Oneitis ... this is a problem

[faiNt`]

I really don't know how to handle this one guys, and it's been eating at me all day.

Quick summary ... been hooking up with this girl, let's call her Sally, for a little over 7 months. We went out 3 months into the hooking up period, for a few weeks, but I had to break it off because of her parents and the fact they didn't like me at the time.

During the time we were hooking up, I probably hooked up with about 5 other girls. Here's the problem, it was never the same. It had nothing to do with how hot any of them were, or how good they were at this or that ... it just wasn't Sally. I want to ask why I feel this way, and how to change it, but I guess that's kind of stupid to ask. I'm just not sure what to do or where to go from here. I feel like this girl is controlling me feelings far more than what I would have ever allowed. I'm a freshmen in college, it shouldn't be this hard.

I've visited her at college, and she's visited me. I took her virginity when I visited her, and she blue balled me when she came down to my college. Once again, I'm confused. Can anyone shed some light on the situation? Some tips as to where to go from here would be appreciated too, I love this girl to death but I know it shouldn't feel like this.

 

[SPEAK]

Hey I can relate to your situation. I have been hooking up with this girl, lets call her Sue, for like the past 4 months. I have also been hooking up with lots of other girls at parties or just hanging out with them and hooking up after. However these hookups are not the same as when I am with Sue.

I have been fighting my one-itis for sue by forcing myself to go and hang out with other girls and spin other plates. I think what you and I are feeling is the sense that we are turning into AFC's because we are letting ourselves "fall in love" or whatever and we have recently trained ourselves that one-itis and having lots of feelings for one girl is a negative thing.

I don't know if I am touching on what you are feeling, but for me its a challenge because for a while now I have developed the mindset that being single is the best and I will never like a girl a lot or even.... ugh "love" her, and my emotions and logic are battling eachother.

So to answer your question, you're gonna have to pick a side with this girl because its eating you up inside. You either embrace your feelings of love and start dating this girl, or you fight them and move on.

Hope I helped,
SPEAK

 

[faiNt`]

Hey I can relate to your situation. I have been hooking up with this girl, lets call her Sue, for like the past 4 months. I have also been hooking up with lots of other girls at parties or just hanging out with them and hooking up after. However these hookups are not the same as when I am with Sue.

I have been fighting my one-itis for sue by forcing myself to go and hang out with other girls and spin other plates. I think what you and I are feeling is the sense that we are turning into AFC's because we are letting ourselves "fall in love" or whatever and we have recently trained ourselves that one-itis and having lots of feelings for one girl is a negative thing.

I don't know if I am touching on what you are feeling, but for me its a challenge because for a while now I have developed the mindset that being single is the best and I will never like a girl a lot or even.... ugh "love" her, and my emotions and logic are battling eachother.

So to answer your question, you're gonna have to pick a side with this girl because its eating you up inside. You either embrace your feelings of love and start dating this girl, or you fight them and move on.

Hope I helped,
SPEAK

I honestly got chills when I read that because I feel like it's exactly right. Me and Sally tell each other "I love you," and I feel like I really do. It hurts to admit this, because I feel like I'm battling my newly-trained self, but I would be okay spending the rest of my life with her. She is the one who doesn't want the relationship right now, but I'm not sure if that's because she is waiting for something better, or if it's because she thinks that it will allow us to have fun and not get angry at the other for holding them down until the time is right.

I completely agree with the whole AFC thing too. I feel like when I say I love her from the very depths of my being, I'm losing. I feel like it's a bad thing because it's just going to end up in me getting hurt. I might be rambling here but yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. I'll try to spin more plates and go out with other girls, but currently fvking other girls doesn't do anything, and it's pissing me off.

Thanks man

 

[ARrocket]

I feel like I'm battling my newly-trained self.......She is the one who doesn't want the relationship right now

See those two sentences? That's what stood out to me about your post.

What you learn here are not end-all, be-all rules. They are guidelines. Whatever feels right to you, do it. If it doesn't work, you read up on here and figure out why it didn't work. And then you try something else. Don't try to model your life after the posters on here. Get some general guidance, and then live your life the way YOU want it to be lived. Love is not a bad thing. Love is an awesome thing.

But, that said...you gotta end this now. That may seem like the last thing you want to do, but you have to understand....SHE is the one who doesn't want the relationship. It is the epitome of the AFC to try to convince her to have a relationship with you. Ya dig? There is some reason she doesn't want it, and you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. So my advice to you would be to gradually pull away from her. If she is a big part of your life, you will NEVER get over her. Seriously. You need to pull back, and place your attention with other people/things. Get her out of your head, or your head will explode. It may seem for awhile that you'll never get over her, but you will. It will be hard, but stay strong. Meet other girls, get involved with other stuff, and be a happy man. But get. her. out. of. your. head.

 

[Masculinity]

Hello son, my name is Dr. Motherfvcking Love (Yes you read correctly - that's my name!)

After reading your thread my dear patient, I regret to inform you are suffering from a severe case of BEING A LITTLE B!TCH. For your well-being in your future endeavors, I recommend a high and advanced dose of MAN THE FVCK UP.

I hope my help may resolve your problem successfully. See you in your next check-up, boy!

Now, get out of my office --->:kick: