Online Dating: Girls who say "I'm not comfortable yet, lets talk a little more first" when you ask them out

[Steno]

I always hard next as soon I get this response since I interpret it as a sign of low interest. It happens so frequently that Im wondering if im actually leaving some food on the plate. From ur guys experience, do these girls actually come out on dates or are most of them time wasters?

FYI I normally ask them out like 3-5 messages in, the girls I have dated from online apps all required barely any texting or phone time.

 

[AttackFormation]

Ime they are just looking to squeeze more entertainment out of you, it's a dead end.

 

[devilkingx2]

I think it's good to have some conversation, get to know them and figure out a date idea and basic compatibility.

I've definitely had conversations with OLD matches that made me glad I didn't have to spend money meeting them. (One girl went on a crazy feminist rant because I asked her what kind of sexy costume she wore for Halloween lol)

But if they're saying that after you've had a good conversation then that's a sign they're just looking for a new texting buddy.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I always hard next as soon I get this response since I interpret it as a sign of low interest. It happens so frequently that Im wondering if im actually leaving some food on the plate. From ur guys experience, do these girls actually come out on dates or are most of them time wasters?

FYI I normally ask them out like 3-5 messages in, the girls I have dated from online apps all required barely any texting or phone time.

It starts a bad precedent, she's a player and likely very good with this line.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

You should next if they do this after a good conversation (say 8-10 messages each)

However, you can pre-empt this line by saying you're about to delete the app, your subscription is about to expire, etc. This will also raise your value via scarcity, not being viewed as a player, etc.

 

[Gamisch]

You should next if they do this after a good conversation (say 8-10 messages each)

However, you can pre-empt this line by saying you're about to delete the app, your subscription is about to expire, etc. This will also raise your value via scarcity, not being viewed as a player, etc.

May I ask you, doesnt keeping the app shows a level of abundance? That you keep your options open and you aren't easily pursued? For all she knows you have some 8 and 9 HB,s in your list..( although I agree putting some pressure might work, women do it to me all the time ,saying they'll delete the app, which they dont by the way)

And about the amount of messages:

I always hard next as soon I get this response since I interpret it as a sign of low interest. It happens so frequently that Im wondering if im actually leaving some food on the plate. From ur guys experience, do these girls actually come out on dates or are most of them time wasters?

FYI I normally ask them out like 3-5 messages in, the girls I have dated from online apps all required barely any texting or phone time.

Just a theory( trying to learn also), but shouldn't it look like you also have many many matches? So you just talk, let her make moves, build trust ,and then when she shows interest you say something like" I feel we have a connection that's rare(or some.bs like this) maybe we should meet in person "

I personally feel like 5 messages in asking to meet in person could mean either two things; you are an extremely high value player with no time for bs, or extremely desperate.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

They are looking to waste your time unless you are that one mythical Tarzan Jesus she meets in her own fantasy imagination. It’s all cap, meanwhile she’ll fly to to a random city to get piped down by some random guy on Instagram.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

It’s all cap, meanwhile she’ll fly to to a random city to get piped down by some random guy on Instagram.

For a Gucci purse?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

For a Gucci purse?

lol yeah or gram photos at a mural

 

[MatureDJ]

I'd ghost after the first rejection, although if she continues sending messages, I'd reply curtly.

 

[Zimbabwe]

Anything but a firm YES, is a time waster. Delete and move on.

Make no exception

 

[Dr.Suave]

Yes. I believe on most cases they are wasting your time.

I remember my current gf telling me once something along the lines of "Back when I was meeting people on Bumble, I would make everyone wait for a meet IRL, I always said I wanted to talk more online before meeting IRL. I dont know why but I broke all my rules for you."

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Yes. I believe on most cases they are wasting your time.

I remember my current gf telling me once something along the lines of "Back when I was meeting people on Bumble, I would make everyone wait for a meet IRL, I always said I wanted to talk more online before meeting IRL. I dont know why but I broke all my rules for you."

Dude, the serial daters/hopeless romantics will go on a date with you within a drop of a dime lol.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Dude, the serial daters/hopeless romantics will go on a date with you within a drop of a dime lol.

Taking time isn't bad when you're working a script. They think they're "making you wait" when they're being seduced instead. The SD/HR's will try to get you out right away to break the script and stop the seduction in its early stages.

They want to conduct the date ASAP to avoid being seduced.

 

[jimwho]

I like to talk (on the rotary phone) a couple times to get an idea of what you're dealing with. But if they tell you what kind of cat food they use "a second time" it's too much. If you have people skills you can use mindless chatter to your advantage. Flirting on the phone a couple times is entertainment anything more is a kinda Simpy.

I think you have to talk first, then get them off the phone.
FUN FACT: I once fell asleep talking to my girlfriend.

 

[Gamisch]

Taking time isn't bad when you're working a script. They think they're "making you wait" when they're being seduced instead. The SD/HR's will try to get you out right away to break the script and stop the seduction in its early stages.

They want to conduct the date ASAP to avoid being seduced.

Please elaborate on this . I am just curious to your pov maybe you can explain it some more.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Complete waste of time, they just want attention or are more likely already in a relationship and are trying to find some backups as a security (all women do this). If they straight up demand that they need to get to know someone or talk to someone for a while before a date, you should ghost them, simple as that.

Some of them may say something like this as a **** test to which I'll reply with something like "isn't the point of a date to get to know someone?" (then they may ask if I'm a serial killer and I'll say I've only murdered 2 people, which gets a good response).

 

[BillyPilgrim]

May I ask you, doesnt keeping the app shows a level of abundance? That you keep your options open and you aren't easily pursued? For all she knows you have some 8 and 9 HB,s in your list..( although I agree putting some pressure might work, women do it to me all the time ,saying they'll delete the app, which they dont by the way)

And about the amount of messages:

Just a theory( trying to learn also), but shouldn't it look like you also have many many matches? So you just talk, let her make moves, build trust ,and then when she shows interest you say something like" I feel we have a connection that's rare(or some.bs like this) maybe we should meet in person "

I personally feel like 5 messages in asking to meet in person could mean either two things; you are an extremely high value player with no time for bs, or extremely desperate.

You can demonstrate abundance by being desirable and not being needy. Saying you're deleting the app can build comfort and combat potential insecurity. By being attractive and non-needy, there is no need to demonstrate abundance. Just be willing to walk away.

I agree that 5 messages is too short, even assuming it is 5 messages per person. Hard to build comfort that way. 15-20 is too long however and if they are saying that they want to continue talking on the app, they are to be nexted.

Also the length of the messages matter too. If they are sending you a novel in the first message, run. Even if they are hot, run. I've tried to turn them around and get compliance. It never works. The Novelists are always Hardcore Hopeless Romantics.

Please elaborate on this . I am just curious to your pov maybe you can explain it some more.

The ones who want to cut small talk short and want to "meet to see if there is chemistry" is hoping for free drinks and entertainment or is looking to preserve an unrealistic image of you. Neither motivation is conducive to actually establishing chemistry (which can be established over text as well as in-person). A huge tell is if they demand to meet up the minute you start getting "too flirty" with them, even if you are smooth.

 

[Striker_93]

Assume she's not interested

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I always hard next as soon I get this response since I interpret it as a sign of low interest. It happens so frequently that Im wondering if im actually leaving some food on the plate. From ur guys experience, do these girls actually come out on dates or are most of them time wasters?

FYI I normally ask them out like 3-5 messages in, the girls I have dated from online apps all required barely any texting or phone time.

Sometimes they are being honest and don't feel comfortable yet...these are typically women who are new to OLD.

Other than that it's usually because they aren't overly interested or they are looking for reasons to disqualify you. You'll likely start getting requests for multiple other pictures