Personal Revelation

[Buddha_Mind]

Well not really for all, but for myself at least. I just had a sort of mental break through.

Reading threads about men losing frame and my own experiences losing frame makes me realize: "just grow some balls". Backbreaker hit on this well in some thread he wrote about 'why don't men have any balls' and I just now like a swooping train the realization sunk in.

"Who Cares?"

This is what we have to ask ourselves in regards to women. I once wrote an a long rant about "who knows?" but now I really ask: Who the hell cares?! (and not in a nihilistic or angry way)

Man I have **So Many Times** pined or obsessed over some chick, tripping on whatever mental fantasy I had of her; but merely by doing so, you relinquish all of your mental power.

And I'm not saying, "hold power over people and flex your balls", that's what weak-minded people do.

What I'm saying is -- "who the fvck cares what she thinks of you?"

If you have some 49ers game to watch, or if she is trying to have her cake and eat it too -- stand the fvck up for yourself. Who cares if some woman approves or disapproves of you. So many *people* in general, men and women, change their opinions and their minds like the passing wind.

One moment I want A and to be with Her.
And the next B is appealing and hey who's that over there?
and now C is really what I ought to be doing...and this new lady in red is capturing my attention...

People's minds are like monkeys, and if you start bending your will around their needs, sacrificing your own needs and wants, than you are on a steaming train to Crapsville. And really -- who can you blame?

Yes you can blame Her and Him and The System -- but in the end, we bring it on ourselves every time we undermine our own self-respect, or sacrifice something of our own to make "her happy".

You ought not live your life to make anyone happy.

I'm not saying be a vaccum and suck up all you can for yourself -- to swim in your vault of coins like scrooge mcduck. What I am saying is make yourself happy by being true to yourself -- to what you ought to be doing vocationally, or what you ought to be doing with your time, or what responsibilities you are not meeting that you surely know you could be pushing harder.

Apathy and pleasing others are the quickest winds and forces to self-erode our own long-term well-being.

If she b!tches and moans because you made a decision for your own well-being, well, why do you have to put up with it?

You don't.

Now if she needs you during her grandmother's funeral, and you're busy sleeping in..that's another story...but for all of those who bend their decisions around women, whom have flexed and changed their course by her desires...please stop...for you will never stop experiencing the manipulation...and not just from women...but from men too -- anyone whom you begin to sacrifice your self-respect for -- they will eventually take more and more advantage of you, whether they know they are doing it or not.


Anyways, this is a ramble and some of you say "of course" and I agree, I proclaim no new prime-time knowledge -- but for myself at least, this simply clicked in the moment.

Another user here today linked to an article, by which the author wrote something along the lines of, 'be true to yourself and don't fold your own cards for anyone--this is how you find a woman worthy of your love'.

Because there are many women..whom, if you are good looking...have $...will be happy to get your attention..give you sex...but as the clock ticks...what are they going to do for you? Are they going to try and morph you into their desires, pull your needs away from you slowly? Or are they going to be a muse, an inspiration and a supporter?

Perhaps STR to STR is the method to avoid the fat and bristle, as was so eloquently put, but seems to me the greatest achievement is just following your own mission, meeting your own needs, and *as long as someone is treating you as you deserve* than they may continue to earn a place in your life.

This doesn't require AMOGing all over, or C&Fing or going hot and cold.

It just means having some self-respect and not letting -anyone- treat you like a pawn.

Whose affection do you truly need?

And if you don't even have your -own- affection, than how can you expect anyone to respect you?

I think this not only filters out poor friends and poor people, but forces us as individuals to hold ourselves to a higher standard.

/end rant had to share, inspired after some 295lb squats and 670lb leg sled sets today...I want to die...but each day in the gym I work to strengthen my will...we must have our own self-respect and strength above all else/

 

[Greasy Pig]

Hear hear!!

 

[AW1983]

Great post man, thank you. Ironically it'll be a woman to take this mentality (Who Cares? / Next!) from you. I've always had it when it came to associates, friends, enemies, family, people in general, etc. But a woman can compromise it if you at all let them.

I ran into my recent ex today and talked to her for a sec. Brought back those subversive ol' romanticized feelings and was messing with my head a bit. This post helped clear the fog. Obliged man.

 

[DanelMadr]

Many people have died just because they feared of looking stupid.

And many people don't even live of the same fear.

Approval seeking, ego feeding or protecting.

'

Approval junkies wrapped in suits....fear me or revere me but please think I'm special' (The Revolver movie)

Fear is the denominator. Balls certainly help.

My biggest breakthrough was when I admitted on deepest level and on all levels that I was a coward and idiot. No self flogging. I just let the part of me which made me fear everything to STFU.

Come on man, with your nick, you should know better ;-)

 

[Iceberg]

This doesn't require AMOGing all over, or C&Fing or going hot and cold.

Yep. This is some next-level stuff that you can't teach the new guys. But it's the truth.

When you're running your life the way YOU want it to be (f**k what everyone else thinks), this PUA stuff and all its acronyms and AMOG-ing, C&F, etc, mean nothing. You don't need to pull out the tricks and gimmicks because you're comfortable leaving behind anyone who doesn't buy into your self image.

It's not about "I appear too nice, so I need to add some C&F." It's about, "This chick doesn't like my game, so I'm moving on to the next one."

Too many dudes asking how to appear "alpha" (whatever the f**k that means), and not enough dudes asking about taking that next big trip, or starting that business he dreamed of, or going to woodworking class...or learning karate.

Besides, it's YOUR life. How can you NOT be "alpha" within the constraints of your own life? Oh right, because these guys are worried about being alpha amongst their group of friends. As if that means a damn thing.

Anyway, yes...who cares what these women think of you. In all of us lies the ability to do something HUGE. Bigger than women's perceptions of us. Spend less time worrying and more time doing.

 

[PokerStar]

great post Buddah

this past weekend i was moping to myself on how i should be more succesful and how I should have plenty of woemn to bang at anytime.

But i came to the realization of "WHO CARES?" I dont need to keep up with the Jones'. Im at my own pace and I can see my goals.

I dont have to compare or validate myself to anyone man or woman. I just need seek out what makes me happy and confident and stick to it.

Now Im starting to not give a f*ck.

I'm grabbing life by the balls and runing a marathon.

Good Luck Guys. ha! not that you need it.

 

[Serg897]

I think the main point to drive home here is that you wont always get what you want, even if you have all the game and PUA tactics in the world. We all need to be true to ourselves and independent, and not lose our mental sanity just because some b!tch decides she doesn't like something about you.

 

[HalfAddict]

Amen!

 

[mrRuckus]

Good job. You'll be amazed how far "i don't give a fvck" takes you in many, many aspects. Just use it judiciously.

 

[Mark1234]

This is a very good post and I'm really trying to adapt this mind-set as well. I find it's becoming more natural in my demeanor, especially now that I live in my own place and know that I have my own "domain" so to speak, to come back to.

Of course I do catch myself caring about what people think sometimes but I guess being aware is part of the process.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Nice one, Buddha.

I think the bulk of our women problems comes from trying to establish our worth and sense of masculinity through success with women as opposed to establishing the same through taking the hammer to ourselves and forging a successful life in general.

 

[Serg897]

I think the bulk of our women problems comes from trying to establish our worth and sense of masculinity through success with women as opposed to establishing the same through taking the hammer to ourselves and forging a successful life in general.

The problem is, how do we root out and destroy this needy approval-seeking mindset? Its a major psychological barrier for me.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

The problem is, how do we root out and destroy this needy approval-seeking mindset? Its a major psychological barrier for me.

I feel you here. I honestly have better and worse days. Some days I don't give a sh!t entirely, but days where my confidence is waning can be difficult...but it's just like anything else, you're going to have weaker and stronger days in your progress...you just have to recognize your weak moments and use it as an opportunity to push yourself...

This is a constant battle for me -- but in the end -- man, what sort of relationship or anything is going to be of value if you had to 'prove' your worth to her?

In the long run she'll always just have some sort of psychological bar over your head waiting for you to slip beneath it back into her land of 'disapproval'.

This I cannot tolerate in any relationship.

If your psychology shifts to "keeping her pleased" or "matching her bar" use that as a mental-red flag this your mind is shifting to the wrong place...

 

[zekko]

Yep. This is some next-level stuff that you can't teach the new guys. But it's the truth.

When you're running your life the way YOU want it to be (f**k what everyone else thinks), this PUA stuff and all its acronyms and AMOG-ing, C&F, etc, mean nothing. You don't need to pull out the tricks and gimmicks because you're comfortable leaving behind anyone who doesn't buy into your self image.

It's not about "I appear too nice, so I need to add some C&F." It's about, "This chick doesn't like my game, so I'm moving on to the next one."

I think you've hit the nail on the head as to why I am so unimpressed with certain aspects of the pickup culture. As you say, when you reach a certain point, a lot of the PUA stuff just seems silly.

I'm not saying I'm the "next level" insofar as I am so great with woman or a master pickup artist or anything - I have no desire to be a PUA. But most of the tips here that are actually worth anything came from life lessons. And at the age of 51, I can't help but have picked up most of these through the school of hard knocks.

If a woman isn't attracted to me for me, then she can walk. Even if I find her attractive, I'm not going to put on some sort of fake show for her. If she's not genuinely into me, she has no worth to me.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

If a woman isn't attracted to me for me, then she can walk. Even if I find her attractive, I'm not going to put on some sort of fake show for her. If she's not genuinely into me, she has no worth to me.

Dude I completely agree with this. I look back on some of the my pitfalls, and a lot of it WAS because I was trying to use tactics to be with someone whom really, I shouldn't have been with, because at the core we are incompatible.

There is a difference between having a suite of magic tricks to try and get laid...and working to find a genuine compatibility and mutually rewarding relationship.

I have no desire to grab some random hottie off of the street and trick her into hooking up -- more so I have the desire to find a rewarding positively enabling relationship where I don't feel there is a constant power struggle. Where there is generally and mostly peace.

Perhaps this is naive, but anything less I don't know why I ought to waste my time.

There is no way to trick the world into having things in life -- the only REAL way I know to do anything is through hard work and personal experience...and STICKING WITH IT (the hardest part).

 

[st_99]

pitfalls, and a lot of it WAS because I was trying to use tactics to be with someone whom really, I shouldn't have been with, because at the core we are incompatible.

.

I like your 'who cares' thinking because as guys looking to get girls we simply cannot care too much about any specific outcome otherwise you're entire game will go to sh!t.

But, I try not to rationalize why something didn't work by saying 'well, we were incompatible anyway' Last girl I really had oneitis for I am certain that long term we were not compatible but I didn't want to use that as an excuse, I still could pinpoint where my game was totally wack and lead to her fizzling out on me.

My thinking is.. I want to be the one that has to say 'please go away because we are not compatible', not her.

 

[DanelMadr]

The problem is, how do we root out and destroy this needy approval-seeking mindset? Its a major psychological barrier for me.

By observing your mind.....when you calm down and listen, just by listening you can recognize that little f@cker's voice in your head telling you to do this and that.
When you are completely honest with yourself, you will recognize the motives behind these orders....and hopefully find them silly, egoistic and based on fear.

Thanks to your observation, this scared little f@cker will loose it's power over you and will cease to control your life, emotions, reactions and moods.

Not saying it won't try to come back but you will certainly will be more free of it.

For starters it helps to steer clear your thoughts from past and future, trying to be present in every moment.

I'm certainly not a religious or spiritual person, so take this as objective advice....read Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now - Nicely compiled teachings of Buddha, Jesus, various Zen masters and many others. He is no guru and hopefully he won't let his ego get him in this way. Don't expect "enlightenment" manual though....it is all up to you to see the truth (corny I know).:wave:

 

[Serg897]

I'm certainly not a religious or spiritual person, so take this as objective advice....read Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now - Nicely compiled teachings of Buddha, Jesus, various Zen masters and many others. He is no guru and hopefully he won't let his ego get him in this way. Don't expect "enlightenment" manual though....it is all up to you to see the truth (corny I know).:wave:

I have read this book. I've also read through a few other buddhism-themed books and even gone through some of the translations of original buddhist texts. There is some great stuff there (more than other "religions", in my opinion), but like what is read on this forum, you actually have to take the initiative and have discipline in order to apply it to your life.

I've heard these mental defilements reffered to as "maras", or Mara - kinda like the devil but within your own head. However, the act of being aware that "Mara" is influencing your thoughts and actions weakens its power. This we can call the inner AFC.

I think its a lifelong process. Sometimes the inner AFC demon will still assert itself even after years of meditation, introspection, and awareness. But I think its power wanes considerably after a while.

 

[DanelMadr]

I have read this book. I've also read through a few other buddhism-themed books and even gone through some of the translations of original buddhist texts. There is some great stuff there (more than other "religions", in my opinion), but like what is read on this forum, you actually have to take the initiative and have discipline in order to apply it to your life.

I've heard these mental defilements reffered to as "maras", or Mara - kinda like the devil but within your own head. However, the act of being aware that "Mara" is influencing your thoughts and actions weakens its power. This we can call the inner AFC.

I think its a lifelong process. Sometimes the inner AFC demon will still assert itself even after years of meditation, introspection, and awareness. But I think its power wanes considerably after a while.

I also think that Buddhism is great stuff...Jesus is somewhat more cryptic in his message and Buddhism has the advantage of some 500 years of evolving, plus it was not polluted by mixing with state so much. However I do think Buddha would not be happy seeing people performing those rituals and bowing to his fatty statue.

Yeah, Mara is always lurking in darkness and waiting for his chance and I don't think we can get rid of it completely and it is not the point anyway. I do feel that we can almost get rid of it in a second, introspection and meditation can actually post pone the "final battle". Tackling your pain and your fears is more helpful.

I strongly believe that the only reason we experience AFC behavior is because we are cowards, egoistic cowards being afraid of rejection, being seen as worthless, as idiots etc. The same applies to jerks and PUA, only the ego protecting shield is not made of niceness but acted assertiveness.

I'm certainly not a poster boy of Zen, but I can feel the improvement once I admitted to myself that I was an idiot and coward. No buts, no self pity or resentment just admitting it in cases I did not even dare to open. Once opened...ego tries to protect you by portraying it in your favor...if you don't let it...voila...the pain and fear is gone.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I have read this book. I've also read through a few other buddhism-themed books and even gone through some of the translations of original buddhist texts. There is some great stuff there (more than other "religions", in my opinion), but like what is read on this forum, you actually have to take the initiative and have discipline in order to apply it to your life.

I've heard these mental defilements reffered to as "maras", or Mara - kinda like the devil but within your own head. However, the act of being aware that "Mara" is influencing your thoughts and actions weakens its power. This we can call the inner AFC.

I think its a lifelong process. Sometimes the inner AFC demon will still assert itself even after years of meditation, introspection, and awareness. But I think its power wanes considerably after a while.

I think there is definite truth in the fact that we all have demons in our minds that we are fighting...I think this is a universal thing, and maybe only small handfulls of individuals have found true ways to temper those demons...

I always try and shift my mind towards the the opposite during experiences such as that...IE, if my mind starts to go dark I try to imagine the counter-opposite of the same situation...sometimes that helps bring back in balance and keeps me from going too far towards the dark.

I am neither religious nor super-spiritual much these days; I am more interested in pragmatic effective ways of being. Zen is appealing in a pragmatic sense through the notions of detaching and staying in the present...viewing things as part of a greater whole...these things are beneficial to my psyche.

But at the end of the day nobody has this Reality completely figured out. We are all learning through trial and error and discussion and experimentation.

I agree that in a lot of ways the inner AFC is a result of fear or failure or lack of personal self-esteem and self-respect. It is because we can see our own greatest flaws and faults, and we are afraid when another sees them too we will be rejected and be back alone again. These fears are reasonable in some ways as we all have insecurities, this is all humans not just men; but we have to not let these insecurities be our master...

I know its a really *lame* analogy, but we rented the Green Lantern last week out of one of those blockbuster DVD rental machines....the message in that movie I thought to be relevant:

Strengthen your will and your resistance to fear. Fear itself becomes a powerful and snowballing emotion. Whereas to strengthen your will means you are pulling and extracting what you desire out of the world...this takes great practice and constant work just like the weightlifter pushes against the weight or the climber pushes against gravity...

To strengthen the mind is a constant process...life long as someone denoted..and probably the best way is by challenging ourselves in every moment that we can...when the mind slips to a weaker state, re-engage it and force the strength back into it...visualize the opposite of whatever it is that you are dragging yourself down with...

and despite that we all have insecurities and faults, we don't have to let these be the sum of ourselves, nor the most accurate representation of ourselves....we have the right to our own errors as human beings and our own hypocrisies and mistakes....nothing on this planet is perfect...we needn't be...simply we must not put full stock in our weakest aspects...put our stock instead in our greatest strengths..