Past haunting me?

[LittleRiverBand]

I'm not going to get into detail about my past because it will sound familiar to a lot of you on here: Was "the class loser" in a school with a graduating class of 1,000 and an overall student population of 4,000. While not everyone knew who was, everyone who did wanted nothing to do with me or made fun of me. I was the quiet nerd that no one could quite figure out but they just assumed they did. I looked younger than most people and looked like a target.

Anyway in the pick-up sense, not surprisingly I had a couple oneitises. One was secret to everyone including myself at the time. My neighbor down the street who I never even said one word to in high school or was in any classes with had a bf throughout hs. So I probably buried it in my head knowing that these two were such a great couple. The other was a girl that was in a lot of my classes and was more of a typical HB. The male teachers had crushes on her, etc.

Anyway after doing some actual dating and making a couple good friends, I thought I was over the getting bullied and the lost opportunities in high school.

I don't think about it at all during the day, but at night I dream about high school 4-5 times a week and it isn't the way you'd think. I'm not getting bullied in my dreams or getting rejected by girls. It's more like me as a teen in the dreams doing things differently, talking to the people that bullied me as friends and attempting to talk to the women with the skills I now have.

It's understandable wanting to correct the past, but I like my present and future. I'm attracted to older women now. When I see high school aged girls, I feel much older than them as I should, I'm 25.

So why this underlying deep regret about 4 awkward years of anyone's life?

What I'm also wondering in the pick-up sense, is if these women had given me a chance, or if my neighbor had not had the boyfriend and I mustered up the courage to talk to her (she was a nice person then from what I know) would I be in the same position today pick-up wise and life-wise? Sure I might have went AFC on them back then but so don't most teenage guys. I'm saying if they hadn't cared and I hung out with them and had sex with them when I wanted them, if now this pick-up **** would mean as much to me?

 

[Kerpal]

My high school experience was terrible too. Had no friends, got picked on, etc. I've noticed that if I'm depressed about my life, I have bad dreams about it a lot, but if I stay in a good mood and keep busy I don't.

If I'm in a bad mood and negative about the past, I also start to have a lot of bad dreams that involve clocks or watches, which I think is my brain dwelling over a feeling of "lost time".

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

My past is pretty crazy too, didnt get a drivers license until age 20. Didnt have my own car until later than that. And obviously no gf or anything in highschool.

I think the key is, you've just got to make your days count now. Even if it's doing nothing, and going out and people watching. Somehow it has to be that it's "counted", and you come back home late in the afternoon or at night and was like....that day was well spent. Maybe going some place new. Maybe going to a new beach. Anything that gets you out of the house is important.

Too easy to just stay indoors and video games, internet...depressed about your past.

Attraction is pretty simple. There's a fine line between the loser in highschool that didnt get anything, and the guy that got all the girls. When you realize that, you might not be so hard on yourself...that was the case with me. Its just a case of not knowing what to do.And alot of couples back then have obviously broken up and have split apart. There isn't as much holding together the average highschool couple as you think.

 

[everywomanshero]

If it makes ya feel any better many girls I talk to tell me hs was hell for them too. Not sure that anything I say is going to help man, but the past doesn't equal the future as Mr. Robbins would say and it's very normal to dwell on HS greivances