Phone calls

[becker]

Ok, it's the dreaded phone call game.

I started talking to this girl, met her for coffee, and had a nice time talking with her. Very tame "date", but I treated it as more like just meeting her without the "date" vibe. Anyways, I was supposed to do stuff with her this past weekend, but she had plans already, and suggested that we get together for coffee on Sunday morning. I ended up cancelling and taking a rain check on it, but left her a message that I'd call her during the week and we'd do something then. I just called her a while ago, left her a message to call me back, and haven't heard back yet. She did call me back last time too, but it seems like I have to call more than once just to get her to call me back, which is a pain in the arse.

Anyways, I'm wondering if this is even worth the effort. I'm sort of already unmotivated as it is, and this isn't helping.

 

[becker]

So what do you do, just tell her you'll call her back? What if you keep getting the voice mail? Do you just hang up? Problem with that would be that it will show up on her cell that you called, and if you do it too much, then it's almost the same as leaving a message, perhaps even worse...

 

[becker]

I think that the problem with this is that at the moment, I'm not really looking to get into a relationship with a girl, and I think I make that more than clear in that when I meet up with her, I'm pretty neutral. Not a ton of flirting, just looking to meet new people and hang out. I guess the assumption is that if a guy calls a girl up and meets up with her, it's done for the purpose of getting into a relationship or something. That's probably what kills it for me, because my neutrality may come off as though I don't have the guts to make the move on her, when in reality, I'm just not motivated to do that. I think I'm on the rebound right now and I'm trying to avoid any relationships but still like meeting new people.

 

[Don_Marko]

how often are you getting laid bro? if you got 3 HB ready to suck your **** at the whim then yea it might not be worth the effort

She didn't put you in any category yet cuz you haven't even been out with her yet! Coffee dates are OK IFF (if and only if) you go to a loungy kinda place where you sit beside her and can kino without table getting ur way

 

[The DomMega]

Women can also smell desperation a mile away. If she doesn't call you back, then whatever. The minute you start chasing them, they have the power, not you. Its important to note that if she herself doesn't have that much interest at a certain point, you've probably screwed up somewhere. Sometimes you can get yourself out of this hole, other times you can't. What you need to ask yourself is this worth persuing. It sounds to me like you don't care either way.

I would probably just stop calling all together. Girls don't want to feel like someones lost interest in them, its demeaning to their mentality and many won't stand for it. "He doesn't break it off with me, I break it off with him!" You see, so just stick to your guns. And don't limit yourself to just this one girl. Whether you know it or not, they can usually sense if the majority of your time is spent on just them. Make them work for YOUR interest and attention, not the other way around.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by SuperGigaloDJ
Yeah. Maybe at first she saw you as a potention mate.

Now she put you in the friend zone....no....the AFC Zone because you didn't persue.

You should have never taken her out for coffee. I'll be writing a tip on this soon keep on the lookout.

Hmm, this I don't understand, because to me, coffee is a good first meeting, at least way better than dinner, which would have put me more in the pursuit category.

Anyways, she called me up last night, and things seemed pretty cool, so I may do something with her later this week, who knows. I asked her to go running with me tomorrow, but she has to work late, so we said we'll be in touch for thursday.

BTW, she just got out of a serious relationship 3 months ago, so I'm guessing it's probably not a good idea to take things too far with this girl yet, if at all. I just find her cool to hang out with. We're both sort of on the rebound at the moment, so that's probably why there isn't more happening.

For most of you guys, has the girl been extremely aggressive about phone calls? I've only had like 2 girls before be ultra-aggressive meaning that it was obvious they liked me because they called me a lot and for no real reason. I'm not sure if you can generalize over the entire female population though, that seems a bit broad, because there are shy girls out there who would never call you up no matter what.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by SuperGigaloDJ
1. I usually never leave messages. It adds mystery.

2. I usually never tell her to call me back. Put the ball in her court big time. Especially in the beginning. You don't want that. Tell her YOU'LL call her back.

This is all the advice you need.

SuperGigaloDJ,
Very sound advice. Very good idea when to call her and how: one day, then the day after that.. then leave a massage..
Should put this phone routine in Dj bible!

 

[DrDope]

Here is the technique I use.

Similar to the above, don't leave messages until about the third miss. Then just leave an ambiguous, short message that doesn't indicate whether she should call you or if you will ever call again. Usually, this will get them to call me assuming they already have my number.

In this day and age, I almost always wind up exchanging numbers because I plug it into the cell phone and dial it. So she can call back if she is so inclined.

 

[Oxide]

1. I usually never leave messages. It adds mystery.

Stupid. You are not being a mystery, you are being childsih. If a girl calls me and doesnt leave a message, i assume it wasnt very important, and she just wants to talk or something...so i dont call her back for awhile. When you leave a message, it has to have a point.. not just "call me back.." When you leave a message, it shows you actually DO want to get in touch with the person.

 

[DrDope]

How is it childish?

I don't like leaving messages particularly anyway. The whole point of calling is to set up a date. how can you set up a date with a freaking message?

Then you are waiting for her to call, which is exactly what you wanted to avoid in the first place.

 

[tmpgstx]

You guys got it all wrong. Some careful strategy has to be applied to this, otherwise it could all go to heck as most complicated things do, even if just one thing is out of place or not working.

She knows what you're doing when you call every other day and leave a message the third time. This is text-book dating ettiquette. In other words, the girl knows she's got you hooked regardless and if she don't then she is niave!

Only call her once early on, let her do the rest .. if she likes you alot, she'll be calling you and you won't have to worry about it. Later on after you know she's into you, then call her once and ahwhile.

 

[darthsidious]

supergigalodj, please stop changing your answers or offering multiple variation with how you play phone games.

now kneel.

 

[Hellboy]

Trust me the rules don't work.. Play it by IL.
Always call her a little less than she calls you.
You don't need to call more than once. Everyone has caller ID!

 

[blinkwatt]

if the lady wants to talk to you she will answer her phone.thats all that needs to be said.just try one more time.this time leave a message

 

[becker]

Clearly there are some varied views on this and it all seems to boil down to overanalysis of the situation. Perhaps that's the right way to go, but at the same time, maybe it's just all paranoia.

All I know is that the last girl I was with called me all the time. Clear pursuit. However, I am not a big believer that that is what all girls necessarily do. This girl from yesterday called me at like 10pm because she worked late and went to dinner afterwards with her friend, so she didn't answer when I called. I sort of gave up on her calling yesterday night and figured she'd call the next morning if at all, so I just fell asleep. Next thing you know my phone rings and it's her. Based on past experience, I'd say that her calling back is at least a positive sign, although it really may not mean anything else. It doesn't really matter to me at the moment anyways, all I want to do is get to know her, then I'll worry about all the other stuff later.

I just don't want to always be calling her up, but our last call left things open and we didn't set things up, instead we said we'd be in touch on thursday, which means I should call her tomorrow. I really wanted to go out with her, but this phone stuff has got me a bit on the paranoid side, more so than I ever was before.

 

[ARK]

Im feeling a little paranoia too. Im sitting here hoping the phone will ring and that isnt good. Fri. and Sat. my date and I had a good time together and I left Sat. night. So, Sunday rolls around and I don't call. Monday rolls around and I don't call. At midnight she emails me a picture of her and lets me know how her day went. I replied back on Tuesday. Now its Wed. and no phone calls. So at this point, Im thinking I should call her Thurs. eve. to make small chat and see how her week is going. I may ask her for a date the following weekend of the 25th, though I wonder if that is too early to make plans for next weekend. Maybe I should just wait for her to reply to my email, I did ask her a question about her test results.

Keep in mind she is doing rotations at a local hospital and is probably getting pretty busy starting this week. She should have her schedule for the next 4 weeks of which hospital she will be at and when. Maybe I should broach the subject with a call and say "I would like to get together next weekend if your schedule isnt busy." Maybe she would share her schedule with me then.

 

[Oxide]

I only deal with girls who are interested in me, that is why my advice works for me. For example:

I have two girls i met last weekend. One called me twice already, setting up dates and all that. I call her and leave a message. She returns it, comes on a date, comes back to my place.

The other girl i call her, she says she will "call back" and takes 4 days to do so. I call her and say "I will call her back later tonight". Will i? Not tonight. She needs to learn how to respect my time.


I assume girls are interested if i've gone on a date with them, that is why i dont rely on all the rules. It is like "Oxide's way of dating. Girl behaves well >> we have fun and i behave well. Girl plays games >>>> i play her right back"

Like someone said, EVERYONE has caller id's now. she knows your number the minute you called her. hanging up without leaving a message reeks wimp to me.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by Oxide
I only deal with girls who are interested in me, that is why my advice works for me. For example:

I have two girls i met last weekend. One called me twice already, setting up dates and all that. I call her and leave a message. She returns it, comes on a date, comes back to my place.

The other girl i call her, she says she will "call back" and takes 4 days to do so. I call her and say "I will call her back later tonight". Will i? Not tonight. She needs to learn how to respect my time.


I assume girls are interested if i've gone on a date with them, that is why i dont rely on all the rules. It is like "Oxide's way of dating. Girl behaves well >> we have fun and i behave well. Girl plays games >>>> i play her right back"

Like someone said, EVERYONE has caller id's now. she knows your number the minute you called her. hanging up without leaving a message reeks wimp to me.

Oxide, you have the right idea, it definitely cuts your losses and saves time. I agree with that. The last girl I was with fell right into this category. She pursued big time, and it made things that much easier. The danger of these kinds of girls though is that they are so into the chase that if you ever let them catch you, things suddenly get really difficult because they can lose interest just as fast as they gain it.

Now I'm supposed to call up this girl so we can do something this week, so I'll call her today, probably get her voice mail, and then leave her a message. Hopefully we'll be able to hang out, and go from there.

 

[becker]

Out of the blue, this girl calls me today. She's off to the east coast until Wednesday to see her family, but we're going to do something when she gets back. Good sign, I like when they call, it's always a good thing.

 

[Legend]

This thread is so dumb. Just call whenever you feel like it. Do leave a message or dont leave a message, its really how you feel. Personally i leave messages so they know if i dont call them again its because they never returned my call.

All the answers you are seeking can be answered by yourself. You control the relationship. If shes playing games with you, shes cut off from your busy life.

You dont have time for games because you have to many other females that are interested in you.

Shes off to the west coast out of the blue? She couldnt tell you this on your coffee date? This came up all of a sudden?

It sounds fishy becker. Red flags all over this girl.