parents not agreeing with your girlfriend

[alnite]

Recently, my girlfriend and I just got together. So I told this to my parents and they were OK and told me to send them a picture of her. So I send it out, and days later I received a phone call from them. They do not agree with her based on her looks and her age. She's 8 years older than me. To me, she is a 6, and looks-wise she's ok. I don't get bothered by the age difference. She's nice, caring, and good in bed, that's all that matters to me. My parents disagree so much that they actually told me to break out with her. I am too good for her, they said.

Now, ever since I have been doing this DJing, I have been trained not to 'love' girls anymore. In other words, I no longer have emotional attachment to girls. Dumping her out is easy to me emotionally, but I do not want to hurt her feelings either. She is emotionally attached to me. So I was left with two options:

1) LJBF her. Do what my parents said. Dump and next her. Things have been great, maybe it should end now. She's old enough to accept any fact. For me, I am sure I can treat her like a good friend after breaking out, but I do not know how she would respond.

But I am having trouble how to say it to my girlfriend. That my parents do not agree? Telling her that she's too old? Telling her that she's ugly? Should I tell her that my parents do not agree with her, or should I kill the attraction first (may take a long time, and I am not sure how) and break out without telling her anything about my parents?

2) Keep her. I might have to argue with my parents, the control they try to put over me. I have the option of not doing what my parents want me to do. This is my life, I walk it myself, not my parents. But I love my parents.

I have to reason with them. They judge people based on looks and I completely disagree with that. I disagree of breaking out with my girlfriend just because of her looks. This is actually the hardest part in option (1) for me.


I need some opinions on this from you guys. I am inclined to the first option, but I do not know how to break out with her without hurting her feelings. I hope she would accept the fact.

 

[spider_007]

Just merry her


.......dumbass

 

[alnite]

Originally posted by spider_007
Just merry her


.......dumbass

You dumbass, I am against all kind of marriages.

 

[Ricky]

This is kind of interesting because I had a similar problem with a girl that I was dating for a few years.

My parents flat out hated her and made alot of rude comments about her. It pissed me off.

Of course them complaining about her provoked the typical response of anybody that instead of taking their ****, I felt more interested in her. I knew it was happening and it sucked because it made it more difficult to judge how I really felt about her.

But the fact that they would judge her (she wasn't the hottest girl I dated and she had a few extra pounds) made me disappointed in them.

Let it ride and don't let anyone else opinion influence how you feel about her. Make sure you understand how you feel about her that is the only important thing.

I totally understand where you are coming from on this... It is irritating to have people pass judgement all the time. Don't let it drive you towards, but also don't let it drive you away.

 

[spider_007]

my opinion is that, unless you really like the gurl, I dare to say even LOVE the gurl, your parents don't need to know about your dating life. Unless there is a chance that she is the one. In that case they can meet or whatever..... I dought he even likes her;

"To me, she is a 6, and looks-wise she's ok. I don't get bothered by the age difference. She's nice, caring, and good in bed, that's all that matters to me."

And even if they don't like her, you still have to do what you want and not care what other people think. I met my step father once. the second time I seen him, they ware merried. And I live in the house.

 

[Avsguy01]

I am actually in the same situation with my parents. Ive been dating my girlfriend for a year now and i know my parents dont like her at all. They judged her by her looks and never made her feel comfortable since day one. So, she is definately un easy around my parents and my parents have made it very clear they could care two ****s about her. But you know what? It doesnt matter. I love her, we get along great in general, and have the same common interests/intellectual level and goals in life. Don't let your parents/or anyone persuade you how you feel about someone.

 

[squirrels]

You're 22...if you're getting into fundamental disagreements with your parents, get a job and move out.

Otherwise, see her on the down-low until you can implement the above suggestion.

 

[DeathDealer]

wimmmmmmmmmp

let me repeat this again.

wimpppppppppppppppp

 

[CobaltBlue]

Chuck em' out of their own house

 

[PRMoon]

Originally posted by alnite

In other words, I no longer have emotional attachment to girls... but I do not want to hurt her feelings either. She is emotionally attached to me.
.

There's a conflict of interest here. First off you can't completely elimiate your emotions. You can be mentally tough to the point where ignoring your emotions is not that big of a feat. But your emotions are not a country club, you can't just tear up your membership card and expect to be done with them.

Also if you did have this type of mental toughness you wouldn't be so worried about breaking up with her even if she's emotinally attatched. A situation like this calls for your mind to recongnize the greater good of the situation.

Hmmm maybe greater good isn't a good way to put it, but I see not wasting your time trying to date a 30 yr old who you really don't care about anyway, in addition to your parents postition on your relationship, a step in the right direction.

I don't know what this ladies status is but i would think lonely, maybe a few bad relationshipsin the past... probably signs of a person who has to do some serious emotional evaluation as well as review where she wants to go with her life. You aren't doing her any favors by leading her on like this, so I'd say be a man and just bite the bullet. Tell her it's not going to work out, she'll get over it.

 

[Hellboy]

I'm with PMmoon on the whole "not leading her on" vibe.
But at the same time, man, you GOTTA start standing up to your parents! You're 22 for christ sake. You shouldn't be letting anyone push you around, no matter how much you love them.

 

[skinnydart]

You're 22...if you're getting into fundamental disagreements with your parents, get a job and move out.

Exactly what I did. My 18th birthday was 2 days ago, I moved out yesterday.

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

alnite, I don't want to be rude, but you're parents have some serious issues.

If they don't like who you choose for a girlfriend, too f'ing bad. They need to deal with it. The fact that they express disapproval so openly means you are in for more pain when you go onto other relationships. It sounds like your parents are very immature and need to grow up.

 

[JonJack]

I agree with ApocalypseCow2. This is a parent problem and not really a girl problem. Usually when a friend of mine talks to me about similar problems, I always ask them this.

What would be worse? Having your parents constantly on your a$$ about your girlfriend or losing your girlfriend but appeasing your parents?