ONE-itis solution fails... Badly.

[ematsuda]

Update on the past: I've been dating and am intimate this girl for about a month now. She's kind of flaking out or acting kind of distant to me as of late. She told me that I "confuse her" and "what do you want from me". She thinks I want her just for sex. ASD. So, taking some advice from this forum, I set my sights on new ground by accepting a get together with a friend who's trying to set me up with another girl. Attempting to get over my ONE-itis, so to speak.

I was supposed to meet her while she worked (as a waitress) on Friday night, but didn't show up. I went to meet my friend and the new girl (let's call her girl #2) he was trying to set me up with instead. Friday night was fun, but girl #2 is not nearly as attractive as girl #1. I didn't let girl #1 know that I wasn't going to visit.

Well, I called girl #1 on Sunday (haven't seen her since last Wed.) to see what she's up to but she won't answer her phone or call me back. She's pissed at me. My buddy's were at her workplace on Friday night and said that she asked where I was but they didn't sell me out. They just told her "he had to go to a dinner". She thinks either I'm seeing someone else or that I'm avoiding her. Anyway, I left a message saying "I hope you're not upset at me for not showing up. I had a dinner to go to". She usually answers the phone quickly or calls me back within a brief moment, but she didn't. That's where it stands right now. This whole thing is such a bummer. What can I do besides wait? Let me tell you that it's tough to get over ONE-itis when there's so few that can measure up to her. Yes, there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I come across this type about once every 2 months even though I go out every night. And guess what, they're usually already taken.

What now?

 

[NewMan]

What can I do besides wait?

Nothing - You've called her once already - and left her a message. it's up to her to call you back now. Don't come off as desperate - she's probably trying to make you 'sweat' - don't fall for it.

Yes, there's plenty of fish in the sea, but I come across this type about once every 2 months even though I go out every night. And guess what, they're usually already taken.

Thats not long to wait. Think back to other chicks that you've thought of as "Great" - how long did it take to get over them? you will eventually meet someone that fits your criteria.

You seem like your putting your happiness on whether you have a woman or not. Come on - you don't need a woman to be happy - so stop sweating it.

If you crawl back to this chick she will not respect you.

Don't crack under the emotional pressure.

 

[ematsuda]

Hellooooooo...NewMan.... Seen Jerry Sienfeld today???

You know your ****, man. I'm thinking the same, but this power struggle thing makes me crazy. I'm bummed, does that make me an AFC? She IS making me sweat.

You seem like your putting your happiness on whether you have a woman or not. Come on - you don't need a woman to be happy - so stop sweating it.

You're right, I don't NEED a woman. I'm not going to crawl back to her, but I feel like doing so to tell you the truth.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

But wasn't it you that stood her up on Friday night though?

 

[ematsuda]

But wasn't it you that stood her up on Friday night though?

Yeah... I did. Thanks for reminding me. I did sort of apologize to her by saying "my bad, I should've called to let you know. Sorry" in my message. She's playing the "distant" role with me ever since I had a serious talk with her. She wanted a relationship, I didn't because it was too soon - only 4 dates. Ever since then, she's been giving me the cold treatment.[

 

[ToP DoN]

move on

or dont call her back...go do something or someone else...dont wait around for her call

 

[NewMan]

Yeah... I did. Thanks for reminding me. I did sort of apologize to her by saying "my bad, I should've called to let you know. Sorry" in my message

You should not have apologized in my opinion. You should have called her (not left a message the first time) - but when you do speak/leave a message - you should have just said something like:

"I couldn't make it last Friday - how was the night? my buddies told me they spoke to you at work"

By opologizing to het your now giving her a reason to be mad/unhappy/whatever with you. But if you act like it's no big deal - which it wasn't - then it invalidates her reasons. She'll rethink (more than likely) how she feels.

Plus you were meeting her at work.

That another no for me. It's Friday date - thats your prime time - I wouldn't waste it.

You really have to figure out what you want with this chick.

A fvck buddy?
Casual dating
Gf

then go from there.

 

[ematsuda]

NewMan,

Yeah. It was a Friday, but I don't hang around there all night. If anything, I usually stop by to say hi and stay for about 30 hr. - 45 mins. tops. Then I go to this other place (our everynight hangout) and check the girls there. But that Friday, I didn't waste it right? I was with another girl...

You really have to figure out what you want with this chick.

A fvck buddy? Casual? G/F?

Definately a combo of fvck buddy/Casual date... She's a bit too inconsistant right now so it'll be difficult to think of her as g/f material, but you never know when one grabs you by the balls.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

It has only been one month - that is not enough time or infatuation over one girl for this situation to be considered 'oneitis'.

Always keep your word - no one likes disrespect!!! If you stated that you were going to see her on Friday - then see her. You are not being a 'mystery' or a 'challenge' by blowing girls off!

Why would you lose a hb9 over a hb7?? Doesn't make sense.

You stated your case to her - don't go begging for her attention - she'll call you if she wants you! If you keep calling her to try to convince her that you are not lying she will only think that you are lying.

 

[ScrewIt]

dude, whatever the **** you did that night...

gues what!

it's none of her business, what you do is none of her concern.
unless you guys are bf,gf status.

but who is she to question you?
just dont bring it up unless she asks you....cuz ull just seem total AFC if u blurt it out of nowhere

 

[legolas]

seeing other girls doesn't fix oneitis

Do I have to say this again? Seeing other chicks does not work on oneitis. It would take too long to explain why but it basically all boils down to needs and familiarity, in fact I don't even think that familiarity is even an issue.

Look, the way it works is, you have a need (sex let's assume) and since it hasn't been fulfilled in a while, it's pretty pervasive. Now there's a girl you're intimate with, but no sex yet. What happens is your mind realizes the opportunity to get that need filled and it sort of pulls you in and makes you extremely impatient, as well as, uh... yes, needy I believe it's called.

There are so many other factors involved that it's not even worth writing here. She feels this neediness coming, no scracth that, ooozing from you!!! and it scares her, it makes her feel cheap, and a whole lot of other things that are not good basically. Which is why she keeps blowing you off, or telling you she is "confused" The reason why she is confused is because you're acting confused, or you are!!

You have neediness oozing left and right, and she feels it, yet you act like you want more than that, so she keeps telling herself, "no he wants more than that" but her instincts do not lie!! She also knows very well, probably subconsciously that the moment she puts out for you, is the moment you lose interest in her, so she needs to make sure that you're hooked to more than just her body.

So what do you do?

Playing all these little games is not going to help. It's only going to add headache and drama in your life and keep her guessing but attracted to drama. You do not want drama!!! Or do you?

You need to take a journey inside your mind and figure out what's driving this confusing behavior of yours. What's fueling this attitude? if it is neediness and it's sex, as I described, then you need to acknowledge that to yourself. "Yeah I'd like to wax that sweet juicy little p*ssy of hers"

Step two is to stop all the drama, and figure out how much are you willing to give up to get it. If you have to get into a LTR with this girl, then so be it. But make that decision that you're forfeiting immediate gratification for a possible long term thing. It looks you won't be getting instant gratification any time soon, so you better put up or get out.

Once you make that decision that you're going to go for that LTR thing, that should calm down the need a bit, and you then go and talk to the girl and start dating. Because it seems to me that you've been trying to get sex fast by doing things that lead to LTRs and that's what's confusing her.

Let me know if this makes any sense.

 

[silverwex]

Havent read all the posts but if ur suffering from ONEITIS see my post on beating/avoiding oneitis in tips...

hope that helps

 

[ematsuda]

I only blew her off on Friday because she was giving me the cold shoulder on Wednesday when I was with her. She acted as if she didn't want outsiders to think that we were seeing each other. She wasn't herself, so to speak.

Once you make that decision that you're going to go for that LTR thing, that should calm down the need a bit, and you then go and talk to the girl and start dating. Because it seems to me that you've been trying to get sex fast by doing things that lead to LTRs and that's what's confusing her.

This is pretty much where we're at. I like her a lot, but have trouble visualizing an LTR with her unless she's willing to change a little. She a regular at the clubs and bars - she's a "party girl". That's why I wanted to date her more to see if this behavior would subside. Ok, I admit, I was hoping we would develop a bond in which I had at least some "say" as to what she should and shouldn't be doing. If she were to comply, I could put her as a prospect for an LTR.

The trouble with all of this is she won't return my call. I could visit her at her work, but doing so will only make it seem that I'm chasing her. The only thing I can actually do right now is get over her - it's hard.

 

[AndoraStar]

First of all.. DON'T LISTEN to any of the guys advice here!! Straight up.. unless you don't give a **** about this girl.

You STIFFED her.. she was giving you the close shoulder? ever hear about communication? instead of going to meet another chick you should have been w/ her! I don't blame her for not calling you back, but DUDE if you want her stop the game playing and tell her straight up. She's a party girl.. and your point?

News FLASH, you guys are confusing.. and if she says that it means she wants to understand you!

Call her, and leave her a message telling her how you feel. Trust me it's not going to kill you, and about that ego of yours, you'll be fine!

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Standing her up was bad. But pouring his guts out to her ain't advisable, especially after only 4 dates or so. Ugh. That's just getting asked to be kicked to the curb.

BTW, Andora Star, are you in Toronto? Worst city in the world for women.

 

[AndoraStar]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
Standing her up was bad. But pouring his guts out to her ain't advisable, especially after only 4 dates or so. Ugh. That's just getting asked to be kicked to the curb.

BTW, Andora Star, are you in Toronto? Worst city in the world for women.

Yes I'm in Toronto, and why is that?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Naw, just most of the women in Toronto are stuck up and Americanised.

 

[needsomehelp]

i guess no matter what happens you have to let your pride remain intact.

i guess, keep cool, chilled, and wait her out.

wouldnt suggest you do anything crazy or drastic like declaring how much she means to you

 

[AndoraStar]

Originally posted by Don Juanabbe
Naw, just most of the women in Toronto are stuck up and Americanised.

Are you serious.. ?? I'm in no way stuck up or "Americanised".. I am European, born in TO but I speak three languages. What a lame ass comment.

Why the hell would we want to be Americanised? lol! I've heard it all today. Another moron comment!

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Just my opinion, sweetheart. No need to get nasty.