Oneitis?

[Kailex]

Rhino, whoa, take a step back, breathe in and then exhale VERY slowly.

What you're doing now is trying to talk yourself into NOT seeing her and giving yourself every single reason as to why it wouldn't even work out in the first place? Is your fear of rejection really that great?

Stop and instead of overanalyzing what ANYTHING and EVERYTHING means... think about this ONE thing:

- Would you rather risk meeting this girl and running the chance that she might think you are a prize, different from everyone else, yet, run the chance of her saying "NO"

OR

- Would you rather sit back and regret the fact that you never took a chance and then later down the road, see her with some other loser who shouldn't have even deserved half a chance but had the balls to actually make a move?

Just think about THAT instead of thinking about why you're not good enough for her. Maybe, if you meet her, after talking to her for a while, you'll discover that she's not GOOD enough for YOU. She might be beautiful, but so are so many other women, and that doesn't make them any extra special. Looks aren't everything.

It just seems that you work yourself into a corner about rejection and then justify the rejection by saying: Well, I'm gonna get rejected, so why try?


Ten times out of ten, I'd rather be embarassed and rejected, then feel regret.
Because, in the end, rejection is temporary, regret is forever.

 

[Diaforetikos]

Who told you that you weren't good enough for her? I know I didn't. You did. You gave yourself permission to fail.

Give yourself pemission to succeed.

Don't you care about yourself enough to say at least one good thing about yourself and actually believe it?

Change your mindset. You are the catch! Nobody ever said you weren't the great catch. So why believe something that isn't true?

Think about how your standards? Do you think this little girl can reach them? If not, good. That means your on your way to the realization that your the catch. She isn't good enough FOR YOU!

If you can start thinking like this, you'll have a better perception of yourself, which you need. Hope this helped. Good Luck!!

 

[Rhino22]

I went ahead and sent her the mssage just now.

"Hey, are you still going to that show on Friday? I'm thinking about checking it out."

 

[zekko]

since I am a musician its very hard for me to find a girl that I would want to date since at this point I dont think I can really be with one that isnt one.

WTF? Haven't you head about all the guys who learned to play guitar just to get girls? Why the heck would you need to be with a musician girl? Just find someone who likes your band and what you are doing, like every other musician on the face of the earth.

Anyway, congratulations on sending your message to the singer. Now she'll be looking to see you at the gig thing. Just remember not to be dependent on the outcome. Come on, Rhino, you're always talking about how good looking you are. Combine that with some DJ stuff and you should be ultra high value.

 

[lugsy211]

Rhino, you remind me of a lot of my friends who are musicians. Incredibly talented yet filled with bags of self-doubt.

You should not be controlled by the external, guide yourself by your internal ambitions and values. You have nothing and nobody to blame for who you are. You are your own man and it's now your responsibility to get exactly what you want.

Go for it.

I'd recommend you take a memeber of the band with you, that would be ideal for introducing your band to this girl, who knows, she may even ask to come to one of your gigs and you can show her how you rock!

I like you already man, but you need to stop putting yourself down.

 

[Slickster]

WTF? Haven't you head about all the guys who learned to play guitar just to get girls? Why the heck would you need to be with a musician girl? Just find someone who likes your band and what you are doing, like every other musician on the face of the earth.

Anyway, congratulations on sending your message to the singer. Now she'll be looking to see you at the gig thing. Just remember not to be dependent on the outcome. Come on, Rhino, you're always talking about how good looking you are. Combine that with some DJ stuff and you should be ultra high value.

Yeah no sh!t. I don't see the attraction to a successful female musician. To me that seems like a huge pain in the arse with all the attention seeking etc! I'm sure you know about LSD (Lead singer disease)

However she is cute and I am pulling for you on this one Rhino.

In regards to always talking about how good looking you are - what is up with that? You don't need to tell us that. We would give you the exact same advice if you were an ugly fawk.

Once again on your side and would love to hear a success story here. Grab a set of balls and drop 'em on her

 

[Rhino22]

Haha yes, to follow up on that whole, "its hard for me to find someone thing..." Yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of girls at our shows that I could f*ck or whatever, but personally if I am going to date someone, I need to be with another musician/artist. Maybe I'm just saying that cause my ex was one though....

I just tried to date some girl who works in insurance and she was freakin boring.

Anyway, I got a message back from her! She said:
"At the ****** bar? I'll be there. You?"

 

[Slickster]

Alright!

 

[Rhino22]

I might have to go alone. Would this maybe be better though? If I bring a friend along, I might actually have more trouble approaching, but if I'm alone...maybe not. Or will I just look lame if I'm alone? lol

 

[Slickster]

Nothing wrong with flying solo. I think it improves your chances. You'll be more focused and if things go well you don't have a 3rd wheel.

 

[Rhino22]

Yeah, no friends to use as a crutch or something. I'm not even going to think abotu what to say or anything. I'm just gonna go there and go with the flow. I will probably be nervous though. Especially if she is with a bunch of people.

 

[Rhino22]

So do you think this chick is interested? Should I even be thinking about what to do , say, etc...how to get her number?

 

[Kailex]

Fly solo, talk to her and if she asks, say that you are there either waiting for a few friends to show up or that a few of your friends WERE there, but since they have such lame taste in music, they left early, or that they are getting a drink, or something.

Only if you don't feel comfortable saying that you are there alone. At least this way you create the illusion of having been there with a social circle and NOT just to go see her.

She's a singer, YES, at most points she will be with a bunch of people. And please, don't ask for her number over Facebook, ask her THERE. I know you probably weren't going to, but just in case...

Don't THINK, just act natural. Don't rehearse over and over what you want to say to her. It's probably easier to talk to her after she's played. You're a musician, so is she, this should come naturally to you.

Just stop overthinking, and go with the flow.
The only thing you should be thinking about is how good you're gonna look tonight so that she definitely notices YOU. That's the easy sell. Then you have to sell yourself as a MAN and not a bumbling idiot who is just gonna say what everyone else says: You rock.

Or something lame to that effect, because I am sure she has heard that MILLIONS of times.

Good luck, Rhino. Keep this thread updated.

 

[Rhino22]

Thanks for the advice. She is actually not playing tonight. Its some other bands. So I guess that kind of makes it hard to think of something to talk to her about. Maybe just start it off with something like, "How are you???" No idea how to number clsoe with her, but I shouldn't even be thinking about it yet.

 

[Rhino22]

Man, its snowing like a mofo over here. I dont even know if I'll be able to make it there. Is that an excuse? I dont know because I feel like shi& as well to be honest. I went to the mall earlier just to walk around and feel better but it didnt help a whole lot. I even noticed some girls looking at me but I would just ignore it because right now I just don't give a fu**. I dont know what my problem is.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

I get that way too before something like this. Its BS. Its the same reason your bed feels more comfortable when you have to go to work . . just the mind playing tricks, looking for any reason why "you can't do this tonight."

The Tyler/RSD plane analogy: You want to fly the plane, your mind is next to you giving excuses not to, and it won't hand over the directions . . You just have to say "I'm flying this fvcking plane, Mind." And you start it up, and start to fly . . Eventually your mind freaks the fvck out and hands over the directions.

 

[Rhino22]

I really do feel like crap though.

This other REALLY hot chick txt me just now telling me to come to something else. I have never met her in person, but I do know she actually wants to meet me lol.

 

[Rhino22]

Well, let me just start off by saying that I am disappointed in myself and I know now to never do this again. I don't need anyone to bash me here but maybe give me some positive support.

I had a horrible day and was feeling awful. Found out my Grandma passed away. Granted this was on my dad's side and I didn't know her very well, but it still had an effect on me. I decided to go to the bar this girl was gonna be at around 8 but I saw there was hardly any cars outside. I knew the last band was playing at midnight so I told myself I'll just go to this other bar where I actually know some people because my friends band is playing there. So I went there, had a couple drinks, actually did notice a couple girls checking me out.

Then I left and went to my primary destination. When I got in, it was very dark...strobe lights, etc. It was a DJ show...so basically a rave. I got a beer and kind of stood in the crowd where other people were. Kind of danced a bit. I would move around from different sides of the stage and then I saw her. OMG she is the most beautiful girl. So she was with another girl and a guy. The guy was a tiny mofo...not that attractive or anything. She was dancing with him..alot. I don't think it's her bf or anything though because as far as I know she doesn't ahve one. Whatever. I continued to move around and then I found myself kind of dancing and noticed I was next to her. Her a$$ would bump against mine...so we were back to back. Dam$ she smelled so good. I don't know what it was...they say when you are REALLY attracted to someone there is a smell. Never really experienced that before. Well, th is whole time for the most part this guy is in front of her and then the girlfriend would be in front of her. I was too timid and too out of it to really care in that moment. I tried at one point to turn and face her but she was doing all tehse crazy dance moves. I think...I think she might have noticed me a little later on. Well, then the lights went on and I noticed for a minute that her and these two people she was with were at the bar but then I didn't see them again. I felt like an idiot just staring around looking.

So I just went a head and left after that. They were starting to kick people out.

I even thought about sending her a message on facebook, "Where are you at!?" But I didn't...

So, yeah. In all honesty, I probably shouldn't have went because it just wasn't a good night, but since I did go...I should ahve tried harder to talk/dance with her, etc. Beacuse I have never been so attracted to anyone.

I'm just wondering if there is still some chance in hell....


I'm thinking about sending her a message on facebook asking if she has tried this vegetarian restaruant...because I know she is vegan and she is always posting pics of her food. I just need something...some way of trying to connect with her again.

 

[Rhino22]

Any ideas?

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

I know your headspace right now all too well. Its the title of the thread. The only thing that works for me is to just forget about the girl completely for a couple of weeks at least, because otherwise it just gets more and more weird. But hopefully somebody else has some input.