One of the biggest things that kills me with Dating

[bigdave17]

I'm extremely harsh on myself

I went to the gym today and there is this sexy and incredibly fit 27 year old blonde that I'm in love with. She is just perfection (big bubble butt, thick legs) but the first thing that comes to my mind is "I will have a shot with her when I go through a lot more self improvement".

Basically, no amount of self improvement is enough in my mind to get a quality girl. Even despite my money, looks, academic and emotional intelligence, I still feel like I need to be that much more perfect for her to like me. I feel like a woman of that caliber will never like me unless I'm impossibly perfect, if that makes sense. Right now I'm in the process of getting down to 7% body fat from 11% and I'm also going to get a hair transplant because my hairline and crown are slightly imperfect (nobody can tell because the rest of my hair is super dense but I can tell) and I'm using that as my excuse to procrastinate to talk to women.

I guess what it comes down to, in my mind, quality women are impossibly unreasonable in their standards

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Dude why are you immediately putting her on this pedestal based off looks?

Big bubble butt & thick legs does not = perfection. She probably has more insecurities than you do! And to top it off I bet her bedroom is a pigsty. And guess what she probably has a chocolate star fish and farts that stink really bad!

Where is your confidence...Were you picked on a lot in your youth, abusive parents?

EVERYBODY is harsh on themselves, you just lack self confidence.

 

[Von]

You need to start having positive experience in life.

All good to be Mr.Perfect... but you still alone at the end of the day.

Water is always cold, the sooner you jump the faster it will warm up

 

[RedScorpion]

I'm extremely harsh on myself

I'd try to make this your number one goal to work on. It's really easy to be very harsh on yourself - I do it as well too often. But... as corny as it sounds, you have to be your own best friend. To encourage and support you. It's the one thing that will always be with you your entire life. And having something inside you telling how ****ty you are or whatnot is not beneficial. It may 'feel' like you're doing something by doing so - but ultimately, you're just pushing yourself down.

It's easier said than done, I know for sure.

 

[bigdave17]

Dude why are you immediately putting her on this pedestal based off looks?

Big bubble butt & thick legs does not = perfection. She probably has more insecurities than you do! And to top it off I bet her bedroom is a pigsty. And guess what she probably has a chocolate star fish and farts that stink really bad!

Where is your confidence...Were you picked on a lot in your youth, abusive parents?

EVERYBODY is harsh on themselves, you just lack self confidence.

I was fat as a kid. It destroyed my confidence with women

since that point, I've obsessively self improved and used various things as an excuse to procrastinate in talking to women

I told myself I would get girls when I became attractive and in shape - I look great now but it's still not enough. I feel that I need to look like a fitness model and have completely perfect hair (which is why I'm getting surgery)

I told myself I would get girls when I became financially solid. I've been making $150K since I was 25 while in a cheap area and I still feel it's not enough

I constantly give myself excuses to procrastinate because I feel it's impossible/totally hopeless

 

[The Diver]

Despite everyone telling you to start from the basic, you obviously didn't read the bible yet:

[/QUOTE She is just perfection [/QUOTE]

1. THOU SHALL NOT WORSHIP GOOD LOOKS.
"Don't let good genetics impress you"
It's scary the way you pedestals women.


[/QUOTE Right now I'm in the process of getting down to 7% body fat from 11% and I'm also going to get a hair transplant because my hairline and crown are slightly imperfect (nobody can tell because the rest of my hair is super dense but I can tell) and I'm using that as my excuse to procrastinate to talk to women.[/QUOTE]

2. THOU SHALL BECOME WORTHY.
"Don’t let self-improvement be an excuse not to handle your biz. It can be very easy to make excuses like “Let me get a good car first” or “let me lose/gain 10 pounds, THEN I will try this!” Don’t fall into this trap, cuz you will just keep procrastinating, looking for reasons not to get your game on"

 

[bigdave17]

You need to start having positive experience in life.

All good to be Mr.Perfect... but you still alone at the end of the day.

Water is always cold, the sooner you jump the faster it will warm up

my life outside of dating is unbelievably perfect

I like my job, my coworkers
love my friends and family
healthy and strong as a bull
love my lifestyle and freedom

still hasn't changed my terrible view and attitude on dating

 

[bigdave17]

1. THOU SHALL NOT WORSHIP GOOD LOOKS.
"Don't let good genetics impress you"
It's scary the way you pedestals women.

but it's not that I feel she is way out of my league or that I am ugly.

I feel that I'm very attractive also but I feel like it's not enough. I feel like I need to be insanely perfect to be good enough for her

2. THOU SHALL BECOME WORTHY.
"Don’t let self-improvement be an excuse not to handle your biz. It can be very easy to make excuses like “Let me get a good car first” or “let me lose/gain 10 pounds, THEN I will try this!” Don’t fall into this trap, cuz you will just keep procrastinating, looking for reasons not to get your game on"

I've been doing this since I was 16

I told myself I would get girls when I got my own place- I bought a 2500 square foot house at 25...then I started procrastinating with something else

I told myself I would get girls when I got a nice car. I bought a $70,000 sports sedan and still it was not enough. it's never enough. Women are impossible. That's what I tell myself over and over again.

 

[Von]

but it's not that I feel she is way out of my league or that I am ugly.

I feel that I'm very attractive also but I feel like it's not enough. I feel like I need to be insanely perfect to be good enough for her



I've been doing this since I was 16

I told myself I would get girls when I got my own place- I bought a 2500 square foot house at 25...then I started procrastinating with something else

I told myself I would get girls when I got a nice car. I bought a $70,000 sports sedan and still it was not enough. it's never enough. Women are impossible. That's what I tell myself over and over again.

Ask your friends
Instead of Us
For advice

 

[bigdave17]

Ask your friends
Instead of Us
For advice

I don't have conversations like this with my friends

my friends are super macho types. I can't show weakness

 

[Von]

I don't have conversations like this with my friends

my friends are super macho types. I can't show weakness

They probably already know.

Since you never show yourself with the same girl

 

[Glassguy]

These threads are getting old.

 

[bigdave17]

They probably already know.

Since you never show yourself with the same girl

I always make excuses and they don't pay much attention

 

[Von]

I always make excuses and they don't pay much attention

Don't you think excuses are for losers.

They are not macho.

They are not manly.

So they know, or they aren't macho either.

You can't make 500 threads asking the same question online... and make us believe you are sane.

I suggest you go down to the gay village of your area and try a night club there. Trust me, they have the best clubs, the hottest chicks (who are all into guys, since they go there to get male validation without the danger), and a lot of self-improvement maniacs with great edm. My best night life days were in gay/homo clubs

 

[bigdave17]

Don't you think excuses are for losers.

They are not macho.

They are not manly.

So they know, or they aren't macho either.

You can't make 500 threads asking the same question online... and make us believe you are sane.

I suggest you go down to the gay village of your area and try a night club there. Trust me, they have the best clubs, the hottest chicks (who are all into guys, since they go there to get male validation without the danger), and a lot of self-improvement maniacs with great edm. My best night life days were in gay/homo clubs

me in a gay area

great idea, I'll have about 3000 homos hitting on me and begging me to go home with them. That sounds about as pleasant as a root canal without anaesthesia

 

[KingofPuss]

me in a gay area

great idea, I'll have about 3000 homos hitting on me and begging me to go home with them. That sounds about as pleasant as a root canal without anaesthesia

So you see you have the self confidence when the interest isn't there. You're putting pvssy on a pedestal, any and all pvssy. That there is the root of your problem.

Fix that. Learn indifference and outcome independence. Live your life and realize this sh!t is all a numbers game. I bet half the women you approach will find you attractive, you just have to allow yourself to see it

 

[devilkingx2]

Basically, no amount of self improvement is enough in my mind to get a quality girl. Even despite my money, looks, academic and emotional intelligence, I still feel like I need to be that much more perfect for her to like me. I feel like a woman of that caliber will never like me unless I'm impossibly perfect

if you think anything close to that ever you're aiming way too high

 

[bigdave17]

So you see you have the self confidence when the interest isn't there. You're putting pvssy on a pedestal, any and all pvssy. That there is the root of your problem.

gay men have much lower standards than women do

I've had very attractive gay men ask me out and tell me I was gorgeous...I only get that with women who are way below my league

 

[derby1]

@Glassguy has just said these threads are getting old....i have stated this numerous times previously

OP starts a thread and blanks any constructive criticism or acceptance he is to blame with his approach and beliefs

Wind up Merchant , yet everyone keeps responding,

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I went to the gym today and there is this sexy and incredibly fit 27 year old blonde that I'm in love with.

First mistake here - and one tons of guys with high libido and low rationality make. You are not "in love" with this girl. Nowhere near.

You are experiencing a chemical infatuation based off of lust. I remember I was once in a bar and I locked eyes with this girl that was actually stunning - just exactly my type physically. Gorgeous face and long flowing dark hair. My mouth was literally open slightly, it felt like time stopped. I couldn't help it.

That does not mean I was "in love" with her, to say so would be laughable. I just thought she was incredibly hot. You're "in love" with someone when you're married for 20 years and you have kids...don't jump the gun and start whisking out the pedestal and worshipping this woman immediately. She's just another woman, just like that girl over there that you have zero interest in.

Also, I'm seeing a recurring theme with you Dave in that you seem to idolise sexual, physical features above all else. There are tons of women out there with massive butts and long legs, I wouldn't search for that as the #1 thing in a potential mate, personally.

gay men have much lower standards than women do

I've had very attractive gay men ask me out and tell me I was gorgeous...I only get that with women who are way below my league

Dude, have you ever considered that maybe these women ARE in "your league"? In all your threads you're complaining that women are always below you, it sounds like you need a reality check. Stop thinking of everything in terms of leagues, start looking at women as humans that have needs.

Also, just going to the gym lots and being ripped does not guarantee getting with loads of your idealised women. It's not like that, and expecting yourself to be entitled to score with tons of chicks because you're muscular will not get you any good results.

I've seen empty-walleted fat guys score with girls that are incredibly sexually attractive, and it's because they're funny and friendly and intelligent, not everything is about some sort of medieval league system or how big your kn*b is.