One on one

[Glassguy]

Let me tell you a quick story Brooksie:

End of last year, one of my plates did something disrespectful. She was a plate for 4 months and while out, she snuck her number to a guy that she didnt know was a friend of mine. She was drunk. My buddy informs me of what she did and without a word, I left her at the place. I didnt answer her texts, calls, nothing. Dust in the wind.

Later that week I had one of her friends add me on FB and the friend messaged me. She actually made it clear that she wanted to hang out. She was attractive so I had drinks with her.

Long story short, the chick I left there that night told her friend what happened. Complaining about me, but also saying she wished she didnt screw it up. Told her friend that she knew I would never have anything to do with her because once I am done with someone, I am done.

Her friend thought it was super attractive that I did that to her friend (pretty good friends too btw) because I set the precedence that people dont treat me like that and stick around. So she wanted to check me out for herself. It sparked her interest. Even though I didnt throw her into my current rotation, we had drinks a few times and lots of fun. Every time she remarked about how up front I am and how I take control of every situation. To her it was a major turn on. And she showed me how turned on she was a few times.

How you allow people to treat you, the bar that you set for your self worth, etc., starts to become know. Not just with women but in life. How you allow people to treat you will become your reputation in life.

Respect is attractive. Having high self esteem is attractive. So is putting your foot down in the right way (silence and distance).

Being clingy is not attractive. Being butthurt is not attractive.

I have always wondered this about guys in your situation:

How do you expect people (women) to look at you as high value when you demonstrate such a low value in terms to how you let people (wome) treat you?

 

[Brooks]

Your actions are continuing to get bad results. You do the math.

Well actually my actions since three weeks ago are getting better results than before. That’s where the change can happen

You are taking a chick that you have only dated 6 months on a South American trip? WTF is wrong with you bro? lol.

Well she’s from there. She invited me in our second month to her hometown where she grew up. I said okay. And from there we built a trip going to multiple regions down there. We’re both paying 50/50. I’m not taking her on my dime.

You are scared to pull the trigger.

A little, sure. Because I value what we have and we are together. It’s the breaking of a relationship once that I don’t know if I can personally come back from, or if both people can. If I walk, I usually walk forever. And what we have is generally pretty great. There have been aspects where I have went full beta and maybe lost respect. But that doesn’t mean things can’t turn around with shifts in my own behaviour and paradigm of how I view myself.

I just gave you a blueprint to success. Nobody here can implement it but you.

That is one blueprint. Resentment can grow from someone walking away and dumping the other. It may get her emotions fired up temporarily, but everything has its cost. It’s not like go be a cuck or dump her and walk. Those are diametrically opposes options. There is a middle ground in there, and that’s what I’m shooting for.

Should not be rewarding bad behavior with a trip.
Bring someone else

Is something WE planned together. Not me footing the bill and taking her away.

 

[Brooks]

How do you expect people (women) to look at you as high value when you demonstrate such a low value in terms to how you let people (wome) treat you?

I get exactly what you’re saying.
I let my girlfriend treat me poorly. And that’s on me. But I can certainly turn it around. I can set a new bar by having a shift in my own self perception.

But much of what’s totes around here is.. once something is lost it can never be found again with this relationship.. NEXT!!
But relationships are always changing. Circumstances are always changing.. if I have a shift in my mentality and begin acting different, she will test that new behaviour. If it’s hard and true she will have no choice but to change what she contributes.

Every woman who is with a beta, WANTS AND DESIRES their man to grow a pair of balls and step up. They are with that man for a reason! If it wasn’t worthwhile for them, they would abandon instantly.

She's still pouring effort and value and attention towards me. She calls, she sexes, she massages, she pays, etc etc. That means something. I’m not just fooling myself.
I cut it close for sure when we almost broke up because she had possible options, but she didn’t want to walk away 100%.

I guarantee she’s just hoping to god I grow self respect so she can love me the way she truly desires to. And I want to grow because that’s who I truly desire to be for me.

But this dump her and walk away is the only option is bs, glassguy.

Even someone who’s ets a presedant of high self respect from the start can crumble to ash. And so when he goes beta, does he have no choice but to DUMP? No. He just gets back on track.

 

[Brooks]

What everyone is saying is true @Brooks. She is looking for someone else. You should disengage and let her do some pursuing. If she lets it dry up then let it dry up, and dump her when it persists.

I don’t know if this is true. She might have been slightly open to new possibilities a few weeks ago, but she isn’t seeking for anyone. I did sneak looks at her phone to see if there was any bs going on.. there wasn’t. She did let me know a couple times that there were other guys interested in her close to when she just about dumped me

 

[Glassguy]

But I can certainly turn it around

Nah you cant. I could, you cant.

But this dump her and walk away is the only option is bs, glassguy.

Ok Champ. You have it all figured out.

No more responses from me until the "I cant believe my GF did ___ to me" thread comes out soon from you.

We are all wrong.....of course you are right! You should put a ring on her finger and tie her down. She seems like such a catch.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I get exactly what you’re saying.
I let my girlfriend treat me poorly. And that’s on me. But I can certainly turn it around. I can set a new bar by having a shift in my own self perception.

But much of what’s totes around here is.. once something is lost it can never be found again with this relationship.. NEXT!!
But relationships are always changing. Circumstances are always changing.. if I have a shift in my mentality and begin acting different, she will test that new behaviour. If it’s hard and true she will have no choice but to change what she contributes.

Every woman who is with a beta, WANTS AND DESIRES their man to grow a pair of balls and step up. They are with that man for a reason! If it wasn’t worthwhile for them, they would abandon instantly.

She's still pouring effort and value and attention towards me. She calls, she sexes, she massages, she pays, etc etc. That means something. I’m not just fooling myself.
I cut it close for sure when we almost broke up because she had possible options, but she didn’t want to walk away 100%.

I guarantee she’s just hoping to god I grow self respect so she can love me the way she truly desires to. And I want to grow because that’s who I truly desire to be for me.

But this dump her and walk away is the only option is bs, glassguy.

Even someone who’s ets a presedant of high self respect from the start can crumble to ash. And so when he goes beta, does he have no choice but to DUMP? No. He just gets back on track.

Brooks, glassguy is 42 years old. Has lived and experienced. Its very hard to change the balance and equilibrium in ANY relationship. Thats why some folks leave their family and old friends alone. In this situation shes already toying with you. It doesnt matter how solid or stoic you are it wont stop. You can do some bullshyt to her like get another wiman and completely ignore her. Only allowing her to come around to be USED for sex. Its incredibly difficult. She HAS to choose you. She has to pursue you. She has to invest.

Did you note that glassguy rotation is made of 3 women who desire him to be their man?

 

[Brooks]

Nah you cant. I could, you cant.

Classic response around these type of forums.

Ok Champ. You have it all figured out.

I don’t. But I can recalibrate.. but you’re fixed in to thinking it’s left or right. Cuck or dump. It’s not.

We are all wrong.....of course you are right! You should put a ring on her finger and tie her down. She seems like such a catch.

I never said that. I’m simply debating your points to figure out the correct course of action. And lighting a relationship on fire isn’t always the best option. It’s more complicated than that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Classic response around these type of forums.


I don’t. But I can recalibrate.. but you’re fixed in to thinking it’s left or right. Cuck or dump. It’s not.


I never said that. I’m simply debating your points to figure out the correct course of action. And lighting a relationship on fire isn’t always the best option. It’s more complicated than that.

Read my post before this one. Your up against some interpersonal dynamics that we learned the hard way.

 

[Brooks]

Its very hard to change the balance and equilibrium in ANY relationship. Thats why some folks leave their family and old friends alone. In this situation shes already toying with you. It doesnt matter how solid or stoic you are it wont stop. You can do some bullshyt to her like get another wiman and completely ignore her. Only allowing her to come around to be USED for sex. Its incredibly difficult. She HAS to choose you. She has to pursue you. She has to invest.

I have no doubt it will be a challenge. But it’s not impossible.
There just has to be new implementations and new sets of boundaries. Knowing my worth and being able to walk rather than feeling beholden to the relationship and sacrificing my dignity. That’s how you chnage things. Eventually she will come around if my plan is solid and not contrived.

But I’m willing to walk. I’m not going to just dump out of the blue like glass is suggesting.

The weekend she did what she did to regain control. And she managed for a bit. But that’s expected. It will be a battle for awhile. But the more I choose to ignore certain areas or remove my attention when she argues, she will bend to submit. It’s knowing I don’t need her anymore. But rather I want her. And not to forget I always need me more.

 

[Brooks]

interpersonal dynamics

Interpersonal dynamics shift based on what both parties contribute.

In the first 6 months I contributed certain things. Now I’m going to contribute different ingredients. Her responses will be different now. And so the dynamic changes on what is removed or contributed. Relationships are always in flux.

 

[Spaz]

How do I get the respect back? The admiration?

FFFFUUUUUCKKKK

Once it's lost its lost.

It's not a one off thing, it's a series of supplicating moves you made coupled with the lack of leadership from you that ultimately did it.

Learn and move on, that's ur only option.

There's nothing left because it all leads to her leaving you, it's easy to predict, as easy as predicting that the sun will rise in the morning.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I have no doubt it will be a challenge. But it’s not impossible.
There just has to be new implementations and new sets of boundaries. Knowing my worth and being able to walk rather than feeling beholden to the relationship and sacrificing my dignity. That’s how you chnage things. Eventually she will come around if my plan is solid and not contrived.

But I’m willing to walk. I’m not going to just dump out of the blue like glass is suggesting.

The weekend she did what she did to regain control. And she managed for a bit. But that’s expected. It will be a battle for awhile. But the more I choose to ignore certain areas or remove my attention when she argues, she will bend to submit. It’s knowing I don’t need her anymore. But rather I want her. And not to forget I always need me more.

Spend time with other hoez ignore her. She has to come to you.

 

[Brooks]

Once it's lost its lost.

It's not a one off thing, it's a series of supplicating moves you made coupled with the lack of leadership from you that ultimately did it.

Learn and move on, that's ur only option.

There's nothing left because it all leads to her leaving you, it's easy to predict, as easy as predicting that the sun will rise in the morning.

Then why would she still be wanting to go on our trip? Call me? Text me? Hangout? Weekend getaways? Sex? Massaging me? Etc etc

 

[Brooks]

Spend time with other hoez ignore her. She has to come to you.

Yea and I haven’t been reaching out to her. Doesn’t mean I’ll have to be with other ‘hoez’

 

[Spaz]

Then why would she still be wanting to go on our trip? Call me? Text me? Hangout? Weekend getaways? Sex? Massaging me? Etc etc

Because there's still an emotional bond.

It's not love, since there's no admiration nor respect.

Bond needs time to be severed, could take weeks and months but it will be severed.

The fastest route would be for her to replace that emptiness it with another man's.

 

[Brooks]

It's not love, since there's no admiration nor respect.

But I can still gain it. There has to be a way. Boundaries, putting foot down, making myself scarce

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yea and I haven’t been reaching out to her. Doesn’t mean I’ll have to be with other ‘hoez’

You kinda have to. Theres some "black magic" which can respark her interest and desire. Being "good" aint gonna work. She already been hitting you with her "black magic" and shes laughing at you.

 

[Brooks]

You kinda have to. Theres some "black magic" which can respark her interest and desire. Being "good" aint gonna work. She already been hitting you with her "black magic" and shes laughing at you.

But bringing other women in to it will cause havoc.
This black magic you speak of could work, but it would have to be natural; women looking at me and such.

The ONLY thing I can do without dumping: set boundaries, Be willing to walk away from when she starts pointless drama, be strong in my masculine frame, not allow things which I deem as disrespectful (coffee dates with men who clearly have interest in her),

I have lost battles. And lost parts of my strength as a man. But the war is not over until there is a definitive break up. And I’m not giving up! But I won’t give up my self dignity/respect again. That’s a promise.

I CAN make this work. But My sword is unsheathed and I will severe if it comes at my self respect again. And that’s on her.

Respect can be regained. People can change.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

But bringing other women in to it will cause havoc.
This black magic you speak of could work, but it would have to be natural; women looking at me and such.

The ONLY thing I can do without dumping: set boundaries, Be willing to walk away from when she starts pointless drama, be strong in my masculine frame, not allow things which I deem as disrespectful (coffee dates with men who clearly have interest in her),

I have lost battles. And lost parts of my strength as a man. But the war is not over until there is a definitive break up. And I’m not giving up! But I won’t give up my self dignity/respect again. That’s a promise.

I CAN make this work. But My sword is unsheathed and I will severe if it comes at my self respect again. And that’s on her.

Respect can be regained. People can change.

Shes taking action on you by seeing the guy against your wishes and likely laughing at you or having a euphoric bliss?

 

[Brooks]

Shes taking action on you by seeing the guy against your wishes and likely laughing at you or having a euphoric bliss?

She hasn’t seen him. She said she may. It was a tactic to get me to sway off my center. I ignored and so it took away that power. She’s in power game mode because I haven’t been in my power of self respect.

She’s not laughing yet.