Outside perspective needed

[CaptFinnBad]

Been with my girlfriend for just under a year. It's been on fire since day one. It's been really awesome, although it feels like I'm hitting a first roadblock and it's started to slip in a direction I don't care for lately.

1. Birth control. She switched a few months ago (got an implant). She's always had problems with birth control, nothing really works for her.

It's a case of what works best at that time.

Obvious changes slight loss in sex drive , increased emotions (with everyone), plus a range of physical symptoms.

She's 100% at her best off birth control.

She's pretty good at rationalising all this. Although it does nothing for her hormones.

It's not huge she handles it well. It's just less than ideal.



2. She doesn't do well at handling stress. This past month has been incredibly difficult for her. Hit by a number of logistical problems that have put her life off balance.

All of these problems are out of her control, things that have just happened.

It's unfortunate life kept throwing knockbacks at her the past month , but I've been there to support her and although very disrupting non of the issues are major ones.


I've seen a slow decline in her this past month. Slowly slipping into a spiral. Self care taking a back seat, and she's becoming pretty muted.

This last week or so sex has pretty much died a death. Normally we mabye have sex a few times a day when we're together, very experimental and exciting.


She's having a rough time ATM. I don't want that to taint a good thing. It's began to spiral.

Perspective....

 

[jaymbrs]

You've reached the end of the honeymoon phase.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Arm implant or an iud?

 

[Foe]

Been with my girlfriend for just under a year. It's been on fire since day one. It's been really awesome, although it feels like I'm hitting a first roadblock and it's started to slip in a direction I don't care for lately.

1. Birth control. She switched a few months ago (got an implant). She's always had problems with birth control, nothing really works for her.

It's a case of what works best at that time.

Obvious changes slight loss in sex drive , increased emotions (with everyone), plus a range of physical symptoms.

She's 100% at her best off birth control.

She's pretty good at rationalising all this. Although it does nothing for her hormones.

It's not huge she handles it well. It's just less than ideal.



2. She doesn't do well at handling stress. This past month has been incredibly difficult for her. Hit by a number of logistical problems that have put her life off balance.

All of these problems are out of her control, things that have just happened.

It's unfortunate life kept throwing knockbacks at her the past month , but I've been there to support her and although very disrupting non of the issues are major ones.


I've seen a slow decline in her this past month. Slowly slipping into a spiral. Self care taking a back seat, and she's becoming pretty muted.

This last week or so sex has pretty much died a death. Normally we mabye have sex a few times a day when we're together, very experimental and exciting.


She's having a rough time ATM. I don't want that to taint a good thing. It's began to spiral.

Perspective....

Get that **** out of her arm. That stuff is the death nell for relationships....

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Arm implant or an iud?

Arm implant.

 

[corsica]

My ex-gf had one and was having sex with me everyday.

If it affects her in a negative way, ask her to stop using hormones and you pull out. You can teach her to swallow. Feels great.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

My ex-gf had one and was having sex with me everyday.

If it affects her in a negative way, ask her to stop using hormones and you pull out. You can teach her to swallow. Feels great.

Normally we have sex every time were together. She's had the implant like 6 months now.

It's definitely effecting her mood, body and drive though.

Not so easy without it and relying on condoms it's very easy to slip up. It's definitely a root worth reconsidering.

It would be so easy if there was just a pill I could pop.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

So been thinking about this....

Although the situation is due to outside influences. The minor catostraphies that keep hitting her over and over.

The situation has potential to spiral in a negative way. I think a lot depends on how I deal with It.

1. Sex is normally balanced,. She normally has a LOT of desire and always pursuing it.

Her getting stressed out and sudden turning that tap off. Has got my hampster spinning.

Last week I've been seeking it and she's been turning me down.

Potential to shift the power dynamic. As she has something I want and has the power to give.

2. I guess the last week been slipping into her frame. Wanting to get back to normal and having good sex back, she's not giving it and I'm getting frustrated.

3. Frustrations both ways making that barrier more than it needs to be.

It's not a big issue (as it's a very recent thing) but I think I need to check myself and not let this mole hill into a mountain.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

1. She's overwhelmed with problems. Very little I can logistically do to help.

2. Not taking care of her personal needs. She's genuinely been neglecting self love maintenance when absorbed in problems.

3. Hormones amplifying her emotions. She's frustrated with everyone in her life to some small degree.

4. She's very self aware she's not fulfilling my needs and adding pressure to herself. Also I've been adding pressure wanting into **** her all week.


The problems she's been dealing with are coming to an end. I suppose the best thing I can do is back off, give her space to take care of herself.

I use the time to focus on me and distance myself. Give her space to miss me.

Create some dread by working on myself and continuing to push forward.

As in be mentally be in a position where I'm doing great regardless that we haven't been around each other and she's temporary lost it.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I firmly believe that birth control pills, implants, etc. are a big part of why modern women are so messed up. Every woman I've ever met who was more or less emotionally stable (by female standards anyway) was NOT on birth control.

Just use condoms or pull out. If she's above 30, the risk of her getting accidentally pregnant is quite low.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Not been long since I posted.

Didn't have much to do today. So cleaned my car, spent time in nature fishing, worked out hard , done a few things around the house and some self maintenance stuff.

Mostly didn't speak to my girlfriend. Sent her a toplessness selfie after gym when I was getting ready to go out . She was responsive but I was in a rush so didn't pay much attention.

I think today gave me the perspective I needed.

Before I met her I was pretty good with women and desirable. Being with the same person you kind of forget your true value over time.

I think today has gave me a little reminder of who I actually am.

I was in the hospital today visiting my Nan. Had a nurse crushing on my in the elevator. Stepped way to far into my space and I could just feel her. You know when you just feel it when a women just wants to **** you. I felt that.


Not felt that from women in a long time. I shut that part of me down, because you know i'm in a relationship and only have eyes for one girl !

Can't even describe it. It's like a switch I decided to turn on today. Really ****ing hard to describe.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Dude you’ve got oneitis. Bang the nurse and get your head straight. Best thing I’ve done last two weeks was let two women other than my main have it real nasty.

She's not a plate she's my girlfriend. I can't just go out banging other women.

She's only been withholding a week or so. Due to stress and hormones, whatever.

She's a pretty fantastic girlfriend dispite this last week or so. I'm not at a place where I'm even considering ending it, I like having her in my life as my girlfriend.


I get what you're saying though. Once you're commited (and not the cheating sort) it is a bit like oneists as that one women is literally the only women on the planet you can bang.

That's the source of my frustrations. I really really want to bang, like that freaky intense sex. She's not in that head space.

That's shifting the power dynamic in the wrong direction.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

You’re allowing this to occur and the die is being cast. I know you don’t want to hear it, and tell yourself I don’t know what I’m talking about.

This is the beginning of her using sex to control you.You act now or you will be a bitter man in a sexually frustrating relationship.

You’ve been warned.

She's not a plate she's my girlfriend. I can't just go out banging other women.

She's only been withholding a week or so. Due to stress and hormones.

She's a pretty fantastic girlfriend. The situation isn't at a place when I'm even considering ending it.


I get what you're saying though. Once you're commited (and not the cheating sort) it is a bit like oneists as that one women is literally the only women on the planet you can bang.

That's the source of my frustrations. I really really want to bang, like that freaky intense sex. She's not in that head space.

That's shifting the power dynamic in the wrong direction.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

You’re allowing this to occur and the die is being cast. I know you don’t want to hear it, and tell yourself I don’t know what I’m talking about.

This is the beginning of her using sex to control you.You act now or you will be a bitter man in a sexually frustrating relationship.

You’ve been warned.

That's what I'm foreseeing too. I like this woman but this needs to change.

My gut is telling me this is very fixable and nothing has spiralled too far yet.

In what way I'm I allowing it?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

You need to take action now and you need to be outcome independent- she will sniff the fear on you.

Chances are it won’t work but it’s worth a try.

That's what I'm foreseeing too. I like this woman but this needs to change.

My gut is telling me this is very fixable and nothing has spiralled too far yet.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

You’re allowing this to occur and the die is being cast. I know you don’t want to hear it, and tell yourself I don’t know what I’m talking about.

This is the beginning of her using sex to control you.You act now or you will be a bitter man in a sexually frustrating relationship.

You’ve been warned.

Had a nice day out with her today. She was quite emotional throughout. She was blaming hormones and stress ( which is true ) for lack of intimacy.

She really wanted closeness, translates to feeling lack of closeness due to the fact sex has been ****ed (lack of sex) the last few weeks.

We had a really nice time together regardless.

She tried to have sex with me in the back of my car. I told her no. Then she tried to have sex with me back at mine. Again I declined.

Just did a bit of kisses.

I wasn't feeling passion from her. It felt she was trying to give me what she perceived I wanted and was just going to go through the motions.

What I want is GOOD sex, so until I believe she is in that place that she offer me that, I think I'm going to continue to pass on sex with her.


I really want to bang, so must admit the frustration is real. Not going to give into sex that's being offered to just pacify me though.

I'm dealing with that by throwing it at training training (just training harder than normal with more focus ) working for now.

 

[2Rocky]

I think you might find her emotional ping pong might get you a real intense lovemaking session. Make sure you have plenty of time and energy for it with no distractions and really focus on connecting during it. It might just be the stress relief she craves.

Don't be surprised if that makes her more lovey dovey and affectionate and appreciative post sex. You will have to be more affectionate and caring in the after moments , but Intense powerful and controllling during the sex will kinda spark her "Letting Go".

You are going for her mindset to be "Why am I punishing myself by depriving myself of this (the good sex)"

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Get that **** out of her arm. That stuff is the death nell for relationships....

If this is the same type of implant that my ex-wife had back in the Day:

1. it prevented her from having her period. This is bad for a woman’s overall health in general.

2. It killed her sex drive.

-Augustus-

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Had a nice day out with her today. She was quite emotional throughout. She was blaming hormones and stress ( which is true ) for lack of intimacy.

She really wanted closeness, translates to feeling lack of closeness due to the fact sex has been ****ed (lack of sex) the last few weeks.

We had a really nice time together regardless.

She tried to have sex with me in the back of my car. I told her no. Then she tried to have sex with me back at mine. Again I declined.

Just did a bit of kisses.

I wasn't feeling passion from her. It felt she was trying to give me what she perceived I wanted and was just going to go through the motions.

What I want is GOOD sex, so until I believe she is in that place that she offer me that, I think I'm going to continue to pass on sex with her.


I really want to bang, so must admit the frustration is real. Not going to give into sex that's being offered to just pacify me though.

I'm dealing with that by throwing it at training training (just training harder than normal with more focus ) working for now.

Has she started telling you "I feel really lonely lately"? That's a death knell.

 

[CaptFinnBad]

Has she started telling you "I feel really lonely lately"? That's a death knell.

No mate. She's not said anything like that.

We got in a couple of fights since the last post. Had Friday night was a really nice night.

We were at hers. Suppose to have a night alone together. Everything arranged. It was good between us.

Her dad was on the phone to her and I invited him over. She pounced on me for sex before he got there.

I ended up turning it into a little party got a few more people involved.

Had a lot of fun. She ended up ended it short and sent people home to get me to herself. Was all over me.


Sat. We were at me mine drinking. I got drunk, like really drunk, can't remember a lot.

Just remember her being all over me and I just picked a massive fight with her. I said some pretty mean stuff.

Must have unleashed my frustrations. Told her she was ****ing everything up between us, it's all her fault , she's crazy , my ex was better than her, she's a ****ing pessimist e.t.c.

She went off the wall... Started packing all her stuff from my house, said it's over and stormed out.

Then she came back.

Slept.... The day after I'm hung over to ****. Not entirely sure of the exact details.

We've made up. She's been all over me since.

Like super affectionate.

Non of this is good. Thing is were really good together. These past few weeks have been ****ing nuts.