one of my best friends thinks negative what should i do

[Iceberg]

So you're going to drop a friend because he doesn't conform to YOUR views of how he should behave?

Your friends are your friends because they serve a purpose in your life.

If you've grown to enjoy new pursuits in life and your friends haven't, then what purpose are they serving other than to hold you back from becoming the new you?

Tell me isn't one of the most important tenets of being an "alpha male" (as many responders suggested) not giving a damn of what other people say or think of you and keep going? And yet you give the ultimatum to mold your friend into something you want (in this case being more positive) or dropping him, a friend of 7 years.

I don't care what other people think, but let's face it: negativity is contagious.

It's your life, but if you dumped every friend who showed some sort of negative emotion once in a while, or who didn't conform to some magical view of him you had in your head: you will either end up very alone or with friends who all think just like you.

Who says it's once in a while? An entire segment of my friends are continuously negative. And guess what, all five of them are all 27 years old, and probably have had sex with 5 women collectively. I'm the "player" of the group because I talk to girls.

People like that, I don't need around me. They inspire nothing. They don't challenge themselves. And they're negative when it comes to positive changes you make in yourself. We're not talking about someone who's going through a negative period....Some people are just negative.

 

[ArcBound]

Your friends are your friends because they serve a purpose in your life.

If you've grown to enjoy new pursuits in life and your friends haven't, then what purpose are they serving other than to hold you back from becoming the new you?



I don't care what other people think, but let's face it: negativity is contagious.




Who says it's once in a while? An entire segment of my friends are continuously negative. And guess what, all five of them are all 27 years old, and probably have had sex with 5 women collectively. I'm the "player" of the group because I talk to girls.

People like that, I don't need around me. They inspire nothing. They don't challenge themselves. And they're negative when it comes to positive changes you make in yourself. We're not talking about someone who's going through a negative period....Some people are just negative.

Well I don't know how negative the OP's friend was and neither do you and can only infer..

So let's say you are right and the OP's friend is continuously negative. Then why did OP have him as he said it: a BEST friend of seven years? Did he need a forum and people like you to dump him if his friend was so negative for 7 years? Was he so indecisive for seven years? Nope most likely not. His friend obviously brought something to the table all those years otherwise why would he even hang out with him? Maybe that changed recently, but its definitely not something you dump a friend for especially since they are just "not thinking positively".

 

[2crudedudes]

I've learned as an aspiring artist (more of a hobby than a career, no worries there) that the best way to make the most of your art is to surround yourself with like-minded people.

Artistic people help you by providing tips, inspiration, know-how, connections, etc. By hanging out with artisticly-challenged people exclusively, you are limiting yourself to your own experiences, which may or may not provide enough fuel to keep your art going.

With a basic understanding of psychology, I can honestly say that this translates to other aspects of life. When I was playing World of Warcraft, I surrounded myself with people who played, plus read websites about it, etc. And I became a pretty good player based on all the knowledge + my desire to be better.

When I finally gave that sh1t up, I figured I'd surround myself with people who are interested in becoming Don Juans, and its been a tough transition from nerdy computer geek to womanizer. I still don't know very many people who want this in their life, especially not at my age, but that's why this website is so great. Men of all walks of life are striving to achieve similar goals, and we can exchange ideas, motivations, tips, goals, and experiences.

My "best friend" (questionable at this point, to say the least) has always been a sedentary, indoors kinda guy (such as myself) but has never seen a problem with this. His only interests are staying at home playing video games and ****ing his girlfriend exclusively. I've stuck with him through most of my college career and feel that its been a massive disadvantage. Instead of being out partying, I was at his house smoking weed, getting drunk, playing video games.

It works for him because he has no interest in other things. I, however, am suffering the consequences for not standing up for myself and finding other friends. I still talk to him, and we still hang out. But nowhere near as often as we used to.

cliff's notes version: you don't have to ditch your negative friend completely, but you do need to surround yourself with more positive people. You can still hang out with that guy, but don't let him be your only acquaintance.

 

[Iceberg]

Well I don't know how negative the OP's friend was and neither do you and can only infer..

Right. I'm inferring...the same as you. Just at the other end of the spectrum.

So let's say you are right and the OP's friend is continuously negative. Then why did OP have him as he said it: a BEST friend of seven years? Did he need a forum and people like you to dump him if his friend was so negative for 7 years? Was he so indecisive for seven years? Nope most likely not. His friend obviously brought something to the table all those years otherwise why would he even hang out with him? Maybe that changed recently, but its definitely not something you dump a friend for especially since they are just "not thinking positively".

I've had at least 3 "best friends" at different periods of my life.

One during youth, one during high school, and one during-and-after college. You're not the same person throughout the entirety of your life, so how do you maintain the same friendships? I've changed and so has my social circle.

My old friends brought something to the table as well. And then our paths shifted and we separated. With some of the more negative "friends" everything from changes in my fashion sense to me acquiring new hobbies was met with "Since when did you dress like that?" "Guitar? You think you're Jimi Hendrix now?"

Sometimes your old friends can't handle seeing a new you. Which is why you need to acquire new friends.

 

[ArcBound]

Right. I'm inferring...the same as you. Just at the other end of the spectrum.




I've had at least 3 "best friends" at different periods of my life.

One during youth, one during high school, and one during-and-after college. You're not the same person throughout the entirety of your life, so how do you maintain the same friendships? I've changed and so has my social circle.

My old friends brought something to the table as well. And then our paths shifted and we separated. With some of the more negative "friends" everything from changes in my fashion sense to me acquiring new hobbies was met with "Since when did you dress like that?" "Guitar? You think you're Jimi Hendrix now?"

Sometimes your old friends can't handle seeing a new you. Which is why you need to acquire new friends.

Alright then I guess I can see things from your viewpoint. If they don't like the new you and try to stop you from changing that's a legitimate reason. But my youth friend is also the same best friend through elementary, middle and high school and now even going college. We met because we both loved video games something that we brought to the table. Now we don't play video games at all. In fact most of our hobbies and talents are completely different. Our paths are completely different and we both constantly changed into things that we didn't expect yet we're still best friends. I can still call him up and be like "yo come to an art museum with me" and even though he hates it he would come to chill with me. Likewise when he wants me to go to some business related thing of his I'll go even though I don't like it. At one point he was surprised why I was working out similar to your guitar analogy and would make fun of me but that was long ago.

Just cause your best friends didn't work out that long for you doesn't mean the same case would apply to me or the OP. True friends are even more valuable than all the ho's in the world and I mean TRUE friends not that Jimmy kid you knew since elementary school and you call him your best friend because you were his friend the longest or he was in all your classes. So all I'm saying to the OP is to truly make sure he's not one of these guys just going through a harsh time and then you dump just because he's negative for a little bit.

 

[Capitan]

I recommend you not try to change your friend, and that as much as a dream it would be to have him be a happy person, its not going to happen unless he has a desire to change. My 2 cents.

 

[Warrior74]

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2010/07/contagious-emotions/

Emotions are contagious. Negative ones spread even faster than positive ones.

I've had best friends from childhood, Jr high though college and in adulthood. I don't have a "best friend" any more. Very few people are on the same journey as I am. I do have men I respect and who's friendship I enjoy but that only goes so far.

Friends come and go. I still get up with my computer nerd friends and hang out, they talk about WoW and video games, I can't relate. Until recently I hadn't played a video game (besides wii with my daughter) in about 8 years. My new roommate, is 30 and all he wants to do is smoke weed, work on his camero and play video games. All I want to do is make money, go on trips and sleep with chics. Kinda hard to relate.

I still get up with my high school buds every now and then. And my college buds. Going on a college reunion cruise next year. But I don't expect them to be the same people they were, and they would be foolish to think the same about me. We all go through different paths in life and it changes you.

It doesn't mean you don't like your old friends but sometimes you have to wish them well and part ways so you can move on to new experiences. The will always be your friend in some shape or form. That's just life.

I watch my parents for instance. When I was young they were in their 30s and had tons of friends. Over the years through, changes in priorities, death, and other things, they are down to only a few good friends, many they didn't know until well after I was out of the house. It happens. Life changes you, and the people you surround yourself with change. It's life.

The people who keep the same friends forever, some of them are very lucky, and some are very sad, because they aren't growing as people they are stuck in their rut.

Don't be afraid to make new friends and venture out. It's the way forward. Good luck.