Opposite of Approach Anxiety???

[PDubb75]

Alright, those of you that have been on here fairly regularly this calendar year I'm sure have seen me around. As you may know, I am 25, recently out of a 6.5 year relationship, and really trying my "game" for the first time out in the field now.

My first couple weeks were rough, but I've kept with everything and have seen big improvements.

If I had to summarize how everything is going: My opening is extremely successful. I have been talking to anyone and everyone when I go out, and have had very good conversations/interactions. It has gotten to the point where in the last couple weeks, some of my friends have pulled me aside from our group and asked me to either help them, or explain how I'm doing it. However... I have not had success closing. I'm not letting it get to me at this point, especially since some of the incidents were out of my control (ex. my friend getting in a bar fight and us getting kicked out).

But that takes me to my question. I went from this complete AFC a few weeks ago, to literally craving to go out to find women. It's almost at the point now where I'm MOST comfortable meeting people. But this is only the case for night-game. My day-game is still in much need of improvement. Has anyone ever experienced this? It's honestly like I'm getting anxiety early in the week because the weekend is so far off.

What has surprised me, and my friends so much, are the girls I've been having this (slight) success with. The girl my friend ruined my chances with from the bar fight was an easy 9.5 in my book (thin Italian model, dark hair, green eyes, dark skin, and yes... pumps!). I have no fear going up to any girl. It's the anticipation of the opportunities that are killin me.

I'm sure I will get responses saying this is still beginner crap... and you are right. But everyone has to start somewhere. So, I appreciate any useful insight.

 

[snowdog]

I've been at the plateau you're at now for the longest time in my progress. This lasted for several months. Here's what I took away from it:

Close, close, close, CLOSE MOTHERFCKER. Be a closer. The guy who opens, flirts and makes chicks laugh looks really cool. And this feels really good, doesn't it? You probably say to yourself while talking with her: "Wow, this is awesome. I'm chatting with this smoking hot chick!". You don't want to risk losing that and that's why you aren't closing. Closing is the hardest because your unconscious mind holds you back and protects you from the risk of getting rejected. You'll need to push through that a whole bunch of times before you start to get comfortable with that. I'm personally finally getting there now.

The guy who is a closer gets blown out and sometimes just looks stupid sometimes because he takes chances. You gotta be willing to take it to the level where you can get blown out and ridiculed. Do this enough and you'll stop to give a sh*t about people around seeing you getting blown out.

Ask yourself this: do you pay attention to people around you when you're chatting up hot chicks?

And also ask yourself this: do you get blown out a lot?

If not, you're not taking enough chances. I got rejected probably literally a thousand times before I started successfully closing girls.


Good luck and don't forget to have fun!

 

[PDubb75]

I've been at the plateau you're at now for the longest time in my progress. This lasted for several months. Here's what I took away from it:

Close, close, close, CLOSE MOTHERFCKER. Be a closer. The guy who opens, flirts and makes chicks laugh looks really cool. And this feels really good, doesn't it? You probably say to yourself while talking with her: "Wow, this is awesome. I'm chatting with this smoking hot chick!". You don't want to risk losing that and that's why you aren't closing. Closing is the hardest because your unconscious mind holds you back and protects you from the risk of getting rejected. You'll need to push through that a whole bunch of times before you start to get comfortable with that. I'm personally finally getting there now.

The guy who is a closer gets blown out and sometimes just looks stupid sometimes because he takes chances. You gotta be willing to take it to the level where you can get blown out and ridiculed. Do this enough and you'll stop to give a sh*t about people around seeing you getting blown out.

Ask yourself this: do you pay attention to people around you when you're chatting up hot chicks?

And also ask yourself this: do you get blown out a lot?

If not, you're not taking enough chances. I got rejected probably literally a thousand times before I started successfully closing girls.


Good luck and don't forget to have fun!

Dude... you freakin nailed it right on the head! Nearly every single word of that was spot on. The one thing I really don't care about is how others see me after I get rejected. I always live by "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take" and that alone has made me not care what people think if they see me fail. As long as I know I tried.

I didn't even realize it until you asked. No, I do not pay attention to other people as I'm talking to these girls. And that's exactly why I have no idea what caused the fight that got my friend kicked out, making us need to leave and my chance with this chick to float on by. While I am blaming that for a lot of the reason I didn't close in this case, I know any situation is still determined by MY actions, so thank you for pinpointing something in the scenario I can focus on improving.

And don't worry.. I think I'm having too much fun. That's why my anxiety comes when I'm NOT approaching!

 

[NoCommitments]

Awesome PDubb...Keep us posted on your progression.

I feel ya with the 'close to closing' issue. In a club you will find me literally holding hands with chick after chick, i get compliance everywhere. the other night in Tropicana in AC I got two groups together, guys, girls were making out within the group. it was nice to open sets like that!
But yea I'm not closing! My convo's & energy usually fizz out for me fairly quickly

I believe my problem to be emotions still attached to my ex from my LTR. I can't wait till they completely go away already...THE SUMMER IS FREAKING CLOSE & I GOTTA SHED THIS SH*T!

GOOD LUCK MAN!!!

 

[snowdog]

Dude... you freakin nailed it right on the head! Nearly every single word of that was spot on. The one thing I really don't care about is how others see me after I get rejected. I always live by "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take" and that alone has made me not care what people think if they see me fail. As long as I know I tried.

I didn't even realize it until you asked. No, I do not pay attention to other people as I'm talking to these girls. And that's exactly why I have no idea what caused the fight that got my friend kicked out, making us need to leave and my chance with this chick to float on by. While I am blaming that for a lot of the reason I didn't close in this case, I know any situation is still determined by MY actions, so thank you for pinpointing something in the scenario I can focus on improving.

And don't worry.. I think I'm having too much fun. That's why my anxiety comes when I'm NOT approaching!

Oh hold on, I think you misunderstand me here. Not caring about the people around you while chatting up a chick is a good thing. Keys to success: not giving a fck & confidently go for the close.

And about the bar fight, that is out of your control. You can't help it if your friend acts like a dumb-ass and starts a fight. A lot of things are going on that are out of your control, you'll just have to accept that. Also realize there are tons of chicks out there, if you lose one there'll always be another one around.

 

[Prodigy746]

Lol i am kinda like opposite from you guys... its easy for me to close after a girl is talking/reacting positively to me. For me its hard to make that first move and go in and start talking to that HB9/10.

Right now i have no porblem approaching 6/10s and opening them but it takes real balls to go up to a 9/10 and start talking to her.

After you see her reacting positively to your and talking find a moment in the conversation where you say " You seem like a cool girl, let me get your number and we will hangout later" you say this while pulling out your phone and getting ready to type in her number... This is really important because you are assuming the sale...

I actually practiced saying that line out loud when i was by my self. It felt weird and crazy as hell but after a you say it 20-30 times the next time you are with the girl and you say it ... it feels very natural like you have been doing it for years.

GL brahs.

 

[snowdog]

Practicing lines is stupid. Do it the natural way and say whatever comes up into your head, 'brah'.

Also, instead just put your phone in her hand and tell her to punch in the number. Works way more cosistent.

 

[powpow]

The opposite of approach anxiety is called being a boss and its the transcendence of your natural human instinct.

You`re becoming a boss.

 

[PDubb75]

snowdog... thanks for the clarification. I thought you were going for the "social proof" side by interacting with other people at the same time. But it's more natural for me to focus on the one person, so good to hear that.

powpow... while I appreciate that, I'm not gonna go that far until I can close some of them. But my confidence is skyrocketing. I'll be sure to keep you guys posted.