Personal Revelation

[hithard]

Ahh ok didn't see this thread before

 

[Die Hard]

Stay out of my thread, keep your little faggy hands off the keyboard and go somewhere else.

No can do... You come on here looking for other people's thoughts, then you gonna get them. It's very telling that my thoughts evoke such deep feelings of hate and anger in you. Ask yourself how it's possible for some dude on the internet to get you THIS riled up, how his words can disturb you THIS MUCH.

It has nothing to do with me. I'm nobody to you, just some guy behind his computer at the other end of the world. Why the hell would you give a flying fvck about my opinion of you? That makes no sense... A person's self image is linked to what other people, WHO ARE IMPORTANT TO HIM, think of him. I, some guy on a message board, am not that important to you, your self image certainly isn't linked to my opinion of you. So you really shouldn't get so emotionally disturbed when I say something about you.

This means your over-emotional response to my posts has absolutely nothing to do with me, the person BEHIND the post. Which leaves the post ITSELF as the only possible reason for your emotional response. You hate my posts about you coz you know they speak the truth. And you obviously can't handle the truth... This is exactly why you're directing all your anger at ME, why all your focus is currently on ME. Coz as long as all your focus is on me, it can't be on the message I bring. It's just a defense mechanism of the mind, trying to shift the attention on something else, away from the painful truth...

But any problem cannot be solved until it has been acknowledged and identified. So you have to let go of this angry crusade against me and focus on the things I've pointed out, instead. You want to make progress, you want to solve the problems that hold you back in achieving happiness. So you have to acknowledge and identify those problems first!

Or you could just run away AGAIN. Just abandon this thread, take a break from SoSuave, come back in a few months again. The truths from my posts will have faded from your memory by that time and you'll start a smilar thread to this one, stating the same problems, asking the same questions...AGAIN. Eventually, I'll notice the new thread and start telling you the same things...AGAIN. Seriously, how many times have we been here before? Do you even realize how you are repeating the same circle over and over again, with each thread that you make? Do you want me to put links to your earlier threads?

 

[Die Hard]

Not trolling, Serg... Just very determined to help Buddha see the things that his fear won't allow him to see.

Don't ask me why. I usually leave people alone if they don't want my advice. What's the use if they don't want it anyway? This is a bit different, though... I believe part of him DOES want it. Hopefully, that part starts to show itself some more when the ranting and agression have calmed down...

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I love you too, man...

1. Please define "success"
2. Please define "planting flags"
4. Please explain what you ARE after.

Die Hard,

You are interesting to me, and your persistence is interesting. I will engage in a dialogue with you, but I would like you to consider in your responses: how does a personal trainer talk to the fat man? How does the drug counselor talk to the drug addict? If you belittle and insult the people you are trying to help, you aren't going to develop the bridge to communicate your idea. If you tune into their wavelength instead and operate more on ways they communicate, you may find more progress. Pushing and slamming against the door doesn't always work as best as turning the knob. You want to help me, than stop slamming, help me with the mechanics--consider the "end game" in what you are trying to communicate.

I will start by answering your questions and see where you decide this goes. I will do my best to be civil -- if you slam me with a series of whining and crying smiley faces you will piss me off and lose my attention.

So let's talk.

1. Please define "success". By success I mean having what you are working towards actualizing. Having the things that you believe could enhance your life, and working to achieve them. When we train with weights or complete a long run, maybe we feel 'successful' because our hard work has paid off in mileage or physique or feeling. What is 'successful' and the levels of 'success' that gratify a person are subjective -- for some people there is never enough to equate happiness. For others, they work long and hard and taste the fruits of their rewards and feel good. With women, I would like to taste the fruits of my hard work. Despite your knowledge I have worked damn hard. I am not perfect and I am not where I want or need to be exactly, but I'm far from where I was originally. I am working towards that feeling of 'success' -- that I have what I want, and I've earned it.

2. Define "planting flags". By that I mean your references to banging women just as toys. By planting flags I mean sticking your c0ckle in their vagile and making it tickle, and then, of course, moving on. I'm talking serial-STRs. I don't believe that for everyone "feels" good. I question if a string of STRs will truly help my psychology or mental state. I have talked to many men who bang lots of chicks and say afterawhile it feels hollow. Maybe that's them, maybe that's not you, and maybe per say I wouldn't feel that way. But I do not inherently desire that. Perhaps I am trained to perceive so. I come from a monogamous family whom didn't argue much growing up -- mother rarely negatively critiqued my father...was most always "on his side" and even now they get along quite well...I have been trained by my upbringing and youthful childhood imprinting to see that sort of model. That model worked for them, I was not treated poorly, my mother has not stabbed my father in the back, and they generally speaking, seem to enjoy their mutual company. Granted my father did not marry until age 34. He didn't go into it at age 22 or blindly per say. I think he learned a great deal. But, that doesn't mean it (that model of relationship) is right for everyone or persay will bring me the happiness I desire. But this is my psychology.

3. Define what you "are" after. A healthy level of closeness with another human being with sex + emotional connections. A woman who is supportive of me and doesn't knock me down, cut me down, view me in a poor and negative light, whom is generally encouraging of the battles I face and is on my side and believes in my victories. A friend. A woman who sparks my mind and my penis. I don't know if you have to pedestal a woman for these things. In some ways I think what I want is to be pedestaled myself by a sexy woman. A recent fitness guru died, his wife spoke of him, "he was the finest of men--I will miss him forever--I love him very much". How many women say such things about their man? Instead I hear (at work and elsewhere) a lot of complaints..women cutting their men down..talking about them like little stupid helpless animals...this is not the word choice or rhetoric I hope to ever hear a woman describe be as..(nor will ever tolerate again) -- if she has begun those words, than things are already heading towards termination of relationship.

Sometimes I am after short-term sex. I have had a few opportunities in the last months. I did not capitalize on one, I work with her, and she was chatting up so many other dudes I was turned off--a second one (this is a small town) had been with two other men I knew somewhat closely at the time...we made out one night and she wanted more...but I weaned her away and told her I wasn't able to give her what she needed...in terms of the "end game" I knew she wasn't GF material in the sense of what I was looking for.

This is a small town. Plate spinning is difficult, because on your night out with #1 you may run into #2 or #3 at the same grocery store. I live in a beautiful powerful landscape, I am building some work here. I consider moving because of the small-scale of the social-world here. But I wonder if p00n-hunting and uprooting my life is really what I am after..I suppose I am after greater social stimulation than just women, but in some ways my life here too is peaceful..close to nature..not much pollution.

So part of the frustration of approaching many avaliable women, is well, in this town there are not many. Part of the problem with plate theory here, is well, spatial distribution is dense, it's hard to keep things on the DL, and social gossip is more prevalent (this is a primary reason I have withdrawn from some of the social circles here...things spread so fast...little privacy...gossip wears me out). I do suffer from one-itis. As I described, sometimes I crave and desire the one-itis. Maybe it is the endorphins or whatever neurotransmitters...maybe it is the conditioning by this society towards Disney Land Relationships...or sometimes, just as I wish to be strongly driven in my work, I wish to be strongly driven by my woman (women).

I agree that women should not be the focus. Maybe when they do, we've lost sight already of larger goals. I may be guilty of this at times. I work to NOT lose that focus, I work to NOT get too day-dreamy...I've grown a great deal and have not repeated some of my past mistakes...I know I've moved past some things. I no doubt have much progress to truly become the great strong man that I wish to be. I know for my age I am building a good foundation. I know I have accomplished a lot already. I know I have learned from my female experiences thus far.

But just as your AFC-reversion thread denoted, I struggle as well, at not wanting to hurt the gentle ones...to not imagine their sexual pasts or consider the actuality of their sexual actions (taking it anal, multiple dudes, who knows, the sweet and innocent are not always so)...but I acknowledge these may too be a mental fiction.

As for my breaks from SS, sometimes I have to go dive into the real world and take experiences as they come without too much saturation from this forum. To some extent, too much time here and not enough outside of it, can not be healthy. In a lot of ways this place is great, especially for those currently struggling--supports people and helps them see outside of their own heads. That doesn't mean everything and all concepts are iron-clad.

Bring me some questions. Bring me new ideas. Challenge my thinking in a non-hostile way. I will try and be civil with you. I think you and I are not entirely so different.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I had to stop reading this thread, but honestly I don't know the history between you two. I just see that Buddha, you have been on sosuave for 3 years?? You obviously keep running in circles. Diehard is not holding back b/c it is the right thing to do. You need to hit rock Fvucking bottom to be helped. I just went through this same situation with my older brother. He couldn't change his ways. He couldn't get over his fears. My parents would help him in numerous ways. They tried to talk to him on his "wavelength" and that Sh1t never worked. Everyone tried to talk to him on his level because they were afraid to "hurt his fragile little feelings." I was a victim of this treatment too. I was nice and patsy with him until this past January I finally confronted him after a year and a half of being miserable. I layed into him. I made him cry. I told him everything he needed to hear. I insulted him, and broke him down. I really stepped over the line and gave it to him. He finally responded. We didnt talk for 4 months after that night, but since Jan he has really turned his life around. I don't want to get into specifics, but Now we are best buds and we work together in our journey to become the best men we can be.

Bud, there is no rock bottom here. I've built 25lbs of extra muscle these last 9 months, created a business out of thin air 1+ year ago that has been financially profitable so far (although there is much work to be left). I work a second job and have an important role, and am just starting a third. Meanwhile I'm looking for further environmental work. I'm not running my life into the ground here, and I do get female interest. Many of these women I work with, and as I said, it's a small town. After some of the BS I've been through the last year and with other women particularly, I've been focusing more so on the things I am building now. I get ILs from the girls at work around me all of the time, I've had to be careful to hold things back to not get myself in a bad spot (like this most beautiful chick who is about to get married, 24 yrs old and her desires to spend time together). It's not per say that I couldn't get laid if I really wanted to. I'm just not focusing on that right now, and I don't feel right just going out like a dog to bang some women. I feel that what I am building (body, business, passions) will pay off through time, and sooner or later other aspects will flow. Dry seasons don't last forever.

 

[Jitterbug]

Sounds like you have no problem at all.

So what are the recent posts about then? Convincing yourself that there is no problem?

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Sounds like you have no problem at all.

So what are the recent posts about then? Convincing yourself that there is no problem?

I have made a lot of progress in some areas -- I am not the type to sit around and do nothing when there is a problem. Sure there are still problems my man. Growing a business takes commitment and work and a lot of energy. A never-ending triathlon! I have been isolated, have not been dating much, due to the circumstances I denoted. I was lamenting I suppose and venting about questioning things. The redhead at work likely got a bit into my brain -- she did some very nice things for me, we went out to lunch -- she's getting married so I've always had to know not to take her seriously. But this woman truly is incredible, triathlete, environmentally-aware, and she always treats me well. But, but, but there of course is no healthy course of action there. I can't pursue her aggressively and I can't sleep with her ; as much as I would like to.

There are other women in this town. I suppose it just sucks when you really just can't be with whom you'd like. She's been with the same guy for years. I'm not sure she's entirely satisfied in her relationship. I've never been her crying shoulder, but we've formed a friendship. There are truths that you just can't be friends with a chick you're attracted to. I truly have to meter myself, and I may have to work with her in other ways into the future so I do my best to contain my feelings. I am sure if I had some other stuff going on she wouldn't be of big of a focus.

My problem is simply I'm not putting myself out there in this really small town, I'm engulfed in creating something that is growing..and could continue to provide...at my own pace...(I am the boss), but I just get lonely in this tiny mountain town, all the mountain-mammas be with other dudes, and you're just waiting your turn. Perhaps I truly need to move and go somewhere socially dense and just experiment and reach out to as many women and people that I can.

Ultimately, I am a fortunate person for sure. But truly, it would be nice to have some female company. All of these women are off-limits. The bars are the place the singles congregate and I'm not a bar dude, and most of these chicks are just passing through----which I could capitalize on...

There's a female christian catholic college across the road...lots of young jesus loving women, lol, I'm not a fan of dating women who are brainwashed about dead zombies in the sky...I thought I ought to put on a berret and play some jesus songs and just game these chicks as some new-age christian, lol. I don't know if I could keep the facade up.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Ok so what is the problem then man?? U sound like you have a great life.... Just from an outsiders point I view (mine) bro it seemed like you were the most unhappy got nothing going whining complainer... Wtf is this thread being rejuvenated by you?? I dont get it...

Truly man, probably the red-head I was describing, a cracked moment of weakness...I am better now...

I also live a mobile-based lifestyle. Lol. What I mean by that, is I chose back in March to move outdoors again. I live around national forest areas and near canyons and open places. I have a pretty sweet gear system and have dialed things over the years. I've moved in and out of places a few times in the last years and find mentally I thrive the most being close to nature. I get to watch the stars and milky way strip when I go to bed, listen to the river. I live very cheaply and this is how I am able to build my business and sustain on the amount of money I'm making. I am working very hard to push and make more and keep growing so that I can provide perhaps someday for someone beyond myself (children). When I live indoors for long periods of time I start to go nutso...I've read too many 'on the road' books,and have a love for exploration and mountain vistas and powerful landscapes that make you say "jesus ****ing christ look at that ****". But my man, chicks don't dig camping (blondie skirt-wearing chicks). I know not many if any women could live this same way--it is awesome but sometimes very rough. I am young and this is the time and place to explore and experiment this way...I will be cooped up in some building in the future I imagine..and winter is coming here soon and I'll have to make some changes if I stay...find some accommodations...this life is very free but at times, lonely. The traveling mind or the exploring dude must accept that his journey is his alone.

I was lamenting, this red-head seeded in my brain, beautiful woman of my fiction, I get lonely sometimes with them stars, but, I don't think this will be forever.

Lol, I didn't mean to sound like such a ***** if that is the case! Maybe I was throwing myself a huge pity party...blegh.

PS--a lot of women actually find my lifestyle interesting and has been a source of IL -- it's not easy and I know my mind is strong in order for this way, but a lot of women see it idealistically and think it's just nature-paradise all of the time...they fail to know there is wind and cold and rain and animals and **** ain't always so glamorous...this lifestyle attracted my last GF -- I thought I had to give it up to be with her -- worst mistake of my life -- I've reestablished it after a *****-load of work, and this I can never give up again. Only upgrade. The sort of thing sometimes I almost wish to do until the day I die. Once you get far enough down the experiences make it hard to turn back.

 

[Jitterbug]

As Buddha (the actual philosopher) would tell you, you need to let go of such attachments. You're getting attached too quickly to women who show you any attention. You're placing them on a pedestal too quickly. The redhead at work seems alright, but I can assure you she's not all that and a bag of chips. You're just seeing her through unattainable pvssy goggles (more dangerous version of new pvssy goggles) so she seems like an angel dancing on sunshine and rainbows right now. You haven't got the head clear for long enough to ask her the right questions to reveal her bad side yet.

For example, as someone on the outside commenting on the limited information you gave me about her, I can see a warning flag already: a woman about to get married should NEVER go out to lunch with a single male co-worker. I would not want my (hypothetical) fiancee to do that. A taken woman must draw a very clear line between professional work and personal relationship with other men, and she would, if she actually respected her fiance and feared losing him. This one is enjoying too much male attention from a single man (you) to draw the line. Women aren't stupid, this one knows you're super keen on her, and she's enjoying every minute of it. That is not the mark of a good woman.

This is something people can try to explain to you, but only true maturity can make you feel it. I've been there before, and could logically understand it, but only with maturity (and we all reach it in different ways) I could sit back, chill out and see the woman for what she really is and not with said goggles.

One thing for sure: the more successful you are in life and business, the more important it will be that you get rid of those goggles, else you'd be ripe for pickings by some enterprising woman who can fake your Dream Woman persona (it's not that hard, btw).

 

[Buddha_Mind]

As Buddha (the actual philosopher) would tell you, you need to let go of such attachments. You're getting attached too quickly to women who show you any attention. You're placing them on a pedestal too quickly. The redhead at work seems alright, but I can assure you she's not all that and a bag of chips. You're just seeing her through unattainable pvssy goggles (more dangerous version of new pvssy goggles) so she seems like an angel dancing on sunshine and rainbows right now. You haven't got the head clear for long enough to ask her the right questions to reveal her bad side yet.

For example, as someone on the outside commenting on the limited information you gave me about her, I can see a warning flag already: a woman about to get married should NEVER go out to lunch with a single male co-worker. I would not want my (hypothetical) fiancee to do that. A taken woman must draw a very clear line between professional work and personal relationship with other men, and she would, if she actually respected her fiance and feared losing him. This one is enjoying too much male attention from a single man (you) to draw the line. Women aren't stupid, this one knows you're super keen on her, and she's enjoying every minute of it. That is not the mark of a good woman.

This is something people can try to explain to you, but only true maturity can make you feel it. I've been there before, and could logically understand it, but only with maturity (and we all reach it in different ways) I could sit back, chill out and see the woman for what she really is and not with said goggles.

One thing for sure: the more successful you are in life and business, the more important it will be that you get rid of those goggles, else you'd be ripe for pickings by some enterprising woman who can fake your Dream Woman persona (it's not that hard, btw).

@Jitterbug -- I genuinely appreciate your feedback, it is accurate man. I have to say I too completely recognized her going to lunch with me as not a good thing for a woman who is about to get married. She also gave me some pretty sweet longing eyes and I felt not good about the whole thing (guilt), but we didn't make any moves and I don't know if she's just bored.

My personal theory is they've been dating since college and probably early on, they're getting married and I believe their mutual parents approve of one another, etc. She is rather young, 24, and likely has not had many LTRs beyond this one. I don't think she always knows what she's doing. But she's so goddam.ned smart and so tenacious and motivated and a very beautiful person.

I have tried to convince myself she is evil. I have tried to hate her. Or not even hate, but lack of concern. I placed space between us, and had to basically ignore her in a sense. I walk past her desk everyday at work--I would do my best to walk briskly, look busy, look as though very serious important issues are pending. I never gave her negativity or hate. Just tried to ignore--put it out of the mind--detach. She seemed really hurt by this, she sent me a few emails, I ignored them--afraid of treading on sketchy ground and kept the space.

One day she came walking past my desk with her head hanging low and she looked really sad, (and looked at me and said Hi really softly) and I felt bad for her, she seems like such a good person, I thought..I wondered if I was treating her poorly...maybe she just genuinely wanted to be my friend...so I cracked a day or two later and sent her an email, I couldn't resist, I felt so damn magnetized, felt like I'd been sort of an @ss to her. I started communicating with her again.

We never then or now "talked" about anything about her relationship or anything about "us".

I've never really heard her speak positively about her finacee. I've only heard her complain. Recently she says "he" rather than even his name. It's just all fvcked up. Part of me wants to grab her and say, you're a beautiful sexy motivated 24 year old! Please don't marry this dude now! Don't do it! Don't do it!

But I know she is living her own life, own decisions, none of my business--and she would never be able to love me in the way that I expect to be loved--anything between us is not possible--and I might just be a causality and as you say Jitterbug, she may not have any of that intention at all--she's just looking for attention. This is what I thought -- but days she sulks past my desk, or the times she's sent me kind encouraging words, I thought..meh..I'm being too hard..I can control my emotions for her (but this is really not true, it's hard to fully control those emotions when they are so strong).

I have, after our lunch, had to restrain myself. We've had some email exchanges and she dulled it down this time. In return I've created some space again also, there is no real hostility, I act at work as nothing bothers me, that nothing has occurred, and still just act "normal". But in my mind I just know what's up, I don't think we can have some normal friendship.

I notice she observes my body language a lot, when I enter the room at times I have seen her adjust in her chair, or move her hair.

Jitterbug bro, at the end of the day, your words hold weight. I am sure she knows I crush on her (one day I had a waterbottle in my crotch at a meeting and I kept seeing her eye my junk slightly and shift her weight and for a moment I felt this sexual tension right at work...her sitting next to me at work...). It's like all the biological/pheromones are saying "you need to bang this woman right here" -- but it isn't the truth.

She did help me tremendously by connecting me to a job in town that will really be a positive thing these next months. I feel I "owe" her some degree of something, as she genuinely reached out to help me--even after the space I created. She has a few times helped me with my current struggles...she is good at "listening" and she provides some good feedback...this was done via an email.

I have at times thought maybe she was a victim of something -- maybe she's being treated unfairly...maybe she takes care of this guy and does all the work around the house, etc, etc, or isn't satisfied intellectually or sexually with him..I don't know how motivated this guy is.

But at the end of the day, you are correct man. She probably does dig the attention, and she would potentially leave me to the wayside if a new branch that looked better came a long. She is likely unexperienced. She likely feels attraction for me, but its all hindered or perverted because of her marriage. She may really love the guy too and just think of me as a "friend", but I've definitely felt more than that, and she has before offered to "pick up a 6 pack" and I ought to "come by". I avoided that situation.

You're words are correct dude. I need to put her out of my mind romantically. I may or may not have to work with her into the future -- the job I am starting she is loosely affiliated with -- I don't want to burn my bridge with her or get hostile or catty or any BS with her; I want to just remain chill--despite whatever is or is not, she has helped me, I definitely don't want to hurt her. But I don't want to hurt myself or her fiancee either. I know truly I have to keep that mental space. But sometimes those feelings get rather strong and I get oneitis for this chick and I don't always know how to deal with that correctly. Thus far, I haven't done anything to get myself in any trouble thank god.

PS -- She could also just be using me as a place of reinforcement when she's having rough patches in her relationship, or to make her finance angry / jealous / fearful. That is a real possibility.

 

[Jitterbug]

PS -- She could also just be using me as a place of reinforcement when she's having rough patches in her relationship, or to make her finance angry / jealous / fearful. That is a real possibility.

Good guess, but my take on it is that you are what's known as the "safe thrill". Engaged, about to be married women are notorious for entertaining such thing. They all have some variant of cold feet, so they look outside to have their desirability affirmed by other men. Entertaining sexual attention from a guy in a safe environment where he can't really make a move without massive risks and complete plausible deniability for the woman is a typical move. You're the cute work guy. You can't make a move on her without risking your job. She always has the upper hand in that if you get out of control, she can use the sexual harassment stick. She also has done nothing to plainly suggest any romantic intention. Every second she's spent with you has plausible deniability attached. Safe thrill. In her head, she can imagine you as some romance novel hero riding in to save her from a horrifying marriage with some bore / brute, but she has plenty of real life protection if you actually try such stunt and ruin the fantasy.

It's actually a lot of fun (I love flirting with those women) if you are not emotionally invested. If you are, you're screwed.

 

[Die Hard]

Bring me some questions. Bring me new ideas. Challenge my thinking in a non-hostile way.

I have no more questions for you, nor new ideas. All you need to reach your goals is here already. Go read my replies to your earlier threads over the years, go read the crucial posts and threads that SoSuave has to offer, everthing you need is here. There is no need for new ideas or challenging your thinking. You just need to step over your fear and allow your brain to connect the dots. You're a very intelligent guy who could easily become very succesful and reach his goals. If only you'd ALLOW yourself to connect the dots and do what is needed... Coz I'm pretty sure you HAVE read all the appropriate threads and posts that SoSuave has to offer, but you just won't fully accept all of the wisdom, your mind keeps resisting to it.

So the only thing I have to say to you: Stop being a pusssy! (sorry, I'm not gonna think of some more polite words to say the same thing). You have many AFC habits and ideas that you should deal with. The problem is you don't see that you have those ideas and habits, you don't seem to have the ability to look at yourself from a distance and spot those ideas/habits. I didn't either, in the past...but eventually I did. I guess it will take some more time before you do, also. And that's okay...but I fear that it might NEVER happen with you and that frustrates me. Why? Coz I recognize my former self in you and I wish to help you leaving the current "you" behind and evolve into a better "you".

But like I said, it's something you have to do yourself, I can't FORCE you to spot your own shortcomings and decide to move beyond them. It's all up to you! I can only yank your chain, lol. Which I have done quite alot over the last years. In the beginning, you thanked me for it, coz I unapologetically told you how it was and left you little room to make excuses for yourself. But as time passed, you didn't really get any further in many respects (you did improve in others, though!) and you started to rationalize certain truths away, instead of accepting them and adjusting to them accordingly. That's why I felt I needed to yank your chain much harder...

But I see the same defense mechanisms in your thinking, still. They are very aparent in those last few posts you made in this thread, in conversation with Jitterbug and Meast. As I read you last few posts, I concluded that they are simply too deeply ingrained in your mind, so I give up on any further attempt to work around them.

So I'm just gonna wish you good luck with your struggle now, man! See you when you get there!

 

[Buddha_Mind]

You just need to step over your fear and allow your brain to connect the dots. You're a very intelligent guy who could easily become very succesful and reach his goals. If only you'd ALLOW yourself to connect the dots and do what is needed...

Thanks man. I know I have potential...I have practiced SS-philosophy and technique, and I found positive results. When living in Seattle I was interacting witha lot of women, and used each as a mechanism to practice, I made a lot of headway, was getting multiple girl's #'s and months later similar practices attracted my last GF (she escalated). I was getting stuck at escalation and "sarging". I could get their #'s, get em alone, but moving from kino forwards and escalating I'd start to get a bit of anxiety...and then I'd get a bit self-conscious and start to lose my vibe...this has been a plateau. I'm good at building rapport, building interest, being "different" and projecting confidence. But yes maybe I am a pussssy because I get right to fvcking finish line and I can't cross it. Yes there has been FEAR of REJECTION or having been a past fat dude as I've mentioned, I have some scars from that -- a bit of loose skin that is filled in pretty good with muscle (and I've had girls say they didn;t even notice) but I get psyched out--as if it's some freakish disfigurement and I'm done.

I know I can reach that success of where women are no longer a problem for me. I've come close to breaking through the barrier, and then dialed back. I have been very busy with other life things, that's no excuse, I could be pushing myself harder--I would be happier seeing my successes.

The problem is you don't see that you have those ideas and habits, you don't seem to have the ability to look at yourself from a distance and spot those ideas/habits. I didn't either, in the past...but eventually I did. I guess it will take some more time before you do, also. And that's okay...but I fear that it might NEVER happen with you and that frustrates me. Why? Coz I recognize my former self in you and I wish to help you leaving the current "you" behind and evolve into a better "you".

> What finally helped you push through that plateau?

> Did you have a "tipping" point?

> What was your source of motivation?

> Do you feel women are no longer a struggle for you?

> Would you quote/bold my ideas/habits that you say I can't see? Help knock some sense in me.

I know the red-head is not viable. I've known that all along. In many ways thanks to SS, I have not made some mistakes that in the past I have repeated. This is good.

Jitterbug -- re: plausible deniability -- I am guilty of this in my interactions with her too. Your response was solid gold. Thank you. There is "safety" and it always stops right before it gets any further...

**

Man either way this is progress. You gotta understand, at age 17 I was a 260lb kid with no-self-esteem and very little sense of myself. The past 10 years I have worked my @ss off. I am definitely not where I want to be fully, I definitely have a lot of issues still to work on, but I am now 195 most solid muscle, have an education I'm proud of, a life-style that's interesting and unique that I'm forging my own niche within...I am 10x more self-aware than I was then...more focused...more in touch with myself...but I have a long ways to go.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I have no more questions for you, nor new ideas. All you need to reach your goals is here already. Go read my replies to your earlier threads over the years, go read the crucial posts and threads that SoSuave has to offer, everthing you need is here. There is no need for new ideas or challenging your thinking. You just need to step over your fear and allow your brain to connect the dots. You're a very intelligent guy who could easily become very succesful and reach his goals. If only you'd ALLOW yourself to connect the dots and do what is needed... Coz I'm pretty sure you HAVE read all the appropriate threads and posts that SoSuave has to offer, but you just won't fully accept all of the wisdom, your mind keeps resisting to it.

So the only thing I have to say to you: Stop being a pusssy! (sorry, I'm not gonna think of some more polite words to say the same thing). You have many AFC habits and ideas that you should deal with. The problem is you don't see that you have those ideas and habits, you don't seem to have the ability to look at yourself from a distance and spot those ideas/habits. I didn't either, in the past...but eventually I did. I guess it will take some more time before you do, also. And that's okay...but I fear that it might NEVER happen with you and that frustrates me. Why? Coz I recognize my former self in you and I wish to help you leaving the current "you" behind and evolve into a better "you".

But like I said, it's something you have to do yourself, I can't FORCE you to spot your own shortcomings and decide to move beyond them. It's all up to you! I can only yank your chain, lol. Which I have done quite alot over the last years. In the beginning, you thanked me for it, coz I unapologetically told you how it was and left you little room to make excuses for yourself. But as time passed, you didn't really get any further in many respects (you did improve in others, though!) and you started to rationalize certain truths away, instead of accepting them and adjusting to them accordingly. That's why I felt I needed to yank your chain much harder...

But I see the same defense mechanisms in your thinking, still. They are very aparent in those last few posts you made in this thread, in conversation with Jitterbug and Meast. As I read you last few posts, I concluded that they are simply too deeply ingrained in your mind, so I give up on any further attempt to work around them.

So I'm just gonna wish you good luck with your struggle now, man! See you when you get there!

Look man, you lured and encouraged this discussion, and your feedback here was sub-par. I appreciate your words, I appreciate you trying to kick me in the @ss and wake me up, even if I think your tactics do not always help you full achieve your end-goals. However, now I ask you some real questions, in a public format as you've requested, and you can't give me some solid answers.

You got me to reveal some stuff, so follow this through--where's the big kick in the jaw I was expecting? I'm disappointed in you.

Here are my questions:

> What finally helped you push through that plateau?

> Did you have a "tipping" point?

> What was your source of motivation?

> Do you feel women are no longer a struggle for you?

> Would you quote/bold my ideas/habits that you say I can't see? Help knock some sense in me.

 

[Atom Smasher]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRGd0gD0QNE

 

[Buddha_Mind]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRGd0gD0QNE

I know man, I know.

Love you Die Hard :flowers: