Paranoid - I can't main a relationship

[Sexual]

I think I'm incapable of trust. I always suspect something is going on or a girlfriend is cheating on me, so I push perfectly good relationships away by finding things wrong with them so I don't have to deal with the possibility. I think I'm only happy when I'm single, but when I'm single I sleep with women irresponsibly and drink heavily so I get past the moral dilemmas. I smoke bud sometimes to level me out when I don't have time to go do my activities that keep me sane, but I can't when I have homework all the time.

How the **** do you trust women? I've been through so many horrid relationships that I'm unable to maintain one anymore. I doubt my current relationship will last another two weeks, but then again it's not just the paranoid thing... it's that the sex sucks because I don't like choking her every time (crazy women).

I live my life by my quote below, but it's almost impossible to maintain a modern life, especially with a woman for me, without some thoughts and fears.

 

[Moofahsa]

Thats so freakin weird man

I'm the exact same way and ditched my last girl cause i was paranoid.

What is whack is the choking thing always got on my nerves to lol

weird

 

[ready123]

in general, whats the worst that could happen? that she DOES cheat on you

once you can accept that's a risk for getting into any relationship and realize you're not gonna throw a tantrum and cry about it if it does happen, you have no problems. the best inner game improvement I've had about emotional relationships is that I no longer give a fvck about getting burnt. my skin's gotten thick enough that I can enjoy it for what it's worth and if the trust is destroyed, I know how to move on. meanwhile other guys cry about it insde and then try to overdo the alpha/control thing on the outside to compensate for it

on the otherhand, the sex sucking is a perfectly reasonable excuse to end a relationship, especially if it's exclusive

 

[Sexual]

Yeah that's the thing though. I know I perfectly well that I "cry about it inside and then try to overdo the alpha/control thing on the outside to compensate for it." What can I do about it if I can't control it? Shows like Two and a Half Men with Charlie Sheen give me hope, cause he has a great life in his 40s being completely immoral.

on the otherhand, the sex sucking is a perfectly reasonable excuse to end a relationship, especially if it's exclusive

I guess that's what it comes down to in this one.

 

[YOUNG CASINOVA]

Man... I know exactly how you feel. For me... it's just that belief that we are all human....and we all *uck up. The last relationship I just threw away stemmed from me being paranoid from my own wrong doing. I cheated and I swear...my conscious was just saying.... it's gonna come back! Suddenly everything she did looked sneaky...and I just couldn't take it anymore. I need advice on this myself.

 

[DavenJuan]

I think I'm incapable of trust. I always suspect something is going on or a girlfriend is cheating on me, so I push perfectly good relationships away by finding things wrong with them so I don't have to deal with the possibility. I think I'm only happy when I'm single, but when I'm single I sleep with women irresponsibly and drink heavily so I get past the moral dilemmas. I smoke bud sometimes to level me out when I don't have time to go do my activities that keep me sane, but I can't when I have homework all the time.

How the **** do you trust women? I've been through so many horrid relationships that I'm unable to maintain one anymore. I doubt my current relationship will last another two weeks, but then again it's not just the paranoid thing... it's that the sex sucks because I don't like choking her every time (crazy women).

I live my life by my quote below, but it's almost impossible to maintain a modern life, especially with a woman for me, without some thoughts and fears.

i know you may not want to hear this but this is typical insecurity.

if every relationship you begin you walk into assuming that she is eventually going to cheat on you, then you have already been defeated.

now of course, we dont expect to be naive and think it could never happen, but where is the fun if you defeat yourself before you even swing at the ball?

there are soo many possiblities to this..

what kind of women do you find yourself dating??

where are you meeting these women??

what do you project to these women that you EXPECT from them in a relationship??

are YOU faithful in these relationships??

you can never fully trust anyone if you dont fully trust yourself.

 

[Volpez]

Im the same. When I heard he even say O that guy is cute, some random actor on TV I would get a bit pissy, but I don't know why and I hate it. Hell I even thought they were good looking most of the time.

Very few times was I not thinking the worst of things. And I even knew that I should not be thinking like that but I just could not stop it.

 

[KarmaSutra]

The issue isn't women young brother. The issue is you don't trust yourself, ergo, you're always on the lookout for something bad to happen so you can remind yourself how right you were about your life sucking. It's perpetual self loathing and you need to take some acceptance of the issue and take authority over your life. You crave external validation to assuage your guilt but, at best, it's short lived and never helps you learn whatever lesson you should be internalizing. There is something you're guarding which prevents you from trusting someone with any intimate knowledge. This is not a character flaw but it is a psychological issue which you must deal with.

You cannot go through life and expect abundance and prosperity if you can't take a leap of faith.

It's much easier to blame women for not accepting you but remember you have to be happy SINGLE before you can even think of becoming part of a happy COUPLE.

 

[Sexual]

The issue isn't women young brother. The issue is you don't trust yourself, ergo, you're always on the lookout for something bad to happen so you can remind yourself how right you were about your life sucking. It's perpetual self loathing and you need to take some acceptance of the issue and take authority over your life. You crave external validation to assuage your guilt but, at best, it's short lived and never helps you learn whatever lesson you should be internalizing. There is something you're guarding which prevents you from trusting someone with any intimate knowledge. This is not a character flaw but it is a psychological issue which you must deal with.

You cannot go through life and expect abundance and prosperity if you can't take a leap of faith.

It's much easier to blame women for not accepting you but remember you have to be happy SINGLE before you can even think of becoming part of a happy COUPLE.

I thought a lot about this post, and accept what you're saying, though I'm still a bit lost of some points. My assuage of guilt is always short-lived it seems, yet I have no idea what I'm guarding. The way I see it, these steps of commitment I take from time to time are my "leaps of faith," and I severely try to act normal and give the relationship it's proper time regarding faith, patience, and care. A problem is that I AM happy while single. I don't want to make any further statements other than that because while I know that's true, I'm mostly unsure of everything else.

I hope all this is helping you too Young Casanova.

DavenJuan, I appreciate your perspective too. I'm not so sure it's so much insecurity, though. I know I can get what I want in life and that's not a problem, but I'm looking more for inner peace. It's no external judgment thing happening about my looks or my personality.

there are soo many possiblities to this..

what kind of women do you find yourself dating??

where are you meeting these women??

what do you project to these women that you EXPECT from them in a relationship??

are YOU faithful in these relationships??

you can never fully trust anyone if you dont fully trust yourself.

The type of woman I'm with right now might have something to do with it. Any girl that has been with more than a couple guys hits me in the wrong way, like with the whole classic "you see the way they're always smiling? They live for sex!" kind of thing. I doubt it matters much, though, because I broke up with my last girl when we had dated for over two months before any intense sexual activity--I just found a stupid reason. This is dejavu from some movie all of a sudden. Yes--I am very faithful. I trust myself and don't need to sleep with other women to make myself feel better.

Thanks everyone.

 

[WC2]

A lot of women are bound to not be trustworthy. It's something that we as men have to level with. No matter how close you may be to your girl, theres always something in the back of your head that wonders "what if..."

I've taken this stance on it and it's worked out well for me -

Don't stress about it.

Let's say your woman isn't fooling around on you, but you feel that she is. What is worrying about it going to do? Do you think by you worrying you can stop her from doing something? NO! If anything, it's going to make her think you're less of a man. She's thinking "man he's worried he must not be confident that he can please me".

Let's say your woman IS fooling around on you. What is worrying about it going to do? Make your life a living hell. And when the moment comes about that you find out she is - you regret ever being with her. Then you look back on your relationship and say "Was it really worth it to worry the whole time? She was going to cheat on me NO MATTER WHAT."

Your worrying isn't going to change anything that happens. If anything, it could be a catalyst in making your woman fool around on you.

I know it's tough, but sometimes you have to suck it up and remain confident in your relationship. If she starts showing signs of being REAL flakey and shady, then maybe it's time to move on.

I've been in many relationships and have been cheated on once. I never really worried about this girl cheating on me and she did. So what? I had a great year with her and learned SO MUCH about relationships and women. I learned that stressing out over trust is overrated. A waste of time. Now in my 4 other relationships I've basically went about trust the same way.. I trusted my girl because she was trustworthy. Only once was a woman not fateful to me. I will take 4 for 5 any day.
Think about it.

 

[Maxtro]

I wish I was able to sleep with women irresponsibly I'm sure it's 100% better than not sleeping with anybody. It's been over a year for me since I got any.

It just shows that no matter what stage of the game you are at with women, you will always have problems.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I wish I was able to sleep with women irresponsibly I'm sure it's 100% better than not sleeping with anybody. It's been over a year for me since I got any.

It just shows that no matter what stage of the game you are at with women, you will always have problems.

So you think settling for garbage is a better alternative than nothing? This is pure boy-man thinking and you need to wring his neck. Brother, do not let your ego get the best of you. The pleasures of goose flesh are nothing when you look at the big picture of your life.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Worrying about things you have no control over is like pushing water up a hill with a broom, ultimately pointless. You can't make a woman be faithful, just stand your ground and kick her to the curb if she is and move on.

Another question, why do you drink so much?

 

[ILikeGirls<3]

Which is better, always be a successful player, or attempt to find "love" at one point in ones life?

It really depends on personal preferences. Some guys would be satisfied with Sexual's lifestyle and never think twice about an LTR until the day they die. As much as he is dissatisfied with his circumstances, guys like me ,and Maxtro apparently, would prefer his lifestyle to our own, that is not ever getting laid.

But if you want an LTR, I think the best advice is not to settle. This girl does not sound like a good match for you, IMO.

 

[Sexual]

repost

 

[Sexual]

WC2, thanks. I know that worrying like that will be a catalyst (from experience), so my inability to stop worrying is the reason I break it off before they even start to think like that.

I'll put it in plainer terms. I have two little men sitting on my shoulder, one screaming "Decency! Commitment! Humility! ... Smite! STD!" The other shouts, "Pleasure! Achievement! Dominance!"

But you have to realize, you did pretty much say that a woman will cheat for no reason. To be honest, I'm terrified of STDs. My biggest fear in the world isn't to die, but to live miserably, as if I lost my penis or all my fingers. A lot of women are bound to not be trustworthy. It's something that we as men have to level with. No matter how close you may be to your girl, theres always something in the back of your head that wonders "what if..."

I'm glad that stance works for you, but accepting the inevitable is never something I've been good at. I wonder if anyone has ever considered inventing a non-disposable condom so I could just keep it on and just change the end after every use.

Goose flesh, lol. Well said, sir. I totally agree. But the pleasures of winning the heart of an extremely exotic and beautiful woman, then taking her to your bedroom, is an unforgettable and live changing experience every time (if ever) it happens. If you've done it, you know what I mean. Life is mundane without it.

Sir Juanalot, alcoholism in the family and college. My personality and my mind falls apart if I don't drink for a few months, and that's all with that.

ILikeGirls<3, I hope virginity works for you, but some of us like to get women when we're not in a relationship in order to appease our lust so that we function better on improving our lives as well as other's. We enjoy an LTR as well as the next man, but some people don't just take whatever comes their way and then submit completely to that person in order for stability. Don't judge me, monkey. *cokslap*

 

[DonJuan11]

How the **** do you trust women? I've been through so many horrid relationships that I'm unable to maintain one anymore. I doubt my current relationship will last another two weeks, but then again it's not just the paranoid thing... it's that the sex sucks because I don't like choking her every time (crazy women).

If you are choking women everytime you have sex with them, you may have more issues than not trusting them.

 

[Sexual]

If you are choking women everytime you have sex with them, you may have more issues than not trusting them.

It is surprising that supposedly intelligent people can make such asinine statements.

You've been a member for like 6 months? That's 180 something days and you're a MDJ with 600 posts. Get a hobby man. This site is about learning self-improvement, shut up and clean the nut stains off your keyboard.

 

[WC2]

If you are choking women everytime you have sex with them, you may have more issues than not trusting them.

I must have problems as well

 

[Sexual]

One more quick post, thank you everyone for your advice. I broke everything off today with the woman (now I just have to get her to pay for backing my truck into a fire hydrant a few weeks ago...). Next time I try for an LTR hopefully I can try make more of a connection. I'll be looking this post up and read your advice the next time I do something I might regret!