oneitis.... dont know how to handle the situation....

[archer]

Hi All,

after reading through various webpages and forums, well i obviously got oneitis for that girl... that been going on for 18 months now or so, and i got trouble getting rid for it really...

She is in my immediate circle of friends, practice the same sport as i do competitively (archery, so my username.... ), is in the same coaching group, etc.....

I guess shielding her completely out of my life is an option but:

1) i'd still like to be gd friend with her, as we know each other very well, etc... with my oneitis problem, our friendship would be prefect i guess.

2) wouldn't putting hard effort shielding her just reinforce the issue?!?


she recently found a new bf, and that really killed me inside, as i was about to make a move on her - whatever the outcome might have been. I talked to her about my feelings and stuff (i was playing "cool" about it, not try to be a moaning ****....) , and if she would reconsider her position and she gave me the worst answer really "not at the moment" " i can't guarantee my feelings will never change for you". in the great scheme of things yeah maybe everything is possible, but the chance of it are very very very slim indeed....

she hasn't been pulling strings or playing tricks on me, she was always fair, and didn;t tease me or anything...

but man i feel crap.....

 

[Bible_Belt]

man i feel crap.....

Good, because you fvcked up. You lost her because you did everything wrong. This really is all your fault. I know I'm right, because I've been exactly where you are and lost a great girl or two exactly the way you lost yours. The good news is that you can learn from your mistakes like I did.

she recently found a new bf, and that really killed me inside, as i was about to make a move on her - whatever the outcome might have been.

You snooze, you lose. But your idea of 'make a move' was way off.

I talked to her about my feelings and stuff

most AFC line ever. And don't take offense, because once again, I was the same way long ago. I used to think that telling the love of my life over and over again that I loved her, even when she would not say it back, was a good idea.

(i was playing "cool" about it, not try to be a moaning ****....),

Telling her your feelings is not playing it cool. "Playing it cool" would be to at least make out with her, then go screw some other girl and act like nothing happened with the oneitis. Then after you ignore her a couple of days, you show her a good time and have sex with her. Then you off-and-on ignore her as she obsesses over you. That's "playing it cool." I have done exactly these things, and a hb9 who has a stable of AFCs with oneitis for her now has oneitis for me. We had sex last night, and she kept calling and texting all day today. "Playing it cool" gets you laid if you do it right.

and if she would reconsider her position

Never ask to "reconsider." Never talk about these things in the first place. Words mean nothing anyway. Actions matter. Kiss her. That is all that matters.

and she gave me the worst answer really "not at the moment" " i can't guarantee my feelings will never change for you". in the great scheme of things yeah maybe everything is possible, but the chance of it are very very very slim indeed....

Yeah, it hurts. Sh!t happens and all of us have been there. But go screw some other girls and it will hurt less, plus you will have game for when she breaks up with her borefriend.

she hasn't been pulling strings or playing tricks on me, she was always fair, and didn;t tease me or anything...

But she rejected you and that is all that matters. Now you move on with new girls. Go!

 

[archer]

ok thks mate... what's AFC?!? what's hb9?!? (english isn't my first language....)

it's the second time i'm with that situation with her (sadly....) and last time true, finding a f*ck buddy helped heaps. I can't live in the expectation really!!

back to one of my question....we have commn events/parties coming up etc.... should i then ignore her?!? or just play casual friendly?!?

 

[archer]

ok, i found out about AFC (Average Frustrated Chump, right?!? thanks, Urban dictionary!!), but no signs of hb9!

 

[archer]

and guys, if you have some other advices, i'll take them onboard too...

 

[ReZin]

HB means Hot Babe. The number, in this case a 9, is merely a rating of the girls overall attractiveness on a scale of 1-10.

I hate to say this bro, but you screwed up. You have AIM or anything? I can talk to you on there, it would be easier, PM me if you want to talk.

 

[archer]

been reading from the DJ Bible, and i'm like a sponge right now, gettin' all the infos to change my life around..

1) ok, i sucked big time...

2) i was in the friendship hell... gonna be tough to get out of that one since the proximity...

3) is TALKING to her like a friend, but STOPPING acting like one still ok?!? or should i completely NEXT her?!?

It's a fight of two things i've read: the NEXTing things, and the sort of "playing cool - attitude - etc", wich maybe considered borderline still sending signs of interests maybe...

not sure what the next step would be really....

 

[archer]

*bump*

 

[Bible_Belt]

Just start seducing her friends as well as any other attractive woman you meet. With every girl, your skills get better. I can tell you that now I see almost all women as sexual objects. Some guy is fvcking her, and if it's not me, or I think it won't be me, then every moment of attention I pay her is wasted time. There are more girls than you have time, and you have to move on to the ones who will throw their bodies at you as payment for your attention. When you become this way, new women will sense it and realize that they have to put out if they expect to get your attention. My hb9 gf's stable of AFCs all give away all of their attention for free. She knows that she does not have to pay for it. No one pays for what they get for free. I am the only guy she has met who values myself enough to make sure that I get paid back for what I give her, or else I'm out of there. That's how to avoid the friend zone.

 

[archer]

ok with all that BB, so i other word you think having her as a friend is just plain over too, right?!?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Giving up on her is the best way to get her. If you live the dj life, she will end up chasing you, as it should be.

 

[archer]

Giving up on her is the best way to get her. If you live the dj life, she will end up chasing you, as it should be.

that's the big theory, but i'll keep in mind it's not 100% proof either...

 

[EFFORT]

that's the big theory, but i'll keep in mind it's not 100% proof either...

the best advice for oneitis is to gftow (go fu*ck ten other women)

 

[archer]

the best advice for oneitis is to gftow (go fu*ck ten other women)

heard about that, i'm trying to put that in application rigth now

 

[romangod]

the best advice for oneitis is to gftow (go fu*ck ten other women)

......... all in one day, if you can. :kick: Seriously, though. It's over. Come to terms with it as soon as you can and learn from it.


.

 

[archer]

......... all in one day, if you can. :kick: Seriously, though. It's over. Come to terms with it as soon as you can and learn from it.


.

ahah gold!! yeah sure i know all that, it just handling her when we are around as a group of friend, or both at the club, etc... which worries me a bit a guess, that's all

 

[romangod]

ahah gold!! yeah sure i know all that, it just handling her when we are around as a group of friend, or both at the club, etc... which worries me a bit a guess, that's all

There's only one way to handle it. With dignity and courage.



.

 

[archer]

There's only one way to handle it. With dignity and courage.

.

yeah, control, etc.. chat up people, be social, etc...

 

[archer]

Come to terms with it as soon as you can and learn from it.

so you guys think i should still be friend with her not, not more or not giving her any attention at all, and **** around..... i dont really know how to handle the up coming party we have on Saturday where she'll be at....

 

[Lord Shinra]

Play it cool bro, as if nothing ever occured between you two.

Be as you normally are (without being the friendly afc you have been in recent memory) and become very social at this party. Have people laughing at your jokes or whatever your strong suit in speaking is.

Unless she has absolutely zero interest in you, she'll be curious to see what you got going.

Just dont fall for her trap again. Keep it going and make yourself scarce. Gonna warn you, you're in the friend zone so this may all be too little too late, but its hella good practice.