Overcoming Failure with Women

[SUPER SHY FRIEK]

Hi Guys, I am 26 years old and I am still a virgin. I think I have many of the "positive qualities" that are suppose to attract ladies, but I still haven't had much success in dating. I am 6'1, dark skinned (latin/indian appearance), good thin appearance (not having a gut) semi-athletic, appearance, and intelligent. I am in the first year of my residency training (finished med school 1 year ago), I dress to impress (sometimes the women are very surprised, and think I may be homo-sexual) what they call "metro-sexual", and I also drive a Subaru Legacy 2006. However, all of my encounters with ladies have ever ended in she giving me some excuse for not wanting to give me a number or giving me a number and not picking it up or flaking out on me.

Yesterday I went out to a pub with one of my colleagues to try to pick up on some women. He didn't waste a second and started hitting on women since early in the night. (Spoke to at least 10 women). Of course, all of his encounters were unsuccesful on not being able to pick a number. I am usually more slow when it comes to making my move; I try to look for all the positive qualities to make the most out of the initial encounter (ex. good eye contact, the girl is not with her friends, etc.). I finally saw the RIGHT girl so I made my move and quickly had a convo going on. I said how the night was going in a cool way, and then turned my head away. Of course, she was impressed and tried catching my attention again by asking me if I was Israeli; I said no. I then asked her if she studied she said yes. She was curious of my job and she asked so I replied I was a Doctor. I was wodering what was her background so I asked it and she replied that she was from ecuador. The next move I thought would surprise her (After all don't women like men who surprise them?) so I started speaking to her in spanish, and to my great pleasure she smiled and replied back in spanish. Anyway, I asked her if she danced salsa which she said she did, and we kept speaking for a while, and then I maked my move for the phone #, and told her that if she gave me her # I would tell her where was a good dancing salsa club. She said "Oh you already told me that the place was one street away from here." I didn't take it personal so I walked away, and I later saw her walking besides me and she sticked her tongue out. I spoke again with her a little later in the night while I was hanging with my wingman. Next thing I notice she starts dancing with my partner, and totally ignoring me. I just walked away, and went back to my place.

Next day I call my friend just to know that he got her # and how she said she was attracted to my friend and not to me.

What the F ck is wrong with this world? My friend had hit on more than 10 women the entire night without success and ends up taking the # of the only girl I made my move one?

I am telling you this world is depressive. It's even more depressive to see how very hot girls go for the losers who are bald, have a big gut, are all tatooed and don't even have a bachelors and drive a ghetto car. I am totally tired of women's mind games.

I think I some times better off getting hold of some escorts in NYC and pay 300 for an hour so that they will blow my load. I know it's pathetic, but I just don't understand women. I am totally frustrated; You guys may say that I am the problem (which may be partially true), but I don't think it's the case. Believe me I have read these forums (I am not AFC), I don't kiss women's rear, I don't do free favors for them; I DON"T buy anything for them; I usually invite them for a coffe on the first encounter (AM i TOO CHEAP?

Whats going on guys? Please give me help.. Should I consider dating services such as it's just lunch?

Any thoughts? I would greatly appreciate any input

 

[realsmoothie]

You must have a dead fetus on your head because its' the only explanation I can think of. A thin, dark-skinned doctor? Yeesh. I wish I had your problems.

 

[white sox bill]

Hi Guys, I am 26 years old and I am still a virgin. I think I have many of the "positive qualities" that are suppose to attract ladies, but I still haven't had much success in dating. I am 6'1, dark skinned (latin/indian appearance), good thin appearance (not having a gut) semi-athletic, appearance, and intelligent. I am in the first year of my residency training (finished med school 1 year ago), I dress to impress (sometimes the women are very surprised, and think I may be homo-sexual) what they call "metro-sexual", and I also drive a Subaru Legacy 2006. However, all of my encounters with ladies have ever ended in she giving me some excuse for not wanting to give me a number or giving me a number and not picking it up or flaking out on me.

Yesterday I went out to a pub with one of my colleagues to try to pick up on some women. He didn't waste a second and started hitting on women since early in the night. (Spoke to at least 10 women). Of course, all of his encounters were unsuccesful on not being able to pick a number. I am usually more slow when it comes to making my move; I try to look for all the positive qualities to make the most out of the initial encounter (ex. good eye contact, the girl is not with her friends, etc.). I finally saw the RIGHT girl so I made my move and quickly had a convo going on. I said how the night was going in a cool way, and then turned my head away. Of course, she was impressed and tried catching my attention again by asking me if I was Israeli; I said no. I then asked her if she studied she said yes. She was curious of my job and she asked so I replied I was a Doctor. I was wodering what was her background so I asked it and she replied that she was from ecuador. The next move I thought would surprise her (After all don't women like men who surprise them?) so I started speaking to her in spanish, and to my great pleasure she smiled and replied back in spanish. Anyway, I asked her if she danced salsa which she said she did, and we kept speaking for a while, and then I maked my move for the phone #, and told her that if she gave me her # I would tell her where was a good dancing salsa club. She said "Oh you already told me that the place was one street away from here." I didn't take it personal so I walked away, and I later saw her walking besides me and she sticked her tongue out. I spoke again with her a little later in the night while I was hanging with my wingman. Next thing I notice she starts dancing with my partner, and totally ignoring me. I just walked away, and went back to my place.

Next day I call my friend just to know that he got her # and how she said she was attracted to my friend and not to me.

What the F ck is wrong with this world? My friend had hit on more than 10 women the entire night without success and ends up taking the # of the only girl I made my move one?

I am telling you this world is depressive. It's even more depressive to see how very hot girls go for the losers who are bald, have a big gut, are all tatooed and don't even have a bachelors and drive a ghetto car. I am totally tired of women's mind games.

I think I some times better off getting hold of some escorts in NYC and pay 300 for an hour so that they will blow my load. I know it's pathetic, but I just don't understand women. I am totally frustrated; You guys may say that I am the problem (which may be partially true), but I don't think it's the case. Believe me I have read these forums (I am not AFC), I don't kiss women's rear, I don't do free favors for them; I DON"T buy anything for them; I usually invite them for a coffe on the first encounter (AM i TOO CHEAP?

Whats going on guys? Please give me help.. Should I consider dating services such as it's just lunch?

Any thoughts? I would greatly appreciate any input

First welcome aboard! What kind of women are you talking to? Hopefully they have same standards as you, ie fashionable dresser,educated,good career etc. Opposites do attract sometimes, but try and talk to women in YOUR similair lifestyle. Sounds like above woman may have low self-esteeem. She may have wanted to p*ss you off by giving her digits to your wingman.

I'd pass on buying pvssy...you can get it just fine with your qualities. I swear women can smell out a virgin. They figure they don't want to pop your cherry so they go with the "sure bet" and sleep with the bad boy. They figure more experience, better in bed. We just need you to get laid ONE time and the rest will come naturally.

Have you read the DJ Bible and taken Boot Camp?

You should have women crawling after you...we need to get to the root of your problem. Are you confident? Do you speak with confidence? Your C and F right? You don;t look desperate do you?

 

[SUPER SHY FRIEK]

****y and Funny is a big problem for me, and I think it can sometime play against me depending on which environment I use it (ex. the hospital). They may think that I am spoiled brat which is not the case (It has taken a lot of hard work and mental fu k up to get to where I am). I am not very good when it comes to creating the "attraction" while carrying a conversation with a women. I must confess that I do have a social anxiety issue but I THINK IT HAS IMPROVED A LOT, but I still get the adrenaline rush at times with very hot women, or when I am speaking in front of crowds. It sometimes can lock my vocal cords down, but it doesn't happen very oftenly. Regarding the boot camp; I do agree that I think it would be a good thing to get rid of all my fears. I simply think that it would be pathetic to go into a mall on a particular day and start hitting on all the women which pop into my face; I think i haven't grown enough skin to willing to take so many rejections in one day!!!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Guys, this guy doesn't have any problem attracting women or getting them interested. He has looks, intelligence, eloquence, money, expensive toys and character. He approaches women and engages them effectively. So what's the real problem?

Compare him to the guys who are succeeding with women more than him (or so it seems). They don't have the looks, the means and probably several other traits. Compared to these AFCs, this guy looks like the "perfect guy," with his act together.

There in lies the problem. He has his act together. In other words, he's a bit "much" for the typical woman who can lead the average guy around by the nose. This woman realized this and went after a guy which what "in (below) her league".

An authentic DJ doesn't need a woman to validate him like other guys, he validates himself by his actions and his character. This is what separates DJs from posers.

What does an authentic DJ need to do, raise his standards for the type of woman he'd like to sarge; a woman who is as authentic in character as him. In other words, one who indifferent about what he has or what he has done. Her interest in him is from his personality and character and would like the same from him.

 

[white sox bill]

Guys, this guy doesn't have any problem attracting women or getting them interested. He has looks, intelligence, eloquence, money, expensive toys and character. He approaches women and engages them effectively. So what's the real problem?

Compare him to the guys who are succeeding with women more than him (or so it seems). They don't have the looks, the means and probably several other traits. Compared to these AFCs, this guy looks like the "perfect guy," with his act together.

There in lies the problem. He has his act together. In other words, he's a bit "much" for the typical woman who can lead the average guy around by the nose. This woman realized this and went after a guy which what "in (below) her league".

An authentic DJ doesn't need a woman to validate him like other guys, he validates himself by his actions and his character. This is what separates DJs from posers.

What does an authentic DJ need to do, raise his standards for the type of woman he'd like to sarge; a woman who is as authentic in character as him. In other words, one who indifferent about what he has or what he has done. Her interest in him is from his personality and character and would like the same from him.

Well put...In all modesty, I am in similair boat but had sucess with women in younger days, much more so than now. Its itimitating for a woman to come across a guy who has everything. Its like receiving a letter on outside says "Free airfare,hotel, and spending money for 2 week European vacation" inside---it would get discounted and thrown away.

As I stated in my first post, he needs to stay on the path of a similair sucessfull woman who is ambitious as he is. Low lifes shouldn't date guys who have it together and vice versa

 

[Phyzzle]

Still, very strange that this Doc hasn't even dated a woman. I can only guess: lack of social circle and wimpy voice.

The problem with residency: you go to work, and occasionally the bar. You've got to have more options. Take a yoga class, or join some club involving . . . whatever people do in Puerto Rico. Drinking Rum.

Also, join toastmasters, or practice making speeches somehow. Maybe there's some ultra-nervous body language you don't know about.

And for God's sake, take that dead fetus off your head.

 

[SUPER SHY FRIEK]

I am acutally currently located in Upper part of New York; I am thinking that part of the problem may be that women up here are not as liberal as in NYC? I am usually a serious guy when it comes to interacting with women.

 

[white sox bill]

I am acutally currently located in Upper part of New York; I am thinking that part of the problem may be that women up here are not as liberal as in NYC? I am usually a serious guy when it comes to interacting with women.

Conservative area or not, you need to get out more Bro. STOP being serious around the women...keep it light! Conservatives need sex too! Do as suggested and take the self help courses here on the website. Well worth it!

 

[Sinistar]

Whats going on guys?

...your attitude sucks!

The answer is in this question doc...

What the F ck is wrong with this world? My friend had hit on more than 10 women the entire night without success and ends up taking the # of the only girl I made my move on?

Your friend went bird huntin' with his trusty ole 12ga scatter gvn. You on the otherhand brought only your shiny new, never fired, bolt-action sn!per rifle with one round of ammo. The irony, he managed to peg your sole target when he wasn't even aiming in your direction (well actually she had something to do with it, but that's another topic altogether).

I am telling you this world is depressive. It's even more depressive to see how very hot girls go for the losers who are bald, have a big gut, are all tatooed and don't even have a bachelors and drive a ghetto car. I am totally tired of women's mind games.

You know what's more depressive, a guy with your intelligence, attributes and potential blaming the world, losers, bald guys, fat guys, dudes with tatts, etc. Once again the answer is in the question. These guys get out there and try. And it should be definitive proof to you (judging by your calling out clear difference between you and them) that even losers can figure out, bed down and form relationships with women.

Actually, other than your self defeating attitude, I'm thinking you were doing pretty good with your single-shot bar sarge. You were chatting it up, she was curious and you did a good job of responding with things of interest (ie your career, speaking a different language, etc.)

It just sounds like you let yourself get tripped up on the repeat of the dance class thing. Just think, a quick witty comeback instead of walking away when she called you on it and you'd be writing about a salsa class f'close instead of your buddy scoring her digits.

That quick witty comeback - you'll build up to that with confidence and experience. The confidence and experience - you'll build up to that with lots of approaches and plenty of rejections. The approaches and rejections - you'll build up to that by facing your fear or rejections and understanding any unproductive expectations.

So doc, the only one you can blame is yourself here. A drunk, fat, bald dude living in a depressive world didn't come in and steal your girl (unless that describes your wing). She simply moved on towards what she thought were better prospects. This statement isn't written to p!ss you off, rather to wake you up.

I recommend taking a few minutes to get your expectations in check. You can spend your entire life expecting HB's to flock to you because you have all of the attributes they supposedly want. Yet, you have learned very quickly that the world (especially a woman) doesn't work that way. Find out what belief drives these counter-productive expectations and chuck it. For example, perhaps the media/social chatter w/r to doctors getting all the HB's has you believing this is an absolute truth and they'll flock to you with no effort required. Then compare that to reality, you're a doc and not getting any. Guess what, the belief probably isn't serving you well is it?

Another thing I noticed from your post. You've got a wingman who gets out there and makes contact. That's a bonus dude. Armed with your resume, women's perception of doctors and his shotgvn skills, he should be able to (subtley) scatter a few birds your way

 

[insidious]

I have a new word I came up with that I think describes you based on what you've said and my intuitive sense...

pedestalizing

"failure with women?"
What the hell?
How have you failed with women?
Maybe you've failed to hook up with them,
failed to dazzle them with your resume,
failed to be the medical playboy you
see in your own mind...but you have
not failed with women. Tell me that
once your chick leaves you for another
guy. You gotta quit putting *****es
way atop the totem pole.

 

[CoolRunning]

It's a numbers game. Don't wait for her to express interest in you via eye contact. That's passive. Go talk to a lot of women. You're not hitting on them, you're just socializing. If there's one that strikes your fancy, tease her a bit.

if she gave me her # I would tell her where was a good dancing salsa club.

Don't make it seem like the number is in exchange for anything. Make plans with her, and get the number as a way to confirm. You don't have to excuse yourself for asking for her number. She's into you, and you guys have to have a way to get in contact again.

 

[Cod3r]

Well well isn't this an interesting thread... I have alot of opinons on this one...

--
First off let me explain why that female didn't go for you...

1. She got a kick outta denying you. Plain and simple. She was attracted to you and you were more than qualified to sleep with her, but she simply decided to thumb her nose at you.. you showed interest and she got wet in denying you in a sick sadistic way and it goes to prove in the fact she slept with your friend. That's actually funny and cute in a way, i love females fvcked up mindsets

2. You brought yourself down to her level. That's pathetic and shows low self-esteem which you DO have and is VERY evident from the way you speak of yourself in your thread...

"I am 6'1, tall, dark skinned, doctor, drive ect...."

Nowhere in there did you mention any real traits about yourself. The physical features, the outside glamour is all fakeness that the world uses to validate you as a person, but it dosen't validate you on the inside. You know yourself and you know you ain't happy with yourself and hence lies your problem my friend, you ain't getting girls because you are unwilling to change whatever it is about yourself thats fvcked up...

--
Let me add ONE more thing, just out of my life I've been out and seen a group of females and totally ignored the hottest one and ended up hooking up with the less than hotter ones... do you know why ?? It makes me feel good to see something that hot and convince myself that I don't want it... that I chose not to have it... internally gives you power... Same with females


-Cod3r

 

[Latinoman]

I am acutally currently located in Upper part of New York; I am thinking that part of the problem may be that women up here are not as liberal as in NYC? I am usually a serious guy when it comes to interacting with women.

Over 90% of my cheating (when I used to be unfaithful -e.g. "insecure"), was done in Puerto Rico.

No offense...but the fact that you are a doctor and will have some serious cash is going to be a sure ticket of having women interested in you there. Unfortunately, LOT of women in Puerto Rico like $$$ (materialistic) and like to control their "men". The problem with the UNDER 40-yr-old generation in Puerto Rico is that most of them are "wimp". I was "lucky" that I grew up in the streets (Santurce) and most of my unbringing was along MEN that commanded respect (no way around in the streets).

I bet you whatever that LOT of those women are interested in men that are from the streets. Men that know how to "talk". Men that show Confidence.

You see? Money and power is not enough in Puerto Rico. You also have to carry this aura of confidence that you can PROTECT your woman.

What is killing you is that you have no experience sexually. Which means that you have not had the chance to socially evolve. But you are young and you will be able to do that.

Maybe you need to bust that first nut. Hey, maybe you need to hit a prostitute just to get out the virginity thing. But...you should think about that seriously.

 

[Latinoman]

Another thing...MANY women like to say, "I denied a Doctor" or "I denied a wealthy man."

Here is my guess...you won't have much problems getting a woman. I think you are trying to get the "upper" (stuck up) type.

Men...leave the Island! Travel to Europe or something! Boost that confidence!

YOU ARE THE PRIZE!

 

[PJD]

I'm in a similar situation to you. I'm 26, my academic and professional credentials put me way at the top of the curve. I'm reasonably attractive, an easy 7, with some chicks thinking I'm hot.

But guys are not chicks. Let me say that again, GUYS ARE NOT CHICKS. We can't just hang back being pretty and waiting for the girls to come lead us to bed. You have to develop a personality first and foremost, then once you're in the ballpark the other factors such as your resume can come in to the picture.

Sometimes your outside package will get their initial interest, but you still have to have the personality to keep them interested. Even still, this situation is pretty rare unless you have the word "Doctor" tatooed on your forehead.

A part of being very successful professionally, and this goes for training to be a doctor too, is that you have to focus so much on that aspect of your life, that you can start to get deficient in other areas. You don't get in to med school, graduate med school, and complete a residency like your normal guy who's doing a 9-5, 5 days a week.

I know I have an extreme amount of room to grow with women and socializing in general (though I haven't been a total failure with women, you can find my big thread where I go in to details), and the key is developing a socially comfortable, confident personality.

 

[Tazman]

Ever try talking to women outside of a bar/pub? Try a different venue, maybe a grocery store, library, anywhere. Your friend tried 10 different girls and you only 1, the odds were already in his favor. Also, don't let anyone make you feel like there's something wrong with your personality, everyone is different, and you have to be comfortable with yourself and not afraid to express your views.

Don't try to be someone you're not, there are women out there who will like you and women who won't. If you want to get laid you have to put effort into approaching "more" women, and they don't all have to be gorgeous, try talking to women who may just be average looking, and when you get comfortable work your way up, if that's what you want. You have to start somewhere.

 

[Latinoman]

Another thing...it amazes me how many virgins out there want to date a HB-9 or HB-10.

Guys...you cannot expect to go and play in the Mayors succesfully if you have never played Double AA.

 

[Nighthawk]

Another thing...it amazes me how many virgins out there want to date a HB-9 or HB-10.

Guys...you cannot expect to go and play in the Mayors succesfully if you have never played Double AA.

Exactly. Start at the bottom and trade up.

Women want to be dominated, challenged, excited and teased. Learn and practice these skills.

 

[princelydeeds]

Start banging ugly and/or fat chicks and work your way up.