Paradox

[zekko]

This is something in dating advice that has always bugged me. On the surface at least, it appears to be a contradiction, or a paradox:

Women supposedly hate it if the guy wants her more than she wants him (very bad for attraction).
But if a guy cold approaches, isn't that an indication that he wants her more than she wants him? She's certainly not the one wanting him here, he's the one who went up to her.

Obviously not talking about a situation where she sends him a thousand IOIs before he approaches.

 

[Georgepithyou]

This is something in dating advice that has always bugged me. On the surface at least, it appears to be a contradiction, or a paradox:

Women supposedly hate it if the guy wants her more than she wants him (very bad for attraction).
But if a guy cold approaches, isn't that an indication that he wants her more than she wants him? She's certainly not the one wanting him here, he's the one who went up to her.

Obviously not talking about a situation where she sends him a thousand IOIs before he approaches.

At the start the man has to do all the pursuing, like a wolf going out to hunt a deer. You can't just sit around and wait for a woman to come to you.

After dating for a few weeks, you pull back and she starts chasing you. Gotta have that push and pull

 

[BeExcellent]

It’s an interesting topic this one. As a woman I choose from the men who seek me out, or who choose me. I was taught as a youth that this is what ladies do:

Be the best lady you can be and see what you attract....Choose from that...

 

[SW15]

If you're already fvcking her then you've already won. Validating a girl with your c0ck is a win-win. Everybody is getting what they want. The whole point of this Game is to get to the point where you're thrusting her.

She's submitted the one and only valuable item she has to you - her vagina. She has nothing left to offer after that, so the Game is over from that point of view.

The Game then becomes about whether you want to see her again, and if so, how to keep her hooked.

Fuccking a woman well will often keep her hooked.

 

[Velasco]

Beexellent on the money. She made herself that way to attract the type of guy she's attracted to.

 

[dasein]

Didn't read whole thread. The difference is that a woman who is not an idiot realizes that the guy is approaching other women in the same way, usually in the same area or timeframe, which defuses the feeling that she is "wanted more" as an individual than he is.

 

[zekko]

It's a push/pull process. You have to build upfront attachment and attraction before you start pulling back. Cold approach is attractive to women because it shows confidence and self-belief. Once she's hook on you, that's when you don't give it to her. It's called cat string theory.

I still think there is a paradox at play here. Another way to look at cat string theory is that she wants want she can't have. Most PUA material is all about pulling back. So in that view, how do you "build upfront attachment" before you pull back, when (according to PUA theory) it is the pulling back that attracts her. There's the paradox. Choosing her to approach is sending her a message that you want her, but supposedly women are attracted to men who don't want them (or at least don't want them too much). And if you want her too much she will be completely repulsed.

Anyway, it just seems odd that you "hook" her by expressing interest in her, when you aren't really supposed to express interest in her.

The difference is that a woman who is not an idiot realizes that the guy is approaching other women in the same way, usually in the same area or timeframe, which defuses the feeling that she is "wanted more" as an individual than he is.

I think there is some truth in this. There is some doubt about what you really want. But if you look at it on the face of it, if she thinks you are approach a bunch of women in the same way, isn't this sending the message that you are out for some sex and you'll take it wherever you can get it (within reason - the girl would have to be attractive, hopefully)? I guess it makes her the "lucky one".

 

[Young OG]

This is something in dating advice that has always bugged me. On the surface at least, it appears to be a contradiction, or a paradox:

Women supposedly hate it if the guy wants her more than she wants him (very bad for attraction).
But if a guy cold approaches, isn't that an indication that he wants her more than she wants him? She's certainly not the one wanting him here, he's the one who went up to her.

Obviously not talking about a situation where she sends him a thousand IOIs before he approaches.

When you cold approach your showing that you have balls and that you go after what you want. I know things are supposed to be "equal" nowadays but women still expect the man to make the first move. I don't think cold approaching is making it look like you like her more then she likes you. But, if your blowing her phone up after getting the number, that's totally different.

 

[zekko]

It's easy to attract women without directly telling her that you want her.

I'm not saying you directly tell her you want her. I'm saying the act of approaching is telling her that you want her. And if that doesn't tell her, asking for her number will.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This is something in dating advice that has always bugged me. On the surface at least, it appears to be a contradiction, or a paradox:

Women supposedly hate it if the guy wants her more than she wants him (very bad for attraction).
But if a guy cold approaches, isn't that an indication that he wants her more than she wants him? She's certainly not the one wanting him here, he's the one who went up to her.

Obviously not talking about a situation where she sends him a thousand IOIs before he approaches.

The man has to successfully attract a woman so that it becomes something both people are interested in...but once there then it becomes a situation where a woman will lose attraction if s guy makes it too easy for them. The woman has to feel like she has had to work hard enough for the man and think he is a good catch. Otherwise what is easy to obtain has little value, like anything else in life. If someone left you $1000 dollars on your doorstep every day, it might be nice for the first few weeks but after that, you might forget to check for a few days or might get tired of it. Same thing with a man showing too much interest...it is a turnoff because a man has to allow the woman to come to him.

 

[AttackFormation]

It is basically a paradox. But the conduct of the man, whether she assumes other women want him, and whether she already likes him, matter more than the paradox.

 

[Mike32ct]

If the guy approaches cold (ie with no IOIs from her), she definitely knows he wants her more. This is an unavoidable consequence of cold approach, but not necessarily a problem per se.

If she decides to give him a chance, it’s ok if he wants her somewhat more. It’s only a turn off if he worships her/goes overboard with compliments/tries to buy her with drinks/seems really desperate.

 

[zekko]

And you don't ask her for her number. You tell her to put her number in your phone.

Same difference. You're telling her you want her number.

 

[BadBoy89]

Women supposedly hate it if the guy wants her more than she wants him (very bad for attraction).

But if a guy cold approaches, isn't that an indication that he wants her more than she wants him? She's certainly not the one wanting him here, he's the one who went up to her.

Its two different issues. One is a general statement, the other is a specific instance.

Cold approaching is just showing interest. The man wants to sell her his product.

When the man goes overboard with his affection, makes her his world, does anything for her, phones her a lot, has no other woman, etc, he is shoving his product down her throat. That is not sexy and is what kills attraction.

Generally no woman is going to make a move on a man.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Great post.

I'm getting amusement out of watching certain members search for that fine line (wanting to endorse the materials that they've read/believe, but also not wanting to come across as supplicating).

Years ago when I looked more like a 'pretty boy' ... 90% of my dates were when I was given the signals in advance. Although I did the approaching, it really wasn't "cold approaching". Funny thing though; it was the ten percent of the girls that I blindly approached ... that behaved more femininely and pliable. Perhaps the women that 'signaled' me didn't respect me because they did the initial asserting (even if subtle). Consequently, they seemed to have a more dominant behavior; which to me, is a turn off.

Anyone that's had their share of relationships has lost 'their power' a time or two. Those that are 101% Casanova aren't going to hang out at a sosuave forum. The objective should be to recognize when we aren't feeling in top form and work on ways to avoid future mishaps.

 

[Vantagepoint34]

Didn't read whole thread. The difference is that a woman who is not an idiot realizes that the guy is approaching other women in the same way, usually in the same area or timeframe, which defuses the feeling that she is "wanted more" as an individual than he is.

The thoery of planting seeds in womens' brains. Then you check back on em' I either a few weeks or in some cases The longest I've gone without talking to a girl without reaping is 4 years. So I'll answer that question for new posters you can plant a seed or flirt and come back up to four years later and Reap the rewards. Or you could say "enjoy" the plate.

 

[Brassneck]

I'd say you really want her to think that you're assessing her suitability, not that you're attracted to her.

Yeah your expressing interest/curiosity in her but your not completely sold. She has the looks but does she have a personality to match.

Interested in her and Wanting her are not the same thing...easy tiger!

 

[dasein]

The thoery of planting seeds in womens' brains. Then you check back on em' I either a few weeks or in some cases The longest I've gone without talking to a girl without reaping is 4 years. So I'll answer that question for new posters you can plant a seed or flirt and come back up to four years later and Reap the rewards. Or you could say "enjoy" the plate.

The above reflects my lifetime experience also. About 80% of my lifetime successes with women came from the above, "getting out there" and "farming" approach as you describe and then the women drop out of the sky from somewhere, weeks, months, years later, 20% from internet dating, near 0% from courting women in any traditional way in any traditional timeframe.

Back to the topic, I think women are well aware that men doing cold approach are in fact trying to get the sex as cheaply as possible with as little time and validation offered in exchange, and this ironically reinforces a "my stock in trade ain't all that when some dude just hitting up lots of women is probably going to get some of it from somewhere soon."

 

[Vantagepoint34]

The above reflects my lifetime experience also. About 80% of my lifetime successes with women came from the above, "getting out there" and "farming" approach as you describe and then the women drop out of the sky from somewhere, weeks, months, years later, 20% from internet dating, near 0% from courting women in any traditional way in any traditional timeframe.

Back to the topic, I think women are well aware that men doing cold approach are in fact trying to get the sex as cheaply as possible with as little time and validation offered in exchange, and this ironically reinforces a "my stock in trade ain't all that when some dude just hitting up lots of women is probably going to get some of it from somewhere soon."

Yes this is true. Mentality of most ladies is If he's well off he just wants to smash. Factors of natural selection and the fact as humans like tropical climate give clues. I would rather leave it easy and blame growing Afc populations... I'll bother to name drop she's an actress and we did cosmopolitan magazine shoot in 2009. She was the it actress in 09'(songs/talkshows) so it's a gimme. Quite a brunette but daddy issues and since highschool she had baggage. Four kids later from different men. She may remain married but her "work" or her new movie coming out in 2020 says clues about her angelina jolie possible final outcome. Sadly for my love story with her may not be a notebook ending. Haha @ gambino

 

[corrector]

The man has to successfully attract a woman so that it becomes something both people are interested in...but once there then it becomes a situation where a woman will lose attraction if s guy makes it too easy for them. The woman has to feel like she has had to work hard enough for the man and think he is a good catch. Otherwise what is easy to obtain has little value, like anything else in life. If someone left you $1000 dollars on your doorstep every day, it might be nice for the first few weeks but after that, you might forget to check for a few days or might get tired of it. Same thing with a man showing too much interest...it is a turnoff because a man has to allow the woman to come to him.

Not true. I have appied for free covid cheques faithfully every week and am in fact waiting for them to pass the bill to extend the benefits. You always appreciate free money, duh!