Phone games.. what the hell girls?

[Oxide]

I am amazed..this seems to happen almost every single time.


I meet a girl..in class or wherever.. i talk to her, it's great, we seem to be connecting...smiling.. everything is great.

Then i get her number... and as soon as i call her, on the phone she turns into one of those "I am not sure im interested" chicks.

It is fukking puzzling to me. I am relaxed on the phone.... it seems like when you call a girl, she feels like you are "just another guy" and puts up some kind of front.. where in person it is MUCH MUCH easier to get rapport.

I mean, i honestly dont believe their interest dissapears after i leave their sight... this is one of the reasons i dont talk on the phone with a girl. for more than 5 minutes..unless i've known her for a long time.



Is this happening to anyone else, cause this is seriously ridiculous.

 

[becker]

Recently, I've tried out dating a few gals I met over the internet. I've dated 2 gals this way so far, and both turned out to be hot but nutcases.

The most recent one I tried to treat mainly as a friend because I didn't want to get into anything serious with her, and she started flaking on me for that second date. Agree to go, then cancel. Now we're not even speaking anymore, for no reason at all.

Anyways, seems like you can't win sometimes. If you don't show enough interest, they may start backing off to avoid getting hurt. Seems like the only way it would work is if you both read between the lines and what you both read is that you're interested in each other. I hate that.

 

[Scrumtulescence]

I really hate talking over the phone and have a hard time thinking of things to say, and I've figured that's a good thing when it comes to girls because, despite the semi-AFC I am, I'll never be one of those "calls her three times a day and talks for hours on the phone with her" guys that you always hear about. I try to minimize phone talk as much as possible.

 

[sapphire]

I have had similar problems recently. With one girl I had esablished pretty good rapport at the gym before getting the digits and it seemed that her IL was pretty high.

As a matter of fact when I ran in to her about two weeks later she seemed kind of sad and a little miffed that I had not called called her yet even asking me why I had not called. I told her that I had lost my cellphone (which is true) and her number with it and that I had intended to call her. I got the digits again, called her several days later and no answer. I called again a week later and left a message and no return call. I am pretty sure that she got the message but for whatever reason never returned my call.

I guess some girls are insecure and like to test a guy and see how far he is willing to go to chase her. But I just don't play those games and will only go so far to show a girl that I am interested and once the ball is in her court it is up to her to respond. Or maybe she is an attention ho who only gives her number and get the guy to call to boost her ego.

Whatever reason, I think it is best just to move on and not try to figure it out.

 

[dereklearnslow]

Man, glad to know I'm not alone. I have the EXACT same problem as you guys. Get woman's # after good rapport and seemingly high interest levels, only to get phone flaked later.

This is the reason I haven't # closed in 2-3 months. Damn I suck.

 

[becker]

To me, getting into the phone game is one of those things that happens once you don't call her or play this "should I call her" game in your head. This results in waiting 3 days or whatever b.s. and will come off as though you're playing her, which puts her on guard. If you just have some conviction and call her and be totally up front with her and ask her out and if she says no, just say "see ya", then this problem wouldn't arise.

Girls play games to protect themselves from getting hurt. If you come off as this type of guy who might hurt them, you will not be successful especially with the phone game stuff.

Girls overanalyze. This means that if you don't call her, some will let their imaginations go crazy, and they will be faced with the decision of either going out with you with these crazy notions going off in their head, or just to ditch you altogether and avoid getting hurt. That's it.

So bottom line, be careful with the phone, just call her, ask her to do something, and if she says no, just leave it. Don't think twice about calling her again some other time, and if she doesn't want to go out with you, she'll say so.

I'd be shocked if a few more frequent phone calls will turn a girl off to you. That's just ridiculous, and anyone who thinks that has to go out in the field and test this a little more. It just doesn't work that way.

 

[Oxide]

Becker.. i beg to differ.

I think it is us who overanalyze when we call girls.. At least most of the guys who dont have enough experience with girls..they always overanalyze.. i admit, sometime when i call a girl and she doesnt answer..i would think "She probably is thinking "why is he calling me? and doesnt want to talk".

Of course, right after i think that, i slap myself silly and say "what the hell are you talking about?!"

You see.. like BONdjamesBond said, a chump will come up with a million reasons as to why the girl didnt call him back, but will never get it trhough his head that she simply doesnt like him..


on the other hand, like MOTU stated... Girls have lives too. They are not sitting by the phone waiting for you to call. There could be a million different things she would rather do than hang out with a guy she just met.


So your thinking has to fall in between those two. On one hand, realize that she might not like you as much as you hope she does.. but on the other hand, allow the possibility that she just has too many things going on at the same time.



Couple examples:

Hottest girl in my class.. i chat up with her, we walk home together.. everything is great.. i get her digits.. tell her im throwing a party and she should come over. She says sure..call me. I call her that day, she says she will bring friends over to my place.. it never happens.

So i delete her number... ignore her..Bascially i've given up on her.

Just 5 minutes ago..she calls me and we have a great convo over the phone..she tells me to call her this weekend to party with her and her friends... BUT guys.. I am not getting my hopes up. I know that it could happen or it could not..so i dont worry about it.



Thing is, girls cant be a headache in this life. There are so many other things in life that are complicated..why are we making girls on of them? We should enjoy and simplify the interaction and relationship.. not overanalyze and mentally mastrubate ourselves when she isnt at home when you call her.


I dont know about you guys..but im tired of all this nonsense.. I ask girls out when i feel.. i straight out tell them. "Hey, i wanna hang out with you..if you feel the same it's great, if not, it's cool too"... if i get 100 rejections in a row.. i still am proud that i have at least tried... instead of making a 100 excuses why not to.

good day

 

[DJBen]

Yes

I thought this was just me, and that they werent as interested as I thought. It's completely stupid and I have no idea why it happens.

I'll meet someone one night, we'll be getting along real good - maybe we'd even be all over each other. You call up a couple of days later and they 'dunno' or they're 'not sure'. Like they forgot half of the time they spent with you.

I think if they 'dont know' or whatever, you just leave it a week and call again. If theres still nothing, screw it. Men dont have time for girls' games.

 

[DeathDealer]

If a girl doesn't call you back when you leave a voicemail or tell you that she'll call back but never. Big deal, who cares.

They could be either testing your desperation, not interested, don't care, or they're too busy, or the forgot.

Too many reasons, don't get worked up over it.

 

[becker]

Yeah, Oxide, I agree with you that it's not a good idea to overthink the situation. The only time this has happened to me was when the girl and I have gotten along really well, and there's absolutely no indication that she doesn't want to do anything other than a little flakiness once in a while, otherwise she seems to directly state that she does want to do something.

I know that you go by a girl's actions, so I'm more inclined to do that now than I did before. Sometimes it is so clear by her words that she wants to do something, then she flakes, which just totally goes against it, that's when it really gets confusing.

 

[Kourt]

I have htis problem all the time, its so fricin annoying

 

[KingPinp]

girls give thier phone number out for many reasons. My girlfriend gives her phone number out cause she cant be mean to people. It all depends, jsut dont misread and test for intrest. Also ask them out anyway, that the only way u will ever know.

 

[Spike_the_Dragon]

Phones suck.

I seem to remember Senior Fingers talking about this in 'Weapons of Mass Seduction" but I can't remember exactly what he said. Anyways, allow me to share one of my own experiences...


A while back I had a similar incident take place. There was this HB10, a clerk who was flirting with me in the store where she worked. I had been in there before, and she remembered me because I wore a suit the time before. She asked why I wasn't dressed up on this particular day, and the comment caught me totally off guard because I'd never noticed her in there before.

Anyways, we started talking and she had a very charming personality. She started acting all girly and goofy as women usually do when I lay on the charm. I decided to go for my all-time favorite number close line:

Spike: Listen, do you like food?

B!tch: Yes, I like food. Why do you ask? [acting very flirty]

Spike: Because I've noticed that there is a restaurant on pretty much every corner in this town. Seeing as how you like food and I like food, I think that we should have a nice meal together sometime. Here's a crazy thought... why don't you give me your phone number, I'll give you a call, and we'll set something up.

B!tch: Sure, here you go.

So I got her number and called her five days later. She wasn't there, so I tried again later. She wasn't there this time either, so I left a message. I can't remember exactly what I said, but it was some pretty suave stuff... very relaxed and cool.

She never called back. A few days later I caught her at her place of work. Again, she was sweet and flirty.

Spike: Why didn't you ever call me back?

B!tch: I don't know, I was busy.

Spike: Listen babe, no one is busier than me and I still have a life. Were you even going to call me at all?

B!tch: I don't know, maybe.

Spike: Listen, I dont' have time for childish games... either call me tonight or don't call me at all. No excuses.

B!tch: Okay. [unable to look me in the eye]

And with that I calmly walked out the door.

She never called. Or atleast... she didn't leave a message if she did call. I didn't bother to wait up on this one after she flaked on me like that. I saw her again on the street and she was once again sweet and flirty, altough a bit shy after I put her on the spot like that. She said "Hi" in a "here I am" sort of way... I simply said "hello" in response and walked on as if I'd never seen her before in my life.


Now, it could be that this woman was just crazy in the head... but I've had this happen more than once. I think the reason for it is because I had to take a submissive position in asking her to call me. Really, I didn't have much choice in the matter the first time because she never picked up the phone... but asking a woman you barely know to make a bold move is usually asking way too much. After all, women are submissive creatures and have to be lead by men when it comes to the game of seduction.

Looking back now, I should have just set up a date with her right then and there the second time I saw her instead of demanding that she call me that night or not at all... but at that point I was just making a point-- that I don't like to be ****ed with. I didn't really care about getting her at this point, I just wanted to make it clear that I wasn't some push-over. And it worked... all her female co-workers think I'm hot **** now.





You win and you lose... thats just the nature of the game.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Tell me about it. My theory is that a lot of girls flirt and seem interested just out of politeness or because they like the attention. They know that even if you do ask them out they can hide behind the phone-their deadliest weapon.

But girls who are interested in you, won't play phone games, will return your calls, and not flake on dates. It is stupid and annoying, and it would be so much easier if girls didn't lead you on and told you if they weren't interested, but it is all just part of life.

 

[Spike_the_Dragon]

The girl in my example was interested, but she was also a very shy person. I'd swear she was bi-polar or something... but it happens quite a bit. Most women are very very shy... plus, even if she did call me she probably wouldn't have known what to say due to her shyness... I think thats the reason why she didn't call.

As for the women who don't act interested when you call them up and talk to them on the phone... same reason. It's an emotional defense mechanism they use to deal with an awkward social situation. I don't mean to over anylise anything here, just some food for thought.

Nice/immature girls can be tricky in this way. Anyways, we're all wiser for the situation next time.

 

[Oxide]

good stuff spike.


I would definately suggest setting up a date on the second time if that happened with someone else again...

actually, this happened to me.. i flirt with a girl crazy, she smiles the whole time with me and seems to be pretty interested. I get her digits and call her... leaving a sexy message.. no response ...

I see her 2 weeks later, same exact reaction - smiles, flirting... i ask her if she is waiting for my call... she says "may be" .... ok so i tell her i will call her up to hang out this weekend...
i call her and leave a normal message this time, thinking may be the first one freaked her out a bit... still nothing..

you bet your ass i deleted her number..


If there is one thing that is the enemy of the man in this world, it is the feeling of being unsure. You called and she didnt call back... why is it? you are unsure... and you hate being that way.

It is tough to "give up on this girl" and move on, since you thought you two had something going... sh1t, everyone here knows this feeling... but trust me, in a month you wont care nearly as much, becuase you will be interested in other girls...

 

[Spike_the_Dragon]

Originally posted by Oxide
It is tough to "give up on this girl" and move on, since you thought you two had something going... sh1t, everyone here knows this feeling... but trust me, in a month you wont care nearly as much, becuase you will be interested in other girls...

Honestly, that woman really got to me for one reason or another... but hey, 'water under the bridge' my friend. Time moves on. There are lots of other women in the world who won't try to make you feel like shyte in order to make themselves feel better.

Anyways, it's a load off my mind just talking about it with you guys.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Telephone Rules of Engagement

NEVER call a girl the night you get her number, this reeks of desperation. Call her after 2 days max. If she has an answering machine or VM that's the extent of your communication, NEVER leave more than a single message. This is the litmus test for a woman's interest level. The message should be brief and to the point. Operate under the assumption that she isn't interested at this stage and work whatever other prospects you may have going at the time. If she does return the call consider her a bonus prospect. Ideally she should be leaving a message for you which you should only return within a day's wait.

When you do talk on the phone, stay brief and to the point. NEVER allow yourself to be working her on the phone. All conversation should be steared toward meeting in person. Nothing triggers the AFC detector faster than a guy who's willing to forestall an actual date in favor of talking for hours on the phone. You simply cannot read a woman over the phone, you have to be with her in person to see her physical reactions and nuances to your efforts. No more than 15 minutes on any one conversation and NEVER call a girl more than once a week. If she calls you, fine, but even then the conversation is about getting together. NEVER 'get to know her' or she you over the phone. It is absolutely imperative she leaves with an impression of you physically, not a series of impressions cobbled together on her own from a blind conversation.

 

[dereklearnslow]

I subscribe to the same theory as Matt.

 

[MindOverMatter]

Tell her you wanna take her out first, then ask for a phone number. This simple change cut down the amount of phone flakes I had by a lot.

Also, that whole 2 day rule is crap, if a girl likes you, she will be happy if you call the next day, if she doesn't like you, she wont like you anymore if you wait a bunch of days. And since every guy waits 2-3 days now to look cool (and EVERY girl knows about it), calling the next day makes you unique.