Ok. First let me say this. Anyone around here who’s been paying attention to things I contribute knows my father was a BAD ASS. And I respected him deeply and loved him deeply. When he died the adult Sunday school class he had taught for 35 years (you read that correctly, 35 years threw a lovely reception after his funeral.
The Texas prosecutor (married 66 years to his only wife) and his wife drove 9 hours one way to pay their respects to my dad…this couple was 86 years of age and she had breast cancer! They socialized for a couple of hours after the service and then drove 9 hours one way home. I will never forget the immense respect that couple showed my father.
My father was a tough as nails Texan, army vet, lawyer who argued before the SCOTUS and won, and a real F’ing man. He was also a trusted friend and confidant. He never took crap off anyone, was fearlessly direct and yet loved people with great depth and great loyalty.
A Southern Baptist preacher who grew up diapers through high school with my dad and lifelong dear friend told me “Honey, yo daddy was a REAL man. A GREAT man. A privilege to know man. I would CRAWL to your daddy’s funeral…”
So yeah. I had a great example for a strong father. And therein lies the problem. That is a very high standard few men attain in life. Many of the men in my family were of my dad’s mold, and here’s the thing. Each one picked a strong pistol of a woman, not a wallflower. These were smart, classy,educated, socially adroit women. They were a team with their men but the men led, and the women were not afraid to be spitfires on occasion if it was warranted. There was deep mutual respect but the family I grew up with were like lions with their lionesses. The women, like the lionesses were quite formidable in their own right.
No non-lions need apply.
For better or worse I am of that ilk. I have opinions, I have standards. My life has broader human experience than my
fiancé’s. He has never been married and he has no children. There are 3 things I do not take directions from him about. They are as follows:
1. How to parent
2. How to run my financial/business affairs
3. How to deal with my ex husband.
This creates some conflict from time to time. I mean if you’re a cotton farmer you have no business telling a neurosurgeon how to do brain surgery, just as the neurosurgeon has no business telling the cotton farmer when to plant. You gotta stay in your lane in areas and learn how to enjoy one another and respect one another.
I defer to my man everywhere I can and I listen in the areas where I cannot defer (because I have far more experience and expertise). And he is brilliant in his field and in his sport and I do not try to advise him there.
And sometimes he will stew quietly over something that I have no idea is a problem and then he picks a fight. In those instances I must sometimes assert my own self respect if his perception is not rooted in objective reality.
The difference in life experience is one of the big reasons I typically will not engage younger men, but his attributes make him worthy of patience as he grows, and I am youthful enough that I run circles around most men my age or older.
It’s not “penis envy” at all. It is a woman having high enough self worth to understand the power of the feminine as
@Pandora said and being self aware of that essence and it’s influence & allure. I do not compete with my man. At times he requires a nudge toward his own lane on a few things, but he’s dated enough of the insecure emotional hot messes that he appreciates that I am NOT that.
And he’s got no issue leading at all, all he needs to learn is that where my affairs are concerned? He needs to learn to trust my competence and relax from giving his 2 cents 6 ways from Sunday. I do not try to tell him how to do his technical work or his sport. That will take some time but he is figuring it out, and it’s my place to be patient because I’ve chosen him just as he’s chosen me.
But he’s never run into a woman like me so it’s an adjustment. So yes. If he’s way out of line? I put my foot down. Out of love, respect & self respect.