Operation: Girl Friend

[SDBmania]

Well, once again I find myself in need of re-opening OppGF(Operation: Girl Friend). I know that this sounds silly, but I am finding myself having a temporary instability problem. There is a girl in class that I have been concidering trying to hook up with, but I had been having some conflict. I was not sure up until about a couple of weeks or so weather or not this was something I wanted to do. Now that my decision has been made(I want to hang out rather ask her for a date), I find myself slipping back to my old AFCish nature. That is why I have pulled out my secret weapon, OppGF. This is a tool or exercise I use to build confidence and cure my insecurities. With well thought out plan, I do not worry about what I will say or do. However, this has a hidden danger, that I will spend to much spare time planning this out to death. That is why I use it only as a guide. But, planning out what I want to do makes things more clear and gives me a process. I no longer have to worry about blanking out or heitating. I know what I want and do not listen to the negitive voice in my head. I'm not going to actually pretend that I'm in some military mission like a Navy Seal or something. I will act natual and will improvise when needed. I just use the above tool to get me back on track. It is obvious that I can not predict what will happen, but a basic guideline is helpful.

Anyway, I just wanted you all to give me your expert opinion about what the better opener would be. Please keep in mind that I will be improvising(since am am more comfortable talking when I'm not stageing convo).

Option A:
“Hey (her name), you know I never did get to hear your creative and artistic take on the scene that we are both directing. I suppose it does not matter now, however, I would be most interested to learn about your past experiences with acting and what your future goals are. I would love to discuss such matters over a cup of coffee or perhaps over lunch, my treat of course.”

I like this one, because it ties into the class we have and it does NOT make to look like I want a date. I see this a smooth and keeps her guessing. Also, that way I can continue to increase her IL(assuming that she has one, difficult to tell) and then I can work my mojo on her.

Option B:
"Hey (her name), when are we gonna hang out?"

Short and sweet. I think that this would work as well and it may be more orthodox DJish. It's also not much to remember and will sound less rehersed. Of course, then I would have to wait for her reaction before I would say something else like, "Well then we have to hang out this weekend, assuming you are interested."
Or somthing to that effect.

Unfortunetly, I have had plenty of opportunities to get her number, but have failed due to hesitation. This is no longer going to be allowed. It's time to force myself to jump into the water, instead of testing the waters with my toe.

Please note that I am still a RAFC and in no way intend to over think this. I'm just giving myself a guideline. I believe that the hesitation is coming from an insecurity of not knowing what to say. The last 2 girls that I asked out rejected me and I feel that was because I was too forward. I plan to take my time in this case. I will just see how she responds to me when it's just her and me.

Now that is said, what do you link about what I'm concidering saying? And what have you said in simular situations, I would like to hear what you think I should say instead. I am used to asking for the date, but never to "hang out." I want to have a good idea what to say by Wendsday. Keep in mind that I will end up improvising depending on how I feel and what happens.

 

[HuuBinh]

how about option c: a little small talk and then. "how about we hang out on [date] at [place], at around [time]? (yes)- great, give me your number. (no w/o any counteroffer) - next

 

[SDBmania]

Could work

Only thing is, I was thinking about doing this before class and she usually arrives not long before class starts. Also, waiting for small talk could just make me hesitate more. I think that I've build enough rapport, but I will concider your advice. Also, I'm not too familar with the area where I go to college. I know how to get to the mall, which is not far.

 

[ScrewIt]

there are some things in life....that should just be simple and straightforward.

no need in saying a blob of words, when you're after one thing: asking her to hang out.

my tip is just get to the point.

dont ask, when are we gonna hang out, that's worse than AFC.
it sounds like you're giving her the pants when you say that.

just ask if she wants to hang out with you this weekend doing whatever u suggest.

 

[AlwaysExcel]

First, it's good to have a plan but ditch the name. You don't really know this chick, so you don't know if she SHOULD be your GF or not. Also, you're thinking of her as a GF already and this increases your IL. It's her IL that you need to increase. If she rejects you, you'll be crushed b/c your "future GF" rejected you.
But really this name just reflects your mental state. Clean it all out. Or keep the name and pick multiple targets.

Second, you should be absolutely clear with her that you want to take her on a DATE, especially if you're looking to find a GF. This is direct, strong, and shows that you know what you want. Saying you want to "hang out" is comes off as weak because you are not being brave enough to state your true intentions. Plus friends "hang out" and you don't want to just be her friend.

The other girls who rejected you, did so because they were not attracted to you, not because you were too forward. No girl who is attracted to a guy is going to complain that he is too forward unless he's humping her leg or something, and even then....

The best way to test a girl's IL is asking for her number, a first date, a first kiss, a second date etc. and next if she keeps throwing up barriers. Don't backslide into weakness with this "when are we going to hang out" stuff.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You are missing the obvious here - you both have an interest in the theatre, so why not ask her out to see a 'play'! And tell her that you both can critique it afterwards over a cup of coffee or a snort of heroin (I know you theatre types).

When I read your title I thought your girl was getting a surgical operation!

 

[SDBmania]

First off, I'm clean and don't do drugs. A true artist does not need the help of some narcotic to create something powerful, PuertoRican_Lover. That being said, that's why I am leaning towards the first option. That way, I'm not being clear weather I'm asking for a date or not. Besides, I'm more into TV and film, but that's beside the point. Thanks, though, the play idea isn't a bad one. However, I do think using the scene that we both are directing, different versions of course, would work just as well. Would you agree?

Also, AlwaysExcel, I am not setting myself up for rejection nor will I feel hurt if she does reject me. There is no emotional connection or desire here. Therefore, there can not be any emotional lost. OppGF is just a fun exercise in order to help me deal with insecurities issues. It has helped me once before in overcomming fears of rejection. In fact, it was said tool that helped me to ask out a girl for the first time. There was no pain, a bit of dissapointment, but no pain. It really felt liberating more then anything. Also, there have been multiple targets. However, they have been eliminated due to unforseen events. Ergo, they dropped out of class or I have not seen them again. This being before I had my chance to act. I'm repeating myself here, but I am not going to actually pretend this is a military action. The plan is just a guide, not a must follow meathod.

I would also like to thank you Excel for your imput as well as Lover. I suspected the a lack of attraction was a possiblity, however it is difficult to tell. Some of the girls that I thought were attracted to me in the end rejected me, because I was wrong. So, I can't easily tell when a girl is interested. That is why I think I need to be ambiguous. I have tried being direct, even if only twice, I'm just trying to watch my back here. Besides, I have no feelings for her. If things were different, and I did have feelings for her, then I would have no choise but to be direct. But, since this is not the case, then dissapointment is the only negitive outcome that is possible. That takes seconds to get over. Still, since I have a small chance to get her alone, I'd rather stay ambiguous. I'd most likly have to approch her in a group and this way it just makes things easier and I wouldn't mind just being friends if that is the case. I'm mainly looking for a friend and should it become more then that's great. I believe that a strong friendship in nessiary for a good relationship anyway. That being said, of course I want to make my intentions clear, but it hasn't been working for me so far. The second girl that I asked out thought I was cute, she still rejected me. She felt that she shouldn't date someone that she didn't know too well. She hinted that she would be interested in hanging out though. Like she was saying maybe if I know you better. My first reaction was, yeah no. I decieded that I did not want to wait around and hope something would happen. My thought was, that in this case, I would not make it clear wether I wanted a date or not, then when we did meet I would make my intentions clear. I think I just repeated myself. I would not hide my intentions from her, but would like to hide them from others.

Anyway, I value all of your opinions and will reflect on them the next few days. All-in-all, I will go with my gut. I am leaning towards just asking her out, but it still could be seen as to forward(though this girl is a bit more outgoing and playful then those that I did ask out before). However, I have been told that sometimes it's better to work the friends first angle. I don't know yet.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

If you don't want to be too forward then I suggest you make a tie-in to a common interest - directing, whether it be a play, movie or TV...the theatre performance is more intriguing and live entertainment is better than movies or TV, for a first date. Just be casual when you bring it up and see what inexpensive plays there are at the small theatres or colleges in town.

I was joking about the heroin thing - I know you creative types are into that 'marijuana' thing. No? How about alcohol?

Say no to drugs and say no to hos!!!

 

[willo]

one thing

Just one hint bloke, Ask her at the end of the lecture or whatever it is, then get out of there.
If you do at the start you will have other problems like... should i sit with her through the lecture if she says yes... or no... how do i act after.
Cheers

 

[DankNuggs]

I think you are overbuilding this in your mind. Even though you say you use this "operation gf" to relieve the tension...

What you are asking this girl REALLY isn't a big deal...You want a cup of coffee, there is absolutely no need to overdramatize it, if you do, you'll end up in friend zone (you may still get the coffee, but not the poon)

Have some reason to have coffee, be it to discuss some school assignment or whatever...Ask her like you've done it a million times and its no big deal...Even tell her..."Your grabbing a coffee with me this afternoon, i have to find out the deal with [.....]


"If you're trying to hit a home run....Don't swing soft......" --Danknuggs

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover

I was joking about the heroin thing - I know you creative types are into that 'marijuana' thing. No? How about alcohol?

Say no to drugs and say no to hos!!!

Actually, a good preformer doesn't need to smoke weed in order to be good. In fact, I would argue that better preformers stay clean and don't do any type of drug, but I understand you were joking there.

As for me, I don't even drink. That's just my personal philosophy.

 

[SDBmania]

Originally posted by DankNuggs
I think you are overbuilding this in your mind. Even though you say you use this "operation gf" to relieve the tension...

What you are asking this girl REALLY isn't a big deal...You want a cup of coffee, there is absolutely no need to overdramatize it, if you do, you'll end up in friend zone (you may still get the coffee, but not the poon)

Have some reason to have coffee, be it to discuss some school assignment or whatever...Ask her like you've done it a million times and its no big deal...Even tell her..."Your grabbing a coffee with me this afternoon, i have to find out the deal with [.....]

I would like to say that I don't agree that I am overbuilding it. OppGF is just a confidence building exercise. I do realise that this isn't a big deal and I don't care if the outcome is bad. I do admit that I have had to deal with one-itis in this case, but I think that is gone now.

So, I think I'll go with option A but make it sound more casual:
"“Hey (her name), I was very interesting in discussion your directorial view on the scene we both did. I suppose it's a bit late now, but I would still be interested. What do you say, over coffee or lunch?"

It's hard since I'm an intellectual, so I do intend on using big words or sophisticated ones.

 

[uniassign]

From what I can read, you haven't really spoken to this girl.

Going from that assumption, why would she spend her time with you? She doesn't know you from anyone else, besides you take the same class as her.

Why don't you spend some time finding a bit about her first? Talk to her before and after class, make an effort to see if she fits in with your lifestyle. For all you know, she could be a real slob or a b!tch.

After talking to her for a couple of weeks, then ask her out. This way she will feel that you have some genuine connection, rather than just asking her out because she is attractive.

Think about what you really want in a GF before putting all your hopes in having this particular chick.

If you already know her, and have talked to her. Disregard the above.

When you ask her out, do it casually. Don't have all these formal prepared speech. If you make it a big deal, she will feel the pressure and would most likely flake.

If you make it casual, she will take it as casual and will most likely accept.

 

[SDBmania]

OK...

Yeah, actually I have talked to her quite a bit these last few months. But, anyway, your right. I need to act casual and in fact the first girl that I asked out, I didn't say what I planned on saying. So, I need to sort of wing it. I'm just trying to get a general idea of how to execute.

Actually, I could go with what I said before:
"Hey, I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime?"

I would probably subsitute "sometime" for "this weekend."

 

[uniassign]

"Hey, I was wondering if you would like to go out with me sometime?"

Ummm, no. Too wussy, too high schoolish, too much power given to her.

Remember, YOU ARE THE PRIZE.

Try "I am going to XXX on saturday. You are invited."

 

[SDBmania]

That's why I was going to be more specific.
Still I don't see how this:
"Hey, I wanted to know if you would like to go out with me this weekend?" sounds wussy? You could be right.

I suppose though I could say:
"Let's go out this weekend." Still I don't see much a difference. The problem is that I don't know the area well where I go to college and I don't know where-abouts she lives. It would be much easier to ask her out now and then set up the details later on. Though, I should be more specific like suggest something I know. That sounds like a better option then the first two I came up with. I'm not concerned about sounding "wussy" around her. I think she knows me better then that. Plus, if she's interested in me, I doubt my execution is going to matter that much. It would be different if I had only met her a few times before, but such is not the case. I think we are getting a bit to critical here anyway.

At any rate, I'm just throwing out ideas and I do appreciate your input. The first girl I ever asked out, I said something to the fact of:

"I don't mean to be forward, but I was wondering if you would like to go out with me."

Maybe not the best way of doing it, but I don't think he rejected me because it seemed "wussy." She was just not interested or not attracted to me. Plus, I think it shocked her more since she didn't see it coming. I could tell from the look on her face.

 

[SDBmania]

Idea

Ok, just got a better idea then. I'll say something like this:
"I was thinking about seeing a movie this weekend, you could come if you want."

Or even:
"I was going to rent a movie this weekend, because I don't have to work. Anything you'd suggest?"
Then take it from there.

That sounds to me more confident and I could work it better. In case I don't post here again tonight, you can assume thats what I'm going to do. Otherwise wish me luck, like I'll need it.