opinions needed

[murderbird]

I have heard about this site for some time now, my best friend is an avid member, and talks this up. Before I begin I must say I have taken the red pill and have been behaving as such for months. I'm a great looking 25 year old I have never had issues getting girls but most of them are hot borderlines. My sons mother is the worst of them all.
Have always partied but in 08 I became a part of the chicagoland heroin epidemic. I have been through numerous treatments even Wisconsin state prison. It got bad and I finally changed my ****. I've been clean 5 months and have my own apt and a whatever job.
So here's my issue. I met a girl in august "13 on the bus really beautiful blonde I was using and homeless in north Chicago Illinois. After talking to her, I found that she was a user too( common in my area) but she was currently clean, on the vivitrol shot,and in a sober house. I gave her my number and she called immediately. She knew I was using, but we started chilling right away. I I was staying in a tent on lake Michigan at the time. Really bad. Anyway she spent monumental amounts of time with my bogus ass and even bought me heroin twice. I wasn't overly emotional to her although I knew she was clearly interested. I chilled with her everyday for a few weeks, she even slept with me in my "beach front resort" but the next day I ditched her and got high( I had to) for 4 hours. After that she realised I was twacked and I was bad for her. She went on away from me. By September I went to rehab per my po and got clean. I didn't talk to her but she. Would hit me up discussing her bf and urges to use ( apparently she didn't continue vivitrol an was with some guy in rehab. I assumed they were using whatever I can only give advice a s a
newly clean addict myself. She had inspired me to clean up) so I'm in Chicago in rehab and she knows it. I complete my soda program and suddenly get an invitation from a best buddyo to room with him in his apt in racine wi. I did it and I was there that day. I got a job within a week and was clean helping with rent. I eventually got my own 2 be apt and im self sufficient and clean from all drugs. I am finally doing well and feel its my duty to help an addict so I told her she could come up I'll get you a job , you can get away from it all. Kinda a nice guy but remember.she have me time when I was ****ed. It started as just a helping an addict thing but it quickly became emotional. She came 40 miles to come over and spent 3 days. I ****ed
her every night it was great. When I was using she said I'd be awesome clean, and now b I'md clean doing well and since I liked her since day one I was happy she can finally see me clean and successful. Anyway she's 23 and living with dad in grayslake Il. She declined my offer to stay cause I think she wants to still be near dope. She wasnt using when she was here I'd know, I'm a full fledged manipulating junkie myself, but clean . So she has become attached, saying I'm perfect and she's constantly texting good morning and sending naked pics. Guys I snorted the red pill already I don't trust ****.she lives far away but has a job and talks t me constantly. Anyway here's the issue finally. The other night she told me she was at an oxford house drinking with her guy friends. We are exclusive at this point. Ive been through thid before and i alreadyvknow whats up, and I don't get crazy cause its weak. Idk why she told me she was there, but I didn't like it and felt disrespected. In my mind I already know what's happened cause guy f" guy friends" are wolves. One guy wasn't an obvious beta. As an in control secure man I simply said That's unacceptable and I'm gone. No name calling no nothing . I do my best t control my emotions because I've been compromised in the past, it was bad. Anyway she's tot ally stuck on me begging off forgiveness and to take her back. I thought I'd make her prove she didn't **** these guys by being cunning with her phone but still I'm not weak like that. So I went to see her and got to really look her in her in Illinois at her dads. I meet dad. I take her to get coffee and robotically tell her my thoughtbob the issue. Now guys I'm not interrogating or checking her phone I feel like that's what the psycho does (past me) plus I know whatever's bad has been deleted. I got to look her in her pretty eyes and get a better idea of whether or not she cheated based on reactions. Again I'm cool and calm. I came to terms it happened so I'm fine anyway. I just thouggt id use my insight . In any case I through of a golden opportunity to spin plates as its called.i thought I d keep her along, take her back have her obsessed as she clearly is and have her to do whenever I want. I can't trust her and I'm not willing to commit but I lied and said I'd be her boyfriend. Take her back in order to have her whenever while I pursue other things and di whatever the **** I want. Technically cheating and lying is weak behaviour but am I OK for this? I need a success oriented woman not concert girl, but she gas been clean and is changing her life because of me. I need a little guidence as a newcomer. Thank you for tolerating this ridiculously long post. I don't know how this works exactly but. You can email me or whatever

 

[Purefilth]

if you edit that wall of text into nice little paragraphs - then you will have more people willing to read it.

 

[MtnMan]

yea, i think the story was interesting, but if your break it up into paragraphs ill be able to get through the whole thing.

 

[Bible_Belt]

#1 - Talk to backbreaker.

#2 - If she is still using, you're never going to be able to trust her.

 

[backbreaker]

Hi


First of all congrats on the clean time. I'm a recovering crack addict myself. 9 years 2 days ago, Feb 12th, 2005 was the last time i got high. Theres a few of us here, I know mauser is another recovering addict.

Here's some practical advice

1. if you go to meetings enough you know the saying; someone can pull you down faster than they can pull you up.

I'm going to say this as plainly and simply as i possibly can

if you keep this girl as your GF, you are going to relapse. I've been clean since 2005. I've sponsored a number of people. I've met hundreds if not thousands of people in NA/ AA meetings. Your story is all too common. The number 1 reason men relapse in recovery is over women. Either women drag them to down it, or drag them to it.

I did not have my first relationship when I was clean until 2007. Almost 2 years after I got clean. I was not ready.

either one of 2 things is going to happen

1. she's going to relapse and you are going to be around and you are going to say **** it and get high "just this once" a la jessie in breaking bad season 2 lol.

2. She's going to break your heart and you won't be able to deal with it


In time you will be able to do alot of things, but man you are not ready.


2. You have a son. This **** isn't about anything as silly as, you wanting to get your **** wet or wanting a GF you have a KID. your kid depends on you. To not only be there financially but to be a MAN. To be a role model. you can't **** this up. Your son's life is in your hands bro.


3. I made it a rule to not date women in recovery. Sheer odds. If you go to a meeting today, Feb 14th, 2014 and there are 40 people there, and you go again Feb 14th, 2015, and 40 people are there, there might be 5 people in the room that were there last year. The odds are that both people next to you will go back out. Women in recovery have issues and utnil I am 100% sure they are over them, i'm out


if you are a good looking guy and you are taking care of yourself aim for higher fruit. I could have always dated chicks in recovery and i've had sex with some, but nothing ever serious, too much baggage that most aren't over.

women, have to do a lot of **** in addiction that men don't.. or won't.. do. The worst thing I ever did in my drug addiction was miss my little brothers high school graduation. I told him i was going to be there, on the way there I stopped and got high, and never left the dope house lol. I felt like **** about it and apologized. I few out to Arkansas to make sure i was at his college graduation nothing would have stopped me from missing that.

EVERY girl I know in recovery has had sex for drugs. most have been raped. most have had sex with more than one person at a time for drugs. my old running budy female in recovery once had 2 guys over her house and they showed her a gun and told her that they were going to take it from her one way or the other.. you don't "become normal" after that . There is a SMOKING HOT lol girl i know who had to let a train get ran on her by a bunch of dudes to pay off a drug debt that she had. you don't become normal after that.


it's bad enough dating.. NORMAL lol women. normal women are trouble enough. throw in this stuff. man, you aren't ready.


i would advise you to not serious date. until.. you'll know. for me it was 2 years. I knew i was ready. i knew i could handle whatever happened and not go use. you aren't there yet. if you have to ask, you aren't there.


PM me anytime man.


more than anything I want to stress to you to SLLLOOOOOW DOOOOWN. I remember what it was like. You want to have the house, the car, the GF on your arm, you want to be a normal 25 year old. Here is the thing. you aren't a normal 25 year old lol. A combination of getting fired from work and a GF having a ****ty day and taking out on you is enough to send you in a relapse right now. you will get everything you want.. in time. 9 years clean and if you saw me in real life you would not believe me. my wife met me when i was 3 years clean and she didn't believe me. you will get there. Right now your main concern needs to be YOU. Fix YOU. Address the underlying issues with YOU before trying to do anything else.

Come here, stick around, read the DJ bible, learn the ways of women, so when you get out there you can be a killing machine lol. But slow down. I advised all my sponsees to not date for at least a year. don't even think about it for a year and after that we'd talk about it. if you could not go a year without dating you weren't serious about being clean.