Paying for dates.

[Leisuresuitlegend]

Is inviting a chick out to a place you already are planning to visit/ try considered trying to "impress" her and "buying" her to "like" you if all you're doing is going to a place you already had planned to go and simply treating?

Or do you specifically plan to go to a certain place just to impress a chick and pay in an effort for her to "like" you and then throw a tantrum if she flakes?

Or is sitting in coffee shops across from some chick(s) how you want to spend the majority of your time?

If you have a sense of adventure you'll go different places and try new things. Invite some chick to come along and treat her the first time. If the chick doesn't reciprocate the next? You decide to either gently mention it and see how she responds. If negative? You drop the chick and move on finding new places to go, not specifically relying on any chick let alone anyone to determine your plans.

 

[ubercat]

Depends on the situation. If it's a solo activity sure. A first date in a group situations just asking to be c0ck blocked.

I think drinks is the best test. Chicks equate alcohol with sex and generally won't go with you for drinks if they've completely disqualified you. If they suggest dinner you could be dealing with a professional dater/attention haw.

 

[ubercat]

@LJC I agree dinner at yours will get the puss faster than anything.

How u set it up? Say from a cold approach where there s no social proof just one on one.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

If you have a sense of adventure you'll go different places and try new things. Invite some chick to come along and treat her the first time.

My sense of adventure tells me to go places alone or with friends the first time. The last thing I want on my mind when experiencing new things is worrying about some girl.

It also is pretty dangerous, as it sets a tone that you do that kind of thing.

That's why I specifically have the most low key, non-monetary first "meetings" as possible. And they are things I would do anyway. So meeting at a coffee shop is ideal, based on my experience. A simple conversation over a $5 cup of coffee can tell you a lot about a person (if you ask the right question) and project the right (authentic) image.

But then again, I am super lazy and every ounce of energy I put into meeting girls is based on screening, not impressing.

I can see how taking girls to adventurous places would be good if you are trying to impress them, which is a defensible position.

Here in Japan I have to shake my head when I see a western couple walking around with backpacks. The last thing I'd want to bring with me to a foreign country is a partner. One of the whole reasons to visit foreign countries is to bang foreign women.

 

[exhausted]

If i ask i pay..

If she asks we split...

This is early on..

In a ltr i paid most of the time.

If she asks to go somewhere to eat , half the time she would pay.. if i remember correctly..

She was a spoiled brat and had the whole we are gonna be together mindest so expected me to pay.

If im wrong please tell me.. im out of the game.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Say from a cold approach where there s no social proof just one on one.

What's worked for me is learning how to cook. And then dropping that casually in a first conversation. Mention a new pot or something. Then later, invite her for dinner, saying I'll cook. If she's on the fence, she'll come over just out of curiosity's sake.

 

[wifehunter]

no need to steal them, just buy some.

They're usually, reasonably priced:

 

[Dingo]

Jesus.... Pay for the date.

Not everything is a test or an attempt to rip you off.....

So you asked someone out that you like... she agreed... Have a good time. If it doesn't work out Oh well.... You had a meal and drinks with an interesting person.

If you can't afford the 10 or 20 bucks you got bigger problems....

 

[Leisuresuitlegend]

Jesus.... Pay for the date.

Not everything is a test or an attempt to rip you off.....

So you asked someone out that you like... she agreed... Have a good time. If it doesn't work out Oh well.... You had a meal and drinks with an interesting person.

If you can't afford the 10 or 20 bucks you got bigger problems....

Seriously. It's like the dudes who go full blown paranoid off paying for a first date are like dudes who think everyone is "ripping them off" like they are social recluses with no friends or no one has ever reciprocated.

Now if a chick NEVER even offers to pay at least the tip or get you a drink after a second date that's a heads up. I look at it like I'd look at it with friends you know for a while. If they offer or just get you next they're showing they got your back. If anyone, chick or not never reciprocates or at least does something to show they'd have your back it's probably time to drop them as they're using you.

 

[Trump]

Here in Japan I have to shake my head when I see a western couple walking around with backpacks. The last thing I'd want to bring with me to a foreign country is a partner.

Can't agree.

The sex is much better in Japan than in the US. Japan has history and culture, turns women on much more than anywhere in the US.

 

[ubercat]

Wah if u want an epic fail I took a woman with me to Thailand. And I still haven't had a Thai girl which given my tastes is a big gap in my education

 

[ubercat]

Japanese girls r nasty in a good way. And unbelievable screamers which I couldn't quite get my head around coming from such a populated country. But I was shagging them in Oz so maybe they were really enjoying the opportunity to get their scream on

 

[Leisuresuitlegend]

I get that this is a seduction forum but you need to have a sense of adventure, trying different places etc. simply trying to get chicks to your place or theirs for sex is great for so long but actually having new places you want to go is MUCH better. Getting laid can come last unless your life revolves around it.

 

[ubercat]

Straw man. Nobody said u can't go exploring. We just pointed out a few practicalities.

Apart from my regular hobbies I use meetup all the time as there s always interesting events. Only problem is the more interesting ones tend to be a bit more pricey.

 

[bigneil]

Take girls to the places you normally go by yourself, and cover the tab.

 

[Leisuresuitlegend]

Take girls to the places you normally go by yourself, and cover the tab.

yes. but paying every time without reciprocation and you're being used.

 

[bigneil]

yes. but paying every time without reciprocation and you're being used.

That's why I make them pay 1 out of 5 dates (or 20% - I call it gratuity). I tell them they have to prove themselves to me.

I tend to make about 5 times as much as them, so it's fair. Adjust per your salary ratio. In other words, we work about the same number of hours and contribute it to the dating pool.

Always make her invest in you. Make her give until it hurts her (you will know because she will be perplexed that you pulled it off). Then, subconsciously she thinks "I must like him if I did that".

 

[jboyd5]

If you invite, you pay. Visa versa on her part.

 

[exhausted]

I generally reserve the effort for women I've met face to face and chatted with for a few minutes, not for first time meet ups (like OLD). In those few minutes face to face I try to establish a level of comfort and trust via personality, persona, etc., which requires some conversation. First contact is more the same and I wrap up the call by suggesting we get together later in the week. Tell her I'll call her back in a day or two and we'll figure it out. Day or two later, I call and chat some more then wrap up the call with the "lets get together and cook" suggestion.





That "oh well" part means you're buying a meal and drinks for someone you find "interesting" who never wants to see you again. And unless you're splitting an extra-value meal at McDonalds, you're bot going out for food and drinks for 2 on 10 bucks. You're spending a lot more than that. Admit it.



I have no problems paying for a date. I'll drop $80 on a steak, plus drinks without batting an eye. And I don't care if she reciprocates on the next one. I don't need her to. I don't care. But I'm not going out to spend money for the "oh well" experience on someone I may not even like, or may not like me.



I don't need a woman to do that. Most of the coolest, funnest, most adventurous sh1t I've ever done was either solo or with close friends, not by dragging a date out with me.

Brother, I'm not here to drop rules on anyone or disagree with anything you're saying. To each their own. My point is only that if you think this "pay debate" is a problem that requires solutions, there are ways of going about things in which you don't have to deal with it at all.

80$ on a first date is ridiculous.
First off many women have told me a guy over paying on a first date is foolish and a turnoff.. it isn't genuine ,even if you have money.

Secondly you can hit a local Italian joint, 2 plates and a glass of wine and you are out 50$. .

Hiking and kayaking are great dates.

 

[exhausted]

No, I said I have no problems paying for such a date once I'm regularly dating someone. I never said first date. You've misread.

Oh I gotcha.. my bad