Opinions needed

[Communal]

So I have been looking around for some guidance to this problem for a while and have searched these message boards a lot but haven’t really found what I am looking for. I am sure this is a tiresome subject so I apologize for that. Also I am not trying to start a morality issue here, basically it is a long story that no one will probably care about. This girl and I have had thing for a couple of weeks, we both like each other but haven’t done anything sexual, because she has a boyfriend (they have been together a year and a half). She has admitted to me that they have been having problems. It is a long distance relationship, he constantly hangs around other girls, he is very jealous, he has cheated on her before, he is into weird sex stuff which she doesn’t like, he doesn't satisfy her sexually, and he ignores her. Her biggest complaint is him ignoring her at times. I have looking into using a boyfriend destroyer tactic by Tyler Durden. It says to try and make the guy seem insecure, which I have done by saying things like “he is unsure how to act around you because you aren’t what he is used to getting. He can talk easier to other girls because they are more what he knows he should be able to get, not a girl of your caliber. He does appreciate you because he knows you are the best he can ever get. He is afraid you will leave him, it isn’t his fault. ” At times she will believe this or start to jump to her own conclusions about how bad a boyfriend he is, but in the end it always comes back to “no, he loves me, that isn’t like him, you’re wrong.” It has only been a couple of weeks but there really seems like no progress at all. I have spend time with this other girl (who I don’t really want to get involved with cause she is leaving the country in a month) which makes her jealous, she constantly tells me that I should stay single. The worst part is that I don’t get to spend much time with her because her boyfriend doesn’t trust her around me.

 

[jophil28]

Even if she dumps her b/f you will just be "rebound guy" .
Do you understand how women set men up as their next "branch" to swing to ?

 

[IamtheAlphamale]

I don't like Tyler's style. Thats dumb. I need to look into that guy. Everything I've heard about which he is about seems benieth me.

 

[Communal]

Unfortunately I have a larger problem now. Apparently she has brought what I have been doing up to the boyfriend, and because he is so jealous he told her that I was up to something. She thinks I am trying to “out boyfriend” him and show that I am dominate and better. She says that she believes that I am not actually up to anything after talking to me about it, but I think that this is not something I can really comeback from, if anyone has anything productive to add I would very much appreciate it (and yes I am aware that probably everyone will say just give up, but I am tired of giving up).

 

[terran2k]

looks to me like you're a surrogate (spelling) girlfriend to her. dumping her emotional baggage on you, while she is probably bad mouthing you to her bf in between her breaths of calling him daddy in bed. don't try to be some kind of knight in shinning armor. I tried it, it doesnt work. your best bet would be to ditch her for other chics and stop listening to her relationship problems. tell her to come see you when she gets her sh*t straightened out, just tell her straight up and be out until she comes chasin you.

 

[Uberguy]

looks to me like you're a surrogate (spelling) girlfriend to her. dumping her emotional baggage on you, while she is probably bad mouthing you to her bf in between her breaths of calling him daddy in bed. don't try to be some kind of knight in shinning armor. I tried it, it doesnt work. your best bet would be to ditch her for other chics and stop listening to her relationship problems. tell her to come see you when she gets her sh*t straightened out, just tell her straight up and be out until she comes chasin you.

This.

To the OP, everything you need to know is in Terran's response.

 

[Communal]

I have been in the “knight” position before, but it doesn’t seem like it this time, she doesn’t really dump anything on me, when we talk it is just about fun stuff, not her problems.

 

[Igetit!]

I have been in the “knight” position before, but it doesn’t seem like it this time, she doesn’t really dump anything on me, when we talk it is just about fun stuff, not her problems.

You talk about "fun stuff"? Well that doesn't matter.


It's over with. All you're doing is just wasting your time.


The fact that you seem to know so much about this girl's relationship suggests that you and her have been talking to each other like two women who are girlfriends.


That,plus the fact that this girl and her boyfriend have been discussing YOU,about whether or not you're "up to something" means that this girl is somewhat suspicious of you.




I mean why would her boyfriend even have reason to say that about you if this girl hadn't been running back to him and telling him what you've been saying.



And the crazy part about this is that the boyfriend is right....you are up to something.




The girlfriend seems not to believe that,though. That means that the thought of anything sexual with you is the LAST THING on her mind.



If that's the case,and you two have known each other for a few weeks now,it's over dude. You started this off wrong to began with anyway.




If you wanted to date her,the LAST THING you want to be doing is hanging around her,spending time with her talking about whatever.

Unless you talk to her about the two of YOU,you're flat out wasting your time.



You can't use logic with a girl. You can't let like,"Ok,well she has a boyfriend at the moment,so I'll just hang out,talk,and be friendly with her until the relationship ends. Then once that happens,I'll be able to date her".


No you won't either.



You started out by saying that you two have known each other a few weeks and that NOTHING SEXUAL has happened between you two.





So the WHOLE TIME she's known you,nothing sexual has ever happened,which means that she's NEVER SEEN YOU in a sexual light.
So if she doesn't see you in a sexual way,then obviously,she has no SEXAUL FEELINGS towards you either.



So if she hasn't had any romantic feeling towards you in the whole time she's known you,how are those emotions supposed to just "show up" the instant her relationship ends?



To me,you're in the friendzone.


You might have had a chance with her if you hadn't spent time discussing her relationship issues and been "a"sexual with her.

 

[Communal]

OK, we have done sexual stuff, but not to extremes (I didn't sleep with her). When she told me that she liked me she admitted what was wrong with her boyfriend. I never talk about him, and she rarely brings him up. The only time I play the "insecurity” thing that it said in the guide is when I know they are fighting and she brings it up. He is suspicious of any single guy that meets her, he is jealous of everyone. Hell he thought I was up to something before I even said hello. She told me that she avoided telling him about me cause she knew he would jump to conclusions. I think that he is fueling her ideas of me.

 

[Aiken_Drum]

I ditto what "IGotIt!!!!" said, if it's taking you so much time thinking about it, it's probably not worth it.
Better spend your energy on more interested girls.

Read about Gunswtich method. An important part of his philosophy is USE YOUR TIME ON HIGH INTEREST TARGETS, DON'T SPEND SO MUCH ENERGY TRYING TO GET A LOWE INTEREST TARGET TO A HIGH LEVEL OF INTEREST.

Your time & energy can be much better spent.