Open "relationships"?

[Quick]

This isn't the first time I've heard a girl express something like the following quote as being desirable. This girl is currently doing it. I'm not with her, but talked to her a little.



"Being singleish means you are free to date guys as long as no romantic relationship develops. You are free to have sex with guys, as long as the heart is not fully involved, you have a part time bf/gf, who holds your heart but not yur life. You can play the game as being single without losing the bf/gf because it is an agreement that is previously agreed upon before the singleish status is granted. Understand? So , I am singleish, but I think i'm going to be revoking that status soon and settle back down, I have yet to find what I am looking for.... the one that I have is not so bad after all."


My questions: Has anyone done something like that? Is there any way that this would be desirable for the person who didn't suggest it, and not just the other person trying desperately to hold onto something they don't have? Would human nature allow something like this to last for long? Is there any doubt that her guy is a chump? If the two get back together, is there any hope long term?

Interested to hear your comments.

 

[Ashlee Angel]

I personally think an open relationship is dumb IMO. But whatever floats your boat.

I feel fvck buddies would be better.

 

[rbd]

I always see a problem with "open relationships". It's not a matter of goods to be exchanged or some other platonic transfer, people's hearts and hormones are involved. I don't think you can be around a girl you really like as a person and have sex with a lot and not expect feelings to develop. Then, you will see or hear about this girl getting around with other guys, how will you feel?

**** buddies are fine, but to me, a relationship involves identifying with the person on a higher level, and sharing something intimiate with them on the mental and emotional planes as well. Thus, playing with the dynamics of an open relationship is like playing with a loaded gun.

Just my 2 cents,

Robby

 

[DJ_Dork]

It is not worth it. The stuff you hear about people sounds exciting but they comprise less than 10% of total population which means it is not popular and will have people with feelings getting hurt, etc. Those who agree to this free sex lifestyle are not much different than drug junkies, *****s, etc.

 

[El Campeon 56]

In essence, having an open relationship is a paradox. By stating you and another are in a relationship together, it is implied that you two are sharing something that is unavailable to others. These two people who both feel emotional ties to one another ultimately will not be able to share sexual experiences with others with no strings attached, as one of the two will undoubtedly become upset at the other for this as they become more emotionally involved. It is almost always a better choice to just be friends with the girl and casually allow sexual events to take place rather than commiting to such a thing as an open relationship, which will always end in failure or pain for one of the two.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Sounds like a complex form of ASD, as in they have an up front an open agreement that is honest and real and -- get this --- means they're not sluts.

ASD.

Whether they went into this complex explanation or not, they'd still be doing it--always have. What you posted was the equivalent of putting a bow on it and calling it good.

Sure, it's good. It's bad, it's whatever--they'd still do it and so would a lot of people, given the chance. Labeling it "good" or "bad" or "situational ethics" and calling that bad is besides the point. People will do what they will do. And they'll say a whole lot more for a variety of reasons.

To cut through all the confusion, follow the bouncing ball here: focus on what they do, not what they say.

That should clarify it--usually does for me...

Your friend will fall for a guy--and fall hard--that she has high IL for. If she's feeling it but not really, or doesn't want something heavy with this Ok-for-now guy, she'll keep her options open (unstated or not) -- it's always been that way. Her little speach is ASD, IMO.

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by DJ_Dork
Those who agree to this free sex lifestyle are not much different than drug junkies, *****s, etc.

you again, dont you think you already said enough sh!t for one day.

It cant be just me somebody else must have noticed the quality of sosuave slowly falling, there is still alot of GREAT stuff, but this type of sh!t above seems to becoming more and more apparent or is it just coincedence.
please please please DONT let this become girlproblems.com

sorry about going off topic in your thread mate, i may start a thread of my own about this trend of late.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

With millions of relationships going on around the world there are probably just as many interpretations of morality. What really counts is how you feel about yourself and your personal rendition.

If it's for you, fine. If not, that's fine too. If your partner suggests it and it doesn't float your boat, it's not a sin to say so. It would be worse to go along with it if its against what you stand for.

The only thing I'm apposed to is calling it a relationship. I think a relationship denotes commitment. Why use the term if there's none there. You're basically seeing each other. Nothing wrong with that, so why should it be candy coated.

Just my pennies worth, (recession's a *****).

 

[CLOONEY]

haha, yeah man, I just started trying this with a girl. I would have said it would never work out, but now I am not sure. I think when one of us starts fu*king around on the other one, opinions will change, maybe ruining our relationship all together. Let me know how you go...........take it easy.

 

[Frosty]

An "open" relationship is difficult and full of BS, IMO. It is difficult because..

1)the two people will never know when to draw the line as far as respecting each other is concerned.

2) One will tend to "outdo" the other and make them jealous.

For instance, girl will flirt with tons of guys in front of guy face. Guy will feel hurt or disrespected and in turn will hit on her friend or something.

Or guy will talk to another girl on phone while girl#1 is over to his house just to show he is reeling them in also, girl#1 will be hurt or pissed.

After two people mess around for so long, they will eventually get used to each other and deeper feelings develop. Before long, one of the two people will defy the whole arrangement because they will begin to care for the other person a bit more and want more commitment.

Yes, there are a minority of exceptions. Some couples like to swing but the vast majority of couples won't be able to handle the situation for an extended period of time.