BadNews
Senior Don Juan
Hey guys, my ex broke up with me roughly a month ago. I tried for a day to reconcile, to no avail (go figure), then went NC for a couple weeks. She got extremely upset by this, and after a few days of not getting any response from me completely broke down and began calling/texting me like crazy. I eventually answered one of her calls as I was driving to work. She told me that she couldn't imagine never talking to me, or seeing me, ever again in her life. She knows that NC is how I've always handled any breakup I've ever had, and that I've never talked to any of my LTR ex's again, ever. Initially on the phone I made the mistake of telling her essentially what she wanted to hear - not to worry about that, and that I didn't want to never talk to her again either.
Realizing this was a mistake I spoke to her the next day and basically said:
- I thought it was sad that after I had completely gotten over my ex's that I had zero contact with them. They were an important part of my life, and there had been times where I thought being friends with them (after the dust had settled READ: I had zero feelings for them romantically) would have been nice. Which is true.
- Right now I need space to get over her, and that means I can't have any contact with her. Being "friends" would only prolong the process, and I didn't need to be filling my head with crap like false hope that we would work out.
- I couldn't promise her anything. I couldn't promise her that if she tried to contact me in a couple months, or even years that I would want to have any contact with her.
She took all of this pretty hard, and was quite hurt and upset by it.
The thing is, I was "there" with this girl. I was ready for her to be the one I would marry, have kids with, and spend the rest of my life with. I can/have banged all the ***** I need to to realize that that isn't what I want out of life. I want to have a family, kids, and a meaningful, committed relationship with someone.
Anyways, we had been living together for the past year, and unfortunately there have been a few loose ends to tie up with the place we had been renting (my name is still on the lease.) I moved out the day after she broke up with me, she has been living there for the past month, and is moving out tomorrow.
I have been trying to be a good guy about the whole breakup, and have ended up doing things that completely go against how I would normally handle a breakup:
- When she broke down on the phone as I was driving to work, she had asked if she could borrow my TV until she moved out of the house because she couldn't handle the silence. I acquiesced and took her my TV the next day (same day I told her I couldn't promise her anything.) It was an older TV, I had actually bought a new one, and told her to keep it if she wanted it, as I no longer needed it.
- She had an emergency issue with drywall putty being spilled into an electrical outlet box. I used to have a job as an electrician, so I went over to the house at 11:00 pm to remove the box/device and avoid a fire hazard. Again my name is still on the lease to the house, so a fire is the last thing I'd need. Went the next day and replaced the box/outlet device.
- While I was there replacing the electrical outlet she'd told me her best friend had planned to come that weekend with her dad's truck to help her move. Unfortunately her new landlord told her she couldn't move into the new place until Tuesday (tmr) and now she no longer had a truck available to move all her stuff. For some reason I offered to help her move her stuff with my truck if she couldn't come up with an alternative by the move date. She has since asked me if I'm still willing to help her move, and I agreed.
Now I know what you're thinking. This is all beta bull****. But let me set the record straight. It is not. I am honestly the furthest thing from beta, and have generally handled the breakup well. I am a good man, good person, and as I've made these decisions to help her out it has nothing to do with me wanting to get her back, or remain in contact with her, or anything of the sort. It has simply been a case of me trying to be consistent in the type of man I am. If there's sh!t that needs to be done I do it. I don't screw people over, and always help if it is within my capability. That is what a man does. I feel to do anything less would be beta. I guess the other part of it, is this girl is someone I still love (though I know there is no chance of us working out), and I wouldn't feel right leaving her next to helpless. She had her reasons for ending our relationship, and that is fine. If feel like if I am the person I say I am, and want to be, that I should help her with no ulterior motives.
The reason for our breakup basically boils down to the fact that she is too young. I am 27, and she is 21. Funny enough a week before we broke up we actually signed a purchase agreement on a house together. I believe this scared the absolute **** out of her, and sent her into this spin of "I need to learn how to be on my own, and not rely on the love of a man to make me feel good about myself, be independent etc etc - basically all bull****. But regardless, that is where she is at. I have no doubt in my mind that she is going to regret her decision one day, but right now that doesn't matter. I think the timing of our relationship was just off, if we had met 2 or 3 years later in life we probably would have had a good shot at being together long term. At any rate, I'm glad this happened now if that is how she is feeling rather than later when we have a house, or are married, or have kids. Perhaps one day we can reconnect, but that is a long shot, and as far as I see it there is zero chance of us being together unless a period of a few years has passed and we happen to reconnect. I'm not holding onto that thought, or getting my hopes up for anything.
I've since started seeing other women, slept with a few of them, and focused on getting myself back on track. Honestly I've been having a blast getting back into my game - pulling women is a riot!
Anyways, not even sure why I decided to write this post, I guess I just needed to vent a bit. Any thoughts you guys have about how I've gone about handling this would be welcome. Any thoughts about me helping her move tomorrow would also be appreciated.
Cheers
Realizing this was a mistake I spoke to her the next day and basically said:
- I thought it was sad that after I had completely gotten over my ex's that I had zero contact with them. They were an important part of my life, and there had been times where I thought being friends with them (after the dust had settled READ: I had zero feelings for them romantically) would have been nice. Which is true.
- Right now I need space to get over her, and that means I can't have any contact with her. Being "friends" would only prolong the process, and I didn't need to be filling my head with crap like false hope that we would work out.
- I couldn't promise her anything. I couldn't promise her that if she tried to contact me in a couple months, or even years that I would want to have any contact with her.
She took all of this pretty hard, and was quite hurt and upset by it.
The thing is, I was "there" with this girl. I was ready for her to be the one I would marry, have kids with, and spend the rest of my life with. I can/have banged all the ***** I need to to realize that that isn't what I want out of life. I want to have a family, kids, and a meaningful, committed relationship with someone.
Anyways, we had been living together for the past year, and unfortunately there have been a few loose ends to tie up with the place we had been renting (my name is still on the lease.) I moved out the day after she broke up with me, she has been living there for the past month, and is moving out tomorrow.
I have been trying to be a good guy about the whole breakup, and have ended up doing things that completely go against how I would normally handle a breakup:
- When she broke down on the phone as I was driving to work, she had asked if she could borrow my TV until she moved out of the house because she couldn't handle the silence. I acquiesced and took her my TV the next day (same day I told her I couldn't promise her anything.) It was an older TV, I had actually bought a new one, and told her to keep it if she wanted it, as I no longer needed it.
- She had an emergency issue with drywall putty being spilled into an electrical outlet box. I used to have a job as an electrician, so I went over to the house at 11:00 pm to remove the box/device and avoid a fire hazard. Again my name is still on the lease to the house, so a fire is the last thing I'd need. Went the next day and replaced the box/outlet device.
- While I was there replacing the electrical outlet she'd told me her best friend had planned to come that weekend with her dad's truck to help her move. Unfortunately her new landlord told her she couldn't move into the new place until Tuesday (tmr) and now she no longer had a truck available to move all her stuff. For some reason I offered to help her move her stuff with my truck if she couldn't come up with an alternative by the move date. She has since asked me if I'm still willing to help her move, and I agreed.
Now I know what you're thinking. This is all beta bull****. But let me set the record straight. It is not. I am honestly the furthest thing from beta, and have generally handled the breakup well. I am a good man, good person, and as I've made these decisions to help her out it has nothing to do with me wanting to get her back, or remain in contact with her, or anything of the sort. It has simply been a case of me trying to be consistent in the type of man I am. If there's sh!t that needs to be done I do it. I don't screw people over, and always help if it is within my capability. That is what a man does. I feel to do anything less would be beta. I guess the other part of it, is this girl is someone I still love (though I know there is no chance of us working out), and I wouldn't feel right leaving her next to helpless. She had her reasons for ending our relationship, and that is fine. If feel like if I am the person I say I am, and want to be, that I should help her with no ulterior motives.
The reason for our breakup basically boils down to the fact that she is too young. I am 27, and she is 21. Funny enough a week before we broke up we actually signed a purchase agreement on a house together. I believe this scared the absolute **** out of her, and sent her into this spin of "I need to learn how to be on my own, and not rely on the love of a man to make me feel good about myself, be independent etc etc - basically all bull****. But regardless, that is where she is at. I have no doubt in my mind that she is going to regret her decision one day, but right now that doesn't matter. I think the timing of our relationship was just off, if we had met 2 or 3 years later in life we probably would have had a good shot at being together long term. At any rate, I'm glad this happened now if that is how she is feeling rather than later when we have a house, or are married, or have kids. Perhaps one day we can reconnect, but that is a long shot, and as far as I see it there is zero chance of us being together unless a period of a few years has passed and we happen to reconnect. I'm not holding onto that thought, or getting my hopes up for anything.
I've since started seeing other women, slept with a few of them, and focused on getting myself back on track. Honestly I've been having a blast getting back into my game - pulling women is a riot!
Anyways, not even sure why I decided to write this post, I guess I just needed to vent a bit. Any thoughts you guys have about how I've gone about handling this would be welcome. Any thoughts about me helping her move tomorrow would also be appreciated.
Cheers
