oneitis help, advice, anything?

[Refuse2Lose]

So, I can feel myself spiraling into oneitis... not good. I need help from the experienced ones here! There's this girl who I met at work, who I'm interested in. Well, as it happens she appears very into a friend of mine (flirting, IOI's, etc.). Drives me nuts whenever I see it... I know, I know, it shouldn't. The fact that she's starting to hang out with us more doesn't help either since she's always latching onto this guy's c@ck when we're out. I've been trying to ignore it (by flirting with other women, keeping distracted with anything) but it's not been successful taking this godamn feeling away. I still get jealous of all the attention she shows him. So, how do I get past this feeling? I love hanging out with my friends, but lately it's felt more like a chore with her around. Anyone know how to combat this or knock some sense into me?

 

[hi2u]

Oneitis is a very painful thing you will eventually get over, especially when the girls make it hard by being a flirt. You're already pointed in the right direction, but you need to be SERIOUS about engaging other women. Your "heart" will tell you you're jeapordizing your chance with your oneitis, but, honestly, you don't have a chance in hell with this girl. The WORST thing about oneitis is you usually have a VERY VERY small chance of actually getting with the girl.

A tip I have for you is to befriend her. After I befriended a oneitis (against all of my super elite DJ tactics), I discovered a lot of her flaws, and I started to get turned off. I'm still attracted to her, but it's so much easier to look over her when you know the real her and you see her weakness. She just doesn't have that aura anymore.

 

[rocky_mtn]

The proven cure for oneitis is to find another girl to hang out with.

Meet someone else who you have a mutual interest. No girl ever seems too special when you have a few others.

 

[niceguydying]

The problem w/ ONEITIS: It is hard to even consider another women when you are in this frame of mind though, which sucks!! The only thing you can do is let it run it's course, but do not let her know that she is your oneitis. I went out like a punk a couple of months ago over my oneitis. Told all my feelings like a dipshyt and best believe I paid for it. If you have it make sure she doesn't know!!! Can emphasize that enough.

If you can see other women that of course is the best course of action.

 

[Refuse2Lose]

The funny thing is, I've befriended her already.. or at least I think. Maybe that's what got me into this mess? We've always had a friendly type of relationship. Our guards are never up. So, I do know she has flaws and isn't Ms. Perfect. That's probably what attracted me to her, haha. Is backtracking out of this friendship a good way to go? It just seems an impossible task cuz she's always around with my group of friends. I don't like having alot of platonic female friends. I have 2 and that is enough for me.

But yeah, I guess I'll have to force myself to do these things you guys talk about... finding another girl to hang out with, looking at & believing her flaws, etc. In other words, just make a serious effort, like you mentioned.

 

[Refuse2Lose]

"It is hard to even consider another women when you are in this frame of mind though"

You hit the nail right on the head. I'm not a homer with girls, yet seem to have been taken a back with this one for whatever reason. I hate that cuz just a few months ago, I was doing fine dating other girls. Didn't have a care in the world, just having fun.

Don't worry, I'm not going to be spilling any feelings to her. I've always been good about that surprisingly. I know it never, ever, ever works, haha.

 

[hi2u]

Just remember this: you'll most likely always have an attraction to her. It is a painful thing. There are certain people who you just totally click with and are completely attracted to that for some reason or other, never see you as anything more than a friend. Trying to understand this is futile. Unfortunately, in the search for people who you feel this way towards and that feel the same way back, you will run into those that don't have the same feelings for you. It's just nature.

I'll have to admit that on an emotional level, I'd still get with any oneitis I've had in the past.

 

[Refuse2Lose]

hi2u, great insight. It's sad but true cuz I've had similar experiences in the past when I was younger.

Maybe another key is to keep telling myself it is a mismatch. Why would I want something that doesn't fit? I don't do it with anything else in my life, so why with this girl?