Online dating ruining longevity of relationships?

[Oneday_]

ok I'm curious what others think about this.

I was in a close to a year relationship with a girl I met off okc. When we had our first small hurdles (conflicts) towards the end she was so quick to bail and not work things out. I later find out she's back online dating.

Now when I rejoined I noticed 98% of the women on there had been on since I pretty much joined a couple years back.

Made me question if these women have the mentality of I'm not going to try making things work because I can just start fresh so they leave relationships instead of dealing with and growing with issues in a relationship.

Also I noticed my friends and others who are in long sustainable relationships that neither of them were online daters and had met either through mutual friends or good ole fashion out in public.

 

[MachiavelliAlpha]

If you can't beat them join them. Always remember that women don't sweat it so why should you? Those sites suck go out and talk to real women. Drive to a city (where you don't know anyone) and talk to every female you see. That way you don't have to worry about rejection because your never going to see them again.

 

[MOTU]

OP, I do think that OLD gives chicks an "abundance mentality" and puts them in screening mode right out of the gate. I was successful finding fun chicks to date and bang but not really women who were LTR material when I was doing online.

I met my current GF at an open mic night I was playing. The beginning of our relationship seemed much more natural as we didn't start out in screening mode and playing 20 questions to qualify each other. We had to wonder and explore what the other person was looking for, how our values lined up, our history, etc. I think this helped us get to know each other a lot less superficially than if we had just read all that in a profile.

 

[The Duke]

That trend has been happening for years. I think its more to do with living in a "throw away" society. Everybody wants instant gratification and if they don't get it, they move onto something else. It doesn't matter if its jobs, cars, houses, or people. There is little depth(honor, loyalty, pride, tradition) to anything we do these days. This attitude has trickled into every thing.

When you car breaks down, if its too much work/money to fix, you get rid of it and go buy a new one. No point in remodeling a building/house and making something work when you can just tear down and start over. If your marriage doesn't work any more, just get a divorce. People with 5-6 divorces on their record are not uncommon these days.

Easy come.......easy go. The faster they come......they faster they leave. Internet dating is dating on speed. Its very artificial and the things MOTU mentioned are exactly whats going on.

 

[Oneday_]

Definitely. Even getting things repaired like tvs/stereos etc is not cost effective these days. Throw out and buy new.

One of my qualifiers now when I meet a girl in public is asking if they're online dating. The ones that are I'm quick to just not consider LTR material.

I've asked some women on dating sites what their experience is like and almost all have said they've met and dated a guy for 3 months to a year and quickly bad mouth them for why the relationship ended. Yet they're back on no problem looking for another honeymoon phase.

 

[Solomon]

If you can't beat them join them. Always remember that women don't sweat it so why should you? Those sites suck go out and talk to real women. Drive to a city (where you don't know anyone) and talk to every female you see. That way you don't have to worry about rejection because your never going to see them again.

Exactly, I had a buddy who just broke up with a chick online, less than a day later she was back on tinder. There are women who have been on online dating sites literally for years. I have taken breaks than go on just to find the same chick with her outdated picture from 5 years ago :crackup:

Talking to my buddies, the chicks they are dealing with online tend to be more and more bizzare. I mean you're dealing with bottom of the barrel, I personally got sick of it. Yes approaching can be tedious but it's a lot more rewarding and the quality always is better.....even if you meet some chick at a bar

 

[MattR1984]

My last girlfriend I dated I met online (Eharmony) great girl. Good values, Longterm material, and way too beautiful for online dating. I didn't get it. Anyhow, months down the road I could tell we were growing apart, no problems or arguments but not talking as much etc. Still when we were together everything was fine. However, she was back on the sites after I got off, and back on Tinder I believe. I think any girl who is a online dater never really gets off and is always looking for an upgrade.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

OP, If you haven't read it yet look up BRIFFAULT’S LAW.

The best I got off OKC was a 6mo FWB, she was 25 out of a relationship looking to just hook up. She was f*king fun times.

OLD is just entertainment for me, thats about it. I rarely message.

The truth is OP at our age if they are kidless they are just looking for settle guy to have kids & white picket fence.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The problem isn't the medium of choice, it's the method of choice.

 

[Knight's Cross]

OLD is exactly what everyone is saying. Another cheap net for her to toss out in the quest of validation. So, so many beta's are willing to offer the women on there exactly that. Validation, in the form of hundreds of winks, emails, date offers. It's intoxicating, which is why you see women and men go right back to it after every relationship. In today's throw away society, few people understand the concept of investment. It doesn't mean anything to them.
KC

 

[Tenacity]

ok I'm curious what others think about this.

I was in a close to a year relationship with a girl I met off okc. When we had our first small hurdles (conflicts) towards the end she was so quick to bail and not work things out. I later find out she's back online dating.

Now when I rejoined I noticed 98% of the women on there had been on since I pretty much joined a couple years back.

Made me question if these women have the mentality of I'm not going to try making things work because I can just start fresh so they leave relationships instead of dealing with and growing with issues in a relationship.

Also I noticed my friends and others who are in long sustainable relationships that neither of them were online daters and had met either through mutual friends or good ole fashion out in public.

Nope, you are NOT crazy and what you are seeing is real. I have been pulling chicks off online dating and generic social media for years now, it works better for me because I am a "mass shooter" rather than a "shotgun" shooter if that makes sense. I like to approach mass amounts of women at a time and allow the numbers game to work, rather than studying this one particular chick and trying to game her or something.

So the online communication works for me because when I do this in person, chicks get pissed off as they see me talking literally to another chick 5 minutes just after talking to HER lol.

But yes, on Match.com, OKC and POF I have seen the SAME FVCKING chicks on there for years. What I notice with a lot of them is the following:

- They usually get a shyt load of inbox messages and they absolutely love the attention. You will take a chick that's fat but maybe with a pretty face, that would be a 3 or 4 all day long but online she's a fvcking 7. Why would she want to eliminate that? That's the basis of her self esteem. It's similar to why chicks go to the nightclub, they aren't looking to fvck anybody in there, they just want the attention from the thirsty a.ss dudes in there to boost their self esteem.

- They usually use dudes for free dates. This is why I STOPPED doing any paid dates with chicks until AFTER we fvcked or until after we established some sort of close relationship to where I know I'm about to fvck. Their pitch is to have the dude "meet up for drinks so she can see if there's any chemistry" (whatever the fvck chemistry is supposed to mean), then the idiot guy meets up and buys her drinks, takes her to dinner, and even a movie afterwards. He calls her the next day or texts her, and the bytch says, "Well, Leon, you are a great guy but I just don't feel like we match on many things," or she will say, "Well, Leon, you are a great guy but the fact that you don't want to get married TOMORROW then I feel as though we have no chemistry," or "(insert whatever bullshyt lie the bytch wants to make up here to cover the fact that she only used the guy for a free date in the first place)".

So what I'm saying is, when you meet them online, DO NOT DO A PAID DATE on initial meet up. Have them chill at a FREE SPOT, no payments for SHYT. Try to get her to fvck you, or kiss close you, or establish some sort of relationship with her BEFORE YOU DO A PAID DATE, that will either have you already fvcking her or about to fvck her. Doing this will save you a lot of time and bullshyt.

Trust me, I have been doing this for years lol.

 

[Oneday_]

That's essentially what I do. I never meet out for drinks or dinner or anything. Honestly I've had most success just hanging out in my car lol

But what I'm getting at is I feel women are so quick to bail in a relationship at any sign of conflict. There doesn't seem to be a need to work things out anymore, it's easier to just start fresh and hope the honeymoon phase lasts forever.

I've noticed the majority of successful long term relationships are from women who've never tried or even care to try online dating. It's like in their minds they'd rather work out issues with their partner because it's easier than to just start fresh with someone else.

 

[ubercat]

I agree. Because they've found its so easy to get attention that way they have that fall back for their egos if the relationship goes tits up.

BUT my last 3 LTRs came from OLD (longest 5.5 years ex-model) - older you get more likely most chicks are into OLD.

 

[logicallefty]

IMO online definitely creates the abundance factor as others of you have said. But it doesn't just do it for women, it does it for us too. In the end though, men will generally have more competition online than women do. Still a great way for men to practice their skills with women and hit more women in a shorter amount of time than you generally can in person.

I like to keep my head on by never forgetting about my own "beer" theory in regards to women, from any women I meet anywhere. Even the one I am with now who seems great (reference my other posts), I will never let my guard down and forget that she may be gone as easily as the beer I drink and pi$$ out:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=221281

 

[BetterCallSaul]

Reading these replies is very interesting to me because I've never experienced OLD as it is today. I tried OLD back in the freaking '90s...it is in no way shape or form anything similar to what is available today and no I didn't meet my wife via OLD back then either.


Here's an idea I wanted to run by everyone here after reading this. Much like how women shame men for looking at porn, and that we should only be looking at her, the shaming of women continuing to be on dating sites needs to happen much more frequently. We use porn for obvious reasons, but women use OLD for their porn equivalent. And yet here I read responses from several guys who were seriously dating a chick and she was continuing to use it. I have no idea if you discussed being exclusive with one another or not, but if you agreed to it and she's still out there, well that b!tch needs to be taught a lesson.

 

[Curt123]

A psychologist named Emma Kenny is claiming that online dating has given rise to something called “Tinderella Syndrome,”

 

[old married dude]

- They usually use dudes for free dates. This is why I STOPPED doing any paid dates with chicks until AFTER we fvcked or until after we established some sort of close relationship to where I know I'm about to fvck. Their pitch is to have the dude "meet up for drinks so she can see if there's any chemistry" (whatever the fvck chemistry is supposed to mean), then the idiot guy meets up and buys her drinks, takes her to dinner, and even a movie afterwards. He calls her the next day or texts her, and the bytch says, "Well, Leon, you are a great guy but I just don't feel like we match on many things," or she will say, "Well, Leon, you are a great guy but the fact that you don't want to get married TOMORROW then I feel as though we have no chemistry," or "(insert whatever bullshyt lie the bytch wants to make up here to cover the fact that she only used the guy for a free date in the first place)".

Spot on, this is so true. I used to fall in this trap back in the day. Meeting them at a park just to go for a walk usually works best, it's totally free. I will still meet for drinks but I always make it clear that we'll have separate tabs ahead of time. If they disagree to that, then oh well. It's kind of a good **** test for us guys to dish out on them...the ones who expect free drinks & food will decline, but the ones who are truly interested in you will be OK with it.

 

[the_stig]

Absolutely it has. The thing is, once these sites become known to them, it's only a matter of time before they go back to get their attention fix. I've had legitimate relationships from girls I've met on Tinder or POF, and it felt like I was walking on eggshells through the entire process; I could almost sense they were just foaming at the mouth looking for that one little reason to get back online.

IMO any girl that has used online dating will forever be corrupt the moment they realize the limitless attention and validation it brings. I've had a few of the more honest women tell me straight up they make a profile for no other reason than entertainment or when their self esteem needs a boost.