ONS rules

[Deagleclaw]

Rules you should follow for a one night stand.

1. If you're lookin' to score, be prepared. This means, in the trunk of your car is your overnight bag. Toothbrush, toothpaste, cologne, gel, comb, condoms, chocolate body paint... you name it. Oh yeah, and shave real close before going out.

2. Pace your drink. Do not get drunk. You don't want to sacrafice your standards for a night with a sub-zero beast seen through the bottom of a 26 of vodka. Stay sober enough to drive.

3. Don't spend too long with a woman at the bar. If they're interested in getting laid they'll let you know, subtly, or blatantly, but either way they'll be lookin to get out of there right away.

4. Never take them back to your place. Don't let them know where you live. You don't know the woman, she might be a f*ckin' nutcase.

5. They will go to the washroom at some point to wash their p*ssy. Take this as your cue to ease off on the clothing. Remember, when removing your clothes, socks first.

6. Foreplay... know the zones. Scalp, earlobes, neck, breasts, sacrum(bermuda triangle of love), p*ssy, inner thighs, back of the knee, and my favoraite, the achilles tendon, a great starting point. Oh, and when you think you're done, add ten minutes.

7. Sex... 3 different positions, 2 different rooms. Should be wild and freaky sex.

8. Do NOT cuddle afterwards... Instead, lie on your back and allow her to roll over and rest her head on your chest. Do NOT thank her. Simply breathe...

9. Wait until she's asleep to leave. Write a little note and leave it on the kitchen table or on her night table. Do NOT stay the night.

10. Protect yourself. Rubbers are not so much to protect the woman as to protect the guy.

Deagleclaw out

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No matter what comes, walk like a man. - Al Lan Mandragoran (Wheel of Time)

 

[DJ]

Good post deagleclaw. Can you give us some more insight to #6 like maybe what to do first, what not to do that sort of stuff.

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[DonLuciano]

That was one damn good post........

 

[zonjuan]

Deagleclaw is the man!! I love his posts.

 

[Jester]

this post is gonna come in handy later, great work DC

 

[318 Most Hated]

tight topic.....

getting hyped up.....

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"When you sit down at a poker table, look around and identify the chump. If you don't see one, leave, because the chump is you!" -Kodak

"I keep my Desert Eagle ****ed back in my tuxedo, with my top hat
What you broke motherf*&kaz know about that?"-Big Pun(r.i.p.)

 

[ChrisFl]

> 5. They will go to the washroom at some point to wash their p*ssy.

And how do you know the reason she went in there?

I picture a guy stripping while the girl's in the bathroom, her asking him why he's naked, him replying that he thought she went in there to wash the ******, & her leaving.

I think you're also making a big assumption that all women are going to go wash down there right before sex.

 

[T Dog]

Originally posted by ChrisFl:
> 5. They will go to the washroom at some point to wash their p*ssy.

And how do you know the reason she went in there?

I picture a guy stripping while the girl's in the bathroom, her asking him why he's naked, him replying that he thought she went in there to wash the ******, & her leaving.

I think you're also making a big assumption that all women are going to go wash down there right before sex.

All most all women go to the bathroom after sex. I guess you haven't had too many sxual encounters or you would have noticed.

Sex makes them have to pee.

So does alcohl!

 

[Aiken_Drum]

Yeah, why do all girls go to wash their pu$$y? I don't know why this is so generalized. Don't they bath or something??

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"In doing good, avoid notoriety; in doing evil, avoid self-awareness" Duncan Idaho, Mentat (Dune).

"I can imagine a perfect world, a world without hate, a world without war. Then I can imagine us attacking that world
because they'd never expect it." --Jack Handey's "Deep Thoughts"

 

[Rev]

Originally posted by Deagleclaw:
3. Don't spend too long with a woman at the bar. If they're interested in getting laid they'll let you know, subtly, or blatantly, but either way they'll be lookin to get out of there right away.

Don't some get drunk and lose their inhibitions the longer they're at the bar?

 

[future marine]

Originally posted by Deagleclaw:
Rules you should follow for a one night stand.


9. Wait until she's asleep to leave. Write a little note and leave it on the kitchen table or on her night table. Do NOT stay the night.

Deagleclaw out

and whats this note supposed to say?


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pain is weakness leaving the body

a good offensie is better than than the best defensive

 

[Secrets]

I can't beleive you're all saying that this is a good post and that it made the DJ Bible. I've had my share of one night stands and most of this post does not ring true.

#1. No, you don't go around with a overnight bag. You give some chick a ride home and she invites you in to have one last drink or "just to talk" and you grab your night bag and bring it in??!? Buzzz!! Wrong answer! Even if she was planning on sleeping with you, she'll get all pissed and send you home just because you assumed it ahead of time. Don't assume anything and you'll be better off. Also, compare this to what he wrote in rule #9, why bring a bag if you'e not going to spend the night?(that rule is wrong too).

#2.Not bad advice but better to not drink at all. Keep you wits about you and also sex is so much better sober than with even a couple of drinks.

#3. Wrong, you're going to have to spend some time with her at the bar. She's going to want a couple of drinks and to dance with you first. She has to feel she can trust you before she's going to be alone with you later.

#4. This is wimpy. Stop seeing stalkers everywhere. YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MEET A STALKER!! Your goal is to get some puzzy not to be one. And we all know that women don't become nutcases until after you start dating them. You don't date one night stands.

#5. Ha, Ha!!! That one is just plain funny! They go to the bathroom because they've had a few drinks at the bar. If she comes out and you're naked she's either going to laugh or scream, either way she's then going to kick you out. As I said before, never assume anything.

#6. Foreplay- There is no rule. Do what you usually do.

#7. Sex- again there is no set rule. Do what you get off on. You may be surprised that something you have always wanted to do is something she gets off on too. This is a one night stand so you don't have to worry about offending her because you'll never see her again.

#8.Cuddling- Again, no rule here, cuddle if you want to, don't if you don't want to.

#9. No, don't leave unless you have to get up early for work the next day. Stay the night. Every girl I've been with wanted to do it again in the morning. Most times this was the better sex.

#10. Guess I can't disagree with that one.

[This message has been edited by Secrets (edited 07-02-2002).]

 

[MVPlaya]

Is there some SS for getting ONS? I know what to do during ONS, I just don't exactly know how to get there (been there 2x, loved it, don't know how to duplicate it).