Phone convo gone badly....

[Darth]

I need your help guys....

So I called the "library girl" today. Wanted the phone conversation to be short and sweet. She was happy to hear from me though, and yakked on and on about what she was doing.

So finally when there's a pause I ask, "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

She says she has Bible study. Then I explain that there was a comedy show I was going to and I thought maybe she wanted to come. She said she was really sorry and she would totally do it on any other night.

Then I went all AFC.

"What are you doing Saturday night?"

GAAAHH!

She said she didn't think she had anything. Then, on second thought, she might be in a different town or some BS. Then she asked if she could call me back to tell me, and I said yes.

Mistake number 2.

So I basically blew it at the end by seeming too desperate. Desperate and aloof...all at the same time.

And then I let her talk until SHE ended it, saying that she had to get back to doing what she was doing.

I have the sickening sense that I just killed the attraction.

How can I turn this around? Or is there no way.

Maybe I should call her first tomorrow and say that I can't do Saturday night. I don't know. I'm kinda upset right now.

 

[Darth]

I'm thinking of leaving a message like this:

"Hi HB, it's Darth. This is gonna be quick. I just checked online and there is no show on Saturday night. So don't worry about that.

I thought maybe we could do something else that night cause it's the only other night I'm free and I wanted to get to know you better, but it sounds like you have other stuff to do. So I understand and I won't bother you anymore.

Guess I'll see you around. Bye."


...but maybe I should just wait for her to call.

 

[CFERD]

I doubt calling her first would be a good idea. Instead, if your worried you came off too available you can use the "I can't do Saturday night" hen/if she calls you. She said she'd call to let you know, the ball is in her court. Don't sweat the mistake, It may not have been seen that way by her. Girls are all so different, what one sees as desperate another might find flattering. The point is don't get sucked into your head, over thinking this sh*t. Maybe she was just being polite and no matter what you said it wouldn't have made a bit of difference, so in that case you didn't make any mistakes.

 

[Igetit!]

I thought maybe we could do something else that night cause it's the only other night I'm free and I wanted to get to know you better, but it sounds like you have other stuff to do. So I understand and I won't bother you anymore.

DO NOT say this. Especially that part about "I won't bother you anymore". Apologizing for supposedly "bothering her" puts her on a pedistool. It'll cause her to look down on you,thus KILLING any sort of attraction she might have for you. Just be a man about it. Call her up and tell her that you have plans to go here or to do this and you want her to come with you. If she says no,then you say ok,then hang up the phone. It's just that simple. Unfortunately,you seem to be in the same situation as The Master Disaster,so the chances of you dating her are dramatically reduced because you waited too long. But I like the fact that you're a man of your word. Yesterday you said that you were going to call her and ask her out,and that's exactly what you did. I'm going to give you a rep. point just for having the guts to go for what you wanted reguardless of the outcome.

Peace man.

 

[search1ng]

Your phone call wasn't stellar but it's not going to break or make you buddy, stress less. Women don't have these huge expectations when it comes to being asked out, she was probably genuinely busy with whatever and since you called her at work, probably felt she should get off the phone soon. Either way let her get back to you or text her. 'Hey, i'll pick you up @ 6 on saturday...' or whatever.

No biggie.

 

[Darth]

Thanks guys.

I know I was pretty awkward on the phone, but hey, at least I did it, and now after reading these replies I see the best thing to do is to let her call me back. Whether she says yes or no, I can always say that now I have other plans for that day, and put forward a new idea, like grab a bite to eat Saturday evening, or or Sunday if she was busy then. If she says no, I'll know what the story is.

Either way, I'll be able to handle it a lot better when she calls, so thanks guys for putting it into perspective. This one phone call is not necessarily end of game. I'll just do better next time, and I won't leave that message.

I think my awkwardness had a lot to do with lack of sleep. I've been running on less than 8 hours and I think with more sleep I'll do just fine.

Anyway, thanks for the backup. Maybe I didn't blow it after all.

 

[DonJuan11]

So I called the "library girl" today. Wanted the phone conversation to be short and sweet. She was happy to hear from me though, and yakked on and on about what she was doing.

So finally when there's a pause I ask, "What are you doing tomorrow night?"

She says she has Bible study. Then I explain that there was a comedy show I was going to and I thought maybe she wanted to come. She said she was really sorry and she would totally do it on any other night.

Then I went all AFC.

"What are you doing Saturday night?"

GAAAHH!

She said she didn't think she had anything. Then, on second thought, she might be in a different town or some BS. Then she asked if she could call me back to tell me, and I said yes.

Mistake number 2.

So I basically blew it at the end by seeming too desperate. Desperate and aloof...all at the same time.

And then I let her talk until SHE ended it, saying that she had to get back to doing what she was doing.

I have the sickening sense that I just killed the attraction.

How can I turn this around? Or is there no way.

Maybe I should call her first tomorrow and say that I can't do Saturday night. I don't know. I'm kinda upset right now.

Dude chill. You stumbled but it seems ok. Just don't call her anymore until she calls you.

Do not phone her back and say you can't do Saturday when she hasn't even agreed to Saturday. By doing that you are telling her if she doesn't agree to whatever you want, you won't like it. That will make you look like an AFC. Just wait until she calls you.

 

[Darth]

So today, not having heard from her, I called her again. Got the message machine- hung up. Called again, left a message.

She called me back.

Date tomorrow

 

[CFERD]

Glad to hear you pulled a date, nice. And to think you were going to say something like 'I won't bother you anymore' according to your other post. I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone.. Anyhow, my point is get them calling as much or even more if possible, although that is common knowledge on these forums, it's worth repeating. When they chase, we are more than likely the ones who can set the pace. I think it strengthens the prize mentality, not only in our minds but in theirs' as well. Having them do the work keeps the occasional over pursuing on our part in check.

 

[Darth]

Yeah...I didn't say anything about "sorry to bother you." would've been a disaster....

In the message I actually left I said don't worry about getting back to me about tonight...tonight wouldn't work anyway because I forgot I was tied up with someone else, but that I would still like to get together sometime, so if you're not busy, call me.

Now, if not for this site, it would never have occurred to me to leave such a curt message. She is a real babe.

My next question would be should I kiss on a lunch date, but I should probably start figuring out this stuff myself now

 

[Darth]

Date was an hour and a half long. I did some things I would've done differently, but it didn't really matter. This was my first real date, BTW, where I actually pursued the girl, called her, and met up with her one-on-one.

I had come up with a couple of conversation topics, but I didn't need them because she basically monopolized the conversation.

She asked so many questions and said some of the silliest things I've ever heard in my life. And trying to tell me about herself saying things like, "I'm an external processor." And was laughing and saying "That's so funny," at anything I said that was mildly entertaining. It was like anytime there was a pause in the conversation she felt like it was her fault, so she filled it. And tried to agree with me as much as possible.

This was not what I was expecting and at the end I might have been a little too nice, because at the end we were walking closely and then when I considered kissing her for a split second, she stepped back.

I think it went well though, because at the end I said, "I want to see you again." And she said "Definitely."

So I think it was OK, just next time I should definitely compliment her on something (I forgot to compliment her on anything), and probably go for kiss as well. I mean, there was definitely a sexual undercurrent throughout the whole thing, but I didn't come out and say I think you're cute, or anything like that.

Thoughts?

 

[Prod]

Date was an hour and a half long. I did some things I would've done differently, but it didn't really matter. This was my first real date, BTW, where I actually pursued the girl, called her, and met up with her one-on-one.

I had come up with a couple of conversation topics, but I didn't need them because she basically monopolized the conversation.

She asked so many questions and said some of the silliest things I've ever heard in my life. And trying to tell me about herself saying things like, "I'm an external processor." And was laughing and saying "That's so funny," at anything I said that was mildly entertaining. It was like anytime there was a pause in the conversation she felt like it was her fault, so she filled it. And tried to agree with me as much as possible.

This was not what I was expecting and at the end I might have been a little too nice, because at the end we were walking closely and then when I considered kissing her for a split second, she stepped back.

I think it went well though, because at the end I said, "I want to see you again." And she said "Definitely."

So I think it was OK, just next time I should definitely compliment her on something (I forgot to compliment her on anything), and probably go for kiss as well. I mean, there was definitely a sexual undercurrent throughout the whole thing, but I didn't come out and say I think you're cute, or anything like that.

Thoughts?

A statement of intent is not as necessary as a kiss when the girl has already given you plenty of reason to believe that she's attracted. If you must do it just say that she looks nice today etc, concentrate on something specific so that it doesn't sound perfunctory.

2nd date is a good time for a kiss/make out close, just find a way to make it happen naturally even if it's just before you part. As someone's post I read a little earlier said, the kiss will tell you all you need to know.

 

[Darth]

Great Job. You can pursue a woman as long as she keeps pursuing you (she called you back and also said yes to you suggesting another date).

Now that you've had your first real 'date', wasn't so bad, was it? Notice how obvious it was that she liked you? That is why newbies always post questions about if "she did this and this, do you think she likes me". Women play so tough early in the beginning because they know if they fall for a guy, she'll act like a 4 year old around him. This girl is into you; she didn't even put up any fight at all on the first date except saying no to a kiss.

Kissing any girl on your very first date doesn't happen that often when you are inexperienced, especially when the girl is especially nervous.
...Not only would you be surprised what you can get away with with a woman who is into you, it is a key to getting really hot women: You can't be afraid of making the girl feel anxiety, just like they love to do to you. Though I wouldn't of made that second call, your message couldn't of been better and you see what happened, she called you and you two went on a date. You spiked her attraction.

Be your same cool, confident and laid-back guy and have fun. Don't get all serious. Women hate that. Keep posting how it goes, even if it goes bad.

Thanks

Yeah, I could tell she was nervous that she was going to screw something up, which I thought was really cute. It's funny though...if I was really nervous around someone, I would carefully consider every word and speak less than usual, but with her it was like getting a tour inside her brain...it was like anything that came into her head, she said it.

And then if she said something silly, she would giggle and say that she's not usually like that.

So I think she likes me, which is awesome because I like her too

EDIT: I remembered one other thing, lol...my first words to her were, "You're late."