Paranoid, or is it true that if you think you're being cheated on, then you are?

Maeisgood

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Sometimes I wonder if I'm like Dale in "King of the Hill," I feel like people think I'm paranoid, but am also being cheated on, or am about to be. I think she probably wouldn't cheat on me sober, but when she's drinking, I'm pretty sure that if a guy was persistent enough, and he advanced on her and kissed her a bunch, she would eventually make out with him and suck his **** or something if no one stopped her. To understand what I'm thinking and my questions, I need to include the back story. I have been going out with the same girl for almost a year, and if you include the stage of the relationship in which we weren't "official," but were "talking" (messing around), for a year and a half. She lives 2 hours away, but since we spend 8 months of the year at college, I don't really consider it a long distance relationship and we see each other every day and we talk on the phone every day, especially at night before bed. I was a senior when we met, and she was a freshman, but now I'm a 5th year senior and she's a sophomore. She is 4 years younger than me and she said I took her v-card. That's the background, and here's why I wonder and what I'm currently working on to figure out what's up with her.

I don't trust her because of my cautious nature for one thing probably, but I don't think I have no reason for my suspicions. The following are my reasons:

1) When we go to parties, she seems flirty and drunken guys with that glazed horny eyed look will come up to her and talk in front of me, and I haven't done anything because I hear that acting jealous or suspicious will just make me look needy and make her more careful if she is cheating. She has male friends, although most seem like they could be gay or nerdy and not really players, although a few seem like they could be.

2) I was not able to spend New Year's Eve with her, and I know she was at a place where there was drinking, and I have not seen her facebook pictures yet. I asked her about this, and she said that her friend with a camera who I know was there is one of those people who is always taking pictures and posting them to facebook. I asked her about this, and she said her friend hasn't posted them yet.

3) Onetime I looked over her shoulder at her facebook page, and this guy (a boyfriend of the friend who takes all the facebook pictures) seemed to be flirting, or hinting at some sort of innuendo. She looked flustered and annoyed and was like "what is he talking about?"

4) Her dad cheated on her mom, and that's why they're divorced. A risk factor for cheating is genetics, I've read.

5) She said "I'm 19 and I want to meet people," and added that her dad told her that she is young and shouldn't limit her options. Its like saying, "I want my cake and to eat it too." (I want a boyfriend for emotion support, when I feel like it and easy ****, but I want to window shop too).

6) She'll often accuse me of infidelity, somewhat seriously sometimes, jokingly other times. I've been told by a psychologist that sometimes people who accuse others of something often do it themselves, this is called a projection. I know for a fact I've never cheated on her or any other girl.

7) When we met, she was "talking to" this other guy, and I was the "other guy", she left him for me. I wonder if she's just a floosy I've temporarily tamed. I must be a nice treat for her, a guy who more mature, cooler, and ambitious than most of the teenagers she knows. But still, once a cheater, always a cheater.

8) She lives in Northern Virginia (NOVA), and this guy once told me, with her standing there, "lookout man, watch these NOVA girls, they brag about cheating on their boyfriends." My girlfriend and I were shocked and talked about statement and were confused about what it meant. I do know that that guy liked her at one point, and tried to hook up with her before we were an official couple. She says she resisted him, who knows if that's true, but I do know that more than once he tried to get her to come home with him, but she chose to stay with me instead.

Is anyone familiar with the Washington, D.C. area? Are girls there supposed to be more unfaithful than the national average?

I know this is a long message, but I'll appreciate and consider each response. Such seeds of doubt are very annoying and need to be plucked out.
 

King Turi

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Dude if she's going out drinking and stuff without you, she's cheating on you.

The end.

**** that man, do you really want to be with some ***** who goes to parties getting drunk and **** all the time?

I for one am over those type of girls and am after something more mature, I'm only 22, but still, I have already learnt you need to steer clear of these kind of chicks unless all you want is a root.
 

2crudedudes

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Amante Silvestre said:
If you're not being cheated on now, this line of heavy thinking you've got going will eventually drive her to it.

Regardless of what she's really up to, you're not in a healthy place right now... I can promise you that much.

Perhaps you should be taking the advice her father gave her.
Your response and your signature are an awesome combination :crackup:
 

Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

SexxiKing777

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1) When we go to parties, she seems flirty and drunken guys with that glazed horny eyed look will come up to her and talk in front of me, and I haven't done anything because I hear that acting jealous or suspicious will just make me look needy and make her more careful if she is cheating. She has male friends, although most seem like they could be gay or nerdy and not really players, although a few seem like they could be.


Man, I can tell you from experience that defending your turf is not weak and needy. Any man with confidence will let other men know what is his. Sitting there not doing anything is what makes you look like a pvssy, especially when it clearly bothers you.

But if you can't trust this chick, why fvck this chick?

She's obviously at a time in her life where, sure she likes having a Boyfriend, but she might also want to have fun and meet people. Maybe you should take her dad's advice YO self

My advice is to Dump her and let her go on her way
 

Jhcl4000

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She's 19. Girls 18-24 are 99% party girls. She most likely has cheated in some way, it's just a question of what base she got to. I may get flamed for this, but I think that you should stay with her if you're getting anything out of it, but also start dating other girls and having fun yourself.

Yes, I am pretty much saying cheat.
 

UniKKatiL

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Like beatooven said it, and also if she goes to parties to get ****ed then she is probably cheating on you, no doubt about it. I mean when you are drunk you do all the type of **** without thinking about it, blame it on the alcohol.

If she really liked you, thought you are fun, and was so in love with you that she couldn't stop thinking about you then she wouldn't attend parties with her boy-friends and get drunk, only girl parties.

A good friend of mine, he is an alpha male, has been with this girl for about one and a half year, and I can see she is totally in love with him. She does attend parties and drinks but thats only with her girl-friends, she doesn't flirt with other guys.

If she wasn't cheating on you and if she liked you then why would she need any boy-friends? Think about it.. I believe a man and a women cannot be friends. If your girl is hot then her boy-friends probably have sex fantasies about her. Women friend zone you but when they get hurt by jerks they come to you and cry, they obviously do that **** just to use you, evil *****es!

Go out and have fun yourself, man, flirt with other girls etc.. BE THE MAN, If she cheats, **** her! move on!
 

Blue Phoenix

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If there´s smoke there´s fire.

Definitely:
1. Detach from her emotionally,
2. Downgrade her from GF to FB state.
3. Start fishing.
4. Find a replacement
5. Dump her.

If there´s no respect, simply be RUTHLESS with them.
 

katatonia

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Maeisgood said:
1) When we go to parties, she seems flirty and drunken guys with that glazed horny eyed look will come up to her and talk in front of me, and I haven't done anything because I hear that acting jealous or suspicious will just make me look needy and make her more careful if she is cheating. She has male friends, although most seem like they could be gay or nerdy and not really players, although a few seem like they could be.
This is the biggest red flag of them all. Lots of guy friends, and few girl friends I assume. And yeah whatever you do, do NOT get jealous because she will accuse you of being controlling and possibly use it as an excuse to break up with you.

Maeisgood said:
2) I was not able to spend New Year's Eve with her, and I know she was at a place where there was drinking, and I have not seen her facebook pictures yet. I asked her about this, and she said that her friend with a camera who I know was there is one of those people who is always taking pictures and posting them to facebook. I asked her about this, and she said her friend hasn't posted them yet.
I'm assuming she would've had more than this one opportunity to cheat on you.

Maeisgood said:
3) Onetime I looked over her shoulder at her facebook page, and this guy (a boyfriend of the friend who takes all the facebook pictures) seemed to be flirting, or hinting at some sort of innuendo. She looked flustered and annoyed and was like "what is he talking about?"
I am willing to bet she was flirting back with him as well and she is playing dumb.

Maeisgood said:
4) Her dad cheated on her mom, and that's why they're divorced. A risk factor for cheating is genetics, I've read.
Doesn't mean much by itself but I guess she comes from a unstable family which means she is unstable herself.

Maeisgood said:
5) She said "I'm 19 and I want to meet people," and added that her dad told her that she is young and shouldn't limit her options. Its like saying, "I want my cake and to eat it too." (I want a boyfriend for emotion support, when I feel like it and easy ****, but I want to window shop too).
Not really a good sign, doesn't sound like someone who is fit for a proper exclusive relationship would say.

Maeisgood said:
6) She'll often accuse me of infidelity, somewhat seriously sometimes, jokingly other times. I've been told by a psychologist that sometimes people who accuse others of something often do it themselves, this is called a projection. I know for a fact I've never cheated on her or any other girl.
Yep sounds like projection to me. Red flag.

Maeisgood said:
7) When we met, she was "talking to" this other guy, and I was the "other guy", she left him for me. I wonder if she's just a floosy I've temporarily tamed. I must be a nice treat for her, a guy who more mature, cooler, and ambitious than most of the teenagers she knows. But still, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Yeah if she cheated on that guy for you, she will do the same to you with another guy.

Maeisgood said:
8) She lives in Northern Virginia (NOVA), and this guy once told me, with her standing there, "lookout man, watch these NOVA girls, they brag about cheating on their boyfriends." My girlfriend and I were shocked and talked about statement and were confused about what it meant. I do know that that guy liked her at one point, and tried to hook up with her before we were an official couple. She says she resisted him, who knows if that's true, but I do know that more than once he tried to get her to come home with him, but she chose to stay with me instead.

Is anyone familiar with the Washington, D.C. area? Are girls there supposed to be more unfaithful than the national average?
Sounds like a crock of sh1t.



Adding up the points I'd say there's a 90%+ chance she's cheated on you.

Cut yourself off emotionally from this relationship and do not get jealous whatsoever. This girl does not seem fit for a serious relationship. In fact you should start gaming other chicks as soon as possible.
 

Men frequently err by talking too much. They often monopolize conversations, droning on and on about topics that bore women to tears. They think they're impressing the women when, in reality, they're depressing the women.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Blaise

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7) When we met, she was "talking to" this other guy, and I was the "other guy", she left him for me. I wonder if she's just a floosy I've temporarily tamed. I must be a nice treat for her, a guy who more mature, cooler, and ambitious than most of the teenagers she knows. But still, once a cheater, always a cheater.
Bro, trust me. Save face and end it NOW.

I know instances (and being cheated on) and having a best friend who cheated on her bf, SHE WILL NEVER TELL YOU STRAIGHT UP WHAT WAS GOING ON.

When my biff was cheating, she never talked about her drinking, flirting, kissing "the other guy" until later on. Seriously.

I knew my ex cheated on me because she always drank on parties and always texting "the other guy".

Please save face before you get hurt.
 

Warrior74

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I'm gonna say this bluntly. You sound very young and very niave like I was around 19-20. You are not clued up to what is really going on around you. Your paranoia is the only thing that is telling you the truth, you doubt yourself, your doubt other people you have no real source of truth but your gut is probably right man. Either way...you don't trust her. Which is why you are here. You can do two things with a girl you don't trust. You can leave her, or you can shut down emotionally and ride it out until the end.

Life is too short to sit and worry. Personally if you know in your heart you cannot trust this girl, leave her. Tell her she should follow her fathers advice and she should meet people and so should you and that maybe you guys can date again in the future.

The problem in this world is that you never truely know what other people are thinking and doing...all we have is their actions and trust in them. And when their actions disturb us and our trust is lost, then we have nothing anymore. That's all relationships are, actions and trust. With out either one there is no relationship.
 
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