Partners she's been with

[BeDJ]

I'm in an 8 month relationship with an awesome girl. Truly caring and can't stops loving me. She's very trustworthy and honest ever since we met.

The only problem is that I can't help not thinking about the number of guys she's has sex with (less than 5). Ever since I found out, its always in the back of my head.

I need some help here, how do you guys deal with this? It may ruin the best relationship I've been in.

I have also tried to put myself in her shoes about the number of women I have been with. It helps a little.

Please help me
Thank you

 

[My Name is Somebody]

You are tripping. If the number is under 20, consider yourself lucky. I'd be thrilled with "5".

Ofcourse, if she tells you about 5, it's probably closer to 15.

 

[Jeffst1980]

You're complaining about 5??
That's a perfectly acceptable number. As long as she has no STD's and those 5 didn't happen all in the same night, let the past stay in the past. Don't compare yourself to guys that she's no longer with--chances are, she doesn't ever think of them.

Personally, I prefer dating girls that have been with a few guys (but under 10). At least by that point they understand the mechanics of sex. I had sex with a virgin when I was 20 and it was horrible.

 

[BeDJ]

I would bet my life with <5. This one of the rare girls that will tell you everything. I love her man!

Thanks for the under 20 comparison, feel better already!

 

[BeDJ]

Thanks Jeff
There's always something that triggers that thought.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Beginning DJ,
She seems about perfect to me,you say she is honest,that factor alone is worth a few brownie points,she sounds really nice...

 

[edger]

The only problem is that I can't help not thinking about the number of guys she's has sex with (less than 5). Ever since I found out, its always in the back of my head.

Who cares how many guys she's slept with. As long as she's got no diseases, who cares? I've slept with a fair share of women in my day..should the next girl I meet throw me to the wayside because of that? No. We are human my friend. Humans like eroticism. Nothing wrong with that. It is natural, as natural as breathing and drinking.

 

[NewMan]

About 10 yrs ago, the same thing haqppened to me.

I went crazy over thinking about all the guys she slept with in her past.....

it ate me up inside

and here I was, the guy she had chosen to be with - living with her, making a future - and all I could think of was her past - not the present or the future.

the jealousy tore me up - and we ended up breaking up.

now, I only have the memory of her.

I don't regret a thing, but at the time it was tough to get through it.

If you really love her, then you've got to let go of her past - focus on the today and future.

 

[decades]

if there was a zero after the 5 then worry. you should be bouncing off the ceilings in glee with the girl you got....but isn't there some rule that you have to add 10 to the number she gives you?

 

[Latinoman]

Past is important...as it tells you the "likelihood" of how she MIGHT behave in the future. Never forget that. I am not talking about your particular situation, but just on general terms.

But ONCE you decided to take on that relationship...you win nothing by nagging her on that issue or any issue.

The five guy issue. If they were five the same night (or two the same night) or if some of them were drug dealers or convicts or murderers...that would be a HUGE issue for me.

If she met all of them (on different occasions) on a bar and went with each on a one-night-stand that would be an issue. As it shows a pattern and lack of willingness for relationships.

You get the point.

It is not how many (well within reason) she has met...but more of the circunstances.


EDIT: ALTHOUGH I HAVE ONLY POST TODAY TWO TIMES, I HAVE REACHED THE 10-POST-LIMIT FOR THE LAST 1440 MINUTES. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GIVE SERIOUS ADVICE UNDER THIS CIRCUNSTANCES.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
The only problem is that I can't help not thinking about the number of guys she's has sex with (less than 5). Ever since I found out, its always in the back of my head. ...

How did you find out? Don't tell me, you asked... Until you and truthfully answer why you needed to know this, you won't be able to work of accepting it. By the way, I guessing that 3 out of the 4 guys she's been with gives a damn about who she's with now. Perhaps it was an issue when they were dating. You see where they are now.

 

[BeDJ]

One of them was a ONS. I just imagine ONS's I've been with and I can't imagine her one of them. I know its unfair

I know I shouldn't have asked, but isn't knowing the truth right even though it may hurt?

Latinoman-
I'm 25, she's 21. The relationship is strong, everything is split in half even though I eat, $hit and drink more than her. We are living together. I don't get if its a sexual or nonsexual relationship, we just have sex almost everyday. I never brought up with issue with her.

Francisco,
Her best friend found out that I slept with someone and told my girlfriend (##&%^@*&#). My girlfriend and her met before,but she never thought of it. Then one night we got drunk and she told me that her best friend talked to her. I said it was true and then we talked about it and had sex afterwards.

I asked because this is the first girl I have been in a serious relationship with and given my love to.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The only problem is that I can't help not thinking about the number of guys she's has sex with (less than 5). Ever since I found out, its always in the back of my head.

I need some help here, how do you guys deal with this? It may ruin the best relationship I've been in.


I completely understand. I would never date a girl who has only been with five guys. She must be horrible in bed. I have a fifty-guy minimum to screen out chicks who are lousy lays.

 

[BeDJ]

BB, would you start a serious relationship with a women with 50+ or will they just be a date and mate?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
Francisco,
Her best friend found out that I slept with someone and told my girlfriend (##&%^@*&#). My girlfriend and her met before,but she never thought of it. Then one night we got drunk and she told me that her best friend talked to her. I said it was true and then we talked about it and had sex afterwards....

Personally, I see her best friend as a potentially larger problem to your relationship. You can learn to control your reaction to knowing your girl's history but you can't control her best friend poking around.

First and foremost it sounds as if your relationship is working. That's good, keep doing what you're doing and don't let her past history nor your own infect what's happening today. Don't sweat past performance if it's not effecting what's going on today.

Now as for her best friend, you can't control that. However, your girl has influence with her best friend. I'd ask your girl how is your past negatively impacting your relationship and tell her that you're questioning her best friend's concern about your past. Basically, what was her purpose in bringing it up with your girl?

She'll say that she's looking out for her best interest but that goes back to what's going on today with the two of you. How is your past history negatively impacting your current relationship? It seems that her best friend is the only thing that's negatively impacting it.

 

[STR8UP]

This post says a lot about the cloud of fog most people live in.

5 partners? Are you SURE it's 5? How many d!cks has she sucked? How many guys has she allowed to finger her and suck on her t!ts?

It' doesn't matter, and you will never know. Why some guys put even ONE brain cell into thinking about a woman's sexual past is beyond me

 

[BeDJ]

STr8^,
thanks for your input, but that did not help anything at all.

Francisco, those are some good points

Julates should be banned

 

[STR8UP]

1- Never ask how many partners a woman has been with. Chances are she won't be honest, and even if she is you will never know for sure and it serves no purpose for you to have this info. If she VOLUNTEERS this information, you put your fingers in your ears and go "LALALALALALALALALALALALALA".

I'm serious.

2- She says she's been with 5 guys and this bothers you?

This is not a flame, I'm totally serious, but guys like you are better off sticking your head in the sand and pretending you live in a different world. Women you sleep with have fukked other guys before you. Get over it. Women who are with you MIGHT cheat on you. Get over it. Life happens.

 

[Bible_Belt]

BB, would you start a serious relationship with a women with 50+ or will they just be a date and mate?

I would. I think I would prefer 50 over 5. It's better to have had the partying stage already. Marrying a virgin I think would be a nightmare, as virtually every woman is bound to have a wild phase in her life. You want that to happen before she meets you, not after. fwiw, my own gf's magic number is twenty-something, but she was married for a long time, that number was racked up within just a few years. I sure as hell never would have asked. Girls seem to like to tell me, though. The past few girls I've been with have been with, in reverse order, by my estimate, 150+, 30 or so, 50+, so yeah, I tend to be with girls who have gotten around. But like Andrew Dice Clay said - is she good in bed? Well, how do you think she got to be that way?

 

[KontrollerX]

I feel bad for guys who can't deal with this information and the girl either springs it on them out of nowhere or the guy asks for it.

I feel bad because I don't have this natural bad feeling about past scenarios that other guy's do.

In my mind the only thing at all I give a fvck about is if the girl is loyal to me in our current relationship.

I couldn't give a fvck if she's sucked off and took it up the ass from 5-10 other guys in committed relationships.

All that I care about is that she never cheat on me during our relationship.

Thats it.

No other c0cks but mine during our relationship and I'm cool.

Latinoman is right that past is a good indicator of future behavior from the girl and for this reason the knowledge of how she has behaved in the past with men is important but for you guys who are so bothered by past boyfriends or past number of boyfriends who have had sex with your current girl I'm thinking it may be better for you to just tell the girl up front to never tell you her past sexual history.

Unless she is an STD risk to you from it, you don't want to know.

Instead for you guys just focus on her behavior towards you and don't trouble yourself with what is in her past.

Its over now anyway and you are her present.

To guys who have already crossed this line and found out who are bothered by it you might as well end the relationship now and move onto someone else because if you can't get over it in one way or another it will destroy your relationship.

The girl has nothing to be ashamed of or feel bad about.

You would be in the wrong to keep hounding her about this.

It is only natural for a chick to of hooked up with other guys before you in today's world.