People Who take your kindness for Weakness....

[Solomon]

For the longest time I was (and probably still am) known as the "nice" guy. The one if my friends or family needed for something they could lean on me. I was always seeking peoples validation to proof that I belonged. However recently there have been a few situations where I had to put my foot down or just literally walk away. Here are a couple examples

Exhibit A

I got a former spiritual mentor, who helped me out spiritually in the past. He is a good guy. Last time I heard from him was in August and he needed money. Mind you prior I hadn't heard from him. I send him some money which I knew I wouldn't get back it wasn't a lot mind you (under $100). However after I send him the money I haven't heard from him until a couple days ago and guess what now he needs my help again. It seems the guy now only contacts me when he needs something. I have not been answering his calls nor responding.....

Exhibit B

A buddy and I had made plans to throw a party togther. My buddy never follows through on calling me when he said he would and ends up flaking on me. We decided to postpone the party to NYE, fine no deal better timing/logistics etc anyway. So he said he would book for NYE that day and call me as soon as he books it. A week goes by I still hadn't heard from him so I call him to meet at the bar to hang and talk party plans. Lo and behold he flakes on me our bar meeting and also on the NYE party saying it's not something he wants to do. He makes up some lame excuses of wanting to throw some apartment party room party. I told him I'll think about it and later say fucc it and book a trip out of town. I still throw the party anyway because I can, and my buddy gets butthurt even though he told me had other commitments and starts taking shots at me Mr Tits style on Facebook (Passive aggressive rants)

Exhibit C

Been friends with my "Ace" since we were 19. We have chased girls together, worked together, heck even banged chicks in the same hotel room and swap together. However long story short. We drove to spring break together a year ago. It was three other guys, him and I. I ended up getting a speeding ticket, every guy agreed to help me pay since we agreed to speed. Long story short everyone said they would pitch in to help pay the ticket. I never saw a dime. At the time I was unemployed so taking the trip was not a wise move but my buddy begged me and cut me a great deal. We get into it recently when I found out that two of the guys did pay him but he said since one of the guys didn't pay for the tirp he had to throw it in the expenses. I told my buddy it's the principle of you saying what you mean, and mean what you say he thinks its just money. Also My buddy got offended that I wouldn't become business partners with him. However I told him it was stupid for me to get into business with someone who didn't have a written business plan, and how much it cost to start etc.

"I went to school for economics man I know what I'm doing blah blah blah"

Was his response. It seems ever since he got his degree he thinks he is hot shyt especially with his new friends etc

^^^These are just three situations where I have helped people or let things slide. There tons of others that have happened in the last year, I'm literally cutting people of left and right like limbs. Not just friends but family as well. A lot of people are truly selfish and lack empathy. The older I get the more I realize most "Friends" are just "associates". I'm a throwback type of guy, who values principles and loyalty I guess I'm last of a dying breed

 

[The Simple Man]

May I borrow you some money, bro?

 

[scrouds]

Sometimes you have to be as ruthless with your friends as with the dames.

Oh and my economics degree didn't teach me squat about business, but I could bend your ear for an hour how the fed is bending us over and taking us rough and dry.

 

[Bokanovsky]

For the longest time I was (and probably still am) known as the "nice" guy. The one if my friends or family needed for something they could lean on me. I was always seeking peoples validation to proof that I belonged.

^^^These are just three situations where I have helped people or let things slide. There tons of others that have happened in the last year, I'm literally cutting people of left and right like limbs. Not just friends but family as well. A lot of people are truly selfish and lack empathy. The older I get the more I realize most "Friends" are just "associates". I'm a throwback type of guy, who values principles and loyalty I guess I'm last of a dying breed

Riiiight, the last of a dying breed :crackup:

By your own admission, you are doing favours for people not because you are some kind of a great humanitarian but because you are basically trying to bribe them to like you. Are you really surprised that this kind of behaviour attracts people who use you and then toss you away?

 

[PlayHer Man]

Unfortunately.. any honest or moral person in this world has a HUGE disadvantage in life because they will be exploited by people who are not.

The ones who get the farthest are the ones who can appear honest and moral to the public while being cunning and self-serving behind the scenes. Women are good at this by the way. Politicians also.

The trick is to either fake stupidity/innocence --> Acting confused when you get busted leading people to believe it was not intentional. (women)

OR going with pure arrogance --> Acting like you are doing the right thing even when its wrong and refusing to accept its wrong no matter how much people point it out. (Politicians).

 

[Solomon]

Riiiight, the last of a dying breed :crackup:

By your own admission, you are doing favours for people not because you are some kind of a great humanitarian but because you are basically trying to bribe them to like you. Are you really surprised that this kind of behaviour attracts people who use you and then toss you away?

You don't get it......

But the true question is

Why is the grand wizard Keyboard Jockey avoiding this?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=210200

48 Laws of power my ass, you have the forum fooled that you're some sort of authority figure but i see through you like blind fury

Unfortunately.. any honest or moral person in this world has a HUGE disadvantage in life because they will be exploited by people who are not.

The ones who get the farthest are the ones who can appear honest and moral to the public while being cunning and self-serving behind the scenes. Women are good at this by the way. Politicians also.

The trick is to either fake stupidity/innocence --> Acting confused when you get busted leading people to believe it was not intentional. (women)

OR going with pure arrogance --> Acting like you are doing the right thing even when its wrong and refusing to accept its wrong no matter how much people point it out. (Politicians).

you get it

The more and more I swallow the red pill the more and more I'm turning into a sith

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XvW6G3Dlo90

 

[Bokanovsky]

You don't get it......

But the true question is

Why is the grand wizard Keyboard Jockey avoiding this?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=210200

Not avoiding...just keeping you in suspense I know you've been hitting that refresh button almost as furiously as you masturbate to pictures of overweight white cougars!

 

[synergy1]

Loaning money/ dealing with money when it comes to friends can never end well. I avoid it to the maximum extent possible. They expect too much, and feel that its your obligation to help them if you are able. It even extents beyond money - helping people too much will never earn you respect and actually do the opposite. It will allow people to disrespect you and take advantage of you.

Everything has a cost...to everyone.

 

[glass half full]

you need to find some better friends. Been there, done that. Some people are just wired that way. I've fooked up like that twice with "friends", and it hurt my life. Just find something else to do. Different interests, etc. Anything to get you around folks you have a common interest with, who will respect you as yourself. Some just aren't capable. And true that to the guy here who said this is like female behavior, some guys are like that too.

 

[InnerHappiness]

Solomon,

You need to realize that you aren't as attractive as you think you are, not just physically.

Your responses shows a lot of butthurt, even if you don't see it yourself. it shows. I really want to help you, because you have potential, but the think that you need to realize is that you aren't hot sh!t. You are NOT hot sh!t. The moment you realize this will be when you begin to improve.

I'm not trying to insult you in any way or form. When you say you are being successful with your looks and physique tells every other overweight fvcker he can succeed.

It does not happen. I'm really puloing for you man. I really am. But you have not posted a lay report. I, along with the rest of SoSuave, are very doubtful of the things you post.
Prove us wrong.

 

[disgustipated]

I'm feeling this post. Relocated last year and only have two real friends so far, lots of associates. I befriended the two because they have proved time and time again when the **** hits the fan they will be there for me. Both young guys too, 21 and 25 but both with character. I know what I bring to the table as a friend so I look for the same. So I wouldn't feel so bad for dropping peeps that exclusively sponge. Too one sided.

 

[Solomon]

Solomon,

You need to realize that you aren't as attractive as you think you are, not just physically.

Your responses shows a lot of butthurt, even if you don't see it yourself. it shows. I really want to help you, because you have potential, but the think that you need to realize is that you aren't hot sh!t. You are NOT hot sh!t. The moment you realize this will be when you begin to improve.

I'm not trying to insult you in any way or form. When you say you are being successful with your looks and physique tells every other overweight fvcker he can succeed.

It does not happen. I'm really puloing for you man. I really am. But you have not posted a lay report. I, along with the rest of SoSuave, are very doubtful of the things you post.
Prove us wrong.

BeDJ or whatever you call yourself now bro with your 8 screen names , what does posting a lay report have to do with this topic of friendship?
Pook has never posted a lay report, I have posted more of those then him yet he still is considered by many the "greatest" sosuaver

My point?

You're still thinking small time, I'm thinking large.....a quote from Pook

I can divide the people on this board in two groups, those that are in transmutation and those that are not. Those that are not care only for the practical, the earthly talk like "how do I get her in my bed tonight" type questions. The transmutation group is a bit different and is both amazed and stunned at how reality is reshaping before their eyes. It is because THEY are reshaping.

As for myself, the transmutation is going full strength. I started out as a very skinny pale guy, who dressed badly, who couldn't understand people, and was lost in my little nerdy world (whose job prospects probably would be nothing worthy). In a couple of years, I've become very muscular, six pack of abs of course, considering even modeling, much more social, understand people better then they understand themselves, whose knowledge goes from law to poetry to oratory (and I had a speech impediment so severe I was considered 'mentally retarded' and went through 'special ed' throughout elementary!) to even acting. And this just a couple of years! I just wish I started this *change* earlier.

As for yourself, I bet you can say something similiar. But EMBRACE that transmutation. The male sexuality obeys to the female sexuality just as female sexuality obeys to the male sexuality. "Why is this, Pook?" Because sexuality is not two BUT ONE.

Don't you guys get it? You are at a critical time in your life. You are free of the mother yet still before the wife. You have no female support. Thus, you possess the opportunity to metemorph yourself to whatever you want. Most guys just get crunched up in the CYCLE. YOU, however, are different.

You have been given another chance at life. Nature only gives these opportunties to a SELECT few.

and the great SexPdx

People around here need to get rid of the total illusion of this direct relationship between moving mountains in the world and getting puzzy.

Why I take breaks every 6 months and u should too BJ

If this website disapeared tomorrow, I wouldn't know the difference. For those of you who think that I am here just 'for attention' (which is odd since I run away whenever someone tries to talk to me), consider I have 100 pages of pookish text on my computer right now. Should I upload it or not? It doesn't matter to me, I wrote it for myself. A couple of the posts have been sitting on my computer for YEARS.

The purpose of this post is to tell you guys to STOP WASTING YOUR TIME in psycho-analyzing Pook. I will know Pook more than you ever will, and you cannot grasp someone based purely on their words (as the above 'coloring' pook always ends up wrong).

Some people think I am a buddist. Others think I am gay (!). Still, others think I hate women, others thing I am just a nerd wtih a computer, others think I am a really old guy, and my favorite, some people think I'm secretly a woman!

It pleases me that your imagination is intact, as that is Nature's greatest gift to us. I wish you guys would apply that imagination to yourself and remake yourselves how you see fit.

Let's just deal with the ideas presented and leave out the personalities. After all, you came here to help yourself, not to fantasize over poster. Pook cannot help you but you can help yourself. You can choose to deconstruct people (put up a strawman image you imagine and attack that) or we can get to business on discovering the secrets of women and nature.

I'm finding "Pook" to now get in the way of the posts. I ought to start going by another name but then people would go, "Fake! Fake! Someone trying to imitate the Pook!" haha. So only one option is left... don't be surprised to come to the forum one day to find Pook imploding in an explosion of content...

..and leaving only a gift behind.
__________________

 

[Alvafe]

Riiiight, the last of a dying breed :crackup:

By your own admission, you are doing favours for people not because you are some kind of a great humanitarian but because you are basically trying to bribe them to like you. Are you really surprised that this kind of behaviour attracts people who use you and then toss you away?

people do good things for others because they feel good for doing it, in the essence its always about yourself. only diference is you are selfish when you you are not willing to agree with the other person selfish wish. if you want to help others do so if you like if not you don't, I don't like don't feel good about me and most of time if the person died I won't care, I do what I want and as long is not illegal or wrong no one can tell me otherwise because hey I never asked.

that is after I learned then being ruthless are less annoying then being the good liked guy who bend over to anyone jsut to be friendly and cool to they eyes

 

[glass half full]

People Who take your kindness for Weakness....

are the wrong type of people for you. I learned this the hard way. Find different people to hang with, period. Many folks eat that kind for breakfast. Been there, not a pretty place, and hard to escape. Persue what you want, on your terms.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Fear is the path to the dark side.

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suff-er-ing.

(sez Yoda)

But seriously, DON'T become a sith. Just become a TRULY upright and moral person.

AND realize that because few people are upright and moral, you'll have to qualify dudes just as furiously as you should qualify girls.

And learn to sort them (people in general) into categories, just like girls.

No go, one night, or long term potential.

Obviously, how you sort normal folks is different than how you sort girls, but you learn to pick put the signals.

Becoming a "sith," as you mentioned it, doesn't really require much more thought or temperance than being a needy loser. Any douche can do that.

You'll find that loneliness is a necessary station on the way to enlightenment, as most people just ain't worth your time (at least not in the long run).

You'll still have "buds" and guys you "hang" with, but not too many close friends that you KNOW will have your back when you need it.

That's why in any pack, there's only ONE alpha, and whole bunch of wanna be betas.

AND, once you become a TRULY upright and moral person with real STANDARDS that you adhere to, you'll find plenty more.

Life's funny that way.

(not exactly the last of a dying breed.)

 

[dasein]

Lots of good general advice in thread already, so will add some possible specifics.

1. Schedule all your time and stick to it. It's easy to do with the state of tech today, can do it on an old flip phone even. People who are perceived as busy are less taken advantage of and vice versa. When someone wastes your time, noshows, etc., don't be nasty to them or ignore them, they simply get demoted into the category of "people I don't set anything else aside for." When they call, you don't take their call right then, you call them back during the time you have scheduled to return calls to nonpriority people. Reliable people who treat you straight may get more priority at your discretion over time after proving themselves.

2. Don't lend or borrow money (doesn't apply to business), don't buy anything for anyone as a general habit. Modern Western Culture is way too consumerist. Don't play. Unlike many countries in the world, there are no protocols for small gift giving as a part of general manners in the U.S., so don't do it. Give and expect very modest gifts at holidays or birthdays, and if people take offense at that, demote them into that low priority zone.

If you do end up lending someone money, always get collateral worth more than the amount or don't give them the money. Also, keep a form promissory note and make them sign that. Never pledge any realty you own for bail for anyone other than an immediate family member, and even then don't do it. Don't cosign anything without a promissory note in your favor... but generally... don't loan money unless you work in a bank. Give time, kind thoughts, etc., just not money unless the situation is truly dire as in "going to prison" or "having to live in a shelter" dire.

3. Network new friends, don't just accept the people in your life due to circumstance. There are two kinds of people in the world (lol), those who "end up with" the people in their lives due to living in the dorm room across the hall, growing up across the street, going to the same school, etc., and end up with mostly dregs in their life due to randomness, and those who create their own social networks by setting out to engage tons of people and then screening out the chaffe as it outs and polishing the gold. These latter types can spot each other, and can spot imposters, so before you commit to this, be ready to be more than just a gladhanding business card presser. Meet a cool new person? take the initiative and get together, do something for them first, something small, not grandiose though.

Do social things other than drinking and clubbing. The crappiest, least honest, most using, least reliable people in any town or social scene are the ones drinking and partying several nights a week. It may seem like -everyone- is doing that, but it's an illusion, you just aren't in the right places to determine otherwise.

Good luck, hope it helps.

 

[Married Buried]

Unfortunately.. any honest or moral person in this world has a HUGE disadvantage in life because they will be exploited by people who are not.

The ones who get the farthest are the ones who can appear honest and moral to the public while being cunning and self-serving behind the scenes. Women are good at this by the way. Politicians also.

The trick is to either fake stupidity/innocence --> Acting confused when you get busted leading people to believe it was not intentional. (women)

OR going with pure arrogance --> Acting like you are doing the right thing even when its wrong and refusing to accept its wrong no matter how much people point it out. (Politicians).

You can still get ahead by being honest. You just won't get as far as the people who cheat and lie and step on others.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

The people in your post were never worth your time or consideration. It was probably obvious before money entered the relationship, but like most people, you were not paying close attention to who they are as people. Never blame others for situations like this, it's your job to learn from it and become and better man, not a bitter one.

 

[Solomon]

The people in your post were never worth your time or consideration. It was probably obvious before money entered the relationship, but like most people, you were not paying close attention to who they are as people. Never blame others for situations like this, it's your job to learn from it and become and better man, not a bitter one.

I respectfully disagree

My spiritual mentor helped me out a lot a few years ago, and helped me let go of the past. I needed to meet him to get to the next level. The guy in the 2nd story you're right. The guy in the last story got a big head once he graudated college and met a new social circle

I've met a lot of people in my life especially the last few years a lot of people are fickle unless you can give them something. The people who were friendly or sincere were people whom I met at church or the old folks home (srs)

 

[Jules_Winfield]

I respectfully disagree

My spiritual mentor helped me out a lot a few years ago, and helped me let go of the past. I needed to meet him to get to the next level. The guy in the 2nd story you're right. The guy in the last story got a big head once he graudated college and met a new social circle

I've met a lot of people in my life especially the last few years a lot of people are fickle unless you can give them something. The people who were friendly or sincere were people whom I met at church or the old folks home (srs)

Like a previous poster stated, most people help you to feel good about themselves or look good to others. The spiritual adviser was always getting something from his relationship with you. Once you were fixed, his need then became money.

The guy in the last story always thought he was better than you. He made the mistake of thinking a degree would make it more obvious to you. He thought an external factor (the degree) would make it easier for you to assume your role when dealing with him.