Overcoming her slut barrier...

[Fallen1]

One of the girls I'm seeing told me she wants to have sex but she wants to slow down because she doesn't want to feel like a slut... she told me she dated 3 other guys and f'd one of em... already (not that I care), told the other guy she doesn't want to have sex with him (and he got disinterested).

What do you guys think would be a good approach to reduce her 'thinking she's a slut' and f'ck anyway? I'm thinking of just slowly build up the sexual tension next time I see her, and then when the time is ripe... go for it. Just want to know if anyone has any other suggestions. She is very attracted to me and the last date she was hornier then hell and yes she wants to continue seeing me again while she's dating other people. I definitely know she's extremely attracted to me, I just want to push through her slut barrier if I can at least while I see her, so "I dont count" hah

 

[MightyMate]

Tell her You want to feel her beieng close, that You care aout her and need her. Just bull****. They swallow it. Thats what i used to do with such girls.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

moved to discussion.

 

[$BD]

I think you should just make clear that u're different then the others.. ur not only for the sex.. you only actually care for her.. and wanna be with her.. you are steady strivin' to get her..


well.. at least make her swallow all that **** from above

 

[duttylove]

shes telling you she needs to feel a connectiopn to have sex with you. all you gota do is sweet talk and bullshyt her into bed

 

[xblitz44x]

The most important question is: How old is she? If she is older than 18 then this is a piece of cake.

Assuming she is older than 18, half of your job is already done. She told you that sex is on her mind, and she wants to have sex with you, but she wants to make sure that YOU want her to have sex with you. She's obviously under the impression that if she doesn't want x amount of time, the guy will lose respect for her. So you have to reprogram her to believe that you respect her more for following her heart and feelings than you do for holding herself back.

So do this:

a) The next time the topic comes up, slip something like this into the conversation. Don't force it, but when the time is right, take a deep breath like you're all sensitive and emotional and say this:

"Listen, you are a great girl. There are so many things about I admire about you; so many times that I just stop listening to you and think to myself: "Wow, this girl is something." The only thing that I wish I saw out of you was trust. I wish you could trust me and be honest with me. I wish you could believe me when I tell you that there's nothing more I'd want than for you to let go of all of the things holding you back and just follow your own heart."

It sounds corney but she needs to hear it. You need to frame it in a way that makes her feel selfish and mean for not trusting you.

b) Take her out to a NICE dinner. I mean nice. Candles, wine, good food. Make it romantic. Bring her a rose, open her car door for her. Get her feeling fuzzy on wine, then ask her to come back to your house to "watch a movie". Light more candles back at your place, keep the liquor flowing and make your move.

What you do after that is up to you.

 

[Vulpine]

All about perception

I just had this discussion with a girl friend of mine. She called someone a slut and I jumped on her hard for it.

I don't exactly recall every detail but I'll summarize.

There are two deciding factors to being a slut/slutty behavior.

1. Quality versus Quantity
In quantity v quantity,
sex for the sake of having more sex = slut.
sex for the sake of pleasure/as result of pleasure=/= slut
(to clarify: having good sex does not equal slut - having more sex with no regard to quality equals slut)

2. Proximity/number of those witnessing/hearing of behavior which may be deemed "slutty".

example:
Cage dancers are sluts. The whole club sees them act slutty.
A girl doing a striptease in a bedroom for a guy is not a slut. See the difference?

Being that "slut" is a situational public perception, it is easy to convince women that the "feeling like a slut" is a non-issue. Are you going to tell anyone that she was being a slut? Maybe, but you would tell her "of course not". Is she going to tell anyone she was acting like a slut? Her bad, you can explain, that's how she would create opportunity for others to perceive her as a slut. Furthermore, a woman isn't labeled a slut for one situation, it's for chonic and ongoing slutty behavior.

After having explained all this to a woman, I would find an opportunity to draw parallels between being an alcoholic and being a hwore. Then, I illustrate the diffence between indulging and abuse as merely an amount of discretion.

It is a hilarious convo to have if you use a "documentary broadcaster" voice.

 

[xblitz44x]

I agree with you, but I think this is a case where she is worried that the dude is going to lose respect for her if she sleeps with him "too soon". I think he has to reassure her, and set up a night that is 'special' so that she can fall back on the idea that "the night was perfect, the time felt right."

 

[Vulpine]

I see, I see. I've totally been there. In that situation, I would gradually see how long I could stretch the time between dates. Meanwhile, I would go tap something else and/or go on other dates. That way, it would do two things: get her missing you and "slow it down" for her. If it gets flakey and she gets even dodgier, her number would get filed under dixtease/baggage/drama queen... Next.

I think at some level, the "I'm a slut" thing is either a sh!t test, or a ploy for control. Am I the only one thinking this?

Hmm... maybe a good reation would be to just say "Pfffff.... "(then give her a "that's hella-stupid" look) and that's the end of that subject. Don't even poo-poo her about it and it might occur to her that she's dreaming up excuses not to and get with the program.

There's a lot of angles to work here. I don't think any one would work less than the other, but, it seems easy to be an AFC about it. The more you cater to her fears, the more wuss you will be.

Yep, I'd not even acknowledge her fear in this case. "Pffft......" is my final answer, Regis.

 

[xblitz44x]

I've been in this situation a lot during my 4-5 year span with young chicks, and by acting tough and trying to make her "get with the program" you're just proving her right: that all guys want is sex and if they don't get it, they leave.

Empathy is your most powerful weapon. Listen to her, understand her fears, understand that which threatens her, and remove that threat. Step around the fears and, in a round-about way, give her exactly what she needs to hear for her to feel ok with spreading her legs. If you really listen, she will tell you EXACTLY how to seduce her.

 

[sparky1981]

Re: All about perception

Originally posted by Vulpine
I just had this discussion with a girl friend of mine. She called someone a slut and I jumped on her hard for it.

I don't exactly recall every detail but I'll summarize.

There are two deciding factors to being a slut/slutty behavior.

1. Quality versus Quantity
In quantity v quantity,
sex for the sake of having more sex = slut.
sex for the sake of pleasure/as result of pleasure=/= slut

2. Proximity/number of those witnessing/hearing of behavior which may be deemed "slutty".

example:
Cage dancers are sluts. The whole club sees them act slutty.
A girl doing a striptease in a bedroom for a guy is not a slut. See the difference?

Being that "slut" is a situational public perception, it is easy to convince women that the "feeling like a slut" is a non-issue. Are you going to tell anyone that she was being a slut? Maybe, but you would tell her "of course not". Is she going to tell anyone she was acting like a slut? If she does, you can explain, that's how she would create opportunity for others to perceive her as a slut. Furthermore, a woman isn't labeled a slut for one situation, it's for chonic and ongoing slutty behavior.

After having explained all this to a woman, I would find an opportunity to draw parallels between being an alcoholic and being a hwore. Then, I illustrate the diffence between indulging and abuse as merely an amount of discretion.

It is a hilarious convo to have if you use a "documentary broadcaster" voice.

So what does that make it then when you have a girl you just have sex with and maybe freindship

 

[Vulpine]

sparky: That's an f...buddy, or, a "relationship of convenience". Some people just aren't mature enough to handle these types of relationships, they'd rather feel like a slut or play games. Others have busy lives but enjoy sex, so they have a "relationship of convenience" to afford themselves strings-free sex.

blitz: reality check - look at your own signature buddy. "I don't chase 'em - I replace 'em" Indeed. You can waste all sorts of time and effort catering, or, spend it with someone else.

The more I dwell on this, the more I start questioning a chicks intent with a statement such as this. It reeks of LJBF. If you DON'T cater to her "emotions", she could easily put you in the friend zone. If you DO cater to her "emotions", you hand over control to her, and you prove that you are a wuss and not confident in yourself - thus opening the door for more control traps. You then get kicked to the curb because you are a nice guy.

This is why I would "Pffft..... that's silliness." her, and keep on truckin'.

So, FALLEN1, she's already displayed slut behavior and told you about it-the barrier exists becuase she feels slutty just for telling you about all her other dudes. Don't be wishy-washy about it at all - tell her: "Yes, I'm a man, and, I want to bang you; now would be great." You've got the right idea, and you said it yourself, she's extremely attracted to you. Don't hide your sexuality. Perhaps a "Take as much time as you need, call me when it's go time." is in order.

 

[xblitz44x]

"blitz: reality check - look at your own signature buddy. "I don't chase 'em - I replace 'em" Indeed. You can waste all sorts of time and effort catering, or, spend it with someone else."

This advice wasn't for me. It was for him. He had a question about how he can nail a girl who is worried he might think she's a slut, I told him how. You told him how NOT to nail her, and how to move on and bang another girl. Good job but it has nothing to do with what he asked.

"It reeks of LJBF. If you DON'T cater to her "emotions", she could easily put you in the friend zone. If you DO cater to her "emotions", you hand over control to her, and you prove that you are a wuss and not confident in yourself - thus opening the door for more control traps. You then get kicked to the curb because you are a nice guy."

It has nothing to do with giving up 'power'. You're not losing anything. You're not giving up anything. You're just understanding her, acknowledging her fears and working around them to get what you want. Sure, you could tap out and move on. But you could also get what you ultimately want by understanding her.

"tell her: "Yes, I'm a man, and, I want to bang you; now would be great." You've got the right idea, and you said it yourself, she's extremely attracted to you. Don't hide your sexuality. Perhaps a "Take as much time as you need, call me when it's go time." is in order."

To do that would be prove her right and confirm all of her fears. She already told him that she wants to bang him. All she needs is indirect confirmation from him that he wants her to bang him. It's really that easy. There is no power struggle.

 

[Vulpine]

I'm sorry, my post sort of read like I was flaming you - I didn't intend that at all. Your advice is sound. I'm merely being general. This slut issue happens quite frequently, and I'm going from a "in many cases" aspect. It has happened to me plenty. When I look back, when the subject came up, more often than not I overcame it instantly and proceeded straight to sexin'. How? By not acknowledging that it was a realistic fear to have. Since FALLEN1 didn't handle it on the spot, he sort of missed his best opportunity to overcome it. Who knows, the chick could have just been on the rag and threw out "I feel like a slut" just to buy some time - that's happened to me too.

Would you agree that dwelling on the subject sometimes only justifies the fears?

 

[GuitarPlayer]

One key thing: Demonstrate to her that you're extremely NON-judgmental. Express views that show that you don't think less of anyone for their sexual behavior, etc...

 

[sparky1981]

Originally posted by Vulpine
sparky: That's an f...buddy, or, a "relationship of convenience". Some people just aren't mature enough to handle these types of relationships, they'd rather feel like a slut or play games. Others have busy lives but enjoy sex, so they have a "relationship of convenience" to afford themselves strings-free sex.

blitz: reality check - look at your own signature buddy. "I don't chase 'em - I replace 'em" Indeed. You can waste all sorts of time and effort catering, or, spend it with someone else.

The more I dwell on this, the more I start questioning a chicks intent with a statement such as this. It reeks of LJBF. If you DON'T cater to her "emotions", she could easily put you in the friend zone. If you DO cater to her "emotions", you hand over control to her, and you prove that you are a wuss and not confident in yourself - thus opening the door for more control traps. You then get kicked to the curb because you are a nice guy.

This is why I would "Pffft..... that's silliness." her, and keep on truckin'.

So, FALLEN1, she's already displayed slut behavior and told you about it-the barrier exists becuase she feels slutty just for telling you about all her other dudes. Don't be wishy-washy about it at all - tell her: "Yes, I'm a man, and, I want to bang you; now would be great." You've got the right idea, and you said it yourself, she's extremely attracted to you. Don't hide your sexuality. Perhaps a "Take as much time as you need, call me when it's go time." is in order.

Yes i do know what its called but the thread had seemed to make that sound negative. I quite like my "reationship of conience".

Both me and the girl are looking for more long term partners at the same time though.