, she flaked by agreeing to a date then not showing up, or by showing up for date 1 then flaking before date 2.

Since I'm the prize I know that if she doesn't call me back, other women will so I'm in no way dependent on this one woman.

In the beginning the focus should always be on you. Not on her.

 

[J Roc]

You guys need to learn the art of exchanging numbers with females. That way when you call them they know exactly who you are so you dont have to leave a lame voice message. SMH @ any man leaving a second message. If she didnt respond back to your first message she doesnt like you!

 

[Jariel]

I always had this with cold approaches, which is why I don't do it any more. I believe it comes down to lack of rapport or lack of trust. If you spend a few minutes with her on an approach, you've not laid any groundwork or any incentive for her to meet you...unless you're very good looking, in which case some girls might make an exception.

This is one of the reasons I like using Facebook (or net dating) over cold approaches. It gives me an opportunity to build rapport, get to know the person and give them a chance to know me. Many still flake, but I get a lot more success this way.

To be honest, if a girl approached me in the street (or a bar/club), flirted for a few mins and got my number, I wouldn't consider meeting up either...unless she was super hot. Maybe if we spent some time texting and getting to know each other better, but generally, I'd rather give my attention to my other options instead.

 

[LE6END]

I am in agreeance with J Roc and Espi.

I would never leave a second voice message. Leaving one at all is stretching it, though, if at all I felt compelled to, Aaron's first example of what he'd say is simple and short. This would be my response as well. If interested in the least,my call will be returned.

Espi spoke well in that there is no element of acheivement in acquiring a phone number any more; it isn't an accomplishment as it was before, and, again unlike before, obtaining one does not garauntee you anything, perhaps save an unreturned call, or a false number to begin with.

The requirements to obtain a woman, successfully, have went up, but the value of what they have to offer, and had aways offered, hadn't moved at all. We have to pay more for an unchanged product.
No longer is a number close the base of progression. The woman who has given you her number, had probably recited it for the 10th time that day------- and you were the eleventh.

I inverse this procedure of number exchanging because it gets me results at the immediately start. I give her mine and tell her to, at her will, call, or text me. Afterwhich, I dive back into the week, and never spare her a single thought. I am an amateur game designer, so im grossly occuppied with my time. I use this strategy because i'm in the position of absolute power. She can't flake on me. I never told her to reach me, I said if it is of her choice, contact me.

If the girl is TRULY interested, she undoubtedly will.

To the OP, women are creatures of patience. I recently contacted a female, after a cousin of mine showed me a photo of her. the woman decided she'd wait three whole weeks before replying to me. Worst still, she spoke as if she had just received the message an hour ago, and expected me to reply right then and there. Needless to say, she's getting her three weeks returned to her. You have to rip them out of that entitlement illusion--- This is now the base of progression.

 

[bigneil]

The key is not just getting the phone number, but giving her a kiss goodbye, at least on the cheek. If you don't kiss them then in most cases you shouldn't even bother calling. Or don't expect anything if you do. When girls like you they will be more than willing to let you kiss them on the cheek or even lips and it's no big deal. Practice this! You should be kissing 5 girls per night when you are out. Kiss them, their friends, their mom's - you name it.

Also, I normally just send a text these days. My current GF and I never called once until after we were involved.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

If a fat whale with a big wart on her nose approached you, you would give your number out to get rid of her. And never pick up when she calls.

She no likey you.

Looks are just as important to women as it is to us. If a woman looks at you and smiles, then approach, otherwise leave her alone.

 

[Sparky]

If a fat whale with a big wart on her nose approached you, you would give your number out to get rid of her.

Nah I wouldn't. But then I'm pretty strong with squaring up to people - I'd say "Sorry luv you're not my type" but I do see what you mean.

Anyways - I've got an update you lot might find amusing - and can perhaps advise me on.

There was one a couple of weeks ago which I called about a week ago and the message flakey thing blah blah which I'm talking about.

HAHAHA it's 2.30 in the morning (bear in mind I'm in the UK) and my phone just went off, it was her. I didn't pick up

WTF? I must admit a girl's never called me at such a strange time, barring long term G/F's of course. Admittedly it could be that her phone dialled my number in her pocket or something. Maybe she's been drinking and only just plucked up the courage.
Or perhaps she's a fruitcake, or it was a booty call (doubt it, only ever spoken to her for about 2 minutes).

The strangest thing... Ok plaaaaaace your bets now. I'm going with the drinking/courage thing seeing as it's Friday night at 2.30.

BTW thanks for the replies guys, some good stuff. Nice to know I'm along the right lines.

 

[Sparky]

I agree with you on the voicemail message thing though. She didn't leave one just now, and I don't half feel a prat actually when I do leave them, even if they're just minimal. I guess it pays to decide BEFORE the phone call what you're going to do if the voicemail kicks in. That's something I've been overlooking actually, and I've been caught short by it.
I think to leave two makes a man seem a bit pathetic really. How many voicemails do we really actually miss due to netwrok probs etc? They damn well know we called.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Why are you leaving messages?
Always text first- not to ask them out, but just to flirt and build some rapport. You are getting flaked on because you are a stranger, and being a stranger is a BAD thing. You need to be joking around with her, teasing her, etc. before asking her out, and you need the lines of communication to be open. Asking her out or telling her to call you back over voicemail is what guys that "don't get it" do. The real players understand that girls need to be warmed up first.

 

[Sparky]

Why are you leaving messages?
Always text first- not to ask them out, but just to flirt and build some rapport.

Ok that's a new one on me, thanks for the tip. I'm having to catch up with these things at the moment, hence the questions.

Latest : Called her today, eventually got a text from her saying "Who's this"? Eh? I told her, then asked her about the late night call last night. She's being really friendly over text. She says she "didn't mean to call me". Eh? Now I'm confused. She sounds like a bit of a fruitcake. Erm.... stick with this one or run a mile, decisions. This is what I call a "Bermuda triangle" woman. Makes no sense at all and makes your instruments go strange.

I'm er.... sure there's a rational explanation hiding somewhere here. Oh actually it's a woman we're talking about. There probably actually isn't.

What's your take on this, guys? Reckon she did mean to call me and is now embarrassed and denying it? Didn't "mean" to call me, yeah right. How the f*ck did she manage that?

Shame really, she's nice looking and I reckon she likes me and there was a bit of chemistry there, but I'm not in the mood for another nutty woman. Going off this one a bit I think.

 

[Jariel]

Why are you leaving messages?
Always text first- not to ask them out, but just to flirt and build some rapport. You are getting flaked on because you are a stranger, and being a stranger is a BAD thing. You need to be joking around with her, teasing her, etc. before asking her out, and you need the lines of communication to be open. Asking her out or telling her to call you back over voicemail is what guys that "don't get it" do. The real players understand that girls need to be warmed up first.

I completely agree with this.

For some reason there's this big "rule" in the seduction community about calling and never texting, or about only contacting them to set up a date. I think it comes from the PUA mentality where they try to back women into a corner and pressure them into going out with them, but I really can't see how this can work out...unless the chick is desperate.

I find that a bit of texting is great for building up her comfort levels and building her interest. It's a big part of my game now. I start out asking about her such as work, hobbies, favourite places to visit, how long she's been single and what she looks for in a guy. I give it a week or more and if I'm getting a good vibe I'll go ahead and ask her out.

What's more, I'll also use texting as a way of raising the sexual tension. Some girls respond well to this and will go for full blown phone/text sex, which raises the tension to major levels. The last 4 women I did this with I fvcked on the first date. But you have to test the waters first, ease into it gradually. Some won't respond well and will judge you badly for it, whereas others will become obsessed with you over it.

But my point is, texting (or emailing) is a really good, non-intrusive way of breaking the ice and getting past the initial barriers. Plus, more importantly, it gives you a chance to screen them. It could be after a bit of texting you find out she's boring, crazy or arrogant, and you can bail out.

 

[Sparky]

I completely agree with this.
Snip.

Thanks for the advice. I guess being an older man, I'm not that into texting but now I'm gonna take your advice and incorporate that into my game.

My game ain't that great because I've always been in LTR's really throughout my life.

This girl is obviously lying to me or is a complete nutcase. Claiming she "didn't mean to " call me. I can't see how, if she didn't know who I was how she managed that All she had was an answerphone message from me with my phone number on it. She must have deliberately dialled the number. F8ckin fruitcake. Phoning me at 2.30 in the morning as well. Lucky I didn't have to get up at 6.30 the next morning eh?

Nexting this one like Roadrunner running from Coyote.

 

[n00bPimp]

Text her instead. Also, are you doing things the same way as when you were not getting flakes? It might be that you're using "pick up material" in an uncalibrated manner and this is causing it to work against you.

 

[Sparky]

Text her instead. Also, are you doing things the same way as when you were not getting flakes? It might be that you're using "pick up material" in an uncalibrated manner and this is causing it to work against you.

Nah not really using any pick up material apart from a healthy balanced dose of push - pull and friendly conversation.

I guess I am doing things in the same way as when I wasn't getting flakes - get the number, phone them up, arrange a date. But with me they've all turned out to be LTR's in the past, or I've run away when I sense that big bowl of crazy. One of the two.

I'm not really a PUA as such, just someone who enjoys the company of a good woman. I play the game in order to find myself a partner ultimately, I guess, like you might expect from an older man.

Mostly, I've found in the past that if I swap numbers with a girl that does genuinely like me, then usually it's her calling me before I call her. Usually within 48 hours.

 

[women haze]

You guys are living in a fantasy world if you think she is wondering about you. She is too busy to wonder about you after 1 cold approach and a phone call. A good woman will call you back that same day atleast later or text you.

There is no amount of calling then making her wait that will put an image of you in her head....

This instance is either BLACK OR WHITE.....she finds you interesting enough to call you back or not plain and simple.

 

[carrot]

women are creatures of patience.
they have more than men