Outside of being a celebrity, can you really be "popular" after school?

[Listen_to_Olly]

I had a good bit of success with girls in my high school and college days but looking back at it, it wasn't the sex and intimacy that I enjoyed that much. It's like, I liked being recognized as the guy that ****ed a hot girl and talking about it with my friends who were also higher status and sought after as opposed to actually ****ing a hot girl and being with her.

My friends and I (I was in a fraternity too) going to events together that groups like sororities invited us to, the same hot girls that would never even talk to a guy they perceived as low status. Same with high school, going to a wild house party with some of my good friends being there and hooking up with a hot girl. The same house party guys perceived as losers were not invited to.

It was that feeling of being a part of a specific circle or winner's bubble, knowing that my friends and I were the ones getting hot girls who wouldn't even look at other guys.

After school ended, I still had some success with good looking girls but I kinda just feel jaded about the game. I mean sure the sex and all that is okay but I want to experience that feeling of being popular. Not lacking in any way and I feel like my life is on a decent track financially but I just wonder, can you really be "popular" after you are no longer in school?

 

[Listen_to_Olly]

@Amante Silvestre

So you really have to quit it all and take a risk then huh. I work a full time job that pays near six figures so I am comfortable in that regard but dude, I have thought about it. Luckily I only work 50 hours a week and have the weekends to myself so I have been thinking of getting something fun going on the side in regards to status.

I do wonder sometimes if it has the same feel to it though like it did in your school years. It kinda comes off as very try-hard while in your school years, it came off as natural.

I've been thinking that maybe if a guy can manage to pull some hot girls, get a couple of them to go out to bars with him, and get some serious social proof going that way it can be something. Or if a guy can be a guy who is always with a hot girl at most places he goes to and becomes a regular at some to where people have to notice him.

 

[SmooveMooves]

@Amante Silvestre pretty much summed it up. You have to be pursuing one of the things he listed and obtain some sort of clout. Once you have said clout it's like highschool/college days all over again. I'm in the latter of what he described. Merely identifying as one of those listed but no clout... yet. I experienced moderate success having the opportunity to be apart of a small tour with some B - list artists. It was all the motivation needed to pursue the lifestyle full time.

Fortunately I'm talented and live a city where there isn't much competition for me so it won't be hard for me to climb the ranks. However, I'm not making close to six figures like you. If I was, it would make things significantly easier. If you want that life again save up some of that money and focus your free weekends on obtaining some clout. Money = Freedom and with the kind of money your making anything is possible.

 

[Listen_to_Olly]

@Amante Silvestre and @SmooveMooves

Good **** guys, you two are becoming my favorites on this forum for sure.

One thing that is missing in all of this, now that I really think about it, and I know it makes me a ****ed up person for doing so; is that feeling of superiority and conquest that came with it. Being above other guys in your school days and knowing you were getting some action and partying while they weren't, it really did it for me. I think it is because by nature I have always been a very competitive guy so it really makes me feel good when I get it and most other guys don't. Damn, I am ****ed up in the head lol.

So it's like I feel that sure, I can get the parties and girls now if I try to become a DJ or follow my hobbies but what really makes it for me is that feeling of knowing that there is some social hierarchy and I am in the winners circle while most other guys aren't.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

@Amante Silvestre and @SmooveMooves

Good **** guys, you two are becoming my favorites on this forum for sure.

One thing that is missing in all of this, now that I really think about it, and I know it makes me a ****ed up person for doing so; is that feeling of superiority and conquest that came with it. Being above other guys in your school days and knowing you were getting some action and partying while they weren't, it really did it for me. I think it is because by nature I have always been a very competitive guy so it really makes me feel good when I get it and most other guys don't. Damn, I am ****ed up in the head lol.

So it's like I feel that sure, I can get the parties and girls now if I try to become a DJ or follow my hobbies but what really makes it for me is that feeling of knowing that there is some social hierarchy and I am in the winners circle while most other guys aren't.

Yeah but how can you "frat" your way into a winners circle? Just means you are one of their friends.

 

[SmooveMooves]

@Amante Silvestre and @SmooveMoovesOne thing that is missing in all of this, now that I really think about it, and I know it makes me a ****ed up person for doing so; is that feeling of superiority and conquest that came with it. Being above other guys in your school days and knowing you were getting some action and partying while they weren't, it really did it for me. I think it is because by nature I have always been a very competitive guy so it really makes me feel good when I get it and most other guys don't. Damn, I am ****ed up in the head lol.

So it's like I feel that sure, I can get the parties and girls now if I try to become a DJ or follow my hobbies but what really makes it for me is that feeling of knowing that there is some social hierarchy and I am in the winners circle while most other guys aren't.

I get that feeling too. Actually, I strive for it. And there's nothing wrong with it. Society -- hell -- even guys here will tell you it's shallow or you shouldn't get your value from it. However, with guys like us, it's in out DNA to conquer. At every turn in my life I'm looking to be better than the next guy and if I can't be the best, Then I must be the best I possibly can in my power.

I may never have the money of Warren Buffet but damn it, I'll earn the most money possible Iwhile still pursuing what I want. I can't be the biggest guy in the gym but my body will be in the best shape it possible can. I might not make it to Lil Wayne's celebrity status, but I'm going be as popular as I can be. And get all the pleasure from being above others. Domination.

I just make sure to no be douchey about it.

 

[nismo-4]

Of course, just get some tangible clout in your career.

 

[GoodOne123]

I know a few guys who chose club promoting as their career choice. One of them is now the events manager of a popular club in my city. He's like a mini celebrity and everyone knows him. He's in his early thirties.

That's the only real path I see taking if you want that high-school/college type popularity well after your early twenties.

The guy I mentioned above does however work in a club that is popular with college students, so that helps him get into the social circle of college. Also hes just a naturally cool guy, people like him, and not everyone has that quality.

 

[Trainwreck]

be rich enough or have a job that allows you have a lot of free time to do social activities.

 

[Listen_to_Olly]

I get that feeling too. Actually, I strive for it. And there's nothing wrong with it. Society -- hell -- even guys here will tell you it's shallow or you shouldn't get your value from it. However, with guys like us, it's in out DNA to conquer. At every turn in my life I'm looking to be better than the next guy and if I can't be the best, Then I must be the best I possibly can in my power.

I may never have the money of Warren Buffet but damn it, I'll earn the most money possible Iwhile still pursuing what I want. I can't be the biggest guy in the gym but my body will be in the best shape it possible can. I might not make it to Lil Wayne's celebrity status, but I'm going be as popular as I can be. And get all the pleasure from being above others. Domination.

I just make sure to no be douchey about it.

The tough part is, dominate what? In high school and college, the competition was so near and the rules so clear. In the real world, the competition is full of suckers that get married and it is so tough to really get the idea of what cool is and who the winners are outside of the very obvious, celebrities.

 

[Listen_to_Olly]

But unlike high school and college, there are rarely solid friendships and true alliances.

I don't think it was true or solid in high school and college either, every man for himself and guys would turn on each other at the drop of a dime. If you were popular and did something ****ed up or low status, you were toast!

 

[Listen_to_Olly]

Of course, just get some tangible clout in your career.

Not really, it doesn't lead to tons of *****. I know white collar guys who in a stranglehold with politically correct white collar culture to where they cannot party and **** bitches so easily without having to fear for their jobs. Plus, most white collar careers scream boring anyways.

 

[Listen_to_Olly]

I know a few guys who chose club promoting as their career choice. One of them is now the events manager of a popular club in my city. He's like a mini celebrity and everyone knows him. He's in his early thirties.

That's the only real path I see taking if you want that high-school/college type popularity well after your early twenties.

The guy I mentioned above does however work in a club that is popular with college students, so that helps him get into the social circle of college. Also hes just a naturally cool guy, people like him, and not everyone has that quality.

Man, there have to be other avenues. I mean is adulthood really that ****ty? I mean god, these people cannot all "grow up" like that, they're living a ****ing lie. There have to be popularity contests in adulthood just like there were in high school and college, just have to be. I mean the winners must all congregate somewhere while boring **** losers get married and get fat ****ing ugly.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Well, there's the who-****s-the-new-sales-girl-first competition at my office job. With every guy running their own kind of game. And the cycle repeats every year, unless all the newly hired girls are fuglies.

 

[Julian]

because face it. in college you were paying money to be part of a frat. it was a fake ass recognition. u did nothing to be popular. in the real world what makes you popular is actually accomplishing things and performing superior actions. this ****s not gonna come to you just being an average guy not doing anything exceptional. to be popular you need to be alpha and stand out from the crowd in a big way.


im gonna be honest to ya bro and by bro i mean never my bro, you have some inner self esteem issues and lack of confidence in yourself. seeking external validation to such a degree is pathetic. its a sign of immaturity, inexperience and sheer unearned entitlement. you need to earn your stripes and pay your dues. start from the bottom and work up. this is real life not a fking highshool popularity contest, you literally said thats what you wanted basically verbatim and let me tell you something, your dad should have trained you up better. maybe you should join a beauty pageant.

 

[Julian]

That might have been a f*cked up attitude back in high school, but that's essentially how you have to be when you're pursuing that status in the adult world.

Back in high school you had that solid circle of cool buddies that for the most part went unbroken for years. It's different as an adult. I don't know if it's the same in other industries, but I suspect it's not much different than the music business, in that, you need to establish as many connections as you can; know as many people as you can know and be cool with all of them. But unlike high school and college, there are rarely solid friendships and true alliances. The only true friends I had in the business were the few guys I grew up with who were also in the industry; guys I never worked with after school but I would cross paths with from time to time. Other than that, it's every man for himself, each one trying to be the next king of the hill.

Again, I don't know how it is in other pursuits, but in the music biz, for example, many people often think that their favorite bands started off organic; couple of guys who found each other through an ad, started jamming in a garage and eventually got famous. That sh*t very rarely goes down that way. What usually happens is that a producer or promoter will happen to see a band play a local show and notice just the singer, or just the guitarist is amazing, but the rest of the band is forgettable. That promoter will recruit the singer, who will go through the "turmoil" of leaving his band buddies behind, but always agrees to be hooked up with an amazing guitarist that promoter found 2000 miles away, who then forms a band around those 2 guys. Then he'll go find some fantastic drummer from Europe or a bassist from where ever.... It's all much more like an arranged marriage then it is organic.

being in entertainment this is complete BS. yeah maybe thats the blueprint for fkin nsync boy band crap but name one reputable band who was put together how you describe.

 

[Listen_to_Olly]

because face it. in college you were paying money to be part of a frat. it was a fake ass recognition. u did nothing to be popular. in the real world what makes you popular is actually accomplishing things and performing superior actions. this ****s not gonna come to you just being an average guy not doing anything exceptional. to be popular you need to be alpha and stand out from the crowd in a big way.

im gonna be honest to ya bro and by bro i mean never my bro, you have some inner self esteem issues and lack of confidence in yourself. seeking external validation to such a degree is pathetic. its a sign of immaturity, inexperience and sheer unearned entitlement. you need to earn your stripes and pay your dues. start from the bottom and work up. this is real life not a fking highshool popularity contest, you literally said thats what you wanted basically verbatim and let me tell you something, your dad should have trained you up better. maybe you should join a beauty pageant.

Looks like some loser didn't get a bid lol. Who cares about "fake ass recognition" you stupid piece of ****, if it leads to good parties, lots of cool friends, and tons of available ***** that you hardly have to work for; it must not be that fake at all. I bet you were one of those annoying campus liberals preaching philosophy, drying up pussies everywhere, and spending weekends watching porn while the frat bros were balls deep in co-ed *****.

Seeking validation and wanting to be top tier is normal for winners in life to do. Contrary to the garbage you read on the red pill or some phony as ****ing internet blogs, alphas males aren't the guys that "don't care about what others think" and "go their own way". No, alpha males do care about what others think and build their status that way. Your entire reputation in society is based on this and for losers like you who don't get it, this means a lack of good ***** and a lack of other lifestyle perks.

I am happy with how my dad raised me and I see the truth, it is wimps like you that lie to themselves about how status doesn't matter, looks don't matter, and I bet you think that by being some annoying pickup artist you will get hot girls lol.

 

[BeExcellent]

I just wonder, can you really be "popular" after you are no longer in school?

Yes you can but the criteria is result based once you get out of school. In school the criteria is conveyed.

Popularity in high school and college is conveyed by the group you hang out with. Groups are usually determined by activities or conveyed status. Activities are things like the sports teams and the extra-curriculars you do, or in college you can pay to join a frat and have paid entry into a desirable group. Conveyed status is what is conveyed through someone else, so rich kids who wear all the expensive stuff and live in the most expensive areas don't actually have the status themselves, rather their parent's status or family status is conveyed to them, or borrowed. If you aren't from a rich family or live in the exclusive area you are going to be left out of groups that depend on conveyed status for a sense of belonging. If you didn't get accepted into the frat (and pay to join) you are left out of that group. Anyone in Greek life at uni knows there is also a hierarchy between the frats, with some conferring higher value than others.

Once you are in real life and fully out on your own it's up to you to create for yourself the group dynamics and social opportunities you desire.

You do this through your own personality, ambition, success, creativity and daring. The good news is that if you weren't part of the popular group in high school, those barriers to do with conveyance are gone. One can be self determining because the groups aren't predetermined based on family or parents or zip code, etc. That is not to say those things don't help; they certainly can, but you gain access and social clout primarily by getting results in life yourself. This also builds genuine self confidence which is inherently attractive to others.

The bad news (especially for those that are used to coasting along on someone else's conveyed value or status) is that now you have to actually have some chops in the world and get something done in your own right.

Coming myself from an exclusive zip code and being from a family with some status (and having peers who were the same) I've seen more people who were super popular in school just flop when they hit life on their own. They were the ones who were spoiled and never learned self-reliance. They become disillusioned once they get out into life because they aren't the privileged ones any more and they struggle. They are fundamentally unprepared for the tough things life has to offer up at times because they were too insulated, too pampered, too pedestalized. Some get deep into drinking or drugs, others just become jaded and lazy dreaming about their glory days in high school or uni while they struggle through life. Its sad. Bruce Springsteen wrote "Glory Days" basically about this very thing.

A self actualizing person should never be musing over the past with a sense of nostalgic loss, but rather should appreciate the past but be focused on the future and what the future holds, should be growing, seeking, reaching new goals etc.

So get out there and slay it in real life, OP. The social opportunities and growth will expand as you expand. Focus on yourself and getting yourself better, as you get better you'll find your opportunities improve, the quality of women you attract will improve, everything will improve.

But concentrate on you and getting your own results. Nobody should need to convey anything any more. It's on you now.

 

[bb47]

Who gives a damn about popularity? Stop relying on others to make you happy. Happiness needs to be generated from within. By doing so, you stop relying on others, and you thus free yourself from their control over you

 

[Listen_to_Olly]

Yes you can but the criteria is result based once you get out of school. In school the criteria is conveyed.

Popularity in high school and college is conveyed by the group you hang out with. Groups are usually determined by activities or conveyed status. Activities are things like the sports teams and the extra-curriculars you do, or in college you can pay to join a frat and have paid entry into a desirable group. Conveyed status is what is conveyed through someone else, so rich kids who wear all the expensive stuff and live in the most expensive areas don't actually have the status themselves, rather their parent's status or family status is conveyed to them, or borrowed. If you aren't from a rich family or live in the exclusive area you are going to be left out of groups that depend on conveyed status for a sense of belonging. If you didn't get accepted into the frat (and pay to join) you are left out of that group. Anyone in Greek life at uni knows there is also a hierarchy between the frats, with some conferring higher value than others.

Once you are in real life and fully out on your own it's up to you to create for yourself the group dynamics and social opportunities you desire.

You do this through your own personality, ambition, success, creativity and daring. The good news is that if you weren't part of the popular group in high school, those barriers to do with conveyance are gone. One can be self determining because the groups aren't predetermined based on family or parents or zip code, etc. That is not to say those things don't help; they certainly can, but you gain access and social clout primarily by getting results in life yourself. This also builds genuine self confidence which is inherently attractive to others.

The bad news (especially for those that are used to coasting along on someone else's conveyed value or status) is that now you have to actually have some chops in the world and get something done in your own right.

Coming myself from an exclusive zip code and being from a family with some status (and having peers who were the same) I've seen more people who were super popular in school just flop when they hit life on their own. They were the ones who were spoiled and never learned self-reliance. They become disillusioned once they get out into life because they aren't the privileged ones any more and they struggle. They are fundamentally unprepared for the tough things life has to offer up at times because they were too insulated, too pampered, too pedestalized. Some get deep into drinking or drugs, others just become jaded and lazy dreaming about their glory days in high school or uni while they struggle through life. Its sad. Bruce Springsteen wrote "Glory Days" basically about this very thing.

A self actualizing person should never be musing over the past with a sense of nostalgic loss, but rather should appreciate the past but be focused on the future and what the future holds, should be growing, seeking, reaching new goals etc.

So get out there and slay it in real life, OP. The social opportunities and growth will expand as you expand. Focus on yourself and getting yourself better, as you get better you'll find your opportunities improve, the quality of women you attract will improve, everything will improve.

But concentrate on you and getting your own results. Nobody should need to convey anything any more. It's on you now.

Hands down the best post on this thread, you really do know your ****.

I will say, a lot of popular kids I knew in college did end up doing great career wise due to connections.

My question is this though, I know that being successful yourself is important but HOW do successful people congregate in the real world? Country Clubs are for old people but I was wondering about how 20 somethings who are doing well congregate compared to college kids since there is no Greek Life or anything now. Like what kinds of cliques or groups do successful people run in.