Overcoming self-doubt with women about looks

[marx77]

All right, I'm new here.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about women and how much looks matter to them. It seems like a common thing in the PUA community for guys to say, "Oh looks don't really matter to chicks" but we know they do. It makes me wonder why these guys say these things? Is it just to sell their newest "product"?

Anyway, as for me, I know a lot of game, but I don't practice it much, meaning I rarely put a lot of effort into approaching random chicks. Why? Mostly due to this idea I got in my head, it's like, "Well, she won't want me anyway, so why bother?" Kind of a sh*tty, defeatist attitude, I admit that, but it's how I feel. And I've tried online dating... I get NOWHERE. I get more attention from chicks in real life, so I pretty much gave up on the internet (not that I really wanted to meet chicks through such a way anyway). I think face-to-face is better... I just don't do it much.

I guess, what I'm asking is, how do I get over these limiting beliefs about myself, and about how women won't like me, even though I have sufficient reason to believe it's true? I don't want to lie to myself. But I also don't want to settle for fat or ugly chicks. So I'm kind of at an impasse. I don't know what the hell to do. Any ideas?

A little about my appearance, if anyone's wondering, I'm tall, thin, have red/auburn hair (which makes me pale and not the best at tanning) and I guess I'm not hideous facially, I don't know. I dress well - like I have money - even if I don't. I do work out, but I'l always be skinny, just with muscles. I've come to terms with that, I'm doing what I can with what I have and I'm not trying to *****, just wondering how the hell do you overcome self-doubts when they're based on reality?

I realize I'm being somewhat lazy and not making the approaches I should (I'm not a complete idiot with women, just full of self-doubt because I know how much looks actually DO matter to women.) The weird thing is, aside from with women, I have pretty good confidence and don't really give a damn what other people think of me. But I'm finding it tough to lie to myself over all this.

Any tips? (And telling me to stop whining lol, ain't gonna help me. It doesn't change anything.)

Thanks dudes. :rockon:

 

[marx77]

You're TALL and WHITE?!?!?! GO GET SOME HB10 ASIANS! Really though, you should start with less attractive girls just to build more confidence and experience.

I'm probably get killed for saying this, but I'm not really into asian chicks. I've only met one I've actually been attracted to, but she has a boyfriend at the moment.

I probably should start low, but I'm concerned about going for someone I don't really like and then failing. What's that gonna do to my self-image? It'll damage it even more, which I don't want. I have had relationships with women before, but I just genuinely suck at making cold approaches, I'm awful (due to lack of experience).

 

[Freddy.k]

Anyway, as for me, I know a lot of game, but I don't practice it much, meaning I rarely put a lot of effort into approaching random chicks. Why? Mostly due to this idea I got in my head, it's like, "Well, she won't want me anyway, so why bother?" Kind of a sh*tty, defeatist attitude, I admit that, but it's how I feel.

with that kind of attitude no wonder you fail with women. when you perceive failure by saying that why would she want you, then no wonder you are failing.
Tony robbins, a famous guy you probably know,says : "There are no failures,only results".

when you think you don't have what it takes, you are perceiving failure by beating yourself up before even trying to actually approach women.
"As you think think, you shall become"-pook.

marx77, you workout, you dress nice, and I'm sure you have many good things about you to. women want a MAN who has a LIFE, a guy who won't take her so seriously and make her dull life fun and interesting. She wants a guy who will make her laugh, make a connection with her, a guy who will sweep her off her feet.


Every time you get this feeling of being a loser or whatever that you think when you want to approach, I want you to say to yourself : " I'm gonna sweep that chick off her feet."
By having that mindset you will come as funny, attractive, not needy.
I advise you to read some posts here if you need any help in any of areas you lack.

Don't think that by thinking you will get the girl or having a positive mindset means that you are lying to yourself. As a matter of fact, you are lying to yourself by saying why would she want a guy like you, why? because when you say you can't get her or you are unworthy, you shut down that area of your brain that is worthy, and thus you will be seen as unworthy. that's how if you think you are gonna fail then you will. now replace the word successful with the word failure and see the difference.

just wondering how the hell do you overcome self-doubts when they're based on reality?

reality can be seen from many angles, here is how :
Lance Armstrong was a guy that had cancer all over his body and won the Tour de France record seven times in a row.
before he actually had cancer he never won it.

Now for the reality part :
this guy had cancer, if he focused on 'I am gonna die' or 'it is over', do you think that this guy would have had actually any chance of getting cured from the cancer and winning?

This guy gave the cancer a meaning that he wants to overcome cancer, not submit to it and thus submits to death.
after he got cured he said "I beat cancer, I faced death, no one can beat me now" and he give it his all and became unbeatable.

Look at every grand person in history and you will find that most did not have the ability or the genetics to accomplish what they had accomplished.

Thomas Edison failed 1093 times before he invented the light. If that man would have said : " i should face the reality that I'm a loser", do you think he have actually succeeded. read more about his life and the life of many other grand persons in history ad u will be surprised by the way they saw things.
No matter how many blows they took, how many times they failed (and we all fail), they stood back up.

Everyone can fail and think of himself a loser because he thinks that it is reality, but few have the power to get back up, alter reality to their desire and succeed.

 

[Freddy.k]

Anyway, as for me, I know a lot of game, but I don't practice it much, meaning I rarely put a lot of effort into approaching random chicks. Why? Mostly due to this idea I got in my head, it's like, "Well, she won't want me anyway, so why bother?" Kind of a sh*tty, defeatist attitude, I admit that, but it's how I feel.

with that kind of attitude no wonder you fail with women. when you perceive failure by saying that why would she want you, then no wonder you are failing.
Tony robbins, a famous guy you probably know,says : "There are no failures,only results".

when you think you don't have what it takes, you are perceiving failure by beating yourself up before even trying to actually approach women.
"As you think think, you shall become"-pook.

marx77, you workout, you dress nice, and I'm sure you have many good things about you to. women want a MAN who has a LIFE, a guy who won't take her so seriously and make her dull life fun and interesting. She wants a guy who will make her laugh, make a connection with her, a guy who will sweep her off her feet.


Every time you get this feeling of being a loser or whatever that you think when you want to approach, I want you to say to yourself : " I'm gonna sweep that chick off her feet."
By having that mindset you will come as funny, attractive, not needy.
I advise you to read some posts here if you need any help in any of areas you lack.

Don't think that by thinking you will get the girl or having a positive mindset means that you are lying to yourself. As a matter of fact, you are lying to yourself by saying why would she want a guy like you, why? because when you say you can't get her or you are unworthy, you shut down that area of your brain that is worthy, and thus you will be seen as unworthy. that's how if you think you are gonna fail then you will. now replace the word successful with the word failure and see the difference.

just wondering how the hell do you overcome self-doubts when they're based on reality?

reality can be seen from many angles, here is how :
Lance Armstrong was a guy that had cancer all over his body and won the Tour de France record seven times in a row.
before he actually had cancer he never won it.

Now for the reality part :
this guy had cancer, if he focused on 'I am gonna die' or 'it is over', do you think that this guy would have had actually any chance of getting cured from the cancer and winning?

This guy gave the cancer a meaning that he wants to overcome cancer, not submit to it and thus submits to death.
after he got cured he said "I beat cancer, I faced death, no one can beat me now" and he give it his all and became unbeatable.

Look at every grand person in history and you will find that most did not have the ability or the genetics to accomplish what they had accomplished.

Thomas Edison failed 1093 times before he invented the light. If that man would have said : " i should face the reality that I'm a loser", do you think he have actually succeeded. read more about his life and the life of many other grand persons in history ad u will be surprised by the way they saw things.
No matter how many blows they took, how many times they failed (and we all fail), they stood back up.

Everyone can fail and think of himself a loser because he thinks that it is reality, but few have the power to get back up, alter reality to their desire and succeed.