People who think it's easy to get girls annoy me

[Scion]

Recently I've had quite a few ppl tell me it's easy to get girls and get laid. Almost everyone I know can find dates easily without trying and they just don't understand that it's difficult (****ing near impossible for me). I've been given "tips", the best of which was from the girl I like "you just need to be confident, it's easy" (yet she won't even hang out with me when I ask). I don't have a question here, I'm just venting, better than keeping all this **** in.

 

[John_Valido]

you do need to be more confident; it is easy. and she doesn't want to hang out with you because you're not confident. what do you want her to pitty hang out with you and act like she could like you?

you don't like yourself. why should a woman like you then?

what would it take (besides getting women) to make you really really love yourself and look in the mirror everyday and smile a genuine smile?

trust me - you don't want that thing to be women, or your world will become more fragile than it is now. you can fall in love, get a great f buddy, do a bunch of one-night stands.... but if you're relying on that or hoping that will make you happy - you're going to fall through every floor you walk on....


getting women is easy... but it's only easy for those who get themselves first... who are you? what exactly do you do?

 

[Scion]

I am happy with myself, I like my life and look forward to my future (once I'm done busting my ass in school). I'm not happy that I've never been with a girl (whole reason I came to this site), but I wanted to fix that (unlike all the passive advice I've gotten from girls). I don't know how to become much more confident.

Edit:
I should be more detailed. I am confident in other aspects of my life (work, school) but not with women because I've had no positive experience. Most guys get this experience when they are teenagers, however I didn't (no girls liked me in hs, actually no girls have ever liked me). I like myself however and have been fairly content with my life (obviously not when it comes to women however). Is there a way to fake confidence in order to attract women?

 

[Frank_Tartaglia]

Advice which advises a passive course of action is usually bad. People often mistake patience with passivity. Being patient and working things out before hastily moving onto the next step is very good advice.

As for confidence everybody says that you should be confident, but they never seem to explain how or even what they mean. Confidence isn't really something you can fake, at least I haven't found a way. Confidence is something that takes time to build. It's a little like learning how to ride a bike. At first you're unsure of yourself and you take things slow, you probably even fall a few times. But the more time you spend practicing the better you get and the more you learn. This is how you build confidence.

 

[dj0014]

Hi,

no girls liked me in hs, actually no girls have ever liked me

I really doubt that.

My piece of advice to you would be learn to dance latin dances.
that way you'll meet nice girls and will eventually feeling less anxious when you're around beatufil women.
Honestly, it took me some time to start hearing the salsa beats 1-2-3-5-6-7 but it's really worth it
by the way there is a salsa audio with counting on the internet.

When you talk to a girl focus on her and ask her questions.

Good luck,
Dj0014

 

[Just a Shot Away]

I'm with you on this one. Naturals give the same advice, over and over.

"You just gotta TALK to 'em!"
"You gotta be confident!"
"Just be yourself!"

This sounds great on paper of course, but when put into practice the advice is useless. Women can smell faked confidence a mile away. Also, women don't want guys to be "themselves", unless "being themselves" means being a confident @sshole that will dominate them and maybe even smack them around a little bit when they get out of line.

The fact is everyone is born with their own talents and skillsets, and it makes no sense to try to give someone such simplified advice when really it's a genetic issue, with early life experiences mixed in that makes people the way they are.

 

[Scion]

Girls are the worst, they think it's so easy to find someone to date (mainly because all they do is sit back and a dozen guys hit on them). Their advice is always, it'll happen when it happens.

I wish I could find a way to become more confident with women, but I can't. I guess I'm just one of those guys that aren't meant to get any women. Sucks, and maybe I should find some way of accepting it. Idk.

 

[old married dude]

It's really not THAT bad, just takes practice really. If you're a n00b to the game, start off my interacting with less attractive girls like your average 5, usually they aren't too hard to talk to. Stay away from the 8's & above until you've built that confidence.

This whole thing is really just like baseball. Most players start off playing A, then AA, then AAA before getting to the big leagues. Only the naturals go straight from HS or college into the big leagues. No one is going to bat 1.000 either, if you bat .350 in baseball or with girls, you're doing well no matter what anyone says. You'll face slumps and surges. The surges are cool & you'll feel like Albert Pujols lol. You just gotta keep working at it.

 

[mustfirstregister]

I once said that too. I'm not getting any now. Over confidence messed me up because I stopped going to the gym and stopped doing the things I like. I'm back to square 1.

 

[Veridin]

Girls are the worst, they think it's so easy to find someone to date (mainly because all they do is sit back and a dozen guys hit on them). Their advice is always, it'll happen when it happens.

The classic: "You'll find someone when you stop looking."

What? How does that work? What laws of nature dictate that, and in what physics book do they find it? Trying less ... increases chances, and actually makes the target come to you? Amazing theory. And I can assure you, the majority of women will give this reply at one point or another when on the topic of having a hard time finding a partner.

Of course, women say it simply because it sounds good. Because it is a paradox. And a paradox sounds wise because you don't understand it right away - so then it must be wise, as we have learned from Oriental mysticism, which women love. Also, it sounds comfortable: you don't have to do anything!

Women usually say what they want to be true, instead of what objective research has found to be true. Ever seen any of the Dilbert strips where he talks to women in a logical, rational manner, asking them how their fluffy talk could possibly be true, and shredding it with facts? And the women hate him for it. Dilbert is single because he thinks like a man and is honest about it. The world is a sad place.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Recently I've had quite a few ppl tell me it's easy to get girls and get laid. Almost everyone I know can find dates easily without trying and they just don't understand that it's difficult (****ing near impossible for me). I've been given "tips", the best of which was from the girl I like "you just need to be confident, it's easy" (yet she won't even hang out with me when I ask). I don't have a question here, I'm just venting, better than keeping all this **** in.

Instead of just hearing or taking advice they give you or tips and trying them out, you might find it more helpful to first look at all the things you currently are doing that are getting in your way and preventing you from getting what you want.

Before you focus on what can work, you need to eradicate everything that is definitely NOT working for you. Search this site, or the internet, the so called DJ Bible, etc., whatever you need in order to find those things that are getting in your way. Once you find and/or make a list of those things, you will most likely find out you are currently guilty of at least a handful of them.

Once you are aware of that, which doesn't have to take to much time, and will pay off for you the quickest, you can move into your confidence, self-esteem, and inner game.

Then finally learn, apply the tips that will help you facilitate attracting and getting with the women you want.

This is not an overnight process. Myself, I joined about 7 years ago, and I remember thinking the same way you do. I remember thinking how I needed to solve this "problesm" ASAP, and got somewhat frustrated with the thought of having to wait several years before I got very good at it. The most frustrating thing was that even though I read in several places how it would take a while, I wasn't sure if after putting in all the time, it would even for for me.

 

[Energizer]

And people who look for the sympathy vote and who wallow in self pity annoy me. That's you. Why should any girl be interested in you when you don't even like yourself? Getting into a relationship with someone like you would suicide for any woman.

You need to change your entire thought process and how you see yourself because I guarantee any woman who is interested in you loses interest when you project a low level of esteem and worth.

It's not diificult to get a woman, you just have a grow a pair and make a move on a girl that takes your fancy. Are you afraid of rejection? Do you make a move on any woman at all? I'm no DJ, and I'm not the most handsome of men, but I have enough confidence mixed in with a great personality and an immense sense of humour to attract a woman. You have to maximise your strong points, so figure out what they are and use them to your advantage.

 

[BigWillyStyle]

And people who look for the sympathy vote and who wallow in self pity annoy me. That's you. Why should any girl be interested in you when you don't even like yourself? Getting into a relationship with someone like you would suicide for any woman.

^^^ This. ^^^ Also, don't shirk responsiblility by saying, "I guess I'm just one of those guys that aren't meant to get any women." You control you're life.

I read an earlier thread of yours in which you wrote that everybody at work is ignoring you because your too "forwards" with the girls. I'm not surprised, asthe general tone your posts convey neediness and desperation. Work on your social skills. If you can videotape yourself socialising you can really see where you're going wrong. You're mind thinks you're suave and socially ept... but then you see the video... and it can make you cringe, yet it's a good way to learn.

 

[zekko]

The classic: "You'll find someone when you stop looking."

What? How does that work? What laws of nature dictate that, and in what physics book do they find it? Trying less ... increases chances, and actually makes the target come to you? Amazing theory.

The reason this happens is because when you are TRYING very hard to get a woman, you are pushing too hard and not being natural, you end up looking desperate. When you stop looking and are just relaxed and being yourself you often end up attracting someone without realizing it. And it's precisely because you didn't realize it that you didn't screw it up. Becaue if you had tried to attract her you would have overanalyzed it and gotten too nervous.

So, oddly enough, you got her because what you were doing was
"just being yourself". And because you had "stopped looking".
Of course it doesn't always happen this way, but it's a common occurence, especially with guys prone to AFC-type behavior.

 

[Scion]

I do like myself, so it's not fair to just come out and say that. I don't like that I can't attract women but that's only a small part of my life, it doesn't define it. But I'd still like to change that. I don't want to be some pimp PUA, but I wouldn't mind to date once in a while and maybe have a girlfriend (I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm 25).

I always make some sort of move on girls I like. I'm not that afraid of being rejected, sure it's not pleasant but I know the only way I'll never be rejected is to stop making moves on girls (and I don't want to do that, so I put up with the rejection, even though it hurts).

I always thought I had ok social skills, but maybe I am socially inept. After all it's not uncommon for some ppl to ignore me in social situations. But then again, I can have conversations and socialize with some ppl no problem, it's just most girls that don't like to socialize with me, other guys seem to have no problem with me.

And sorry that I said that maybe I'm not meant to get women but put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel about yourself if you were still a virgin at 25 and had only kissed 1 girl? Answer that truthfully before throwing more stones at me.

 

[Vice]

I do like myself, so it's not fair to just come out and say that. I don't like that I can't attract women but that's only a small part of my life, it doesn't define it. But I'd still like to change that. I don't want to be some pimp PUA, but I wouldn't mind to date once in a while and maybe have a girlfriend (I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm 25).

I always make some sort of move on girls I like. I'm not that afraid of being rejected, sure it's not pleasant but I know the only way I'll never be rejected is to stop making moves on girls (and I don't want to do that, so I put up with the rejection, even though it hurts).

I always thought I had ok social skills, but maybe I am socially inept. After all it's not uncommon for some ppl to ignore me in social situations. But then again, I can have conversations and socialize with some ppl no problem, it's just most girls that don't like to socialize with me, other guys seem to have no problem with me.

And sorry that I said that maybe I'm not meant to get women but put yourself in my shoes. How would you feel about yourself if you were still a virgin at 25 and had only kissed 1 girl? Answer that truthfully before throwing more stones at me.

I'd feel like a WUSSY. 25 years and nothing? Not even a random drunk chick? Dude, I'm only 19 and I can't imagine what I'm going to be like when I'm 25. Ten times more awesome, that's what.

it's not uncommon for some ppl to ignore me in social situations."

There's a problem right there. You're not a leader. How the HELL is a girl going to be attracted in ANY way to the guy no one pays attention to? Are you a catch?

You need to demonstrate that you have higher social value than her. What you're doing right now, which is taking a victim mentality, is NOT going to help you out.

Speak up for yourself. Become an interesting person. Lead conversations.

 

[Energizer]

You come across as a Kurt Cobain, someone who hates themself. Whether or not you meant to portray yourself that way, that is the message you give off on this forum and I dare say outside in the public domain.

You can attract a woman or several women, the reason you don't is that you are a Debbie Downer with severe problems with your confidence and your level of self worth. It's not about being a manwh*re or a PUA, it's about changing your thoughts about yourself from something negative to something positive. You want to take a girl on a date? Well improve your feelings towards yourself, stop seeking the sympathy vote, stop wallowing in your problems and then bleating and cursing about them like an Irishman who drank the wooden Guinness barrels dry and go out and ask a woman out on a date.

You're a man's man, nothing wrong with that, but there are plenty of decent women around who'll talk to you with no qualms etc. You shouldn't let a few b*tches at work put you down. You're better than they are and they aren't worth your time.

You make too much of the fact you are a Virgin, so what? What is your problem with it? I lost my virginity at 19. My mates lost theirs at 15 to 16, I wasn't ready at 15-16 to have sex with anyone, I sure as hell wasn't ready at 17 and 18, but eventually after pulling my head out of my a*se. I found someone who I liked, told her I was a virgin and to my surprise she liked the idea. Sex is easy mate, anyone can do it and about 99.9% of the world's population has sex. You will too when you stop hating on yourself, get rid of your inner AFC Demons and find someone worthy of your time. Then you'll sit back after sex in the after glow and wonder what an idiot you were for the previous several years of life. But don't slap yourself on the forehead too hard, think of the brain cells.

 

[Energizer]

I'd feel like a WUSSY. 25 years and nothing? Not even a random drunk chick? Dude, I'm only 19 and I can't imagine what I'm going to be like when I'm 25. Ten times more awesome, that's what.

Yes because sex defines whether or not a person is awesome. I dare say you'll end up with a kid or some form of sexually transmitted infection like HIV which will eventually lead to AIDS. Either way have fun.

 

[Scion]

You come across as a Kurt Cobain, someone who hates themself. Whether or not you meant to portray yourself that way, that is the message you give off on this forum and I dare say outside in the public domain.

You can attract a woman or several women, the reason you don't is that you are a Debbie Downer with severe problems with your confidence and your level of self worth. It's not about being a manwh*re or a PUA, it's about changing your thoughts about yourself from something negative to something positive. You want to take a girl on a date? Well improve your feelings towards yourself, stop seeking the sympathy vote, stop wallowing in your problems and then bleating and cursing about them like an Irishman who drank the wooden Guinness barrels dry and go out and ask a woman out on a date.

You're a man's man, nothing wrong with that, but there are plenty of decent women around who'll talk to you with no qualms etc. You shouldn't let a few b*tches at work put you down. You're better than they are and they aren't worth your time.

You make too much of the fact you are a Virgin, so what? What is your problem with it? I lost my virginity at 19. My mates lost theirs at 15 to 16, I wasn't ready at 15-16 to have sex with anyone, I sure as hell wasn't ready at 17 and 18, but eventually after pulling my head out of my a*se. I found someone who I liked, told her I was a virgin and to my surprise she liked the idea. Sex is easy mate, anyone can do it and about 99.9% of the world's population has sex. You will too when you stop hating on yourself, get rid of your inner AFC Demons and find someone worthy of your time. Then you'll sit back after sex in the after glow and wonder what an idiot you were for the previous several years of life. But don't slap yourself on the forehead too hard, think of the brain cells.

I don't know how to feel better about myself. And yes I know that right now I do feel ****ty about this, I have for a long while and I've tried to get over it.

I do ask women out, it's not like I walk around expecting some girl to ask me out. I'm not that delusional, I know that will never happen, I have to be the one to ask them out. But I still get turned down at every turn. The only feedback I got lately from a girl about how I asked her out was that I have to be confident when I ask girls out. But when I asked her out what I did was straight up tell her "Hey, I want to take you out. When are you free?". I guess that's not confident, thought it seemed pretty confident to me (same girl claims she's not picky but won't give me a chance... I detect some bs with her).

I do have some women that want to socialize with me, but they all have boyfriends. Maybe they know it's safe to talk to me because I'll never make a move on them cause I know they have boyfriends. Maybe that's why single girls don't want to hang with me, because they think I'll make a move on them. This is all speculation mind you.

I don't put too much weight on being a virgin, I mention it so you guys have some idea of where I stand. If I was an average guy that gets laid once in a while then a post like this would be more retarded. However, my success with women is far less than an average guy, and I wanted to illustrate that.

 

[Pierce]

Damn times are hard