Pathetice Nice Guy Move

[Liberty]

Unbelievable...Absolutely unbelievable. I can't believe the pathetic act of self degradation that I committed upon myself today. It's almost too painful to tell, even online, it's so friggin pathetic.
I went to get my car insurance this morning at the mall and as I walk through the unlocked side of the glass doors and up to the counter, I was greeted by an eastern european woman. And I have to tell you all right off the bat; Honestly, I was not even remotely attracted to her. That is the absolute truth. So I don't even have that excuse here.
So just before I tell her what kind of insurance I want she goes:

"Can you please go and unlock the other side of the glass entrance door for me?"

Now what I should have said was:

"No I'm the customer here, your big and strong enough to do the job yourself. You're here to serve me, not the other way around."

But what did I do. Now remember, I don't even find this person attractive. I go and unlock the stupid door, and get this, the lock was on the bottom of the door so I must have looked just pathetic. No doubt about it, that was just totally pathetic. Then she gave the total insult:

"Awww, you are such a nice guy."

I replied with:

"No, I'm not really nice because I expect to paid for my work. You have to give me some money off of my insurance."

At this point I was really angry--no, enraged--that I had once again been a pathetic nice obediant person.

I have been reading the posts here for a couple of years on and off and I've gotten alot of really good advice, especially about trying to cure myself of being a nice guy. I am learning, but I have these terrible lapses and what really bothers me here is that the woman who asked me to lock the door might think that I was attracted to her when I'm really not. That's what really bothers me, no doubt about man.
It's just my personality to be that way, and I have to be careful not to allow it to show itself.
Anyways, I just had to get this off my chest. It does have a positive side though:
It have made me angry enough so I'm not going to allow myself to be treated like that anymore.

 

[joekerr31]

you've got to be joking me right?

you actually spend time thinking about this sh*t.

you were closer to the door, she asked for your help in a friendly and polite way, you helped her.

nothing wrong with what you did in the least. my god man, get your perspective in check.

if she had asked you go buy her a coffee at the starbucks around the corner, THEN you'd be right to react as you are.

but come on man, thats utterly absurd to get upset over that.

i ain't no AFC and i would have unlocked the door. nothing wrong with helping someone out.

J

 

[Bourne]

WTF?

Stop overanalyzing sh1t.

 

[Liberty]

Hey Bourne, What Do You Mean Exactly?

You people don't think that my move was too nice guyish???
You got explain that to me. LOL

 

[joekerr31]

dude, the other day i helped an old lady cross the street.

WHAT THE F*CK WAS I THINKING?! IM SUCH AN AFC. GOD IM PATHETIC. IM SICK OF PEOPLE USING ME.


:crackup:

thats what you just said, but different scenario.

being a DJ (or as i liek to say Knight) doesn't mean that you don't help anyone unless they suck your d*ck first.

i mean, come on dude.

it would be different if she was a b*tch and ordered you to unlock the door. then you should neg hit her with something like

"Yes mam, as you say. You remind me of my best friends wife."

"really how so?"

"The other day we were going to go have beers nad she made him clean up the garage instead"

[her laughing] "thats funny"

"ya it was. until we had beers later that night and he's telling me how he's cheating on her and is going to ask for a divorce. oh well. that's life i guess"

[message transmitted: *****es like you may get some AFC but you always get f*cked in the end}


BUT. given she said please and thank you, she was simply asking for basic assistance. you did nothing wrng (aside from getting mad).

J

 

[Bourne]

So what you helped her out.

What you should have done was play ****y and funny on her at that time. Bust on her for it.

So you were pissed off at yourself because you did it and you didn't even find this person attractive? But would you be fine if she was attractive, would you still post this? Ultimate AFC move was if you found her attractive and started to jump through hoops so she would see value in you.

You are overanalyzing details of would of could of. What you did was good helpful thing to others. Just because she called you a nice guy does not imply you are AFC.

Stop beating yourself up over everytime hold a door to a old lady and she tells you "you such a nice young lad". Next time just punch the lady in her eye pull out your co_ck and yell "I ain't no AFC, I rock out with my c0ck out!!!"

 

[Liberty]

Thanks

Thanks guys, I'll remember your perspectives the next time someone asks me a little favor. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing that I did.

 

[Jamo]

i understand

I understand your problem. After coming to this site you start to overanalyze every move you make. Or at least I do now. I also get freaked out when I am called a "nice guy"

 

[joekerr31]

ugh. if a woman calls you a nice guy thats a good thing. she's telling you that she doesnt find you threatening.

if you don't make the right move though it will put you in the let's be friends zone.

thats why when someone says "you're such a nice guy" you're response should be "just until the sun goes down"

J

 

[insidious]

Well how funny this thread is. I came in a little late and I thought it was a put-on at first.

Liberty, this game of gaming chicks is not a black/white affair. There are more grays that us as men even know how to handle.

Look at the alternative. She could have asked you to open the door and you could have said "No, I don't work here, you do, you open it." She probably would have left the counter, opened the door, probably squatting into an unfeminine position in order to do so. She would have come back and served you and all that while you would be looking pathetic and sour and actually very AFCbitterish, in essence accomplishing the opposite of what you are trying to portray in all your Don Juan glory.

Dude, the alternative to being a "nice" guy to a stranger's request is to be a selfish, bitter a$$.

Just be nice, man, nothing wrong with that.

 

[Golden Arms]

Originally posted by Liberty


what really bothers me here is that the woman who asked me to lock the door might think that I was attracted to her when I'm really not

That's your problem in a nutshell. As soon as you stop caring what she (or any other woman) might think, the whole problem goes away, you don't think about this incident twice, you don't need to come on here and creat this thread

 

[WestCoaster]

Doing a favor is now considered AFC? Holy freaking sh-t?!! No wonder the male species is such a mess right now.

I open doors for women all day long, old, young, ugly, pretty, handicapped, not handicapped, fat, skinny, etc. ... I smile when they say thank you and say "You're welcome" and when they don't say thank you, I say "you're welcome" and they get embarrassed.

I was taught by some good parents about being classy. I can't believe the initial poster here actually was analyzing this and then saying it's the most pathetic AFC thing in the world. WTF?

Incredible ... this whole website has been so misinterpreted it's amazing. Newsflash: 99.9 percent of the public isn't walking around saying, "I'm an AFC, I gotta neg-hit more, dude." No one knows what the f--k that means! Step outside your world and into reality for awhile, it's not a bad place to be.

Read Allen Thompson's articles on your secret weapon (your smile) and walking tall and proud, and being positive.

The whole AFC/neg-hit/I'm a pimp sh-t that this site has evolved to isn't just stupid, it's humorous.

 

[Nighthawk]

Unfamiliar (attractive) woman asks you to do something for her.

Look at her like she's got a nerve, then smile.

"Sure, no problem. But listen (KINO, arm) don't take my kindness for weakness - I'm just doing this to try to make up for all them murders I did.'

She will either laugh, or look at you funny.

"Don't worry, I won't murder you, I only kill blondes/brunettes/whatever shes not."

Her, if she has a sense of humor and you don't seem like a psycho - 'Phew!'

You - 'So are you a traditional girl who expects a gentleman to help a damsel in distress, or one of those feminists who want all the equality but still never have to open a door?'

Conversation ensues, you make fun and argue with all her opinions, but conclude she has a point and then mirror some values congruent to your own.

"You're smarter than you look, we should hang out sometime."

If she finds you vaguely attractive and is not seeing someone she rates higher than you, number close. Because you pushed and oulled - did something for her, but busted her for it. This is a great combination, provider/protector with balls.

If the woman is unattractive, do it for the karma.

 

[JackPrescott]

A true DJ would have turned this situation around and gotten a phone number off of it, or at least a name, and perhaps a lunch date, later on. An overanalytical, anal paranoid man would have freaked out.

Let me give you another situation, there is a woman I know at work, who is not attractive (But seems to think she is a Penthouse Pet because she has large breasts (and a larger gut), anyway, seems to want it all from a man. She supposedly will only get married when she finds a man who will COMPLETLEY support her cow looking a$$, financially. Now if she looked like Jessica Simpson in the Dukes of Hazzard movie, I'd say "ok" but she looks more like a burned out, 43 year old, overweight cokehead.

Anyway, this woman, was being a "flirt" with me, as she is with all other men, and made a comment one time, about how "she wished I was off duty so I could buy her a drink"....another time I made a comment on her choice of a "one night stand" and she got upset that I was basically calling her on her $hit. Finally, at a bar, after work, she kept wanting her cigarette lit. I did it a couple of times, as I had a lighter, and finally the third time (She had made a comment about "she liked to be one of the boys", earlier, (She was also basically crawling all over the $hit of a married man, and I commented about that, and she again got pissed) I simply handed her the lighter, and told her, that she now was officially "one of the boys" but she now had to pay for her own drinks, and light her own cigarettes. Needless to say, she looked at me as if I were rotting fish, and stormed off.

To any ATTRACTIVE woman, treat her with respect and dignity, especially at first, as she is a potential lay/girlfriend. If she is "cool" but uninterested, thats "ok" not all of them will be. If she is interested, in more than the "LJBF" crap, treat her well, dont let her walk all over you, IF she is a REAL friend, who happens to be female, treat her well, as sometimes a REAL female friend is a great asset to a DJ.

IF she is an Attention Wh0re, "NO MERCY" Call them on their $hit, let them know you see right through them, and take AWAY the attention.

 

[Bonhomme]

Your dry humor is amazing, Liberty. Ali G's got nothing on you. :crackup:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Funny how being called a "Nice Guy" is now an insult to a man. You'd think women would've picked up on this by now, but since it's such a part of their covert communiccation skills they hardly realize they're doing it. The more men that react negatively to the 'nice guy' label (which I notice is becoming more common BTW) will send a message to women that they'll only turn against us latter.

WOMAN: "Thanks, you're such a nice guy"

MAN: "I aint no 'Nice Guy' lady."

WOMAN: "Oh, sorry, ha ha, I guess you're one of those insecure guy's worried about being perceived as weak by being 'nice', see you around."

It's like Judo or Jiu Jitsu; they will take the power of that indignantion and use it against you eventually.

It's important to understand the difference between being called a Nice Guy and actually being the Nice Guy. Being courteous doesn't make you a doormat and being an A-Hole doesn't make you confident. It's not just knowing how to apply resistance, but when to apply it.

You weren't sarging this girl, so what difference would it make really? If there was some other woman in the room who was your target and you were qualifying value with social proof then OK, but you could've easily done this with other means (a neg hit for instance; yes they do serve a purpose).

The problem you're experiencing is that you only have a hammer in your DJ tool box - and when your only tool is a hammer all of your problems begin to look like nails.

 

[WestCoaster]

Great quote

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
The problem you're experiencing is that you only have a hammer in your DJ tool box - and when your only tool is a hammer all of your problems begin to look like nails.

Tremendous quote. My best friend (now married) pulled more women when he was single than possibly imaginable and I rarely saw him neg hit, but he was very charming and basically a nice guy. Pretty smooth, but he never did the jerk thing ... and he pulled a ton of poon in his lifetime.

More than one way to pitch a baseball ...

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
Funny how being called a "Nice Guy" is now an insult to a man. You'd think women would've picked up on this by now, but since it's such a part of their covert communiccation skills they hardly realize they're doing it. The more men that react negatively to the 'nice guy' label (which I notice is becoming more common BTW) will send a message to women that they'll only turn against us latter.

WOMAN: "Thanks, you're such a nice guy"

MAN: "I aint no 'Nice Guy' lady."

WOMAN: "Oh, sorry, ha ha, I guess you're one of those insecure guy's worried about being perceived as weak by being 'nice', see you around."

It's like Judo or Jiu Jitsu; they will take the power of that indignantion and use it against you eventually.

It's important to understand the difference between being called a Nice Guy and actually being the Nice Guy. Being courteous doesn't make you a doormat and being an A-Hole doesn't make you confident. It's not just knowing how to apply resistance, but when to apply it.

You weren't sarging this girl, so what difference would it make really? If there was some other woman in the room who was your target and you were qualifying value with social proof then OK, but you could've easily done this with other means (a neg hit for instance; yes they do serve a purpose).

The problem you're experiencing is that you only have a hammer in your DJ tool box - and when your only tool is a hammer all of your problems begin to look like nails.

Very interesting. I've been told that before, by Attention Wh0res, "you're such a nice guy" and have had to remind them that I am not. Once, I got a bandage for an Attention Wh0re's sister, and they pulled that "nice guy" crap. I reminded them that I wasnt, and then I showed it. Simply by not sucking up to them afterwards, and basically ignoring the Attention Wh0re, which can be compared to (In her eyes) Ozzy Osborne and Marylin Manson showing up at the Vatican. It was a blasphemy, an outrage.

This is my take on it. Yes, I can be a nice guy. BUT I have limitations. For example, last night there was a woman who needed a ride home, so she basically tore off her shirt, and was sitting around the bar, with a tiny tank top on, showing off her assetts. HOWEVER, she lives with a guy who is too a$$holish to come and pick her up, so that he can take her home and f**k her. (She had no ride, and was drunk)...she asked me, and was promptly told "NO"....I had no intentions of offering a taken woman a free taxi cab home, so that she could go lay naked with her man. Had I been the man laying next to her naked, she would have gotten a free ride.

Scenario number 2. I refused to light a cigarette for an Attention Wh0re. I handed her my lighter, as she was openly flirting with another man in front of me. I told her, "why dont you have Casanova light it for you, sweetheart?" At that she rolled her eyes at me, and had to hunt down the bartender for a book of matches. Normally, I will light a cigarette for a lady, but for an Attention Wh0re, no, she can light her own $hit.

Scenario Number 3. There is a woman I like, she is a friend, and she works a graveyard shift. She has asked me in the past to bring her food, late night, and eat with her. I have gone out of my way to do so, (After hours of course) and would happily do it again. There is nothing expected, although she knows that I wouldnt be doing this for her if there was no attraction. We are friends. There could be potential for more, who knows. We have gone out before, and enjoyed each other's company. She is real, and good people, not a pathetic Attention Wh0re. If she were ONE time to start the AW crap, I'd drop her like a bad habit, no more friendship from me, but she so far has not exhibited that.



So I am neither a "nice guy" nor a "jerk"

I am water. I can be lukewarm. I can be room tempature. I can be bubbling hot, or freeze into ice. Depending on the woman, and the situation.

 

[James Bondage]

So I am neither a "nice guy" nor a "jerk"

I am water. I can be lukewarm. I can be room tempature. I can be bubbling hot, or freeze into ice. Depending on the woman, and the situation.

Yes! Excellent stuff. Guys, this is what we should be striving to be like.

Different women require different treatments.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The problem lies in the perception of being a 'Nice Guy'. If a woman makes a statement that you are a Nice Guy, you've already given her the perception that you are prior to it. No amount of contradicting her verbalized estimation of you is going to change her perception and, in fact, your overt denying of it only makes you that much more of a Nice Guy to her.

Remember, women communicate covertly and understand actions and mannerisms in a much more detailed way than most men realize. Men's natural impulse is to prove a person wrong when they feel slighted or misperceived and we do this overtly since this is our default method for communicating with each other. This is often much too direct for women to interpret as anything else than an insecure defense mechanism for men. However, if you can communicate through your actions and mannerisms covertly that you will not settle for her assessment of you, you can then mold her perception of you.