Paying for Dates

[LMFAO]

I've always been a firm believer that splitting the bill is the best way to go on the first couple of dates. I'm not talking about dinner, just taking her out for drinks for a couple of dates.

Many on this forum attest otherwise and just pay for it the full shabang.

I just read this article that says that your odds are probably better if it's split, otherwise you are effectively positioning yourself in a provider role as a potential long term boyfriend/husband:
http://www.girlschase.com/content/should-you-pay-date

What do you say?

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Agree. Wining & dining is for girls in LTRs or on the verge of becoming so. I barely even drink anymore myself so I'll be damned if I pick up the tab for a girl's drink while I sip away at my water. I start cheap as hell and gradually work my way up. I absolutely refuse to yield to some societal norm in which I'm obligated to cough up the cash for a girl because it's the "manly" thing to do. Access to my wallet is strictly reserved for myself, family at a more distant second (according to circumstance), and friends at an even more distant third (also according to circumstance). I'm already paying enough of a 'price' by giving her my time. If she opens her legs, I'll open my wallet (some).

 

[AttackFormation]

Even a girl who wants to be paid for "by a man" (and isn't just using you) should pay for herself these days, why? because regardless of whether she likes feminism or not it's the ruling doctrine.

 

[Huffman]

I really love it when a girl offers/insists to pay for herself. But if she doesn't I will pick up the bill without making a big fuss about it. NEVER make it appear like it was a big thing or you did her a favor. That would make you seem like a chump, or her like a slut.

Then again, I've literally never been to a "proper" dinner date. So I've never paid more than like 10 bucks for a girl.

The best thing is when you're out, you pay for a small thing before she notices, then she gets embarrassed about it and you say "ok so you pay the next drink". Asking favors from girls, giving them tasks, whatever, binds them to you. A good girl likes doing things for you.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

Having a rule either way is stupid; if your thought process is "society says I should buy drinks for girls, therefore I will not buy drinks for girls" you're still letting society dictate your behaviour. You're no better than a 15 year old goth girl who wears black because society thinks people who wear black are weird (and this is coming from a guy who almost exclusively wears black).

I buy a girl a drink if I feel like it. No rules, only the passage of time and the fluctuating feelings that accompany it.

 

[skinnyguy]

I need more ideas on dates that don't cost money. Help?

I've decided never to go out to dinner with a female ever again unless in banging her and she's doing my laundry

 

[mbas44]

I need more ideas on dates that don't cost money. Help?

I've decided never to go out to dinner with a female ever again unless in banging her and she's doing my laundry

Mail order brides do laundry!

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Having a rule either way is stupid; if your thought process is "society says I should buy drinks for girls, therefore I will not buy drinks for girls" you're still letting society dictate your behaviour. You're no better than a 15 year old goth girl who wears black because society thinks people who wear black are weird (and this is coming from a guy who almost exclusively wears black).

I buy a girl a drink if I feel like it. No rules, only the passage of time and the fluctuating feelings that accompany it.

You're right, but you're assuming my stance is grounded as a reaction to "the rule" and not just incidentally dismissive of it. Difference. You can reject doing meth because society at large does not agree with such behavior and you can reject it because it does not square up with your tastes. The latter is where I'm coming from as far as some expectation to buy a girl a drink.

I think the point is, the era that men should be EXPECTED to pay, is past.

Yes. Obsolete.

 

[stevo]

Funny enough I was just telling my friend that I do not understand how guys split the bill with girls they take out to dinner even if she's their girlfriend.

Call it ego, call it my upbringing or whatever but I always pick up the tab, not to show off or anything and her response is also part of my screening process. A girl who's just comfortable biting without offering to pay at least for her share is off my list as a candidate for consideration but what mostly happens is I pay for one thing and she pay for something else.

Example would be i pay for drinks/dinner and she voluntarily buy tickets to go see a movie.

I find that better than splitting a check down to pennies and cents especially if we came together or known each other a while.

 

[Fugitive]

For me paying is dominant. So I do it.

Only a cheap ass is concerned about picking up a tab. Therefore what does it say about you're position in society if you can't even afford dinner. If she pays for the whole thing then she probably has more financial power than you.

 

[Roni_88]

I would take the first date which is cheap anyways as something I will pay for but from the beginning ( on that first tab) you will see how she is in terms of paying her part, if after the second date I start seeing zero interest to help pay, that's enough to say bye bye. If she really cares about you she will be considerate from the get go.

 

[djthiago1]

The man is the provider. I believe we should pay for the dates, until you're in a relationship that is, where a girl that pays for half the bill would be highly valuable.

 

[pumpkin-head]

Women expect men to pay for the dates, with equality, women should chip in equally for the tab.

 

[Fugitive]

Wrong. Women don't think you are dominant for paying, they think "Wow, this guy is so desperate, and has so much difficulty with women, he feels the need to buy my time.

Not really. When you ask a girl out she has no idea you're going to pay, and even during the date she has no idea. You pick up the bill towards the end of the date when she's already given you her time. You can't buy her time once she's already given it . As a man you have to exert your dominance and that extends to financial affairs. Often women I've dated will want to split but I refuse because it's my domain.

So all the women you date are cheap asses then? I mean, if they won't even cover THEIR share, they gotta be cheap asses right?

Men and Women are the same in your world then?

What does it say about hers? Does she have a grade 8 education and pump gas for a living?

Again it comes back to the men and women being the same point. I'll break it down for you. There are certain attributes that men find attractive and certain attributes women find attractive. These are not the same for both sexes. One such attribute for women is "security" which is a diplomatic way of saying can the guy support me and a family. It's also a sexual turn on. Have you seen these super rich old ugly guys who get super models? Financial prowess is power and that's attractive to women. Dominant guys generally place a lot less importance on this as we have other priorities and are already very successful ourselves. Therefore basically I don't give a sh*t if a girl pumps gas for a living because I could probably buy the whole f*cking petrol station and make her the f*cking manager. Her living is low down on my check list, her slim waist and large bra size is however more important as is her ability to empathise and appreciate her man.

Let's say you have 4 male friends:
Steve
Dale
Martin
Frank

When you and Steve go for lunch, do you always buy his?
When you and Dale go for lunch do you always pay his?
When you and Martin go, do you always pay his?
When you and Frank go, do you always pay his?

NO? Why not?]

Actually Yes. In one on one meetings I will generally offer to pay. Regardless if they are a friend, business associate, date etc. Why? Simply because I can.

 

[djthiago1]

What if you had 100 dates before you were "in a relationship?" You'd be willing to pay for all 100?

Easy, don't take women you barelly know to expensive restaurants.

 

[Roni_88]

No, I am talking about the SAME woman . How many dates would YOU pay for.....if she wouldn't agree to a relationship..........before you had enough of being a provider? 30? 50?100?

SAME woman! Then, would you be pushing HER for a relationship, giving up your power, just so you could stop paying?

What if....after you paying the first 30 dates, you get in a relationship, and now that she is accustomed to YOU paying for everything, she bals at paying her way?
What then?
Walk away, 30 meals out of pocket later?

Getting in between of your conversation, 30 cheap meals and after each meal f***, f***, f***,... (obviously shes not relationship material). why not ?

 

[foreverace87]

My thoughts in bold





Good for you. You are the exception, not the rule. Therefore, your advice to do this is useless to the average guy who is not in your wealthy shoes.

And to Roni, above me....hey if you are cool with paying for sex, by all means have at it.

^^^^ Mauser's words are always SPOT ON! Those words are reality whether you believe them or not. If you want to learn the hard way, go for it. Get a thick skin and learn from the men on here because guys like Mauser have been there and taken the heat. Most of us are young and stupid, and experienced men on here have lived through enough experiences to tell us what the REALITY is ( even though it may hurt to hear and believe it)

 

[Masculinity]

I agree with this...now.

A few first dates ago, girlie got up to go use the restroom when I asked for the check. We had 2 beers each. No dinner. $16 total.

Just to make this super clear, are you saying she walked out on you? I don't think I follow what you're trying to say. Care to elaborate?

 

[Fugitive]

@Mauser96 no disrespect but don't have time to reply to all your points. Some of which you make are valid but inherently we have a difference of opinion. Just a couple of points to mention:

But YOU pay for it in the end....how does THAT make YOU dominant...paying someone else's way through life? Buying their company, date after date. How does that NOT make you look needy?

Paying for dinner doesn't mean you're paying for their life. Its a symbolic gesture of power and dominance. It's makes you dominant because it's about dependency. The dependent is submissive. The provider is dominant. Needy is craving attention not paying for dinner. You seem really confused about some of these concepts.

Of course they are. Different, but equal. Equal access to education, equal access to jobs, and equal responsibility to pay their own way. Why should someone have their way paid through life because they have a vagina?

Okay so there's a difference between being the same and being equal. All human beings are equal regardless of gender, sexuality, race, religion etc. But not all human beings are the same.

That is great, if you are content in that role. I did that for 19 years, got a financial ass-raping over it when she decided "she wasn't happy anymore" and am not doing it again. I guess you are young and haven't experienced this yet...but when you do, your attitude may change and the white-knighting will stop.

Sorry to hear that. But you're wrong I'm actually 30. And you can find a girl who pays her half at dinner but still financially rapes you in divorce. I don't think you should pay her way through life. I do think as a man you should dominate financial affairs and that means paying for certain things on certain occasion. Including dinner in my book but other Alpha's may do it in different ways.

Anyway that's my opinion, your entitled to yours. Not paying for sex at all because she doesn't drop her knickers that night because I pay for dinner. If she did however we'd both be fat f*ckers . And very few women from what I've seen will give up sex just for dinner. Actually they must find you attractive, have chemistry with you, find you funny, respect you etc. So the whole paying for sex thing is not very valid.

 

[Rainman4707]

I agree with this...now.

A few first dates ago, girlie got up to go use the restroom when I asked for the check. We had 2 beers each. No dinner. $16 total.

Funny you should mention that because the girl am dating goes to the restroom at least twice each time we go out for a meal.
She also goes to the bathroom far to often when we're at hers too :s

On the thread topic. I just go for a drink or two on first meet & I don't mind paying for that.